I’m holdin’ up ma forefinger & thumb an inch apart to ma face. Tis close. I wuz tis close to landin’ a job. Saturday afternoon I got a call for an interview to be broadcaster/scriptwriter for a new 1-hour program on AM radio. Sounds fun. And it’s an opportunity, right? Spesh for fresh grad dumbasses like me. I mean no one hires fresh grads, right? It is a job. It pays. And all I need to do is pass ma college diploma on Monday to git hired. Compared to tha two otha candidates, I think I qualified better fo’ tha job. One had a marketing degree, which tha boss felt doesn’t seem suitable fo’ tha job. Aside from tis, she look’d as if she can’t hand in her diploma on Monday. Tha otha one wuz a MassCom grad from PLM who liv’d in Bulacan. Both did not bring samples of their writing. I am from a reputable school & I had tha right course for tha job. I brought ma certificate of graduation along wit all kinds of clearances [NBI, barangay, school..] that very day. I also brought 3 samples of ma writing witout bein’ told. And I live a jeepney & a tricycle away from tha office. Of course there is also tha li’l matter of tha boss requirin’ 4 traits for his employers. He said that he doesn’t care ‘bout hiring anyone good. He juz wana hire someone who’s 1] flexible 2] who can git along wit his moodiness 3] courageous and 4] willing to travel He said that he cud hire all three of us if we can accept his conditions & if we can pass tha diploma by Monday. He ask’d us if we accept his conditions. Bein’ nearest to him, he ask’d me first. Almost immediately, I answer’d him a firm yes. He repeated tha qualities. [So-so,so-so…, WILLING TO TRAVEL.] I waver’d. and open’d ma big mouth. [“Um, about traveling, I am free to travel as long as not to sumwhere really far like Mindanao..”] I wuz thinkin’ ‘bout maver & paver. No way in hell wud they lemme travel farther than NCR. They won’t even lemme travel alone. I came into that place wit paver. And he wuz waitin’ for 4 straight hours already outside tha office. Tha boss said that tha broadcaster he’ll hire will hafta go to Mindanao if it’s required. He added that he needs someone who’ll escort him anytime he goes out to socialize & treat future clients and that he doesn’t take a “no” when he asks his employee to go wit him. He sens’d that tha parental units are strict and when I admitted it, he said, “Baka hinahanap ka na nila ngayon.” There were, in fact, 2 messages & 3 miss’d calls from paver in ma phone that sec. He spent tha rest of tha interview ignorin’ me & talkin’ to tha 2 otha applicants who were busy takin’ note of his instructions for employment. Before we go, he took pity on me and said that since I heard his instructions I could still talk to tha ‘rents then hand in tha requirements on Monday. Tha rents agreed to forbid me from takin’ tha job. I am still their doll. They own me. Jai guru deva om. Nuthin’s gonna change ma world. [Tis is all s’posed to make y’all feel betr fo’ bein’ unown’d..]

Some people refuse to ride tha bus. I, on tha otha hand, luv to ride tha bus more than any other vehicle. It reminds me of past field trips wit ma ‘mates as a child. Of Planetarium and tour guides and Chiz Curls and Hi-C’s and good-natured classmates who share their baons wit me. Last night as we were goin’ home in a G-Liner amidst torrential rain, it cross’d ma mind that tha bus could slip and overturn and kill us all. Some months ago, a friend met an accident on his way home ridin’ a bus. They hafta chop off his long hair cuz of tha blood clot in his head, and hafta attend our graduation in a wheelchair. He can walk now although too much walkin’ can still hurt his feet. And still I luv tha bus. Will sumthin’ ever disillusion me from ridin’ tha bus?
***
Since we were out yesterday, some of our boarders were probably devastated that they diden git to watch their fave TV series. I can almost imagine em furiously banging on our door ‘round 5:30 pm.. [”Ate Yolie, huwag po kayong madamot! Panood kami kay Dao Ming Si…!!!”] Possibly tha same time I wuz weighin’ out tha option of buyin’ a bag, a blouse, a bracelet, & a pair of jeans while listenin’ to tha tiangge vendors patronize their previous foreign customers. [I guess pokin’ fun at are wut foreigners are for.] Anyway, I kinda don’t blame tha boarders fo’ bein’ devastated as they were. I mean, I do git lessons from that Chinese TV series. And these are…
A] More often than not, we start a relationship wit someone whom we don’t really love. [e.g.: Shancai]
B] Broken-hearted people are blind to brighter better loves. [e.g.: Lei to Shancai and Shancai to Lei later on when Dao doesn’t want anything to do wit her no more.]
…to name juz two.
***
Ans tha quote of tha week comes from he who appreciates tha beauty of God's creations. He said: "A lit cigarette is a good effort. But effort beats its own."

1234 Sesame st.
Bakanteng Lote
Phils.

zzz@inspiredworkers.com
June 22, 2003

Future Employer
Private Publications
1018th f Team Bldg.
Asenso st. corner Tangingyaman ave.
Makati

Dear Sir or Madam:

Please employ me. Ma career path has alwez been to work wit you. Even now, I can see ma end in yer respective company. I totally believe that The Daily Tirades is better but I have better chances of hiring here. yer company is numero uno. I have alwez been responsible & career-oriented. Even at tha young age of 2, ma folks had alwez remark’d on how clean ma diaper’d be at tha end of tha day. You can try to put me in tha editorial jobs, or writing jobs, or tha filing jobs, or pickin’-up-paperclip-jobs, or you can put me in tha magazine cover. Eventually, y’all shall find tha right job for me. I mean, I must be good fo’ sumthin’, right? Of course, I prefer bein’ paid, if you will, sir/madam. But I also accept freebies accumulated from press events. Compared to otha aspiring bums, I cud say that ma need fo’ tis job is really strong. I am not supporting any children –present or upcoming- yet but ma material demands are juz as strong as any child’s. mebbe becuz I am still a child ma’self. And, one more thang: I have no Life right now. So I will show up for ma interview.
P.S.:
If you could not employ me, can you please write a nice recommendation for me to Tha Daily Tirades?


Slave-ishly Yours,
S.V.T.S.

Butch-er’d in Quiapo
It happen’d in National bookstore, on tha third floor where reviewers for all sorts of exams could be found. When I approach’d tha area, only one otha gurl can be seen browsin’ through tha civil service exam reviewers. She wuz a bit taller and had long slightly curly hair which she wore loose around her shoulders. I wuz payin’ no heed to her til she struck up conversation wit me. She ask’d if I wuz gonna take tha exam too. She also ask’d where I went to school & wut I had taken up. She had taken up Mass Communications in C.E.U. Tha last queschn she ask’d wuz whether I wuz thinkin’ of buyin’ any of tha civil exam reviewers on tha rack. I wuz about to answer when sumthin’ freaky happen’d. For wut felt like three minutes, she came close and press’d tha front side of her body against ma left side while whisperin’ sumthin in ma ear. For a stranger, it really felt freaky, uncall’d for & intimate. I can’t see why she hafta come close when she cuda whisper’d in ma ear witout touchin’ me. And wut she said wuzn’t even worth whisperin’ about. I don’t see any conspiracy in her suggeschn that we buy diff’rent reviewers then photocopy tha other one’s later on. I made ma escape by sayin’ that I hafta go & look for sumthin else in tha store. Afterwards, it made me think: Do I look like a butch? Mukha ba akong tibo? Assessing ma appearance that day, I had on an olive green military polo blouse, ordinary jeans and high loafers, and I have really short hair and no make-up. That makes me look like a butch? I look’d pretty normal to me. She really felt like a dyke to me but who knows? Mebbe shez juz an annoying space-invader. Wacha think, p.?

Fin’lly learn’d how to download mp3’s!
And tha first two songs downloaded were…

***
Rememberin’ Ashley
In tha past, gurlfriends had alwez come to me when they wanna know if their boyfriends are true-blue. They wanted me to hit on their boyfriends to test em. I’d text em or call em on tha phone tryin’ to git em to hit back on me & make em commit adultery to ma pal, their gurlfriends. Tha goal, of course, wuz to try to git em to like me, or hear em deny tha existence of their girlfriends, or git em to do any otha slight acts that veer towards infidelity. In all those occasions, I’ve alwez introduced ma’self as Ashley. I alwez used Ashley when I don’t wanna reveal ma real name. As a young gurl, Ashley used to be ma fave name. I used to wish I wuz named Ashley. As I grew a bit, I consoled ma’self for not bein’ call’d Ashley by promisin’ ma’self to name ma first daughter Ashley. I used to luv comin’ up wit names for future daughters but Ashley had alwez been ma top pick. However, as some thangs change, I’ve found that I don’t have tha same fondness for tha name Ashley as before & I can’t see ma’self wit a daughter named Ashley in tha future anymore. Now, I like Niggella and Dior Mitzi. I’m still stump’d on boys’ names.

You look like you just lost your best friend. I did.
***
Bum thought No. 96: Bein’ a bum is tryin’ to remember whose day off it is so that ye may take a break from overfeedin’ yo’self & tha poor bloaten’d up pet fishes, and inflict yo’self instead upon that poor fella.
***
I hate shoppin’ wit any’un. If I have ma way, I’d shop alone. But I don’t so it’s either I alwez hafta wait fo’ ma maver to catch up wit me while she takes small, leisurely steps, or I’ll hafta silently suffer in agony while she looks at every pieca silverware or otha thangs she shops for w/c are of no interest to me, or she’ll hafta endure while I linger on books or gurly thangs like bags & accessories w/c are of no importance to her. But shez nuthin’ compared to paver. Paver is tha worst. He’ll alwez go “You should be grateful I even let you tag along!” And if I tell him I need new clothes to wear to some function? His forehead wud crinkle and his brows wud come together and he’d look like Tha World’s Grumpiest Hag before tellin’ me that I have exactly 30 minutes or “isang ikot lang” to find new clothes. And if I stop to look at accessories, he’ll cluck his tongue once real loud then hurry off in big, fast strides in a mock method of leavin’ me –but of course, he won’t. He never leaves me. So shopping is really impossible wit him. At least, maver is more agreeable and easier to escape/lose. And she only gits praning when I stray for an hour from her line of vision. But of course, I’d still rather shop alone. Lotsa times I’ve come home wit ugly purchases due to their rushing. And I also don’t wanna burden em anymore by draggin’ em to tha mall when they’d rather be home doin sumthin’ else. Plus I hate it when maver breaks her promises to go shoppin’ wit me. And so tha last two days wuz spent in an attempt to escape tha impossible duo & be able to shop alone.
Attempt 1:
Saturday -I got set to go in ma three-fourths army fatigue blouse & ma high, made for baha rainy-day-shoes. I reach’d our gate when I remember’d that I have vague knowledge of gettin’ where I wanna go, so I ask’d friends who had been to ma house how I could git to Quiapo from ma place. Then I thought of goin’ back upstairs to wait out their reply, but soon as I step’d in tha house, maver met me & grabb’d ma bag & won’t let go. T’wuz a new bag & she look’d set on destroyin it so I let her have it. I diden expect her to run to her room wit it, lock her door, and sleep wit it. She did. Later on, she promis’d we’ll go tomorrow.
Attempt 2:
Sunday -I diden actually expect her to stick to her promise. I wuz right. Right after lunch, she went to sleep again. Since I diden actually git to go out wit yesterday’s clothes, I decided to wear tha same thang. Then I call’d a pal for directions. Anong sasakyan papuntang Quiapo mula samin? As I don’t want tha folks to call every’un in ma phonebook when they wake up, I woke maver up before goin’ to tell her where I’m goin’. At tha gate, it occurr’d to me that I forgot to bring an umbrella & I hate gettin’ wet. Shud have left ma bag right there at tha gate, right? I did not. She got hold of ma bag. Again.
Today, I woke up early, menstrual and wit a list of reasons for maver on why they shud be permittin’ me out on ma own at 21. I know I cud run off wit any man anytime I want. I’m long past tha minor age. Ain’t she glad I’m seekin’ their permission? As usual, words fell on deaf ears. An hour or so later, she motion’d me to come in her room. She gave me bribe. It wuz a thousand bucks. Same amount of money I lost 3 weeks ago. As tight as money might come to me. it diden make me feel any betr. On tha contrary, it made me feel sadder. Menstrual, best friend-less, untrusted, but 1000 bucks richer. Me.

