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Drugs don't work they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face again [A Focalin Review]

On a spur-of-the-moment dare by lunatic office mates insisting that I have severe ADHD, I took a supposedly ridiculously expensive ADHD pill [stolen from the crazy officemate's rich ADHD-infested friend] this morning.

Effects are as follows:

• Immediately after taking it, I felt a dull drowsiness spreading slowly over me.
• My head started feeling heavy and, reveling in this sensation [F na F!], I started to imagine my whole face weighed down by the grogginess so I let my head tilt towards the direction of my computer screen like a metal being attracted by a magnet.
• Just when I was enjoying my world-in-slow-motion sleepiness, later in the afternoon, hours after eating my lunch, I started feeling the heavy weight feeling of my head shift to my chest. I watched in fascination as I started to feel weighed down by a heavy feeling in my chest.
• After completing numerous tasks for the day, I suddenly had an urgent feeling emanating from my chest. The heavy feeling started to jitter me awake from my previous drowsiness. Suddenly, I'm wide awake. Every neuron seem to be up and about, and the feeling from my chest seem to be shouting at me and demanding commands with every downward thuds of my heart: "NOW! NOW! NOW!" What does it want me to do?? It wants me to act now on what?? Dismayed, I semi-frowned and ignored my ADHD heart as I took several trips to the pantry to refill water on my tumbler. This was alternated with several trips to the CR. It seems the ADHD drug has caused me to feel insatiable thirst and wipe out the company's water supply. Additionally, it also seemed to have transfer my ADHD from my personality to my heart. Thus the "NOW! NOW!" thuds of my heart. Aside from the urgent sense that I should do something immediately like put out a fire in some building, I also felt an imminent feeling, as if the world will come to end soon. My heart was jolting me and scolding me so much for God knows what that I started taking deep, slow breaths, trying to calm my "Aning" heart. It ignored me and continued with its urgent beating for 3 more hours until the drug's effects, thankfully, has worn off. 

Now I'm back to my ADHD self but with a normal heart. The trick of the drug, I think, lies in making the user worry so much about the proper functioning of her heart that it leaves her with no chance for spinning around too much or talking excessively for the time being.

I cry everywhere

I cry over simple scenes in movies that are not even the slightest bit tear-inducing. I cry when I feel uncontrollable surges of jealousy. Quite embarrassingly, I cry alone in public places like jeeps and MRT trains, most probably because I tend to assess my emotions when I'm alone and have nothing better to do on my hands, or maybe I just talk too much to myself in my own head that I end up facing the reality that there are lots of things I want from people which I just don't ask them for, and all this frustration at being a non-communicator always succeeds in making me cry, usually at public places that are non-conducive for crying and coming in to terms with my emotions like jeeps and MRT trains. In the end I always come to what I always knew from the start: That I am one of the most frustrated passive-aggressive persons I know and I don't know what to do about it but it's so troublesome and has been the cause of my greatest misery.

If only there's a way for me to know for sure that things will really turn out fine in the end, and if only I can be be assured that my heart is in the right place however recklessly I act most of the time, then maybe I would stop crying alone at MRT trains.

Another PMS Episode

Me & Cha Co

Last Friday, after lunch I cried because of Tiya Cora. It started early in the morning. I was feeling very sad but never been one to bother other people when I'm feeling blue, I just kept quiet and still tried to pester and annoy my office seatmate Tiya Cora as usual. I thought I was really hiding my emotions well, and so I was surprised when out of the blue, she turned to me in her seat and said "Wag ka na malungkot." I didn't know she was sensitive to my feelings and I really felt touched. After eating lunch, I called my friend to confirm Friday plans with him. As Tiya Cora was sitting next to me, she overheard my conversation and heard that my friend cancelled on our plans and that I have nowhere to go on a Friday night. Again she turned to me and said, "Wag ka iiyak." This time, I couldn't help myself anymore so I locked myself in one of the CR stalls, broke down and cried.

It hurted

It hurted a lot today. It hurt when I asked him to return my favorite book, and he told me he wasn't done reading it, and I tapped the pages of the book against the table so that his bookmark falls out and I handed it to him. And it hurt how I did not put something on the page to remember where he stopped reading so that he can resume reading someday, maybe. And it hurt that I wanted him to take me to where I was meeting a friend like he wanted. But I told him I can go to the place alone. And when I stepped on the bus, it hurt me that although I wanted him to board, I said goodbye to him. And it hurt so much that he accepted my decision with a nod and a half hurt/half angry face. And it hurt very very much when he walked away. I didn't want him to go. I felt very lonely. I wanted to take him in my arms. But I can't, he's gone. :'c

Green-Eyed Monster



I can't help it, sometimes, I get a bit jealous.

I try reasoning with myself when this happens, like telling myself that suppose he really is meant for her -this friend of his whom he accepts tagged pictures with on Facebook, and I'm being silly by feeling petty jealousy when she is really his future wife, and that I could be stopping destiny by preventing them from being together through mere feelings of unreasonable jealousy and hating the thought of them together even if it's the natural order of things.

Somehow, I only manage to make myself feel worse. :-/

Of course all this unhealthy feelings, I don't discuss with him, not wanting to bother him with my childish, unreasonable emotions, and seeing as how the last time I fessed up feelings of psychotic jealousy when I was seeing someone, I ended up losing that person. I only hope I stop feeling this already, it's really no fun being a jealous person. It doesn't help that I have such a wide imagination, imagining 100,001 torturous ways of him being together with her.

Like with anything else, I ended up googling causes of jealousy, hoping to understand why I'm such a wacko...

From Wikipedia:

In psychology
Jealousy involves an entire “emotional episode,” including a complex “narrative,”: the circumstances that lead up to jealousy, jealousy itself as emotion, any attempt at self regulation, subsequent actions and events and the resolution of the episode (Parrott, 2001, p. 306). The narrative can originate from experienced facts, thoughts, perceptions, memories, but also imagination, guess and assumptions. The more society and culture matter in the formation of these factors, the more jealousy can have a social and cultural origin. By contrast, Goldie (2000, p. 228) shows how jealousy can be a “cognitively impenetrable state”, where education and rational belief matter very little.

One possible explanation of the origin of jealousy in evolutionary psychology is that the emotion evolved in order to maximize the success of our genes: it is a biologically based emotion (Prinz after Buss and Larsen, 2004, p. 120) selected to foster the certainty about the paternity of one’s own offspring. A jealous behavior, in men, is directed into avoiding sexual betrayal and a consequent waste of resources and effort in taking care of someone else’s offspring. There are, additionally, cultural or social explanations of the origin of jealousy. According to one, the narrative from which jealousy arises can be in great part made by the imagination. Imagination is strongly affected by a person's cultural milieu. The pattern of reasoning, the way one perceives situations, depends strongly on cultural context. It has elsewhere been suggested that jealousy is in fact a secondary emotion in reaction to one's needs not being met, be those needs for attachment, attention, reassurance or any other form of care that would be otherwise expected to arise from that primary romantic relationship.

So based on the explanation of Wikipedia, what need of mine could he have possibly failed to meet for me to feel jealous?

