For tha second time this month, I’ve gatecrash’d a wedding. How about that? And a Valentine wedding at that. I feel like a Peeping Tom, like an intruder who gets cheap thrills from snatching glimpses from other people’s happiness. But wut can I do? I’m a sucker for sappy films, sappy books, and sappy weddings, and I extract from ‘em tha same high I git from lookin’ at an assortment of cute bags and earrings on sale although I don’t cry at tha sight of a gorgeous bag.
***
I’m sorry I did not play by tha rules. I’m sorry I forgot that we’re juz suppos’d to be usin’ each other to ward off loneliness and past hurts that haunted us. I forgot that tha player who expects to win loses. And so I guess I’m tha loser. But you know how I hate losin’ …don’t you? And so I made you lose first. Of course, I knew that tha game diden matter much to you anyway.
***
My Kyun-woo, where are you?

Nuthin’ infuriates me more than a wishy-washy indecisive man.
***
Once there were seven Bad Wolves. They were known to be baaad but somehow two French poodles found em interesting, stoop’d down & decided to join tha pack. Tha first French poodle got bored and decided to switch to tha German Shepherd group, which she heard lead a more glamorous life. Now it’s juz tha 7 bad wolves & one French Poodle. “She’s such a dog anyway! She used to lick scraps from other French Poodles’ plates!”, tha bad wolves heard their French Poodle pal say. Although tha second French Poodle could speak English, most of tha time she preferr’d speakin’ in French. Tha Bad Wolves went on speakin’ English since it’s tha only language known to em. One day, tha remaining French Poodle wonder’d why tha bad wolves never spoke any French. As tha days pass’d, she got madder becuz tha Bad Wolves weren’t makin’ any attempt to enroll in a French school so that she could have someone to speak French wit. Although she diden suggest this idea to them, she feels that they shud have guess’d. She wuz also mad becuz tha Bad Wolves had their natural abilities to run & hunt for food. She cuden run as fast and she blamed tha Wolves for bein’ born Wolves instead of bein’ born a French Poodle. One day, she became mad as a bull in her frustration to run as fast as tha Wolves and since no Wolf enroll’d in a French Class yet. She told herself, “Quel dommage! Ce sont muet!” [Wut a pity that they’re so dumb they diden even try enrolling in French & so thoughtless not to rip off their genes and try to gimme some of it so that I cud be a Wolf too!] And so that day, she told em, ”Adieu, sots!” [Goodbye, fools!] and left a very puzzled group of Bad Wolves, who did not understand a word of wut she said.
***
Connect-tha-dots. Connect-tha-dots. Doh! Pea-brain'd brother disconnected tha wires to our winzip so that i can't listen to ma fav'rite CD! And all becuz he wanted me to hear his voice bein' aired as he join'd a stoopid radio contest he recorded on his mobile WHICH HE DIDN'T WIN ANYWAY! Now i hafta play connect-tha-wires, connect-tha-wires, connect-tha-wires... how am i suppos'd to know where they go? Connect-tha-wires, connect-tha-wires...
***
Gawd, people around me are so idiotic today!

Quite funny how I’ve master’d tha art of failing in love. Doesn’t matter much except when I think about tha future. Wut would become of ma children? Will I be good for em? Will they cry all tha time? I worry about them deeply because their mother ain’t tha brightest one in tha universe. Their mum is not keen on crossin’ streets and sewin’ stitches. Had always fail’d in keepin’ love. Future children, if I can’t keep your father, y’all better keep me, a’ite?
***
Found out two thangs today:
1] I like climbin’ monkey bars.
2] I like ridin’ bikes at top speed.
Fox, let’s do it again!