Gez who's got a crush on a certain chinovela character?




Ang kyuuuuuut..!!!

Why do I git tha feeling that whereas maver has been supportive & insistent that I git a job [Her arm automatically extends a classified to me every time I turn to her & keeps reminding me ‘bout her promise to take me on a shopping spree soon as I land a job.], paver seem to object to it?
Look at yesterday’s conversation:
paver: “Di ba meron namang nagtatrabaho lang sa bahay? Yung kumikita ng malaki sa internet? Bat di ka don pumasok?” Balita ko…”
me [cutting him off]: “Ayoko, ayoko, ayokoooooo…!!!!!”
paver: “Tingnan mo ‘to, walang kumbenyo! Tapos kapag nakarinig naman sa kaklase ng ganon, chaka tutulad.”
me: “Ayoko nga eh! Ayoko sa bahay, ayoko sa bahay, ayoko sa bahay!!!”
paver: “Bahala ka..”
Actually, he also wants me to work. In fact I have two options. I can:
Option 1: work at home.
Option 2: work somewhere in tha neighborhood.
***
Tha Unbelievable Hog
ABS-CBN is such an unbelievable hog. Sumtyms I juz wanna bite those peepz responsible fo’ comin up wit diff’rent ploys to make us sit thru out their commercial ads. Here are some of their low tactics:
A] In Ukay-Ukay, they give out tha lucky number then make tha callers wait thru several ads & portions before fin’lly askin’ tha viewers to call in wit tha right number –makin’ tha callers suffer thrice thru a] havin’ to wait and watch b] tryin’ to git thru tha busy hotline c] losin’ after all tha sufferings & pain.
B] Regardless of tha program, they trick ya into thinking that there’s still more to watch [when in fact tha program already ended] by not sayin’ goodbye. I have watch’d numerous Charmed [at studio23] episodes before wherein they make ya wait thru long commercials only to come back wit tha rolling of tha credits. Then, today at Morning Girls, as Kris wuz promisin’ to be back after tha ads, Korina, probably piss’d that Kris alwez gits to say tha last word in, interrupted and said that she is, in fact, sure tha they won’t be coming back. After which a mini argument ensued between them.
C] They trick Meteor Garden [there, I’ve said it. wonder how much traffic it’ll generate fo’ tis site.] fans. In TV Patrol, they come up wit Meteor Garden daily trivia and tell tha viewers that tha Meteor Garden trivia will come right after tha 1st commercial break, then break that vow and then promise tha same thang to tha viewers again before tha 2nd, 3rd, and 4th commercial breaks roll. Till fin’lly, ya realize that tha whole time; they were in fact planning to show it AT THA END OF THE SHOW.

Beware of tha identity taker a.k.a tha garbage man. Buy a paper shredder.
Some people just throw their trash away witout second thoughts. Y’all shud know bet’r. Old test papers, documents, claim’d receipts, & anythin’ else that has yer name, address, phone number, or any otha personal info shud be carefully ripp’d across into teeny tiny bits before disposal. Or I suggest ya purchase an effective paper shredder. Tha inventors of tha paper shredder, my kumares & kumpares, are not witout purpose. Ya never know today might juz be tha day when tha garbage collector will break into his routine, decide to take yer identity and take over yer life.
***
Eek! Git that terrible animal away from me!
I am pro-‘roach killing. All ma life I have plotted cockroach genocide, urging housemates to be murderers and stomping on a few microscopic crawlers ma’self. Ma deep loathing springs from a deep fear for em so that I have develop’d a heighten’d sense for their presence. I cud be snorin’ thru tha night & still be able to wake up, turn on tha lights, and find a wretched ipis at some far end of tha room. I can even hear it walkin’ around. Tha roach knows I can only step on tha little ones. It wud display itself insolently to me, scamperin to and fro several times before maneuverin’ wisely under a cabinet once ma maver, tha real threat to its existence, is fetch’d from anotha room. Last night, there wuz lots of em around, even 3 in a room at a time. They were appearin’ everwhere so I decided to take precautionary measures. First thang I did wuz to git a glass of scalding water for cockroach scalding before entering tha cockroach realm/our kitchen. I wuz just smiling upon ma own brilliantness when I came face to face wit a big roach, causin’ me to jerk away & hastily flick ma wrist over and scald ma mum -who wuz sleepin’ on tha couch near tha kitchen. Good thang I did not spill tha whole content of tha glass on her. And I only got her leg.
Ma other cockroach precautionary measures for tha rest of tha night include:
1] Hunting for holes in house corners [I found only one hole] and wedging it wit newspaper chunks to prevent any cockroach emergence.
2] Pouring scalding water over bathroom & toilet drains for tha same reason.
3] Scaling tha heights of ma room’s ceiling-high windows to wedge newspaper chunks over tha holes to prevent a cockroach fly-in.
4] Puttin’ packaging tape at tha base of ma room’s door and cramming rags under any space still left so that no ‘roach cud squeeze under ma door and poke its ugly head at me.

How come I never git thru tha damn Ukay-Ukay hotline?
***
Wut’z worse than a night spent standin’ in tha middle of Cubao tryin to hail cabs that are in as much hurry to go home as you are? Answer: Yer mum beside you havin tha worst LSS case of tha “Spaghetti Pababa” song.

Bold or Innocent?
Wut is so horrendous about gettin’ pregnant witout a husband again? Tha revelation of a person’s boldness to have sex or tha astonishment at that person’s innocence for havin’ unprotected sex?

May has been a month for piggin' out...

Wonder wut'll June bring?

Celebrity Pondering
1] When will Sharon stop wearing off-shoulder blouses?
***
Since I’m bored stiff, I have turn’d into a gurl quite unexpectedly. Suddenly, I’m interested in make-up. Look here, they’ll choose tha right color of make-up for ya depending on yer looks and here they have great many reviews to set or change yer mind ‘bout each beauty product ye might wanna buy.

Bein’ a bum really sucks. It leaves ya wit so much time left in your hands but wit so little mint for ya to actually appreciate it. So that in yer idleness, ye become paranoid wit wasted thoughts & become irritable and ye suddenly become conscious of yer fat stomach w/c ye had been piling wit ev’ry pieca junk in yer house regardless of staleness or taste and then ya frown but make no attempt to change yer monster eatin’ habits…Or is it juz me?
***
Miss’d Calls
Why am I an ungrateful wench? Why can’t I appreciate some thangs in life? Why does tha sound of ma cell phone ringing in tha middle of tha night make me lonely?
a] Since I only make miss’d calls on other people’s mobiles when I’m lonely ma’self, those who rang me might be lonely too and it makes me lonely that other people are lonely.
b] It’s sad when I run out of credits & I can’t make ganti by reciprocatin’ tha ring.
c] When I’m longing for a certain person & another person rings, I git even lonelier.
d] When that certain person finally rings, I hate it cuz he/she did not send a message instead.
Mebbe I shud juz turn off ma cell at night. But then no one wud be able to make it known that they're thinkin' of me durin' tha night. Then I'd be lonelier.

Yesterday, I went to sleep wit tis sumbong for ma soulmate:
Hey, you slept early today! Sorry to keep you waitin’. I stay’d up late frettin’ bout someone. I know t’wuz you bein’ impatient when ya blew out tha lights tryin’ to make me sleep & you bein’ sorry when ya turn’d it on again two minutes later. How come ya alwez know when sumthin’s wrong? Yea! I've got sumthin to tell ya. Ma best friend is a miserable black bat blind to tha fact that ma need for him is a sacred privilege. It juz frustrates me how easy it is to lose a person I don’t wanna lose. Don’t be jealous now. Of course, I love ya juz as much and yea, I’ll alwez tell ya when sumthin’s tha matter but sometimes I don’t wanna be hugg’d. It allows fo’ more useless unnecessary tears to be shed leadin’ me away from tha right sense to plot revenge. No, am not plannin’ anythin’ nasty on any’un when I wake up today. Now enuf about me..how are thangs between you & yer current girlfriend? Wut? You wanna keep her? Two months and that already? Sorry but tha Master Plan sez ya end up wit me. Of course, I knew you were kiddin’! I juz wish ya hold out a li’l longer for me…ya know, I have 5 or so more guys before you. Hey, gotta git back to ma body in bed now! Sumthin’s tellin’ me ma maver’s gonna try & wake me up early today. Lucky for ya you git to sleep in today…don’t talk to strange souls, a’ite? Especially strange gurl souls…

Cockroaches have always been our shadows as we spread across the globe. They are immigrants (from Africa to the Americas). They are ancient (unchanged since the Carboniferous period, 350 million to 290 million years ago). And they are omnivores. So why do they disgust us? Perhaps, because they are similar to us. –Catherine Chalmers

Cut ma mini-vacation short to go to a job interview and take a written test. Thought tha written test might consist of two-three easy essay queschns. Wrong. Tha test consisted of an IQ test, a logic test, a verbal test, a mental test, and a 195-item personality test plus 8 essay questions. It took me six hours to finish it up including tha interview. Competition consisted of an American guy wit a badly sunburn’d face, a blah lookin’ gal who writes freelance for PDI, PhilStar, and some mag I diden quite catch, and a lightly made-up pretty lady who is currently a PR for some company. All three look’d like they’re in their late twenties, ‘cept maybe for tha Kano who might be in his thirties. Tha freelance writer who sat opposite from me started conversation & ask’d ‘bout our current employment status while we were waitin for tha HR wonderboy. Already had ma mouth open to answer when I noticed that she wuz not talkin to me but to Ms. PR at ma right. Closed ma mouth & smiled blankly at tha two of em while they snubb’d me & chatted chummily in English bout their fab jobs. Sunburn’d Kano who sat beside Ms. snooty freelance writer wuz oblivious to tha world, buried in an ancient paperback wit yellow’d pages while I sat there across from Snooty quietly meditating in French.