Separated At Birth

Be thankful for what you have, and remember that if someone is going to hurt you, there's nothing you can do to stop it anyway.

He still likes her.
10. I have strong legs which I can walk for 3 hours straight without rest.
9. I can carry heavy grocery bags.
8. I can write using both left and right hands.
7. I can form loops with tongue.
6. I'm a loyal friend.
5. I can dance.
4. I'm good at giving back rubs.
3. I make very few grammatical errors.
2. My wrists don't get fat.
1. I don't put other people down.

According to the heroine of the book I'm reading, every time she sees the guy she loves with another girl, or every time she feels like getting in touch with someone she loves who had dissed her, she starts thinking of a list of things she loves about herself.

Top 2011 Songs I Loved Listening to on Youtube:

1. Moulin Rouge - Come What May (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvJpJl04cAI)
- At the beginning of 2011, I allowed myself infatuations involving 1) a younger guy and: 2)another guy who looks a bit like Ewan McGregor in my infatuated mind. This led me to watch this Moulin Rouge clip over and over again, reveling in the feeling of falling in love with a penniless guy just because his heart is (in my lovelorn mind) pure.

2. Say It's Possible - Terra Naomi (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARHyRI9_NB4)
- Another one that tops my 2011 list of songs is this one which I accidentally stumbled upon by searching for a mellow lullabye-like song I've heard a former office mate play (whose title and artist I don't really know so I ended up listening to Jay Brennan songs, guessing it was him.) I never found the song & artist but I came across this which is really nice too.

3. First Love - Utada Hiraku (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RshS5HTM6vo)
- Following the trend of sap, I've been in since the start of 2011, I have decided to give in to insistent LSS (Last Song Syndrome) in my head, searched and found a Toni Gonzaga song, learned it was a remake, then found the original version. Another heart-wrenching song for the wretched emo spirit that won't leave me.

4. When In Rome - The Promise (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwGeMYBGffs)
- Another LSS song, this time heard on a new wave soundtrack playing jeep! Remembering the song the next day meant another youtube searching frenzy for me!

5. Die Another Day - Madonna (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwDEqNMb0fE)
- Because of rumours circulating that world will end come May, and because it didn't, this dancy tune suddenly popped in my head in celebration of a postponed world end.

6. Love and Longing - My Sassy Girl OST (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUTXJVo7__A)
- Yet another sappy song, this is the instrumental piano background played at the Korean movie My Sassy Girl when Sassy Girl made Kyunwoo go to the other mountain and she was crying cause she was sorry. This is also the song played when girl told Kyunwoo about her ex-boyfriend who died. Relevance to own life: Feeling blue so listened to this.

7. The Show - South Border (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuleY2iPlpE)
- Went to a party hosted by a friend who just graduated from culinary school. One of his cousins sang this come videoke time which made me remember just how much I liked this hiphop OPM song, never mind the saucy grinding video.

8. Just A Kiss - Lady Antellebum (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs9X8NhQJF4)
- Stumbled upon this on Tumblr. A sweet love song that is not tiring to listen to even if repeated all through out the day.

9. Tadhana - Up Dharma Down(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUCwIHAAOC0)
- Heard this on Jam 88.3 on the weekend where they're playing nothing but songs from Filipino artists. I probably developed a liking for this song simply from always hearing it played on the TV as an OST to a GMA telenovela.

10. Arms - Christina Perri (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvbErM6ZTBA)
- Heard this on the radio (probably on RX 93.1 or Mellow 94.7)and though it has a gospel song quality, I can't help but appreciate the heart outpouring albeit cheesy quality of the song and the manner it was sung.

Other songs:
11. Angel Of Mercy - One Republic (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3QJyNcglSc)
12. Stronger - Kanye West (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0tLN22mMlU)
13. We Found Love - Rihanna (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg00YEETFzg)
14. Can You Help Me - Usher (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COElrYxpCHA)
15. Better Days - Goo Goo Dolls (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIFhst3DwPE)
16. Hold Me Now - Wayne Wonder (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_W60eJ73Pk)
17. Breathe In - Frou Frou (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naLr4q8OYEs)
18. Sparks Fly - Taylor Swift (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nK_u_V76o60)
19. Symphony No. 9 - Beethoven (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAOTCtW9v0M)
20. Spiderwebs - No Doubt (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZXUCHCLVag)
21. Pink - Raise Your Glass (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvvamodXZbw)
22. Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEPTlhBmwRg)
23. Just Can't Get Enough - Black Eyed Peas(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtJB2_rn-qs)
24. First Cut is the Deepest - Sheryl Crow (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFrVfH54Q1Y)
25. Here with Me - Plumb (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxEyErosnHo)
26. You Drive Me Crazy - Britney Spears (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuCTuWve0NE)
27. Now That You're Gone - Ella Mae Saison (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yetqeK4UlvA)
28. The Show Goes On - Lupe Fiasco (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIlXlb3zcCw)
29. This Gathering - Franco (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li6hpqjYdXw)
30. Falling In - Lifehouse (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bzr2tgXPsVM)

Real Steel: A Movie Review

When I first read my invite for the movie and came across the word "action", I was not really thrilled about it, as action movies bring to my mind images of helicopter scenes, helicopter sounds, soldiers milling back and forth restlessly --thereby perenially boring me to tears, and causing me to 1)poke my seatmate every 5 seconds 2)offer him or her candy 3)yawn profusely, etc.


Good thing Real Steel was not that kind of action. I actually ended up enjoying the movie. Real Steel was a feel-good movie about robot boxing, and watching it made me feel like I am watching a Transformers or Iron Man movie. Same exhilarating rush of pride you get from watching boxing/wrestling matches and rooting for a certain fighter the way you cheer for a close relative. And each winning punch Atom [the underdog robot boxer] throws and each match he wins sends a jolt of enthusiastic adrenaline to me [& the other viewers].


The boy in the story, Max Kenton played by Dakota Goyo is a boy who has really expressive face. You can see how his eyes, lips, dimples, and whole face curve and light up slowly into surprise, delight and happiness --emotions he best portrays. Sadness & anger were not his best expressions, though, as he just narrows his eyes a bit and looks kinda sleepy. The kid could also be a younger version of Kyle XY.



The hiphop dancing scenes of the boy with his robot were also good. They executed some pretty neat dance moves, and not just some little kid sway-to-the-music kinda stuff.

Evangeline Lilly casted as the leading lady in the movie is just about right for Hugh Jackman as the leading man. Hugh is somehow old, and so is Evangeline who is a cross between Vonda Shepard and Alanis Morisette. Less perfect cast = more realistic characters. And casting a bombshell chick into the landlady/mechanic-of-the-leading-man role of the leading lady just won't cut it, as it would seem unrealistic for a totally gorgeous chick to stick it out with a penniless leading man who wouldn't pay her the rent.


Finally, Atom has similarities to Tin Man of Wizard of Oz.