I am weak. I am not worthy. I am human. Walang himala! On this day, tha 11th of February, I went back on ma word. Eh fried chicken eh! ["Ok, pero next time talaga, pag di nyo ko pinayagan, d na talaga ako kakain tsaka sabi mo pa pinapayagan mo naman ako sa ibang event, masama sinungaling!”] Cud I have refused? When tha sight of another potato makes me hurl? When maver bann’d me from cookin’ ma own share of rice? [she said I shuden be wastin’ her gas cookin’ tha same thang she cooks fo’ all of us.] I decided I should just continue ma fasting another time, if tha circumstances call for it again. And it’s not workin’ anyway. Their minds are set. Their jaws are tight. And they were ignorin’ me like tha fool I am. Paver did try to bribe me twice [last Saturday and today] by getting’ me to go wit him to buy food from 7-eleven [he did not succeed], and buyin’ me a Slurpee [which I refused to take] but other than that and tha occasional frowns & snide remarks, I did not get anythin’. Nuthin’ I wuz hopin’ to get anyway. Ma average days of fasting is 3&1/4 days. It's not as if i cud not get through tha whole month wit ma fabulous cookin' too. Of course, naawa lang aco sa parents ko... i mean juz think about how many more Slurpees Paver hafta consume witin a month! d pa naman bagay sa kanya ang may hawak na Slurpee!

I’m not in tha mood for love right now. I’m still busy defying tha parental units. Can we postpone this? Stand back, don’t push it. You might git caught in ma web of indignation. I am tha unreasonable product of unreasonable roots.

In philosophy class yesterday, ma ears caught a certain term, which brought me to think about ma maver. Tha term -which wuz used to describe socialism- wuz “blind obedience”. For mum, there’s nuthin’ quite like bein’ in good terms wit God. She is prudish. She is self-righteous. She is insufferable. Knowin’ her, you’d know she used to be tis prissy, obedient & responsible gurl who looks down smugly on lesser beings like us and never break a rule in her life. She is greatly scandalized by tha littlest thangs and thinks it a mortal sin for a person to cuss. She’ll hate you for not giving more than 2000 bucks to tha church. She is also tha cheapest woman I know except when it comes to her mother, her son, and her God. How about her daughter? Well, sometimes, she forgets to give her allowance accidentally on purpose. And she is so narrow-minded you’ll have a hard time figurin’ out if she’s juz provincial or it’s her Taurean nature seepin’ thru. Come to think of it, ma paver is juz as narrow-minded. Only he doesn’t have his sign to excuse him. Pisceans aren’t known to be narrow-minded.
So wut if I’m piss’d at em? I don’t see how I could have grown to be twenty-one years old and still they trust me like a criminal or a stranger who’ll stay for tha night instead of a daughter they’ve known all their life who’s scatter-brain’d at worst. And lazy. And poor in direction. Okay, and insecure. And a bit gullible. But not a criminal.
Yeah, I’m on a hunger strike. I refuse to eat anythin’ cook’d by maver & I refuse to eat wit em. Wit ma knowledge in cookin’, I guess I’ll live on eggs & mash’d potatoes fo’ now. I’m goin for a month…Well if pam can live witout meat for a year, shoorely I can for a month wit ma own cooking, right? *crosses fingers*

Ma first job interview [Interview wit a vampire]

Armed wit a bank on wheels [paver] and a direction guru [ikot-happy chauffeur Raffy], I set out on ma interview confident that I’ll never starve nor be late for ma interview. Indeed after takin’ a quick lunch, I still had thirty minutes to sit and stare at tha mestiza ladies and nerdy guys who were all waitin’ to be interviewed. I also had tha time to glance at tha identical leathered toes of tha female employees & interviewees, then at ma own bare toes. As three of ma companions were whisked away, I became quite impatient & ask’d tha guard if he could send someone out to talk to. That’s when Cianelle, tha fashionable HRD came. Clipboard in hand, she told me these words: “YOU DO NOT HAVE A SCHEDULE TODAY!” “YOU DID NOT CONFIRM IT YESTERDAY!” I wuz like, “No, really?” and her face goes “Really!” “Maybe you want to set it another time…when would you like it to be?”
But miraculously, she found me a schedule for 2:30 tha same day.
And so tha interview ensued… tha interviewer, to ma relief, turn’d out to be gay. I thought it a relief since gay people are so much easier to get along wit. Tha interview lasted TWO AND A HALF HOURS! [We were vampires who dried out each other’s blood thru detail’d questioning and wide of the mark, stupid answering.] Long enuf for poor paver to git a stiff back from sittin’ outside & long enuf for him to send me four messages. [Antagal!]; [TAGAL!]; [Ano ba? Pinagtrabaho ka na ba dyan? Sabihin mo bukas ka na lang mags-start!]; [Aakyat na ako dyan!]Tha interviewer wuz really nice, only he won’t quit laughin’ at ma serious answers. I really wish he’d quit especially when merely opening ma mouth gets him roarin’ like a hyena again. Somehow I got tha notion that he wants me to pass tha interview, wit him bein’ an alumni of our school and also his perseverance in squeezin’ out tha right answers to queschns seein’ that ma answers don’t always match his queschns. But he could only do so much. I expect that I won’t see him nor tha already familiar fat guard in barong again. All I really wanted wuz an experience at gettin’ grill’d anyway. Who knows? I might actually git a question right tha next time.