While I wuz away blood-bonding at tha twins’ place, I did these:
1] Participated in ma uncle’s company motorcade & felt like a pig ridin’ at tha trailer of some van along wit other ladies throwing candies and company kits at every person within our throwing aim. [I even succeeded in aiming a few Maxx’s towards the drivers in their jeeps.]
2] Tryin’ hard to make ma aim reach him, I also struck a moderately cute guy in a black barong smack across tha middle of his chest wit one of ma flyin’ candies, evoking a short cry of pain from him.
3] Became dog chew. [Ma cuzins’ shih-tzu seem to have develop’d a fondness for chewing ma toes.]
4] Had some friend of ma cuzin think I’m a foreigner.
5] Caused ma cuzin Glenn & his gf to break up. [Gf got mad when cuzin nick’d plans of goin at her place in favor of tourin’ me and Geli around and got madder when Geli answer’d her call thinking her bf wuz bein unfaithful]
6] Got hit on by little boys.
7] Had fun wit Gela bargaining wit tha cute Video City cashier guy to lower tha overdue rent rate from P150 to P120.
8] Had fun wit Geli & Glenn eatin’ isaw & pig intestines.
9] Nag-boyz!!!
***
Mysterious texter
A mysterious person had been sending text messages to me last week. At first he claim’d to be someone named Zevin but later fess’d up his real name [his initials are JJR] when I retorted that no real person could exist wit such a name. He wuz bein really vague and refused to tell me anythin’ else save for tha fact that he met me in San Pablo City on a Wednesday. Although both he & ma cuzin denied it, I figured he wuz one of tha two friends Glenn brought home one day since they were tha only strange guys I met last Wednesday. I remember’d that one wuz tall, good lookin’ and fair while I can’t remember anything ‘bout tha other one ‘cept that he wuz short. To unravel tha mystery, I told him to meet me at a fast food chain but not before I met wit Glenn first. Glenn had agreed to escort Gela & me in returning an overdue VCD. As we left tha video shop, Glenn stopp’d us from walkin’ away & admitted that tha guy we were about to meet wuz about to appear from tha video shop. As these words left his mouth, we turn’d to look as tha door open’d and tha tall good-lookin’ guy of last Wednesday materialized. As I wuz expecting tha less attractive guy, I could only stare at him in wonder and found that I could not work ma mouth, unsure of how to deal wit a cute guy. Gela excitedly approach’d him and ask’d him, “Ikaw ba…?” wit me following close at her heels askin’ tha same queschn. [“Ikaw…?”] Witout answering, tha guy shyly look’d at his feet and turn’d left to tha magazine stand, opening a magazine & busyin’ himself by turning tha pages. We ask’d him again and he replied wit a soft “no”. Then another guy appear’d -short, dark, and plain. We ask’d him tha same queschn but he also told us he wuz not tha one. Gela kept on questionin’ tha good-lookin’ guy, almost pleading wit him to be ma mysterious texter while I tried to make tha other one admit that it wuz him. To solve tha problem, Glenn suggested that we call mysterious texter on his cell phone. They both agreed. Good-lookin’ guy got his phone out and held it up for us to see. Short guy made no attempt to bring his phone out. Who dya think?
***
Disaster of tha week: As I wuz in a hurry, I had forgotten to shave ma legs & pack ma razor so I decided to borrow tha twins’ depilatory cream for use on ma legs when I arrived. It did not work so I opted to use tha razor in tha loo and juz rinsed it afterwards. Two days later, I woke up to tha sound of ma uncle bellowing,”Sinong gumamit ng pang-ahit ko?!?” [Who used my razor?] from tha bathroom. Rather than face ma uncle’s wrath and git thrown out of a home, I decided to roll over on ma otha side and git right back to sleepin’. Later when ma uncle wuz gone, I warily got up and found tha razor discarded on tha kitchen sink starin’ tha culprit right on tha face.
***
Tha twins thought it’d be nice to help some little guy friend they have to git to know me. They told me tha guy wuz determin’d to pay a visit to me there at ma uncle & aunt’s home. On ma last night at ma aunt’s, tha guy fin’ly gather’d enuf strength to visit me when he pass’d cuzin Ralph on his way home & learn’d that I’ll be leavin’ tha following day. Before he arrived, tha twins egged me on to prettify ma’self. Prettifying consisted of putting on a bra under tha old loose shirt I wuz about to wear to sleep -which induced some sarcastic teasing from tha twins. [“Uyy…si ate nag-bra para kay kuya…!”] When tha guy arriv’d wit his brother, every’un wuz preparing to watch some film Gela rented titled Ghost ship. They were left wit no choice but to watch tha film wit us. Afterwards, every’un left tha room to sleep ‘cept for Geli and me. He moved his seat a bit closer but did not dare to close tha gap between us that would have fitted two more persons. He started askin' little queschns while I answer'd obediently. Geli kept on insisting he look'd like some celeb ["Diba ate kamukha niya si Echo?"] while he smiled hopefully at me. His brother look’d at photo albums. Later, his brother went outside to sleep on a bench while Geli also got up to go to her room and was replaced by her twin Gela who emerged from their room to chat wit us. Ralph also decided to join us in tha room & pretended to be engross’d in watchin’ TV while eavesdroppin’ on our conversation. Later…
Him: “Kanina pa pala ‘to nakatago…” [presenting to me a bag of Hugs he produced wit a flourish from his back pocket.]
Me: “Uy…thanx!” [lookin’ from tha bag of chocolates to his bum and then back to tha chocolates again before opening tha bag & offering it to ma cuzins.]
Ok lan siya. Mebbe we can be friendz.
***
As tha unofficial phone call answerer for tha week, I learn’d tis:
1] Cuzin Ralph is tha best friend of some guy named Randall who can’t make it through tha day witout callin’ Ralph at home about two hundred times a day.
2] Cuzin Gela, tha bubblier twin, has a suitor named Lou.

Calls. Messages. Gigglin' over dead silences. Indulging me. I loved that. Why'd you stop? You stopp'd missing me. Have fun hurting me.

found an interesting article by an anonymous author...
"How To Win Arguments Every Time"

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument
on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, steer clear of me at
parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite
me.

You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

* Drink Liquor

Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the
economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some
health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to
display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you
drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about
the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue
forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture.
People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

* Make things up.

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians
are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are
underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be
better off.

DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid."
Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised
tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross
poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too.
Say, "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford
Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the
same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in
my bath house."

* Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:
- Let me put it this way
- In terms of
- Vis-a-vis
- Per se
- As it were
- Qua
- So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.,"
and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:
"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have
enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say:
"Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua
Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they
do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

* Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your
opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
- You're begging the question.
- You're being defensive.
- Don't compare apples and oranges.
- What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians,
has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: "As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..."
Your opponent says: "Lincoln died in 1865."
You say: "You're begging the question."

OR You say: "Liberians, like most Asians..."
Your opponent says: "Liberia is in Africa."
You say: "You're being defensive."

* Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and
you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds
suspiciously like something Adolph Hitler might say" or "You certainly do
remind me of Adolph Hitler."

So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any
of this on people who generally carry weapons

Someone told me I have a clumsy mind. Someone else said that I’m not perceptive for an intelligent person. My ex told me yesterday that he’s still single. I said… I mean he said…
Hy809999pui
IJJJLLL
Sorry, I fell asleep facedown on tha keyboard. Now where was I? Aside from having no Clue, I also have no Life.

Bought tis for maver on her birthday...

Some people worry when they come across that part of an are-you-a-good-friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband etc. quiz where it asks them wut their friend’s fav’rite color, movie, etc. is and they don’t know tha answer. [Geez, so embarrassing I dunno tha answer to questions 103-105! I must be a very lousy friend!] Kinda makes me think, if they git bumm’d by tis kinda thangs, then they must not be super chill wit their pals. For em to be worryin’ bout not knowin’ a pal’s fave color is like sayin’ that they won’t have tha rest of their lives to be discussin’ these thangs. Like they have limited chances to talk and they’ve already blown their chances at great kinship by failin’ to have an early talk about fav’rite thangs. Personally, I revel in slackening and not knowin’ everythin’ there is to know bout ma best bud –thinkin’ that tha small part of him in which I lack knowledge about is wut keeps him and makes him stay wit me. If you’re one of em worried test-takers and you’re still worried over that are-you-a-good-friend low grade u got, there’s actually a way to have a perfect score for these kinda quizzes. Simply have a slam book conversation wit yer friend. Out of tha blue, bark out one queschn after another leavin only a li’l pause for him/her to answer. Like an ordinary slam book, you should include basic queschns like name, nickname, address, etc. Don’t let her butt in wit stories of her first crush or let her elaborate on her fave movie –remember tha more slam book queschns you ask, tha more slam book answers you’ll be gettin’, hence tha higher grade on yer next are-you-a-good-friend quiz!
***
Every’un loves numbers. Just try writing down all of your friends’ e-mail address on a piece of paper, and eventually you’ll come across addies like jobeth_10 or toyz041282. Back in high school when your test paper is return’d back to ya, you will find that it is corrected by anne #15. It is understood that a person’s fav’rite number most likely has sumthin’ to do wit that person & his/her g.f./b.f.’s anniversary date. Once, I ask’d a friend wut his fave no. is and he answer’d like tis: “Wala! Bat para saan ba’ yon?”, in a tone daring me to say that numbers are for attach’d persons & daring me to say outloud that he’s unattached. On tha other hand, there are those unattach’d persons who attach numbers after their names anyway. These numbers usually refer to tha order of their crushes’ initials in tha alphabet [por ejemplo 10 for j=joey], or tha total number of letters in their crushes’ names. In high school, I became aware that a guy wuz crushin’ on me when he marvel’d over how ma 4 names consist of 8 letters each. [“Uy, anggaling noh? Tig-8 letters pala lahat ng pangalan mo!”] I maself used to favor numbers 17 & 19 after tha number of letters in two of ma crushes’ names. I even almost got into a fight when a gurl in ma class found out that we have tha same fav’rite number & she fear’d that we had tha same crush & that I wuz after her crush. Of course, unattach’d crush-deficient individuals still find excuse to attach numbers to their names. They simply use their birthdates. In some ways, havin’ your birthday for yer fav’rite number could really be advantageous. Wut better way to remind yer Alzheimer-infested friends to buy you gifts on yer bday than to be scrawlin’ those dates right after yer name on every pieca paper ya find? I certainly did not forget toyz041282@yahoo’s bday after receivin’ daily streams of forwarded emails from him. Anyway, I must have a fav’rite numbah...right? I do. It’s tha number 3. Had been ma fave # since I wuz a child. Why? I like tha looks of it. I don’t like lookin’ at 5 or 1 or 7. But I don’t spell ma name wit it or put it right after ma name. I’ve undergone a stage [2nd yr highschool- 4th yr] in ma life when I spell ma name 5h1n3! -sometimes I still do but I don’t remember ever spellin’ ma name wit a number right after it. For me, tis practice is almost as bad as tha one where people put an unnecessary “h” in their names. [e.g. Jhun, Bhabes,etc.]
***