Will you love me when I don't feel like kissing?
When the last thing I want is to touch?
--Glory Szabo

Me as a Discount Voucher Claimer


Last week is Broke Week. To cope with that, I decided searching my belongings for discount vouchers to claim as my personal solution to Penniless Days [that went on indefinitely]. To find a solution for Ulam For The Coming Days, I dug up my 2 vouchers for a certain grill restaurant in Timog. I've already called the restaurant a day before, and I have already cleared with the person who picked up the phone that although it's not possible to take out the food, I can eat the food there, and then have the food I won't finish packed up for take-out.



Here's a picture of the place from their site.

Judging from the look of the logo design of the restaurant and their website, I thought that what I was going to was a fast food typa thing. Wrong. I arrived, and the place had this "more expensive, more intimate look" than what I expected, with its very dim orange lights. Looking around finding old men swilling beer all around, and it suddenly had a "beer house" feel for me, and coming alone, I hesitated a bit before coming in and choosing a corner most table far away from the old men drinking.

When the waiter approached, I told him upfront that I came with an Ensogo voucher, and that I plan to claim 2 (P250 worth) vouchers. He told me that I can only claim 1 voucher as it was a one-voucher-per-person deal. As I've already examined the terms before I arrive, I argued and told him that no, it was a one-voucher-per-transaction kinda deal, and showed him the fine print on my voucher for emphasis. Intimidated by me, he directed me to talk to the manager. ["Buti pa po, kausapin nyo na lang ang manager!"]

Coming with him to the front of the restaurant, I repeated what I said to him to the 60-ish feisty woman manager who looked really stern as all managers should be, I guess.

The manager argued back what the waiter stated that it is a per-person deal...
Amazona Manager: "Sorry, this is for a ONE-VOUCHER-PER-PERSON so you can only use 1."

Me: "Ok with me. If you can show me where exactly in the fine print does it say that it IS a per-person voucher. As you can see, it states here that it is a ONE-VOUCHER-PER-TRANSACTION kinda deal. I understand that you want to earn more income than normal circumstances, but can't you see that by having the ONE-VOUCHER-PER-TRANSACTION deal, you will get more income as it means that I cannot order your P555 worth bestseller using my 2 vouchers and then paying only P55 additional. It means I can only use 1 voucher, so my discount is just very minimum."

Amazona Manager(looking faint from all the words I used in 1 minute): "I'll read it first. Take a seat first."

After what felt like an hour:
Amazona Manager approaching my table: "I'm sorry. Di talaga pwede. PER-PERSON talaga siya, and dapat talaga yan ONE-VOUCHER-PER-PERSON-PER-VISIT."

Me: "Pero wala nga pong nakalagay na ganyan dito sa voucher. If only you can show me where what you said is stated, I will agree with you."

Amazona Manager in a jeering voice: "Alam ko na yang style ng mga katulad mo eh! Why, can you say that you can honestly eat 2 vouchers' worth of food tonight? Ano, sabihin mo nga! You will just try to eat a bit of your food, then have it wrapped for take-out! Someone did that already, and you're trying the same thing!"

Me: "I understand your concerns, and your fears that I might eat exactly just how much the voucher costs which is P500, and that you'll have no extra income from me, but didn't I already told you earlier that I will eat a little more than the cost of my vouchers, and that I will happily pay for the additional costs I will incur?"

Amazona Manager: "Hindi naman sa ganon. May mga mag-boyfriend pa nga who eat exactly how much they order, and that's fine with us, but what we're really preventing from happening is that you will take out our food."


Me: "Sige nga po, can you tell me what's wrong with taking out your food? On the contrary, it will even be more beneficial for your restaurant, and it will gain you more customers because if I take your food home to my family, there are bigger chances that they will like your food, and I can take them with me here next time, or they can come here on my own --as compared to if I just ate all your food alone, and there's a chance that I might not personally like it, so I will not come back here again, and you have less chances of getting income again from my household."

Amazona Manager who does not seem to be listening: "Yeah. That's nice. I might even suggest that to the management for our future deals to include take-out options, but right now, it's just not possible. If you come with a friend, instead of coming here alone with 2 vouchers, then I would have relented."

Me [contemplating if I will just come back to claim my 2nd voucher, but remembering the hassle of complicated 3-ride commuting, lotsa walking, et. al.]: "Can I help it if I don't have any friend? Is it really not possible to claim my 2 vouchers even if I am an Ensogo employee?" [whilst taking a calling card out from my bag]

Amazona Manager momentarily shocked to silence and recovering after 3 minutes: "Patingen ng ID."

I quietly handed her my Ensogo ID which hung from my MTV ID lace. Amazona Manager looked at it, gave it back, then waved my calling card to my face and said "Akin na lang to ha!" before wordlessly walking back with her stone-cold face to her pwesto behind the front desk of the restaurant.


I WIIIIINN. :D :D :D


I ate some of my food, took it home to my family, and packed the left-overs as my lunch for the next day. I loved the roasted veggies.

Not a heartbreak

Wearing the old shirt that used to belong to her first love [who is now another woman's husband] when she needs to borrow strength.
Momentarily forgiving him and going on with her life, but getting weak and unsolid again every time someone she loves hurts her.
Blaming him for never really returning the independence he took from her after he met her.
Knowing that what she's going through is not a heart break, but an odd sneaky ghost feeling that never really left, which sometimes make her crave for hugs and make her want to hold a man's hand, and make her throw her heart at the sea.
Wanting to be treated just like how her first love treated her but getting frustrated every time.

Remembering a line he dedicated to her:
A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one?
--Goo Goo Dolls

That awkward moment when your love for each other don't exactly meet

Although you could be in a relationship with someone at the moment, sadly, there will come a time when the most intense love you're feeling for your partner is not exactly reciprocated. Not to be mistaken for "Unrequitted Love", this occurrence which happens regularly to everyday loving people who are committed to each other may be called "pagkakasalisihan". It may start out that, pre-relationship, someone has this really great idea of you in their head about how great and lovable you are and how the sun shines from your ass, etc. And then, just when the idea of you being this great person starts to sell on you, and you start loving this person back, and your love starts building up into this huge intense emotion, and you're suddenly in a relationship together, the other person will suddenly fall lax, and his love wouldn't be as great as it was, and lo! you just missed feeling intensely in love together. The cycle could go on and on, with each of you taking turns at feeling this great love for the other and being all sacrificial etc., while the other just take his turn to be lax at love.

Can I just say that it sucks when you're the one who's feeling all this love and then it feels as if it just falls flat on empty air.

I wanted love so very bad that
I could almost tasted it
And so I gave mine all to you
and hoped you would not waste it

--Bread

Transformers Dark of the Moon Movie Review

Transformers movies, for me, will always be 70% Optimus Prime’s voice. That distinct elegant magnificent voice which reminds me of childhood TV watching, will always give long-time fans some form of security which childhood memories bring. The 20% is the happy metal clunking which is the warfare of the robots, along with all the wonderful motions of the robots. The 10% is checking out Megan Fox, but since in this movie, she was ousted for saying Hitler to Spielberg, there is no 10%. I would say OST but as I didn’t like this year’s OST as much as I liked last year’s OST, I won’t give it any points, too.