Ang printer namin ay isang sumpungin na bata. Ayaw mag-print ng resumé ko. May kakaibang ngitngit na lumalabas sa kanya habang nagsusumamo akong gumawa siya ng kahit na isang matinong kopya man lang para sacen. At ang ingay pa! Balita ko sa paver ko, may daga daw sa computer room.. di kaya may naipit na bubwit sa loob ng printer namin? Samantala, ang buong computer naman namin ay isang suplado na gawain ang lagi na lang akong kutyain at huwag patapusin agad pag may trabaho akong dapat gawin na kailangan ang tulong niya. Ewan ko ba! Layunin ata ng supladong ito sa buhay ay ang huwag akong patulugin...

"Landslide by Smashing Pumpkins"

I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And I saw my reflection in a snow covered hill
'til a landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing cause I've
Built my life around you
Time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too
I'm getting older, too

I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hill
The landslide brought it down
The landslide brought it down

Tha researcher is fed up wit makin’ revisions. Tha researcher has no plans for further study. Tha researcher is movin’ on. Tha researcher is finally gettin’ a life again.

ThAnK GoD! i’M doNe…!!! tHaNk gOd! I'm DoNe…!!!

So long,thesis!

I woke up at 8am to screams of panic from the neighborhood, and ma 5’11 bro hovering over ma bed…
BRO: “May sunog! Daliiii…!!! Malapit sa’yo!” [“There’s a fire! Quick! It’s near your room!”]
ME [somewut amused]: “Sunog? Eh kapitbahay lang natin bumbero!” [“Fire? But we have tha firemen for our neighbors!”]
At which point I tried to close ma eyes again. Ma big bro is known fo’ trippin’ on me. most probably tha fire he wuz talkin’ about wuz miles away from us. But when maver told me to hurry, that’s when I started gathering things.
The First Thangs I Gathered In Tha Fire:
1] money & tha thesis that wuz due today.
2] tha Jergens lotion, milk bath , and deodorant in front of me. [in ma confusion, I grabb’d tha 1st thangs that came to view..]
3] ma school bag, ma favorite tops, ma diary & tha books I’ve bought which I haven’t read all went in a big yellow SM Supermarket plastic bag I found lyin’ around.
4] 4 pairs of jeans, a set of school uniform, 6 undies, and ma tape recorder which I found amidst ma undies were placed in ma Coca-cola bag along wit a dictionary & a thesaurus.
5] things I’ve borrow’d from ma friends: ruth’s Gone With The Wind and pam’s Picture Perfect vcds.
Maver stared at me as I emerged from tha house carryin’ a plastic bag wit wut I thought wuz relief to see her only daughter alive and not consumed by flames. Wrong. “Ano ba yan! Bat ganyan ang hitsura mo? Nakakahiya sa kapitbahay! At bat dyan mo nilagay ang mga gamit mo? Ala ka bang bag?! [“Could you have dress’d any worse than that?”} she ask’d, starin’ at ma disheveled hair & tha 2 big holes of tha old P.E. shirt I slept in which exposed ma shoulders. [“..And why’d u put your things in a plastic bag? Don’t you have any bags?!”]
A minute later I found her cryin’ over an altogether diff’rent reason...
MA: “Pano na ang pangkabuhayan natin? Dito lang tayo nabubuhay!” [“Wut will we live on?”] she cried, referring to our house, which is also home to 40 ladies and is our main source of income.
Tha house next to us wuz already cover’d in a thick fog. To make things light, I ask’d bro to take out his Cyber-shot-U to capture tha moment. Only, he can’t locate it. Meanwhile, Aling Melba & Aling Lorna,our good-hearted neighbors were already volunteerin’ to help us wit our things. Ma brover had already started disconnecting computer wires & wuz about to carry it off when mum told him to juz leave it alone & that we'll juz git another one.
An hour later, it wuz all over. An AM radio announcer announced that “tha fire in Sta. Mesa is mapping out and under control.”
Whew. Told em not to worry. I could’ve been burn’d alive too. Well, serves you right fo’ leavin' me… Wait, scratch that! I sound narcissistic! Of course I wuden have burn’d! I knew bettr than to sleep through a fire. And anyway, I have no plans on dyin’ today!
Sad thing ‘bout our neighbors’ house... their whole upstairs burn’d. Not tha house next to us, but tha 2nd house from us. Good thang no one wuz hurt although tha young lad sleepin’ in tha upstairs room got trapp’d beneath tha bars for a moment. The slipup? Faulty electrical wiring, of course.