Songs I currently dig:
1] Damaged by TLC.
2] I'm Just A Kid by Simple Plan.
3] Year 3000 by Busted.
4] Home by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.
5] Like A Stone by Audioslave.
6] American Life by Madonna.
7] Losing Grip by Avril Lavigne.
8] Miss You by Aaliyah.
9] Why Georgia by John Mayer
10] The Prayer by Charlotte Church & Josh Groban.

3am:
“I can’t believe you’re not yet up! Wake up!”, tha manager barked.
artist: “Ngrrxxxxx..”
manager [draggin’ tha artist & tryin to carry him out of bed]: “C’mon! You know it’s a long way to the studio!”
artist [wakin up & rubbin’ his eyes]: “What the..?!?”
manager: “You should’ve known better than to stay up all night partying right before a video shoot! Now let’s just pray that the make-up artist can do something bout your bloodshot eyes. You look like you could star in a Visine ad instead of a music video! Let’s go!”
artist [drowsily]: “Ok. I’ll just change my shirt..”
manager: “They choose your outfit for you, remember? Let’s just go!”
artist [yawning]: “Okay.”
Later…
artist:[tryin’ not to yawn while singing] “If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours…”
***
Readin’ ma own palm, I found out that:
a] I will marry in ma 30’s or later or possibly not at all.
b] I will have one daughter. [if I’ll have any at all.]
c] I will be a widow.
d] I’m intelligent and sensitive.
..tha others I’ll keep fo’ ma’self! Who knows? Ma fate may still change! Afterall, tha lines on our palm change after every two years! ;-)

Tha past few days, I’ve done uncall’d for, very unlike me thangs. I’ve cook’d and baked from some recipe and both dishes actually turn’d out edible. For a person who hasn’t cook’d a plate of rice in her life before, I think I’m fin’lly gettin’ d-o-m-e-s-t-i-c-a-t-e-d [like a cat].
***
Paid a visit to Laguna & Anfernee [who has now grown into such a fine wee young man] today. Diden see much of him though as he arriv’d [sleepin’ prettily on his father’s back] juz when we’re bout to leave. Of course, we were really there to collect moolah acquired from our house there which ma brilliant lawyer-aunt managed to sell in a short period of time. Also got a chance to bond wit ma slick cuzins [Chicker-boy Glenn, kikay Gela & her suplada twin Geli, fratboy Mark, & tantrum-prone Trixie] and found out that former beauty pageant winner Glenn -who usually prefers chattin’ wit ma brotha than me- now had more thangs in common wit me as we discuss’d our woeful, jobless lives, telemarketing events [w/c he frequented for tha sole purpose of free food], and his frustrated plans of working in Japan. Also found out that Mark almost sent a drunken friend -who had punch’d him in his state- to kingdom come by hittin’ tha daylights out of tha guy usin’ some piece of wood. Incidentally, when ma hoodlum of a cuzin who probably look’d mad as a bull arrived home wit his polo shirt torn, big brother Glenn [who had his share of fistfights wit Mark] decided to be a superhero and came out carryin’ our uncle’s gun, but wuz stopp’d by Mark’s friends wit news that tha sock’d guy had been put in tha hospital and had good chances of meetin’ his Creator. That’s juz how it is wit ma cuzins. They kill each other but won’t let others kill ‘em. Good thang tha poor troublemaker survived. We play’d wit tha twins’ shi-tzu tha rest of tha day. She wuz adorable ‘cept for tha fact that she wuz actin’ too much like a dog. [biting us, lickin’, & chewin’ on tha TV guide.] She also had her own stuff’d caterpillar toy – big as her- w/c she carried around as companion. Later we found one eye of her caterpillar friend in her mouth.
***
Highlight of tha day: Receivin’ paper money from ma Tita Deng [an honor for ma forlorn, thirsty moneybox full of coins].
***
Least fave part of tha day: Another aunt askin’ me tha eternal, most annoying queschn ever–tha same one she keeps badgerin’ me about every visit.
***
Ei, loi! That wuz some pretty mean guitar u play'd today wit yer band on Breakfast!

Today is so-so. Yesterday was so-so. And so was last week. Tomorrow will most likely be so-so too. Hey, R.! Can I go wit you to Never-never land?
***
Hindi aco pede mag-internet. Some company might be tryin’ to reach me to say that they need me & I’ve landed a job. Yeah, right. Who am I kiddin’?
***
I juz luuv tha feelin that untangling nasty knots outta ma accessories and unearthing lost thangs in ma room brings.
***
Believe it or not, tha first time I’ve held a baby in ma arms occurred only three to four years ago. I’ve handled kids of all ages all ma life. In fact, I can relate so much to em bein’ an overgrown kid ma’self. But I’ve alwez avoided carryin’ babies that are less than a year old fo fear of droppin’ tha fragile wee ‘uns on tha head seein’ as I’m not exactly tha most careful person on earth. Then I met Anfernee. Anfernee is ma cuzin’s son and he wuz tha most beautiful fat baby I’ve ever met. He had tha fairest skin and had beautiful doe eyes and he wuz not cranky unlike most babies. He wuz callin’ out to be held & I wuz not one to resist him. And so I took ma nephew from another tita’s arms and held a baby for tha first time in ma own arms. Anfernee easily lean’d on me & I wuz surprised at how easily he could trust me & also at how heavy tha li’l un weighed. I wuz enjoyin’ tha feel of a fat contented baby in ma arms when ma maver came and saw me. Uneasy at tha sight of clumsy me holdin’ a heavy baby, maver took Anfernee gently from ma arms. Wut happen’d next wuz unforgettable fo me. As I reluctantly handed Anfernee to mum, tha leetle ‘un’s tiny mouth turn’d downwards & he shed two silent tears as we parted.

Guilty! Been guilty of goin’ online & pointedly ignorin’ blogger and tryin’ not to think of tha fact that I have avoided postin anythang that comes from ma lazy mind lately. Ma mind is lazy lately in sympathy & “pakikiramay” to ma body which is currently playin’ tricks on me & makin me think that I have SARS, wit all tha SARS syndrome & evrythang. [headache, cold, fever, cough, difficulty breathing, etc.] Am on ma fifth sick day now. And I hafta ask... is eatin’ ice cream allow’d? Coz I’m finishin’ up one now. [a cookie dough Cornetto]
***
I think I have found ma career. Or rather tha career found me. Our maid turn’d out to enjoy her holy week vacation at her home -so much so that as of lunch today, she came back from vacation wit her two hulking ate’s to gather her thangs and leave us. So now I’m…still a bum. I’ve realized that I’m as helpful around tha house almost as much as ma pea-brain’d brotha is. Plus I have tis strong reaction to dust which means gotta stay away from housecleanin’. I could do tha leetle thangs though. Mebbe I cud be an assistant maid tis summer.
***
Yesterday I whipp’d out maver’s mini cookbook and baked butterscotch bars. Turn’d out pretty edible too, considerin’ tha fact that I’ve substituted maple syrup for corn syrup since we diden have any corn s. in tha house. In fact am munching on some right now. Yea! Mebbe I cud sell tha ones left in tha Tupperware to tha neighbors or sumthin’ & start a baking career!
***
Last night I watch’d a late night show on tha discovery channel about people call’d profilers who play’d major parts in solvin’ crimes. They’re into tha human mind & studied people’s behaviors til they are able to give a profile of tha criminal for tha investigators to track down so their job is actually diff’rent from tha investigator’s. Por ejemplo, one profiler studied a serial prostitute-murderer’s actions till he wuz able to come up wit tha fact that tha criminal wuz in his late thirties, wuz white, have a normal job that allows him to blend wit people, is familiar to prostitutes, and drove a mini van. Tha investigators were able to catch tha culprit bcoz of tis profile, which they watch’d out for. Anotha wuz tha case of a mum & a baby murder’d. Incidentally, tha victims were reported as seen wit anotha passenger in their car –a drug dealer who wuz not harm’d tha least. Tha police wud’ve gone arrestin’ tha dealer if it weren’t fo tha profiler who said that most killers only kill adults & don’t include babies since babies are too young to be used as witnesses to crimes. In tha end they arrested tha father&his cuzin – tha real criminals. Now, I’m wonderin’ if there are any job openings for profilers tis side of tha world? Mebbe that’s where ma real callin’ is! ;-)

Hey, wanna know how hot it is? Well according to ma room barometer, today it is...98 degrees fahrenheit! Which is already considered as a heat wave in otha countries! No wonder I'm feelin' faint!

Pick-up lines from Yahoo Messenger's Garnier Fructis IM Environment:
For Tha Fellas:
"I can see you're a blonde. But are you a...dirty blonde?"
"When God made you, He wasn't fooling around...That's our job."
"Does your father own a chili factory? Because you are so hot..."
"What's my sign? Do Not Pass Up."
For Tha Ladies:
"Bet I know what your favorite dish is. Me."
"Are you from Tennesse? Cuz you're the only ten I see."
"They say blondes have more fun. I'll be the judge of that."
"Can I see the tag of your shirt? Just what I thought,"Made In Heaven."
"Don't go changin...Unless it's in front of me."

In lovin' memory of tha greatest cat in tha world...