As I watched the gray, “unfurnished” monster robots try to wreak havoc and fail greatly because of their easy fatality, I can’t help but not keep thoughts to myself, and I observed out loud how “painted”, “fully furnished” robots with great flame designs down their sides fare better than their “unfurnished”, “unpolished” counterparts while my Movie Sponsor suffered silently from my commentaries.

As usual, I noticed similarities of the faces again. I will always look for and think of hawigs and kamukhas among characters in the movie theater, and robots shall. Not. Be. Spareeed.

One robot looked like Hulk Hogan.


Another one with longish hair and spectacles looked like Palito.


The obsessive compulsive boss –who I was struggling hard to remember who he looked like– at first looked like Armida Siguion Reyna


before I thought that with that wide mouth of his, he can only be Batman’s Joker.


After watching the first few minutes of the movie, I immediately felt that something feels different. Different than the 1st and 2nd Transformers, I can feel a silent lull which allowed me to think and be with my own thoughts for a minute –not a good sign for an action movie or movie that’s supposed to be for boys. Halfway through the movie, I started feeling its full impact –causing me to feel really really drowsy, and ½ of me was fighting to keep eyelids awake, while the other ½ was trying to hold it in as I felt the need to pee but was never one to get up from the movie theater for anything [out of fear of never finding my seat again, being the epic direction fail that I am].

The new girl which replaced Megan Fox lacked the angas Megan had, and reminded me of Jessica Simpson –very blonde.


As with children's shows, the movie ended with a moral lesson citation from Optimus Prime’s magnifique voice just about the time that I was ready to surrender to sleep. Apart from the happy metal clunking, turning everything upside down [which I will always love and cringe at in action movies “Sayang naman the car, chair, books, papers office, etc.!”], and the mechanism involved with each moving robot, the movie did not worked wonders for my Short Attention Span.

My Broken-hearted Boy

You who carry a big scar on your soul.
I sometimes catch you with faraway looks in your eyes.
You, who is as generous in giving away your body.
As you are a scrooge with keeping your heart.
You kiss me and spoil me.
But you look away when I try giving you my heart.
You who always cracks male chauvinistic jokes.
I cry with you in your frailty
And frustration as I struggle to give you what you want.
I sit here belonging to you while you take your time
In claiming me.
You who will never be appeased
By me.

I meant to tell you something but it escapes me at the moment. I believe it had to do with how the spring has moved into my fingertips and into everything I touch, and that I've been feeling soft and faint and white and light yellow, blue, and pink, and that
I miss you
I miss you
I miss
you.


-Glory Szabo

Love confessions

Truth is I can never steal a guy from a girl. I mean I can but I won’t. I’ve always felt a kinship with my fellow women and I could never really take it upon myself to be the cause of their heartache and pain. I almost stole a guy once but my conscience won’t give me peace so I stopped seeing the guy before anything happens. Before that, I had similarly fell for another guy with a girlfriend but knowing that a girl before me already loves him is something which I honoured, so I never told the guy that I liked him, much more let him know that I loved him. Even for guys me and my friends get similar crushes on. I always had more loyalty with my fellow girls so I just find new crushes if they get more intense crushes on the boy –regardless if I liked the boy first or not. So no, no matter how hot I looked to your boyfriend, husband, fiancé, etc., I will never steal him from you. Unless you become catfight bitchy to me –something I don’t really get and really hate since I never look at taken men, and I shall do it out of pure spite.


Truth is no matter how old I look, I still have a pre-adolescent heart. Imagine a 12-year-old heart/mind in a 29 year old body. That’s me. I fall quickly, and I hurt quickly. And I can fall out just as quickly, too. I am happy with hugging and holding hands. And I can live without sex. And I don’t really know how to need a man. So I live without. If I ever see someone or get into a relationship with someone, I say goodbye to him the moment that he: a) Gets really clingy. b) Frustrates me. c) Makes me cry. So please stop looking at me like I’m a fully grown woman who can love and understand you. I am just a 12-year old who needs hugs.
.

How I lost a toenail

Yesterday I went to the CR at the office to brush my teeth. As it was really hot and suffocating in there, I quickly finished and said bye to 2 other officemates in the CR, and darted hurriedly out of the room. Or so I thought.

When I swung open the door, I forgot that I had feet and opened the door inwards over my left foot. It just felt like a normal bruise I usually incur from bumping into tables so I cursed myself inwardly for unfailing clumsiness and continued to head out- until I happened to glance down and saw a pool of blood slowly growing on the floor from my foot. I stopped dead in my tracks and just kinda stood there wedged at the doorway blocking girls from coming in —or out— of the CR.

Remembering I had an officemate who is a registered nurse, I weakly said “Pakitawag naman si Oliver” to the room in general whilst looking at the ceiling and still blocking the CR pathways.

Good old Oliver came to the rescue with alcohol in hand [which scared me but which he ended up using just on his hands]. He cleaned up my toe [which at 1st glance looked like it had a nail scraped off halfway plus a crack in the middle of the remaining nail] and also thoughtfully cleaned up the pool of blood on my fake Melissa shoe. It took 4 pink checkered band aids to dress my wound as the blood was quickly soaking up the band aids and even when I got back I kept soaking up blood [with the tissues which I grabbed off the counter of the restaurant where we had lunch.]

Later, as I can’t get through a day without going to the CR [Small Bladder], imagine my surprise when the girl in the next cubicle called out to me:

Girl in Next Cubicle: “Shine?”
Me [looking uneasily at brown wall separating the next cubicle]: “Um. Sino ka? Kilala kita?”
We both got out and Girl in Next Cubicle reveals herself to be Luisa, my department mate.
Luisa: “Nakilala kita kasi nakita ko yung paa mo!”, she said, referring to my shoeless bandaged foot which she saw from her cubicle as I have been walking around without a shoe to let the wound heal.
At the bus home, the bleeding continued. The konduktor took one look at my tear-streaked face and charged me 4 pesos less than the original fare.

The next day at the doctor when I came to have my nail scraped off completely as advised, I was proud because not a peep came out from me after the 1st shot of anesthesia [which just felt like a shallow pinch at my skin]. I just smiled regally while the doctor wondered out loud why I was so quiet.

At the 2nd and 3rd shot which definitely pierced into my flesh, I screamed at her so much that according to my mom, people outside were craning their necks to see what the commotion was about. The doctor told me I was acting like I was being circumcised.

Afterwards, I didn’t feel any more pain, even as I hear her pounding away with what sounded like a hammer. [I didn’t look as I had my hand over my face the whole time] The pain kicked in around 30 minutes later which prompted me to swallow an Advil even without consultation, after which decided I have no patience for pain, and went to bed for siesta.

Me & My Cat: An Awesome Relationship


She was given almost immediately to us -handed to me, in particular, at our doorstep because her original owner can’t afford to have her, her twin, and her mother at the same time.



Therefore I am her mother.


She is our 1st sweet pet.

In all my years as a pet owner, no other pet had ever snuggled or cuddled to us, or jumped on our lap to sleep. She thought us the nice cozy feeling of having a warm cat resting in your lap.