An explanation of wut i've been lately by Chris:
Look to the audience. If there isn't one, beware. If it's you, unamaze yourself. Disenthrall. Whatever it takes. Or else you're going down, for good, and the waves will close silently over you, a tribute to her bountiful care and kindness. Her unparalleled, unquestionable beauty. The modern term is narcissism. From next to nothing, we construct a world, a world in which we are esteemed.Supremely. Without question. Unconditionally. That's what we want.That's what all of us want when we're two years old. Some of us don't get it. Some of us learned to compromise. Ambiguity, slop in the system, neglect, disorder. Life. Genuine acceptance. But there's another kind of "acceptance" which is supplied by others. Proffered willingly, love. Dangled as bait, desire. Doesn't matter. Makes no difference. All is taken as food. As fuel for an esteem of self that becomes an inverted religion. Disguised as spirit, a hunger so dark it remains forever hidden. So sealed, it admits nothing but itself.

Suddenly by Soraya

A thousand eyes lookin’ at me
But yours is the look that goes right through me
And I cannot hide from your stare
Should I let you win? Do I dare?
Some other hands have tried before
But yours is the touch that makes me want more
Cannot hide the urgency
To have you right here with me
Cause suddenly in my life
There’s something that’s got me mystified tonight
Cannot fight it but I can try to keep the wonder of it alive
A thousand words have tried to stay
Yours are the one who never fade away
I cannot hide from this sound
I am mesmerized feelin’ round and round and
Some other hearts have tried to steal mine
Yours is the one that I hold dear
I’ll do what it takes to keep you here
I’m a selfish fool but I have no fear
A thousand times I’ve tried to stay
Alone by pushing you away
Time after time, tear after tear,
Find myself back here with you
A thousand visions have come to me
Promising serenity
As we struggled to find a source of this peace
Always end with your kiss

Catch a feather and make a wish..
Wut'z ma birthday wish?
To take these unexpected wounds
And fake ma own healing
Wut does pain look on me?
I who live in novocain.

Ano ba' yan! Alas sais na pala, d paco natutulog. Happy Birthday to me. Cheers. . .

Bein' afraid of commitments is so clichéd! I'm not. But no one tries hard enuf...