1999-2002

I have a secret.
It’s…
I…
He…
Sorry, can’t tell! Nyahnyahnyah!
***
After listenin’ to a PR person give some PR talk about her PR job, lately, I’ve been lookin’ for PR person job openings in tha net but came up wit nuthin’ of tha kind. That’s when it came to me. Maybe there are no ads for PR job openings precisely because there are no PR persons to advertise tha need for PR job openings on tha net. If you are a classmate reading tis and you think I completely flubbed tha definition of a PR job, then stop twisting in embarrassment and come and whack some sense into ma slacker-school head.
***
me as a PR person: Willing to work hard and do all that tha job requires.
Willing to accept huge salaries and product freebies.
Not willing to do tha talking and convincing tha people bit.
me as a radio DJ: Willing to play alternative, hiphop, pop and r&b songs.
Willing to accept complimentary CDS and concert passes.
Not willing to talk wit anyone on air.
me as a model: Willing to pose.
Willing to accept free clothes.
Not willing to be still for more than two minutes.
me as a call center agent: Willing to undergo “American accent neutralization”.
Willing to accept huge salaries and company perks.
Not willing to memorize American or any other country’s geographical locations.
me as maver’s assistant baker: Willing to bake.
Willing to eat rejects.
Not willing to wait for tha bread to bake in tha oven.

“Congratulations! It’s a child!” It seems like more and more gurls ma age are growin’ tummies and preparin’ to be mums. Sometimes I think I can’t be surprised anymore but lately I wuz surprised again wit news of anotha one. So wut does tis mean? Are guys fed up too much wit our PMS bitching that they’d rather raise a child and be free of our bitchin’ for 9 months? Why can’t they use birth control? Haven’t they learned from their parents’ mistakes? So guys, next time your girlfriend is bitching, instead of bitching back, treat her out and celebrate tha fact that you won’t be raising a child any time soon.

my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

John Mayer's "No Such Thing" Misheard Lyrics:
I just found out there's no such thing as a rail road. Just so I've got ride the bus.
Correct Lyrics: I just found out there's no such thing as the real world. Just a lie you've got to rise above.

Bato. Maraming tao ang pumapansin sa similaridad ko sa naturang bagay. Minsan kasi hirap sila sa akin. Hirap akong pasayahin. Hirap akong patawanin. Hirap inisin. Hirap pagalitin. Hirap pa-imikin. At minsan mahirap rin kausapin. Dati, dine-deny ko pa ang pagiging bato. Ngunit ngayon, tila mas angkop nga ito sa akin kesa noon. Bato na nga ako, batong-bato pa ako ngayon dito. Wala akong magawa sa bahay. Sa tingin ko, masyado ata akong naging mabilis sa pagtakbo kaya nakatigil ako ngayon –hindi pa umaabot, hindi pa nakakahabol sa bahagi ng sariling nauna na upang makapagtapos. Ngayong hindi ko pa maharap ang realidad, hayaan niyong itala ko muna ang mga nagawa ko sa nakalipas na araw upang mabigyang suri ang aking kinabukasan bilang isang ganap na tao:
1] Huwebes: Gumawa ng plano para sa Sabado kasama ang isang hayskul friend na dumalo sa isang programang pagtatapos sa San Beda upang mangareer ng crush na may girlfriend na umuwi sa Cotabato.
2] Biyernes: Umattend ng sariling pagtatapos.
3] Sabado: Tinamad sumunod sa plano. Sa halip ay bumili ng 4 na pares ng makulay na hoop earrings.
4] Linggo: Nag-surf ng Internet ng 3 oras sa tanghali at 3 oras ulit sa gabi.
5] Lunes: Pumunta sa SM upang ubusin ang nalalabing baon para bumili ng bag o sapatos. Nangako sa sariling hindi bibili ng libro dahil 20 pa ang inaalikabok sa bahay na d pa nababasa. Umuwi na may bitbit na 2 bagong libro at 0 bag/sapatos.
6] Martes: Sa bahay lang buong araw. Sawa na sa Internet. Nagpadala ng mga April Fool jokes sa text sa mga kaklaseng namimiss kung saan ang sarili ay namatay o di kaya’y papunta sa US para maging sundalo. Naubos ang load. Inisip na sumali sa mga nagbabasketbol na mga batang lalake sa labas ng bahay ngunit natauhan. Naisipang makipaglaro sa alagang grey na rabbit. Sinubukang hawakan sa tiyan upang makuha sa kulungan ngunit nagpapalag. Umakyat upang itanong sa nanay kung pano magbitbit ng rabbit. Bumalik sa rabbit upang kunin at bitbitin ito sa tenga. Binitawan ng nabigatan. Baka mapigtal ang tenga. Nakatamo ng maraming kalmot sa kamay. Nag-isip ng ibang pets na maaaring malaro. Naisip ang manok ngunit hindi rin tinuloy ang pagkuha. Tumawag na lang sa isang dating kaklase upang makibalita.pagkatapos, pineste ang tatay upang ilabas ang kanyang lumang piano organ na napapatungan ng mga kagamitan ng kaniyang tatay.
7] Miyerkules: Gumising ng maaga ng marinig na may tumutugtog sa kanyang piano organ. Lumabas upang awatin ang tatay sa paglikha ng ingay at upang agawin ang kaniyang pwesto sa pag-iingay. Nag-attempt kapain ang tamang nota sa “Out of My League” ng Stephen Speaks ngunit na-frustrate. Sumubok sa mas simpleng musika na nangangailangan lang ng isang kamay. Kinapa na lang ang tamang nota sa I Believe, ang soundtrack ng paboritong pelikulang “My Sassy Girl”. Nagtagumpay ngunit dahil siya lang ang nakapanood ng pelikula sa bahay, walang naka-appreciate. Napag-isipang mag-Internet…

Discover'd some site that offers an "Alanis Morisette Lyric Generator". [sorry, pam!] It ask'd me to name one thing i really hate, 6 plural nouns that have sumthin to do wit it, ma fave color, ma fave poet, and an ex-boyfriend's name and came out wit tha three songs below:
Song No. 1:
"Will to Live"

I feel miserable
Ants make me ill
I feel miserable
Bugs tear at my foundations
I feel miserable
Pests are dragging me down to the depths of misery
I want to die

Is it because of cockroaches that I feel this way?
With the white rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Or am I lost in tale of pablo neruda, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I don't think so.

Franz Broke My Will to Live
Franz Broke My Will to Live
Franz Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Franz Broke My Will to Live

I feel miserable
Mosquitoes rot the flesh from my bones
I feel miserable
Insects defeat my purpose
I feel miserable
Stinkers are doing their best to impale my soul
I want to die

Is it because of cockroaches that I feel this way?
With the white rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Am I lost in tale of pablo neruda, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I don't think so.

Franz Broke My Will to Live
Franz Broke My Will to Live
Oh God, franz Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Franz Broke My Will to Live

Song No. 2:
"I Think"

I Think ants are really a huge problem
I Think bugs are too much on my mind
I Think pests have got a lot to do with why the world sucks
But what can you do?

Like a white rain, beating down on me
Like a pablo neruda line, which won't let go of my brain
Like franz's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches

I Think mosquitoes are gonna drive us all crazy
And insects make me feel like a child
I Think stinkers will eventually be the downfall of civilization
But what can you do? I said what can you do?

Like a white rain, beating down on me
Like a pablo neruda line, which won't let go of my brain
Like franz's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches

Like a white rain, beating down on me
Like franz's smile, cruel and cold
Like pablo neruda's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches

Song No. 3:
"Why"

Ants, insects, mosquitoes
Why God, Why?
Insects, pests, cockroaches
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this white horror?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of cockroaches
Like a pablo neruda character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Bugs, ants, stinkers
Why God, Why?
Cockroaches, stinkers, mosquitoes
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this white disaster that is my life?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of cockroaches
Like a pablo neruda character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this white misery?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of cockroaches
Like a pablo neruda character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
*Go on, click here to have your own Alanis inspired song!*

LSS [Last Song Syndrome] song of tha moment: "Soap, Powder, Bleach, Towels, Fabric Softner, Dollars, Change, Pants, Socks, Dirty Drawers. I'm going to the laundromat. And let's not forget the Food Stains, Dirt Spots, Headsets, Chips, Pop, Pay Phones, Clean House. I'm headed to the laundromat."

Thank gawd! Ma eyes have now slightly recover’d from that raccoon-eyed look it had acquired after bein’ made up for graduation. Cold cream and facial wash diden seem to work at first as I woke up tha following morning lookin’ at tha mirror at smudged eyes like those of tha gurl in Take That’s How Deep Is Your Love music video.
***
Graduation show’d diff’rent colleges’ gimmicks to make them stand out among tha rest. Legal Management grads each bought gold medals to wear in tha ceremony while Behavioral Science studes brought their college yearbook to show-off to us Journ studes [and perhaps other colleges as well] seated at their back. Our own gimmick wuda been to wear tha bookmarks Ruth gave each of us tha previous day which show’d both individual pictures and group pictures wit a pencil attach’d and tha words: “Peryodista ka! 4C5 Journ Batch 2003” [or sumthin like that] which explain’d why most of us were seen carrying it. Only problem is, Ruth forgot to give us ours, and not all got reminded to bring their bookmarks.
***
Tha faculty administrators tried but had no way of preventing verbal, communicative, and expressive Arts and Letters graduates from takin’ pictures, rooting and cheerin’ for their chums, inserting a pre-song joke, and generally makin’ it a happier and lighter event for all. Right after tha event, as tha graduates slowly deserted their seats, some knew that tha happy crowd they came to know as friends individually is fleeing from them as well and helplessly shed tears at tis. Even Felice –who made fun of those who cried at our retreat- cuden help tha tears that came to her when Emil, our anti-social, indifferent, autistic [he really is] classmate approach’d, hugg’d her & bid her goodbye.
***
Afterwards, tha clan spent an eternity in tha car scoping out tha perfect place to dine. Paver told our ikot-happy driver to go to Malate to scope for more places but Raffy [ikot-happy] diden seem to find tha idea so great & seem’d to think not eatin’ at all to be tha right idea, and so we diden get to choose a place to dine at Malate either as he took us there but quickly whizzed past tha potential places to eat, not givin’ us tha chance to clearly read tha names of tha restaurants we were passin’ by until soon we found ourselves almost home. Paver sensed our driver’s “topak” mood and told him to just take us to a gasoline station first when we were two blocks away from home. As our driver went out to pay for gas, paver told us his plan of ditchin’ Raffy and grantin’ him his wish to go home and lettin’ brover take his place at tha wheel instead. We all agreed to tis and I jokingly told paver to hand over our driver’s wage wit tha words “Tis is your last pay for bein’ apurado!” As Raffy went back and our plan wuz told to him, guilt seem to have gotten to him as he told us he’ll escort us to a dining place first. We were in tha middle of Tomas Morato, Q.C. when it finally dawn’d on me that he juz wanted a free ride to his home, specially when Pa told him “O, diba dito na sakayan mo? Sige kami na bahala..” before he exited wit his pay on hand. And then it took eons before we decided on a place to eat. As I wuz hungry, I pointed out tha first random diner I saw but paver had excuses for each place I pointed:
1] “Kumain na tayo sa steak house nung grad ng kuya mo.”
2] “Hindi natin alam yan, ano naman maoorder natin diyan?”
3] “Naku eh bar yan eh, hindi naman kainan talaga!”
4] “Anliit masyado!”
6] “Eh katabi lang yan ng tinuro mo a! Kahit ano na lang pinipili mo!”
He wuz so choosy that later when we were desperate and considering tha places I’ve earlier pointed but he rejected we were faced wit diff’rent probs:
7] “Ala naman parking! Piliin niyo naman yung may parking!”
8] “Abot hanggang labas ang tao, o! Eh di maghihintay na naman tayo! Gutom na nga eh!”
We ended up eatin at a Spanish restaurant call’d Alba where a bunch of grandfather types play’d their big guitars for us. Tha bill wuz remotely big so it’s hard to figure why we still considered goin’ to 7-eleven before going home.