I baby-talk to her. [Minchu mumuchinchi-minchu!; Mish-mish-mish!; Etchu-etchu-buhbuh cat!]


Soon as she sees me in the morning, she greets me by going round and round and rubbing unrelentingly against my legs. [which can sometimes come with a bite.]

I buy her clothes even when I’m broke. I can always just eat at home.

When I got out of a job, she was happy to see me home in the daytime that she jumped up and playfully bit my arm repeatedly.

What’s mine is hers. I let her do the ff: to my lappie: bite it, sleep on top of it, try to type on it.

She likes resting her nose on my arm/waking up on the sofa to lift her head and place it on my arm/whatever part she can reach/combing my hair with her paws.




She is insomniac, and is always seen staring into space thinking hard for hours on end.



She waits for me in the morning through sleeping by my bedroom door when she doesn’t get insomnia.

In contrast to parents who are offended by my youtube music playing, she inches her head closer to the lappie screen when she hears youtube music playing.

She takes after my brattiness. She doesn’t know how to take no for an answer and climbs on my lap 7 times even if I’m busy. She just climbs right back up soon as I put her down.

She gets sick easily. Another trait she got from me. :c

I depend on her to ward off my fear of roaches by putting her right in front of them when I see one.



Having her is just like having a dog. She runs after me, I race after her –at a speed faster than our dog’s –and she bites like a dog too! Very aso-like indeed!



Unlike Pikachu, my former cat who trashes around whenever I come near him, my pusa is very receptive to hugs and affection from me. In fact, she thrives on it and is rarely separated from my lap whenever I’m home.

All these things I’m saying still can’t express how much I miss her right now. Since yesterday, she was lying on her own on the mat, very still and quiet. She hasn’t been to my lap since the last time she unsteadily climbed onto it the other night. My empty lap is getting cold. =’(

People ask me why I never get drunk. Some people don’t quite buy my regular Drink Refusal Excuse of having stomach acidic problems. And so, coming home late one night after being out with friends, here is what I assessed:


I have a thing with power. My ego is a natural force that also has natural reluctance with being dominated. And being drunk for me can tilt my self-command and let something as shitty as a hang-over take over my control on my body and on feeling fine. Why shall I force sickness on self when feeling perfectly fine? I’d rather Keep Control In Check.


And that, my friends, is why I never get drunk/ never had a hang-over in my life.

Out of the blue, I had a nightmare. It happened last night and involved hostile feelings exchanged between me and his new extended family. Something about me consuming his left-over wedding cake while his mother-in-law's eyes shoot daggers at me. I never even think of him anymore. I had stopped loving him years ago. My subconscious just remembering a faded memory. Missing its old comfort. Maybe at the back of my mind, I just wanna crawl back into that security which he had so much to offer. To go back into something so familiar, something reassuring. But that would be like accepting defeat, and going back is never my style. If it’s your way of worrying about me, well, thank you for reappearing in my dream but I’m a big girl now, and I’ll be fine. And I don’t like nightmares. Please try not to re-appear. Thanks.

The Most Ironic Love Song

In the spirit of Valentine’s, here is what I think is the most ironic love song, inspired by Hanz’ posting of its lyrics in his status:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HCIJfA5UXY

The classic song, which can often be heard played in taxi cabs especially on Sundays, is a song about waking up to find the joys of falling in love:

“There is beauty up above and things we never take notice of..”

But even though the song is about the happiness of being in love, the tune, ironically sounds dark and sad, and I can’t help but feel heavy and depressed whenever I hear the melodramatic musical strains of the song, instead of feeling happy and gay about discovering I’m in love.

That, teamed with Billy Ocean’s ominous, conspiratonal singing [“You wake up suddenly. And you’re in love!”] makes me feel like he has a shocking revelation to tell or that he is trying to scare me about the mystery of “waking up suddenly and being in love”.

The Green Hornet movie review

I liked it. The way Green Hornet would just mindlessly ram his car into walls of houses, restaurants, and even his own building –making a mess out of everything and creating satisfying clangs of crumpling metal everywhere, which, for some reason, reminds me of sitting back and enjoying a ferris wheel ride where I can also hear the chugging of metal.





The Green Hornet is not the typical superhero movie where the hero is courageous, smart, buff and infallible. The Green Hornet is a bit like Big Moose from Archie intellectually, a little overweight, and relies on his assistant Kato [the real superhero] to singlehandedly beat all their enemies and babysit/protect him as well. [“Kato, saveee meee!”] The Green Hornet is lovable like a child, though. He alternates between spontaneously giving hugs to his assistant Kato and picking petty fights with him and name-calling him like a five-year-old trapped in a grown-up body.


The Green Hornet was not as ‘3d-fied’ as The Owls of Gahoole movie but it was mindless and fun all the same.


The movie also featured Edward Furlong of the defunct [is it still existing?] Teen Beat magazine fame


Relevance of the advanced screening food [Beef udon, fruit shake, fruit salad, pizza, donut] served to us was lost on me till I remembered that the mint bubblegum flavored Krispy Kreme they gave out were colored green. And green = The Green Hornet. Thus the weird-flavored donut. Hay.

Meeting When It's Over But You Didn't Know It

I asked him to meet me so we can talk if for the last time in person cause I didn’t want to allow him to leave me with our last communication being coursed through an effing cellular phone. He was already dissing me, not replying to my chat messages when I was scheduling our final date and then suddenly texting to say the date is on, only to make me wait for him for 2 hours before standing me up. He asked to reschedule the date to next day at the last minute. My friends told me not to go anymore but I was stubborn. I wanted to experience for myself his Unbelievable Rudeness in person.

At the mall where we’re supposed to meet, I sat waiting for him and fidgeted nervously at a corner in Powerbooks while being surrounded by hundreds of books I’ve randomly picked which sat unopened. He texted me that he was hungry so he will just grab a bite to eat first. Stunned by the fact that I must have been horrendous enough not to be even allowed to eat with him, I snapped at him to hurry eating as I had been waiting too long for him already [actually I just got there myself but the 2-hour waiting period of the previous day was still stinging in my memory], before trying to think about what to do next and where I can eat alone without him spotting me. It suddenly occurred to me that he might still see me walk miserably from Powerbooks to the place where I’m gonna eat, and as it suddenly became my goal to not be seen by him before we see each other, I just decided to stay put, opened my bag, and got out a cupcake whose contents I quickly crammed into my mouth. I was really ravenous with hunger but if he doesn’t want to eat with me, then I rationalized that I better feed myself with whatever’s available in my bag before we meet.

I could not wait any longer pretending to be interested in books of various topics and sizes in Powerbooks while going insane with wonder if he still likes me or not, and asked him if he’s done eating. Turned out he had just decided on a place to eat. When I arrived at the restaurant, he had just started eating. He had ordered beer with his pizza. I had already promised myself not to touch his food out of the indignity of him not wanting to eat with me. But my EQ –especially when it comes to food and shopping– has always failed me so I reluctantly ate the pizza he served me on my plate. As expected, we did not talk about the problem and our source of falling out, but just made small talk about anything but. I figured the happy ambiance of the family restaurant would not sit well with our talk anyway, so I decided to talk to him after eating.