My Character Analysis From A Stranger:
This from a guy I chatted in ICQ wit for 30 minutes: ur a very naughty girl and entertaining one & seem 2 dislike men. u seem to have a lot of guts for a girl, and persuasive and menly[?] and annoying and hirap ligawan and dependent and u want the world to revolve on you, u toy with us but inspite of ur character ur a sweet lover and a thoughtfulll[triple "L"?] one.
Wuz not even hitting on him, i merely ask'd where he goes to school when he said: dami mo personality ha kita ko rin sayo na sobrang lambing mo bawasan mo yan
And finally,this when i merely reminded him that he should click "send" and not "enter" to send his messages: childish mo talaga
Ang tindi mo, tsong! You're not even interested in astrology and malayo naman course mo from psychology...I mean you're a guy and you're not dense! Wish half tha world would pay attention like ya do...

Got # 3 on ma list… Thanks, Santa! =)
18 songs all in all. Tha burn’d CD contain’d songs I specifically ask’d for like:
1] Don’t Speak by No Doubt –this song reminds me of ma second year high school days when I wuz infatuated wit a boy call’d Jed and when Gwen Stefani wuz ma absolute goddess.
2] Comfort In Your Strangeness by Cynthia Alexander –no specific reason except I juz really dig this song, spesh tha violin.
3] Suddenly by Soraya –an easy listenin’ song that chills ma mind.
4] Need To Be Next To You by Leigh Nash –this song wuz a fave when I wuz in 2nd year college & I cut a class wit a friend, design’d a huge banner for her, and sneak’d into tha empty dorm of her boyfriend where we decorated his and a certain miserable person’s room and taped tha banner I made professin’ ma friend’s love fo’ her guy where he could see it before slippin’ back to school. t'was on V-day when ma own luvlife suck’d.
5] Each Time by E-17 –this song gives me good vibes. also reminds me of someone I met in college named Raniel whose fave song it is.
6] Swallowed by Bush –a song by my former goddess Gwen’s god Gavin who also became my temporary male god of music. it also reminds of an era when men sported danglin’ chains from their pants everywhere you look’d.
7] Hey Hey by Tonya –an LSS –infecting fast song.
It also contain’d:
8] Come Away With Me by Norah Jones –i prefer “Don’t Know Why” but sumthin’ went wrong wit tha copy Santa burn’d. At least it’s a song of tha same artist.
9] Buses and Trains by ? –i diden ask for this one but I liked it juz tha same.

Newspaper reporters are corpse flies. Not only do they lie, they also prey on the misery of others. ->Margaret Atwood
***
Back To You (thesis)
Bat ganon? Parang andali ng chapter 5 ng thesis ko? Bat parang ang iksi ng 11 pages ko kumpara sa makakapal na tinitingnan ko? Bat ganon? Kumonsulta pala si Santa Susvilla sa isang libro bago sya gumawa ng survey questionnaires? Bat walang nagsabi sacen? Pano na yan? Inimbento ko lan ang mga tanong ko sa survey! At bakit ganon? Nangdaya rin ba si Joiz sa pagbibilang nya ng mga sagot ng makita niyang parang kulang ang ibang sagot? {mga panelists at adviser, lumayo-layo sa websayt ko!} Bat parang hindi mukhang totoo ang thesis ko? MALI YATA!!!!! Paktay!
***

Wut to do when ya hafta temporarily disconnect coz sumone's gotta use tha fon:
Click on pammy. =) Nominated once as tha blogger wit tha longest posts, shoorely, ya won't run outta thangs to read! [juz take a look at her scrollbar for proof] Atta Gurl P, we miss ya!
***
Among one of tha first thangs I did in 2003:
1] ordered a vegetable in an expensive restau.
->found out spinach could actually taste good. [tasted like cheese] i guess any vegetable could taste good provided they are drown'd in some flavor til they don't taste anythin' like their real taste no more..
2] took a pre-employment test for a job that have nuthin' to do wit ma course.
3] tried to copy math test answers from ruth.
4] discover'd a like fo' answerin' flowchart tests.
5] did half of ma homework.
6] consumed half of tha ink of ma fave pen.
7] cursed a certain professor for makin' me consume ink of fave pen.
***
I really don't get how ma maver can tolerate her fave soap opera [Habang Kapiling Ka]. They play'd tis terrible overly dramatic background music they play at every single scene which makes ya think of final confrontations between tha antagonist and tha central character of tha story when in fact tha maid is just combing her hair.