“Tha realization that Iluvya”
Tha realization that you’re wonderful dawned on me today
Tis got me very pleased wit maself
Other realizations came wit it
Tha realization that I’m shy
And I’m bold
And I’m writing you a poem today
Tis is great
And I’m flying
I just hope that I don’t
Strive for your realization too

Post-baccalaureate mass a.k.a last day in school post:
Grabe, nakalimutan kong ipost dati ang sarap pala ng feeling ng pwede mong babuyin ang uniform ng kahit sinong kakilala mong dumadaan sa harapan mo. At first, I drew suns on people's backs, then I made comments like "Hope you add more to tis bulge tis summer" [wit an arrow pointin' to a healthy classmate's belly], and "This way to Kathy's heaven" [wit arrow pointing to crack of a friend's bum]. Later on, I juz drew quick random huge lines and crosses on tha backs of unsuspecting classmates. Afterall, it isn't every day that people permit you to mess wit the very clothes they're wearin'...

LSS [Last Song Syndrome] song of tha moment: “I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand. If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I…?”
***
Please halp me git over this song…!

“Pray not only for yourself, but for your enemies as well. After all, they are just soldiers, like you, doing what they are ordered to do.” –marine chaplain
***
Saw Mary Ruth’s idol, Jessica Zafra last Saturday at tha Powerbooks rummaging at tha sale rack in tha middle of tha store. She look’d like a normal shopper witout any make-up on and wit her hair up in an ordinary purple scrunchy. She wuz even bein’ bothersome to other sale rack hunter, bending way low over tha lowest shelf and partin’ away legs that got there first before her, intently searchin’ for a good book. We stayed to watch her cuz Mary Ruth wanted us to bask in her writer’s presence. We also bask’d at the presence of warts generously spread among her chest.
***
Bogart [Felice to some] & I agreed that we both disliked watchin’ any episode of the Lord Of the Rings movie. [I diden even git to watch tha second version out of lack of tolerance & patience for tha first one.] As Bogart wud say, “Para kang nanonood ng Panday eh!”
***
Vandalized on tha blue Arts & Letters balloon handed out to me at yesterday’s baccalaureate mass for our batch:
1] Gagradweyt ang katabi ko!
2] I will graduate witout studying!
3] http://shaynis.brainpowerd.net
Had so much fun that I vandalized two other people’s balloons as well which read:
4] I am tha summa of tis batch!
5] Gusto mo ba ng kausap? Call 1-800 CUM2ME.
6] Bold star material [wit an arrow pointing downwards]
***
Nuthin’ fill’d me wit more pride at bein’ a Thomasian than undegoin’ tha “right of passage” yesterday or passing under our school’s symbolic ancient arch along wit ma college ‘mates from first year to last, and later watchin’ a video which featured tha seniors from previous batches passin’ under tha same symbolic arch. I bet no other school has their own ancient arch for tha studes to pass under during their baccalaureate mass as an indication of completing a degree from their school. Tha poor things with their modern, boring schools. Also luuv tha fact that ma head grew tired from lookin’ up at tha fantastic fireworks & waitin for tha colorful faux stars to stop from bein’ fired onto tha quiet black sky although our eyes got spew’d by fallin’ debris of tha fireworks. Am quite pleas’d wit tis as December celebrations at our school usually got tha fireworks tired first rather than tha energetic anticipatin’ student body.

Had a weird war dream. Dreamt that red and gray planes were droppin’ leetle firecrackers from tha sky and Filipinos who were more usi than frightened were watchin’ fascinatedly from their homes.

Tha Call Center Craze
Kahapon, nang maputol ang maiksing pagtulog ko para lang magpunta sa isa na namang job interbyu para sa isang call center, napag-isip-isip kong kahit na marami-rami na rin akong napag-aplay-an na kol center ay ayoko palang mamasukan sa naturang uri ng kompanya. Ang pagpapasya kong ito ay lalong tumibay ng makaharap ko ang antipatikang mukha ng alé na mag-i-interbyu sa’kin na pinaghintay ako sa pamamagitan ng pagsagot ng 4 na tawag at pakikipagdebate sa isang ka-empleyado. Lalo pang nadagdagan ng nagreklamo sa’kin ang ulo ko [sa kawalan ng tulog] at nagsumubok at nagpumilit magkaron ng migraine fit ngunit di tumuloy. Bungad ko sa sarili, bat naman ako magtatrabaho para sa isang uri ng kumpanya na nagnanais bigyan ng solusyon ang mga problema ng ibang bansa gayong mas namomroblema pa nga ang sarili nating bansa? Nanatili rin sa’kin ang madalas na tanong ng mga nag-i-interbyu: ang tanong na “What is your career path?” Pag nagtrabaho ako sa kanila [na malamang gagawin ko lang sa kagustuhang yumaman at magkaron ng malaking suweldo], ano ba ang magiging career path ko? Aakyat ba ako sa kanilang corporate ladder gayong nangangapa lang naman ako sa aking trabaho? Kahapon na naisip ko to, napagtanto ko na siyempre, gusto kong magsulat. [ito ang kinuha kong kurso, dba?] Alam kong kailangan kong mapunan ang mga two-three year experience na requirement ng karaniwang magasin o pahayagan kaya mabuti na ang mag-umpisa ako sa pagsusulat kesa mag-umpisa sa kol center. Kung iisipin, ala naman akong maisip na trabaho na ka-kailanganin ang two year experience sa pagtatrabaho sa isang kol center.
Ito ang mga naisip kong mga gusto kong trabaho kahapon:
1] writer. [lalo na para sa isang magasin tulad ng Mega o Cosmo.]
2] deejay sa radyo. [gusto ko ng mga libreng cds at ang pagkakataong batiin ang mga ka-anak at kaibigan ko kung kelan ko man gusto.]
3] model. [gusto ko ng mga libreng damit, beauty products, etc.]

Maver: “Anong gagawin mo sa gym yang payat mong yan? Magkakalasug-lasog lang buto mo don!”
Me: “Di naman ako magbubuhat ng barbell eh!”
And so wit free special invites courtesy of Pam, Ruth, Felice, and I trudged to RCBC Plaza, Makati to work out for tha first time in our lives. At tha gym, so many complicated apparatuses [or is it apparati?] confronted us so that we went back to tha main entrance to try and see if we could exchange our tickets for use of spa instead. But apparently, we could not git away wit tryin to bum free massages from tha club. Only tha pool, tha Jacuzzi, and tha steam bath were open for use to our meek special guest selves which wuda been fine if only we remember’d to pack swimsuits. So it wuz back to tha gym. At tha gym, we started wit tha easiest-lookin gadget…tha treadmill. We moved on to swing-your-legs-forward gadget which wuz kinda like tha treadmill but wit separate swinging foothold fo’ each feet. Next, tha three of us went separate gadgets and juz tried on wutever looks ride-able to us. A scrawny trainer who made me doubt tha effectivity of their machines approach’d and assisted us on tha stranger lookin’ machines. Finding out that we’re new to tha practice, he lingered on & never really left tha area, makin’ sure to pass us every now & then. At one point, he beamed at me when he saw me approach an apparatus which read “glute” sumthin’. [ “Naku! Maganda yan! Para yan sa mga gustong magka-pwet! Pang-J.Lo yan! It will give you J.Lo butt! ] Tha J.Lo bum-giving apparatus turn’d out to be a real pain or at least not as fun as usin’ tha apparatus where you juz swing your arms forward in front of your face. Felice tried tha J.Lo bum apparatus soon as I dismounted. We diden want to exert our muscles or strain em in any way which wuz probably why tha longest we lasted on a gadget wuz five minutes [on tha treadmill], and wit one to two minutes on the other stranger gadgets. Ruth wanted to try aero & so we bid tha gadgets goodbye to attend aerobics class instead. I wuz expectin’ some overrated to-tha-left, to-tha-right mini stretching exercises like tha ones shown on fitness channels but wuz relieved when tha instructor taught us Usher-like dance steps instead. Later, he made us dance tha steps we’ve learn’d to tha tune of Where Tha Party At by J.E. At tha end of tha day, tha three of us agreed that we wuden mind joining a gym club someday although I strongly advise against workin’ out on an empty stomach. ‘Think tha insides of ma tummy were shoutin’ sumthin’ fierce while I moved it in its emptiness.

Back to giggling
Tita Deng-deng, ma out-of-tune doorbell named aunt is pregnant after all! We fetch’d her yesterday coz she wanna go wit us to Laguna. Along tha ride, she wuz contemplatin’ names for her child. Since both her & her husband are doctors, she wanna name her child sumthin’ scientific like flagella. She also came up wit bacteria names I can’t remember [much more spell]. I really hope she wuz just kiddin’. Can’t wait to see ma new cuzin though. Hurry up, buster!
***
Cruel world. Found out ma crush went & got himself a gurlfriend. “Sobrang pretty” daw. Tha hateful bitch.
***
Tha higlight of traveling at night: poster ads! Specially tha blinking, twisting, moving fancy light ads which us’d to be everywhere when I wuz a kid but had now gradually decreased. Last night, as we travel’d home from Laguna, ma fave aside from tha Del Monte blinking light ad, and all tha other electrically powered light ads were tha realistic lookin’ ads. Like tha huge horizontal Phillips fluorescent light and tha real car, which look’d as if it crash’d on tha poster ad. Among tha plain ones which diden have blinkin’ lights nor huge representations of their products, ma fave is tha Human ad that says, “I don’t intend to be famous, I only intend to be human.”
***
A conversation from not so long ago:
HIM: “Di ba ang mga magagandang babae laging may kotse and laging nakasakay sa kotse?”
ME: [jokingly] “Eh bat ako? Ala akong kotse!”
HIM: “Pano yan? Wala naman akong kotse, wala pa akong pera…[yadda yadda]..”
ME: Er..?
Hey… wherever you are now, I don’t need you to buy me a car for me to ride on. I don’t need your money. [I refused to let you treat me, remember?] I don’t need fancy schmancy things. In a short time, you’ve given me enuf to be happy about. Now I don’t know wut I need although I used to think I know exactly wut. You are gone. I am left uncertain. Help me grow up.