I noticed how incredibly thin he’s gotten since I last saw him. I unhappily noticed the space between us as we walked out of the happy family restaurant. I twitched with hope when he shifted the take-out bag he was carrying from the hand closest to me to the other hand, as if to free his hand to hold mine. My face fell when he did not.

I took him to the park to talk, where I thought the darkness would blend well with the heaviness of our feelings. Where he told me he had never been so angry in his life as he had been for the last two weeks because of a question I have asked. I took heart and poured out some of my emotions at him, which I had been doling out in measured quantity, cautiously telling him how he hurt me with his actions without scaring him by divulging how much he really meant to me. I looked at him sitting across me casually and tears fell from my face at how cruel and cold the only man in the world I loved had gotten to me –how he stood me up the previous day, and how he did not want to eat dinner with me, and how he sat there tolerating my tears without doing anything. As I sat there thinking how-could-he thoughts and sorting out my misguided emotions for him, he got bored in the silence, promptly stood up, and looked at me, signaling the end of our conversation and the end of the night. I walked with him outside the park absent-mindedly still thinking about unresolved things between us, before realizing that I had been walking the WRONG PATH home and that he had no plans to see me off at my jeep stop and that’s why we were walking on HIS path home. We both stopped and looked at each other when I realized this and I righted my path and went on drearily home. At home he texted me to ask if I got home ok. But I know it was just out of courtesy and that it didn’t mean anything. Goddamn right will it ever mean anything.

First Yoga Experience

My friend Bogart enlisted me to attend a yoga class today. As we were running late 'coz I can't stop from stuffing myself with choco mousse and fried chicken at home, we briskly walked 3 blocks to the yoga place [which was said to be NEAR the MRT station but apparently NOT] under the 3pm sun AND briskly climbed three flights of stairs. Arriving to learn that the class had already started, we briskly changed into our yoga clothes and -with blood still pumping from so much brisk activities- went straight to the head-on-the-floor, ass-to-the-ceiling pose we found everyone in when we opened the magical door.

At first the sound of the yoga instructor's soft, melodic telephone-operatic voice slowly delivering commands soothed me. [Very relaxing and hypnotic indeed!] But as the activities got more intense, and without even having a moment to catch my breath from the mad dash to the place and not having the guts to excuse myself and leave the group for fear of earning collective looks of disgust from the group, I was just confined to thinking these thoughts while executing one yoga exercise after another:

1. Why am I being exhausted like this?
2. Until when will this go on?
3. What have I done and why am I being punished this way?
4. Why?
5. Blessed are the persecuted for theirs are the kingdom of heaven.
6. Sob.


Still, there are also not-so-bad moments. These are:

1. When the group arrived at the point where we were standing on our heads while our asses face the sky. --I was distracted and was calmed for a while by the image of our huge upside down heads in the mirror connected to our not-as-prominent bodies like we were freaks of some sort. Shit! If a photographer took a picture in this angle, it would be a hit! I remembered thinking while still being fascinated by the sight of our upside down heads in the mirror. Except will he also need to execute a head stand to be able to get the perfect shot?

2. When asked to lie flat down & close our eyes --I took a nap.

Lessons Learned:
1. Come early to yoga class. [To allow time for catching breath for climbing 3 flights of stairs and walking 3 blocks]
2. Bring tight neck-lined clothing. [As I wore a loose shirt with loose neck line, I had been flashing so much during the feet-to-the-floor exercises, I should have just yogaed in my bra.]
3. Bring own stuff. [The belt the club lent me for stretching smelled like feet!]
4. Consider the time of the day and the abundance of the sun's rays before walking anywhere.

Today in Glorietta, I was spending time alone when I saw a stuffed toy frog outside a toy store which made me stop and look. It reminded me of all the frog things I used to give someone special to me. [My pet name for him was “froggy”.] I held both the stuffed frog’s two hands, looked at its plastic eyes, squeezed one gently, and watched its tummy light up with words, then squeezed the other one too for good measure. I turned away from the frog before it lighted up again and hurried away from the store, lest it brings back tears and memories of a very special person. When I went home, I was unable to sleep, looked at the date and remembered its significance. Happy 10-10-10, Chris. Will you remember this day and think of the day when I first had a boyfriend? In 2 months, you will have your eternity without me. I hope it is as happy as we planned.

Despicable Me: a movie review

Despicable Me is an animated movie about Gru, a character who reminds me of Mc Donald's Burglar because of their similar striped wear and common villainry.

It features Gru's minions who are dead ringers for the Bananas In Pajamas and Doctor Nefario who reminds me of Krang.. and of a potato.

Actually both the minions and Dr. Nefario remind me of potatoes. And the stubbly growth of hair atop their heads is a constant distraction for me all throughout the movie. Kind of like grassheads na ewan.

The three children don't remind me of anyone or of bananas, potatoes or any other fruits and vegetables. Except for the outfit of the problem/middle child in striped lavender which reminds me of a Hi-C grape tetrapack.

The movie is a "go awww" movie [which I am fond of lately due to this getting old stage of my life] for invoking wanting to be a parent emotions and having mushy-wushy sentimental parent-kid moments, punctuated every now and then by Gru's young competition, Vector the villain's "OH YEAAAAAH!"

Another key moment is when the youngest child, happy at receiving the stuffed unicorn toy of her dreams, said "IT'S SO FLUFFY!" in a deep, gravelly big voice unfit for her. My movie mate said the little girl even did a humping motion along with the line delivery but I did not catch that.

As with any animated movies, it features a falling down exhilarating moment that is so hard to shoot in real life movies, and with Despicable Me the animated-movie exhilarating moment came during the roller coaster ride the villain dad took with his kids.

The movie -despite the "go awww" feel- did not make me cry. Did I, PIC?? Did I..?!!
Since there was no chance for my Short Attention Span to kick in so I may throw tantrums at the movie-house and share my opinions to the whole row, I say Despicable Me is still a better movie than 2012 -my ultimate gauge for movies if it's passable or not.

There is no marriage proposal, no wearing of the perfect bridal gown, no exchange of vows, no releasing of doves, no toasting to the couple. All of these fancy preparations wouldn’t happen anymore. These thoughts flashed quickly in Juliet’s head as she lie in bed after giving herself completely to the man lying next to her. This has been it. Her Honeymoon. Tears poured down silently from her eyes as she cried for the conservativity she broke. She cried for the childhood dreams she may have deprived herself. She cried for all the ridiculous fuss and expensive she-bang she suddenly has denied herself. She mourned for her low EQ and for taking the marshmallow when she could have been given more later on. But most of all, she cried for letting herself be with a man whom she know in her heart do not and will not be able to give his heart to her. She knew this even before, and she does not understand herself for still going on. And all she can do is to kiss his closed eyes as he sleeps next to her. Goodnight, Husband.