Let Me Be The One
by Jimmy Bondoc

Somebody told me you were leavin’
I didn’t know
Somebody told me you’re unhappy
But it doesn’t show
Somebody told me that you don’t want me no more
So you’re walkin’ out the door
Nobody told me you’ve been cryin’
Every night
Nobody told me you’d been dyin’
But didn’t want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I’m settin’ you free
Let me be the one to break it up
So you won’t have to make excuses
We don’t need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time
And goodbye
Somebody told me you still loved me
Don’t know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is true again
Just turn around and walk away
You don’t have to live like this
If you love me still then stay
Don’t keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart

Thursday, tha last day of school got me lonelier than ever about leavin’ and bein’ left by ma friends and classmates in just a few weeks’ time. See, they were bein’ extra nice. A project we were suppos’d to do wit a partner wuz due that day but me & ma partner wuz havin’ trouble puttin’ it together. Good thing ma ‘mates sprang into action. While P.I.C. lovingly glued tha pages together, Pammy kindly secured tha ribbon on tha pages, Robbie thoughtfully offered us potpourri bits from his and his partner’s own project, and Day creatively Mighty-Bonded tha potpourri bits and recreated tha front design of our project. Ain’t they a gem or wut? Aww…I’m gonna miss ‘em so!

Tha Adventures of Migraine Gurl
Today, I’m more embarrassing than usual. I wuz havin’ one of ma migraine attacks in school, and a migraine usually means throwin’ up for me. Since tha CR janitress banned us from gettin’ into a cubicle fo’ fear of trackin’ mud onto her newly swept floor, we were forced to cram at tha entrance and stare stupidly at tha mirror while her floors dried up. And so three gurls watch’d as I made gagging noises at tha trashcan. One tall gurl in particular who met ma eye in tha mirror stayed and curiously watch’d and waited for me to empty tha contents of ma tummy. But just as suddenly, tha moment pass’d. Convinced that tha migraine pill ma friend had me take wuz fin’lly workin’ its wonders, I walk’d out wit tha contents of ma stomach still intact. But two minutes out in tha hall, I wuz feelin’ queasy again and so I ran back to tha john juz in time for tha tall gurl [who wuz still standing facin’ tha mirror] to triumphantly watch as I spitted out tha pinkish slightly digested migraine pill. Hell, she probably thought I’m havin’ a child. I diden give her tha satisfaction of knowin’ wut I had for breakfast though –that privilege went to maver twenty minutes later as I threw up undigested Burger King fries in tha car. [She came up wit a plastic bag juz in time.] Sick as I wuz, I hafta trudge along coz maver & paver already made plans to attend a bakery fair at tha World Trade Center. At first they plann’d to leave me at a booth that had lots of benches where I could pretend to be interested in learning how to bake from some German guy who wuz demonstrating how to bake. But ma back diden have sumthin’ to lean on, so I ask’d maver&paver to collect me & deposit me at tha far end of tha place where they serve overpriced food and they have matchin’ table-clothed tables and chairs so that I could eat lunch as well. Since each table had 8 chairs, I hafta sit wit a bunch of strangers. Tha first set of strangers was officemates –3 guys and a gurl. I tried not to listen but they were really loud like they were proud of their corny green jokes or sumthin’ and so I pretended to sleep instead. As they were about to go, I heard tha loud kikay gurl said, “Ay, nakatulog na siya, o!” I decided to try sleepin’ for real but ma bangle of fake crystals wuz startin’ to hurt ma forehead and so since I wuz alone at tha table, I stretch’d ma arm straight out on tha table before leaning on it sideways to sleep. I probably look’d like a drunk heifer for it wuz a while before a new set of strangers [two diff’rent families] sat at ma table. While I closed ma eyes, I felt and heard many things. I heard a gurl ponder over wut school I come from. [“Taga-ICA or ano..?”] I heard two women sitting on ma left giggle. I heard someone said, ”Usod ka na lang dito..” [probably evading my arm] I felt a plastic bag bein’ pushed against ma extended arm. I heard a son [probably 10-year-old] ask his mum for money for his food [squid and rice]. I heard a mother ask tha two women on ma left to try her carbonara which wuz supposedly tha restaurant’s specialty. Finally, I put an end to ma sleepin’ charade when I caught a whiff of wut smell’d like ma bro’s stinky socks, snappin’ ma head up in an attempt to find tha source and found each member of tha two families starin’ at me. To appear busy, I reach’d for ma half-eaten carbonara plate which I saw in a new light after tha PR talk I heard but tha fly on ma cup of Figaro hot choco made me wonder if it had been there on ma meal too so I changed ma mind and sms’d maver&paver to once again collect me instead. I think it wuz tha kid’s squid that smell’d like stinky socks.
***
After two consecutive days of postponement, I fin’lly had ma last oral thesis defense today. Good thang ma stubborn system retain’d some of tha 500 mg migraine pill so that ma head still hurt but not so that I feel like throwin’ up at Kiko tha adorable prof. And no traffic too unlike yesterday when I almost knew where I am and I wuz startin to figure out wut directions led to wut place [I, tha louse in all directions] becuz of too much traffic. And tha grade? Let’s just say that I’ve never seen a vertical line look so good specially right next in line wit its preceding vertical line which got there exactly a week ago.

I wish you’d stop haunting me. I wuz surfin’ tha net, browsin’ thru new blogs tha other day when tha site’s tagboard caught ma attention. It seem’d that tha site owner wuz YOU. Same day I click’d on tha third link of one of ma friends’ blog links and I wuz confronted wit a guy’s post about his friend named YOU.
Early mornin next day, I switch’d to a radio station and heard a certain cough commercial about a gurl who thought she loved some guy but changed her mind and got turn’d off by his cough. Can you take a guess at tha phlegmatic guy’s name? YOU again. I wuz gettin’ really miffed, and tha last straw, I thought wuz when I overheard a guy ask ma friend somethin’ in an office which I had no business enterin’ anyway. He went, “Is [YOUR NAME]’s article coming out this month?” So I scream’d “I HATE [YOUR NAME]!!!” at him –a total stranger who wuz co-owner of tha office I wuz currently trespassin’. And he wuz like, “Er…?” Til ma friend came to ma rescue and told him I don’t really mean wut I said & that I don’t hate tis guy who shared yer name and who happens to be a very nice classmate of ours.
I hafta go wit tha rest of ma mates for video editing later on. And I juz happen to browse a TIME magazine article by Mr. YOU Lenningrad. And guess where we had lunch today? Ma friend pick’d tha place. Good ole BRB in Dapitan. But a closer look, and it reads, “[YOUR NAME]’s” BRB. So you won’t even let me eat in peace. I know your name is common but not that common that I could see you everywhere.
***
Sorry, I can’t do reality.

Sorry, I diden plan on sayin’ goodbye to you tha other day. I plann’d on gettin’ along juz fine wit ya, tellin’ ya about tha bitchings I’ve done for tha day and maybe even finally tellin’ ya about past loves and past hurts I’ve avoided talkin’ about for so long. Sorry but I juz can’t take that li’l trick ya pull’d on me. Suddenly, when all seem fine, I juz can’t take you anymore.
***
Momma, stop worryin’. He’s gone.
***
Love is not easy. Why dya want easy love?
***
Happy birthday, Franz.. I wonder who's farin' off better between tha two of us?
***

I'm not choosy when it comes to jobs. Right now, I don't care whether it be a nine-to-five job, a job that has nuthin' to do wit ma course, or a job in Timbuktu as long as I land an immediate job that pays good and that has nuthin' to do wit bein' an annoying person in suit blockin' shoppers' ways in malls tryin' to get em to buy vacation trips or encyclopedias or sign raffle promos coz i've learn'd that THREE DAYS IN THA HOUSE WITOUT NUTHIN TO DO CAN DRIVE YOU INSANE.

It bett’r have classes tomorrow… I’m gettin’ fat sittin’ round tha house stuffin’ ma face full of tha chocolate toffee pistachio Tita Deng brought.
***
It wuz fun to have ma Tita Deng ‘round tha house for three days. By now, ma wide-eyed eight-year-old amazement at her had worn off to shy respect but as a kid, I used to really look up to Tita Deng. She wuz tha most beautiful and intelligent woman related to me that I’ve ever known & I wanted to be exactly like her when I grew up. As a young New York doctor, she is a wonder herself, and so it amazed me to know that she might be pregnant wit her first kid which is another wonder in itself. We were really excited about it especially since she hasn’t even told her husband yet, and so we were happy wit her. We were happy as ma maver giggled when Tita told her that she’s feelin’ very weird. We were happy as ma mum hurried home from church at night to check if she’s already sleepin’. We were happy as I tiptoed in her room early in tha morn so as not to wake her up. We were happy as ma maver jokingly told Tita to stay away from me so that tha baby wuden catch any resemblance from me. We were happy wit her about tha li’l buster growin’ inside of her and so we were also sad wit her when she ask’d me for a sanitary pad tis morn. Just hoped tha mall distracted her a bit from li’l buster.

You are not mine. You are a borrowed jewel left in ma hands by your owner who has got to go away for sometime. I’m returning you now. That doesn’t mean that I diden enjoy taking care of you. But you hafta go coz you’re not mine and you don’t feel like mine. Maybe she’ll let me keep you. Maybe I’ll accept. But for now you feel like a lost jewel that needs to be return’d.
***
Everyone has his or her own great person. I’m wonderin’ who or where mine has gone -tis great person who would be tha mortal person closest to me in tis world. I’m guessin’ that he or she is a person of the future –a daughter, a nephew, a grandson, or a sister-in-law. Ma great person could also be someone whom I know right now. Maybe it’s ma maver. But we are separated by too much layers of stubborn will and fightin’ back tha emotion to appreciate each other. Could it be ma grandparents? Sometimes I would like to give em a chance too, but sudden closeness just duzen seem right after too many years of polite courtesy and passin’ askin’ about each other’s health as conversation. It could not be ma best friend since fourth grade. She is not ma best friend any more for reasons I can’t tell coz betrayin’ an ex-bestfriend is almost like betrayin’ one’s self. Could it be tis close guy friend I have? I tell him almost everythin’ but I also know for a fact that half of tha time he doesn’t care, and tha other half of tha time, he’s playin his PlayStation or liftin’ weights or other thangs. Could it be one of ma school pals? But I don’t tell em evrythang either fo’ one might spill to tha others & they gon be laughin’ at me. Come to think of it, tha great person could be any of ma friends -i have a lotta great persons in ma life but wut fun is it to have a great person if you can’t be his/her great person too? Apparently, tis great person has not come to me yet. That or I juz need a best friend and/or a boyfriend. Mebbe I’m juz too bitchy to have these things. But half of tha time, I’m also nice. So, c’mon great person…
***
Is sumthin’ wrong wit wantin’ a boyfriend who duzen have a gurl bestfriend, and wantin’ a best friend who duzen have a boyfriend/gurlfriend?

For tha second time this month, I’ve gatecrash’d a wedding. How about that? And a Valentine wedding at that. I feel like a Peeping Tom, like an intruder who gets cheap thrills from snatching glimpses from other people’s happiness. But wut can I do? I’m a sucker for sappy films, sappy books, and sappy weddings, and I extract from ‘em tha same high I git from lookin’ at an assortment of cute bags and earrings on sale although I don’t cry at tha sight of a gorgeous bag.
***
I’m sorry I did not play by tha rules. I’m sorry I forgot that we’re juz suppos’d to be usin’ each other to ward off loneliness and past hurts that haunted us. I forgot that tha player who expects to win loses. And so I guess I’m tha loser. But you know how I hate losin’ …don’t you? And so I made you lose first. Of course, I knew that tha game diden matter much to you anyway.
***
My Kyun-woo, where are you?

Nuthin’ infuriates me more than a wishy-washy indecisive man.
***
Once there were seven Bad Wolves. They were known to be baaad but somehow two French poodles found em interesting, stoop’d down & decided to join tha pack. Tha first French poodle got bored and decided to switch to tha German Shepherd group, which she heard lead a more glamorous life. Now it’s juz tha 7 bad wolves & one French Poodle. “She’s such a dog anyway! She used to lick scraps from other French Poodles’ plates!”, tha bad wolves heard their French Poodle pal say. Although tha second French Poodle could speak English, most of tha time she preferr’d speakin’ in French. Tha Bad Wolves went on speakin’ English since it’s tha only language known to em. One day, tha remaining French Poodle wonder’d why tha bad wolves never spoke any French. As tha days pass’d, she got madder becuz tha Bad Wolves weren’t makin’ any attempt to enroll in a French school so that she could have someone to speak French wit. Although she diden suggest this idea to them, she feels that they shud have guess’d. She wuz also mad becuz tha Bad Wolves had their natural abilities to run & hunt for food. She cuden run as fast and she blamed tha Wolves for bein’ born Wolves instead of bein’ born a French Poodle. One day, she became mad as a bull in her frustration to run as fast as tha Wolves and since no Wolf enroll’d in a French Class yet. She told herself, “Quel dommage! Ce sont muet!” [Wut a pity that they’re so dumb they diden even try enrolling in French & so thoughtless not to rip off their genes and try to gimme some of it so that I cud be a Wolf too!] And so that day, she told em, ”Adieu, sots!” [Goodbye, fools!] and left a very puzzled group of Bad Wolves, who did not understand a word of wut she said.
***
Connect-tha-dots. Connect-tha-dots. Doh! Pea-brain'd brother disconnected tha wires to our winzip so that i can't listen to ma fav'rite CD! And all becuz he wanted me to hear his voice bein' aired as he join'd a stoopid radio contest he recorded on his mobile WHICH HE DIDN'T WIN ANYWAY! Now i hafta play connect-tha-wires, connect-tha-wires, connect-tha-wires... how am i suppos'd to know where they go? Connect-tha-wires, connect-tha-wires...
***
Gawd, people around me are so idiotic today!

Quite funny how I’ve master’d tha art of failing in love. Doesn’t matter much except when I think about tha future. Wut would become of ma children? Will I be good for em? Will they cry all tha time? I worry about them deeply because their mother ain’t tha brightest one in tha universe. Their mum is not keen on crossin’ streets and sewin’ stitches. Had always fail’d in keepin’ love. Future children, if I can’t keep your father, y’all better keep me, a’ite?
***
Found out two thangs today:
1] I like climbin’ monkey bars.
2] I like ridin’ bikes at top speed.
Fox, let’s do it again!

I am weak. I am not worthy. I am human. Walang himala! On this day, tha 11th of February, I went back on ma word. Eh fried chicken eh! ["Ok, pero next time talaga, pag di nyo ko pinayagan, d na talaga ako kakain tsaka sabi mo pa pinapayagan mo naman ako sa ibang event, masama sinungaling!”] Cud I have refused? When tha sight of another potato makes me hurl? When maver bann’d me from cookin’ ma own share of rice? [she said I shuden be wastin’ her gas cookin’ tha same thang she cooks fo’ all of us.] I decided I should just continue ma fasting another time, if tha circumstances call for it again. And it’s not workin’ anyway. Their minds are set. Their jaws are tight. And they were ignorin’ me like tha fool I am. Paver did try to bribe me twice [last Saturday and today] by getting’ me to go wit him to buy food from 7-eleven [he did not succeed], and buyin’ me a Slurpee [which I refused to take] but other than that and tha occasional frowns & snide remarks, I did not get anythin’. Nuthin’ I wuz hopin’ to get anyway. Ma average days of fasting is 3&1/4 days. It's not as if i cud not get through tha whole month wit ma fabulous cookin' too. Of course, naawa lang aco sa parents ko... i mean juz think about how many more Slurpees Paver hafta consume witin a month! d pa naman bagay sa kanya ang may hawak na Slurpee!

I’m not in tha mood for love right now. I’m still busy defying tha parental units. Can we postpone this? Stand back, don’t push it. You might git caught in ma web of indignation. I am tha unreasonable product of unreasonable roots.

In philosophy class yesterday, ma ears caught a certain term, which brought me to think about ma maver. Tha term -which wuz used to describe socialism- wuz “blind obedience”. For mum, there’s nuthin’ quite like bein’ in good terms wit God. She is prudish. She is self-righteous. She is insufferable. Knowin’ her, you’d know she used to be tis prissy, obedient & responsible gurl who looks down smugly on lesser beings like us and never break a rule in her life. She is greatly scandalized by tha littlest thangs and thinks it a mortal sin for a person to cuss. She’ll hate you for not giving more than 2000 bucks to tha church. She is also tha cheapest woman I know except when it comes to her mother, her son, and her God. How about her daughter? Well, sometimes, she forgets to give her allowance accidentally on purpose. And she is so narrow-minded you’ll have a hard time figurin’ out if she’s juz provincial or it’s her Taurean nature seepin’ thru. Come to think of it, ma paver is juz as narrow-minded. Only he doesn’t have his sign to excuse him. Pisceans aren’t known to be narrow-minded.
So wut if I’m piss’d at em? I don’t see how I could have grown to be twenty-one years old and still they trust me like a criminal or a stranger who’ll stay for tha night instead of a daughter they’ve known all their life who’s scatter-brain’d at worst. And lazy. And poor in direction. Okay, and insecure. And a bit gullible. But not a criminal.
Yeah, I’m on a hunger strike. I refuse to eat anythin’ cook’d by maver & I refuse to eat wit em. Wit ma knowledge in cookin’, I guess I’ll live on eggs & mash’d potatoes fo’ now. I’m goin for a month…Well if pam can live witout meat for a year, shoorely I can for a month wit ma own cooking, right? *crosses fingers*

Ma first job interview [Interview wit a vampire]

Armed wit a bank on wheels [paver] and a direction guru [ikot-happy chauffeur Raffy], I set out on ma interview confident that I’ll never starve nor be late for ma interview. Indeed after takin’ a quick lunch, I still had thirty minutes to sit and stare at tha mestiza ladies and nerdy guys who were all waitin’ to be interviewed. I also had tha time to glance at tha identical leathered toes of tha female employees & interviewees, then at ma own bare toes. As three of ma companions were whisked away, I became quite impatient & ask’d tha guard if he could send someone out to talk to. That’s when Cianelle, tha fashionable HRD came. Clipboard in hand, she told me these words: “YOU DO NOT HAVE A SCHEDULE TODAY!” “YOU DID NOT CONFIRM IT YESTERDAY!” I wuz like, “No, really?” and her face goes “Really!” “Maybe you want to set it another time…when would you like it to be?”
But miraculously, she found me a schedule for 2:30 tha same day.
And so tha interview ensued… tha interviewer, to ma relief, turn’d out to be gay. I thought it a relief since gay people are so much easier to get along wit. Tha interview lasted TWO AND A HALF HOURS! [We were vampires who dried out each other’s blood thru detail’d questioning and wide of the mark, stupid answering.] Long enuf for poor paver to git a stiff back from sittin’ outside & long enuf for him to send me four messages. [Antagal!]; [TAGAL!]; [Ano ba? Pinagtrabaho ka na ba dyan? Sabihin mo bukas ka na lang mags-start!]; [Aakyat na ako dyan!]Tha interviewer wuz really nice, only he won’t quit laughin’ at ma serious answers. I really wish he’d quit especially when merely opening ma mouth gets him roarin’ like a hyena again. Somehow I got tha notion that he wants me to pass tha interview, wit him bein’ an alumni of our school and also his perseverance in squeezin’ out tha right answers to queschns seein’ that ma answers don’t always match his queschns. But he could only do so much. I expect that I won’t see him nor tha already familiar fat guard in barong again. All I really wanted wuz an experience at gettin’ grill’d anyway. Who knows? I might actually git a question right tha next time.

Ang printer namin ay isang sumpungin na bata. Ayaw mag-print ng resumé ko. May kakaibang ngitngit na lumalabas sa kanya habang nagsusumamo akong gumawa siya ng kahit na isang matinong kopya man lang para sacen. At ang ingay pa! Balita ko sa paver ko, may daga daw sa computer room.. di kaya may naipit na bubwit sa loob ng printer namin? Samantala, ang buong computer naman namin ay isang suplado na gawain ang lagi na lang akong kutyain at huwag patapusin agad pag may trabaho akong dapat gawin na kailangan ang tulong niya. Ewan ko ba! Layunin ata ng supladong ito sa buhay ay ang huwag akong patulugin...

"Landslide by Smashing Pumpkins"

I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And I saw my reflection in a snow covered hill
'til a landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing cause I've
Built my life around you
Time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too
I'm getting older, too

I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hill
The landslide brought it down
The landslide brought it down