The Incurable Itch

Last Saturday, I noticed some red blotches on my right thigh and leg which itches a bit so I put Katinko green balm on it. It didn’t seem to relieve the itchiness so on top of the Katinko, I put some white balm with Chinese characters I found on my parents’ dresser –which didn’t help either, then put some baby powder on top of it, then put some more Katinko to at least give the skin a cool feeling, then went to sleep half scratching it and reaching for my disk of green balm to put more on it.
The next day, my leg was feeling very very irritated and no less itchy than the previous day but we have to go to church so I went to church with an itchy irritated leg.

All throughout the service, I was alternately scratching my leg, sighing, and hiking my skirt up so that the fabric won’t touch my very sore leg which has gotten really irritated with anything that touches it.
Coincidentally, I observed that I was seated next to a girl who has a pinkish bruise on her leg and once I caught her pat her bruise affectionately –prolly glad that it wasn’t giving her as much stress as my rashes were.

I just wanted to go home to my disk of green balm so I can start re-applying but after church I still have to wait for my mother who was taking extra long that day to change from her church uniform. Not able to take it any longer, I went to find her and saw her chatting merrily to a person who looks like she has 10 more years’ worth of life story to share. Through gritted teeth, I hurried to my mother’s side, firmly clamped my hand on her arm and whispered “Halika naa, ang katiiii!”, then smiled itchily at the person as I escorted my mother to the door.

Hoping the feeling will pass, I slept off the itch and awaited the next day with itch-free dreams, but lo and behold, the rashes seemed to have spread on my other leg and on my arms as well. Applying green balm all day didn’t seem to help either, as it still itches and stings. So at 3pm, after bitch-slapping my skin heartily all day [I was not sure scratching was allowed], I marched off to the doctor carrying my disc of green balm [which has somehow lost its cap from overuse for the past days] hoping for an itch cure that can also double as an insomnia cure.

Turns out I should not have been putting any of my green balm on it as it further irritates it. Prolly seeing how slather-happy I was, I was advised to slather on a diaper rash cream instead which had a picture of a blue-eyed baby on its box and a ‘no rash’ sign on it kind of like the ‘no smoking’ sign. Sadly, the twice-a-day medication I was also advised to take did not double as an insomnia cure.

So here I am fully awake at 2am but with fewer itches and smelling like an infant.

How the newly brokenhearted behave: An observation

Singles who just got their heart broken usually get on by meeting and dating other persons. But what about those who are going through a dry spell and aren’t fortunate enough to meet someone who likes them back?

A single person who has just been dumped or even the one who made the decision to walk away from a relationship is someone who has just gone thru rejection. And because his fragile/wounded ego needs some stroking, the Newly Single –whilst in the period of not meeting anyone new yet– usually take several steps back and find comfort into the arms of a Doting Ex. More specifically, The Ex Who Hasn’t Moved On From Him Yet a.k.a. The Desperado.

Everyone has at least one of these exes. This ex is usually the one the Newly Single have ceased loving a long time ago. The one who has also hit a raw nerve or has exceeded the Newly Single’s patience to the point of annoyance by being too clingy still/refusing to move on/refusing to stop from loving Newly Single “unconditionally”. There are reasons why the Newly Single still chooses to remain friends with The Desperado apart from the fact that these exes just won’t let go. They have the role of providing the Ego Boost or are tasked with Re-Affirmation of the Newly Single’s lovability which the Newly Single has come to doubt because of recent events in his life. Sometimes even before breaking up, when a person goes through a rough spot in his relationship, he comes into The Always Open For Him/Ready Arms of The Desperado for a quick pat on the ego or sometimes even a quick roll in the hay with them.

Although going back to the Doting Ex may work for a while, it is usually just a temporary engagement while the new person Newly Single likes is still blind to the charms of Newly Single or until someone better comes along. Therefore, Doting Exes of the World, stop from hoping and have enough EQ and self-preservation to ignore Newly Single until at least you have started loving another person already. And for the Newly Single feeding on someone else’s weakness? Not classy.

I like bringing home smells with me. Like the smell of smoke on my clothes and hair when coming home from a night out with my friends [tamer and more tolerable]. Or the smell of the mall on my newly bought clothes. Or the smell of a relative’s house on the imported pasalubong she bought me from her home across the seas. And of course, the smell of my lover’s perfume on me after being with him.

Choose to be brave than to be safe

Falling asleep and waking up next to someone you love is one of the nicest feelings in the world. It’s something I would recommend for everyone to try; especially to those who are fond of sleeping or being with people they do not love.

Most people –when asked to choose between sleeping with the one they love and the one who loves them– would usually choose to sleep with someone who loves them, who adores them, and who worships the ground they walk on… that way they’d be properly appreciated and so that they could get the right treatment which is due them.

I think nothing still beats the content, happy moment of sleeping and waking with the one you love. It reflects an achievement for the part of the lover –the courage of one’s own convictions. It shows strength of going after what you want and getting it. Of conforming to the basic rule of being in a relationship only with the one you love.

Whereas for the person who does not love back but continues to sleep or be with the person they do not love, it shows weakness. Of giving in to loneliness and one’s dependence on another human being. Of settling for a lesser being –and in the process– being an accessory to the crime of inevitably hurting another human soul’s feelings. It is doomed to failure any other way you look at it.

And so for those out there who are still together with people you know in your heart that you don’t and can’t really love, let them go and have the courage to go after the person you truly love. It’s one of the nicest feelings in the world which you shouldn’t be depriving yourself of any longer.

Heartbreak

It's just so helpless. It comes when you least expect it, just when you had so much hope. And you believe. And you're giving it good. It comes at the middle of your highs. It wrecks your dreams. It's such a shame.

What were we thinking spending our last time with each other untouching, unfeeling, not understanding, unloving, standing our grounds, and basically undoing all our happier times together? Last times should be commemorated with extra care. Let there never be a last time not celebrated with tenderness, humanity and final courtesy.

I lost my Teddy Burr.
***


At the mall last week, a half-male half-female pudgy human being [?] deliberately stepped on my royal toes before promptly snapping at me angrily, “Pucha! Ha-harang-harang sa daan!” I gaped unbelievingly at its disappearing a-hole form before firing back obscenities at the person who’s sex is yet to be determined, and then stomping to my brother to complain.

“Tinapakan ako!” I whined to my 5’11 brother, testing his big brother abilities while keeping an eye on the retreating person who had joined its companion. “Nasaan?” he said gamely, advancing steps to the direction my eyes were at. But my mom, the peace-loving family member present at that time, stopped him with an arm and blocked his way, telling him how there should always be peace and order and reminding us that it’s her birthday, hence world peace.

My brother struggled, “Eh tinapakan daw sha eh! Tatapakan ko ren! ‘Ba!” Fortunately for the sexless person, my mom held firm and no person —male, female, or otherwise unknown— got squashed.

I have no doubt at all that my brother —who has a brown belt in taekwondo, has the patience and temper of a hyperactive 5-yr-old, who throws cats over his shoulder and in the air as a form of lambing,and who fails miserably in anger management— will be able to beat someone up pretty good if I ask him to.

Last week’s mini incident was the first time I asked him to do anything for me.
Usually, I just cast spells and put hexes on people.
Even if it was just a test and I handle my own disputes just fine, thanks anyway. Hb!

Dear Chris,

My boss who had knowledge about psychology took one look at me and said “You already met the love of your life. He’s everything you want in a man but you left him because you got bored.”

I believe him. You will always be special to me. I have always thought that being chosen as a wife is the highest compliment a woman could ever receive in her life. The thrill of someone wanting to spend the rest of his life with you. The heartening thought of someone willing to do all kinds of sacrifices to make things work with you. But apparently, being your girl seemed to do the trick. You treated me like a husband would his wife -and for me, that will always be what matters most. Thank you for the wife treatment you had shown me even if I did not reciprocate as much precious treatment. Every gesture, every action you had shown me is worth more than any engagement ring, house, car, and all other material luxuries I could ask for in this world. You had never failed to make me feel priceless, beautiful, and always cherished all throughout our time together.

I will never know if I would marry at all in this world, but even if I don’t I will be happy to be reminded of the brief period in my life when I became a wife. Thanks to you.

I told you I didn't believe in love, but that's only because you were in love wit her.

All the little miracles I never got to share with you.

The perfect words never crossed my mind,
Cause there was nothin' in there but you.

There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety.

No, I won't wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire.
The only resolution and the only joy

No, I won't wait forever

--Snow Patrol

Mighty glad we met... mighty glad you were born. Happy birthday, my dary!

All I need is just one man to prove to me they're not all the same.

"What you say cuts me so deep. You think I wouldn't care but I put too much thought into it all. But once I give in, it's over. So you chase. Run faster. Or before you know it, I'm gone." - Eva Rusilowski

The 25 funniest analogies

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

reposted from: writingenglish.wordpress.com/2006/09/12/the-25-funniest-analogies-collected-by-high-school-english-teachers/

Women are always found guilty of trying to justify impulsive actions brought about by lust through falling in love. Not quite knowing how to handle any acts of intimacy that happen early between them and a man, women resort to the self-imposed punishment of falling in love, subconsciously knowing that they will eventually get hurt by falling for a man that’s wrong for them. This, they think, is proper penance for the shame brought about by being unexpectedly intimate with a man, moreso if she or the man is committed to someone else. Aside from this, women has the scientifically proven disadvantage of falling in love with men they get intimate to --as opposed to the ruthless, less immune to falling-in-love men. Scientific explanation points to a chemical released by a woman's body during lovemaking which makes them have maternal feelings for men who has reached their womb --the very same feelings which they have or will have for their offsprings.

Men --the bastards-- truly have it easier.

As a person who loves to analyze and theorize about the human psyche, I came up with a few more theories about bois and gels in love. And these are:

1. Girls are the ones who always break up the relationship, usually because they want to feel more appreciation. Ergo, by doing this, they DO NOT meant for boys to agree and let them go. They want their boyfriends to refuse and fight for their love and get told they are too beautiful and wonderful to let go of. Their suggestion of break-up usually just signifies typical hurt girl-seeking-for-lambing behaviour, and therefore, boys, it just means that your girl loves you. [yes, no matter how crazy that sounds.]
2. Boys usually take the break-up message seriously and it usually wounds their egos, and instead of the girl’s expected response of their boy begging and grovelng to make the relationship work and being more loving than before because they’re afraid to lose the girl, they take offense and protect their ego and let the girl go.
3. Boys’ egos are very fragile things. Once it is hurt --e.g. their girlfriends tell them one of their flaws or not-so-good qualities in the hopes that they’ll improve-- not only do the boys NOT resolve to improve the flaw, but they will rebel by cheating behind their girls’ backs. So girls, take extra pre-caution in giving “constructive criticisms” to your men. Because even if you just wanted to help him or try to make the relationship better by telling him he should be a little more loving or he should maybe try to get a job or stuff, he’ll take this against you and take it personally. He’ll also think that since “you can’t accept him for what he is” [even if in reality you just can’t accept his one bad trait], he has the license to get “re-dignified” by seeking attention elsewhere and going for other girls to seek glory again and just to cancel out that one little fatal hurting comment you made about, say, his snoring habit.
4. Boys deal with relationship problems not by confronting them but by avoiding them, being as far away as they can be from the dilemma, procrastinating having to face the situation and by “having fun first” [dating other girls and doing light-on-the-mind, happy things that will make them temporarily forget their current problem with their spouses, or simply doing any other thing that can make them avoid facing current relationship dilemma.]
5. Boys deal with heartbreaks, being cheated on etc. by doing the same crime their nasty ex-spouses commited to them maybe not to the girl who did them wrong [who would have already escaped away with the cheating accomplice] but to the next unsuspecting innocent girl they enter relationships with. Boys are indeed harder to heal in love than girls are. Some boys marred with bad relationships don’t ever heal and just continue on with sick cycles that pile up one nasty relationship after another. Hopefully, there will come a time when they will recover from their past baggages and find a way to go back to their good old selves or how they were before they were f***’d around wit by malevolent souls.

People want to know, Why, when you became a man, did your voice not change? Michael evolves his drag voice in order to keep singing Jackson 5 songs every night through puberty. The effect not so much castrated himself as womanized himself. --John Jeremiah Sullivan on Michael Jackson, GQ magazine September 2009

I am an ENTP/Inventor.

If y'all are fed up of zodiac signs, I've found a new way of determining compatibility for people through personality types. According to this test, I am an ENTP [Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving].

ENTPs are said to have enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities, aside from being a non-conformist and innovative.

Here's more from another site:

Typically good-natured, upbeat and laid-back, ENTPs can be delightful people to be around. They get a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction from interacting with others, and especially enjoy discussing and debating theories and concepts which interest them. They may be prone to initiate arguments because they so enjoy the debate. They are generally fun-loving and gregarious, and can be quite charming. They have a problem with sometimes neglecting their close relationships when they become involved in the pursuit of a new idea or plan.

ENTP Strengths:
* Enthusiastic, upbeat, and popular
* Can be very charming
* Excellent communication skills
* Extremely interested in self-improvement and growth in their relationships
* Laid-back and flexible, usually easy to get along with
* Big idea-people, always working on a grand scheme or idea
* Usually good at making money, although not so good at managing it
* Take their commitments and relationships very seriously
* Able to move on with their lives after leaving a relationship

ENTP Weaknesses:
* Always excited by anything new, they may change partners frequently
* Tendency to not follow through on their plans and ideas
* Their love of debate may cause them to provoke arguments
* Big risk-takers and big spenders, not usually good at managing money
* Although they take their commitments seriously, they tend to abandon their relationships which no longer offer opportunity for growth

The site also mentioned that I am most compatible with the INFJ/the protector, or the INTJ/the scientist, but I think I prefer the protector. But how do I find protectors?

Will I now be asking people for their acronym personalities instead of their sun signs?

I wish that I could be the one responsible for getting the love that I want.
I wish that halfway through falling in love, I wouldn't find that he has already changed his mind to go after some girl who's braver than me.
I wish that when I realize the value of a good man, I will have the courage to go after him.

But I am just a girl.
So I just cry.