Bato. Maraming tao ang pumapansin sa similaridad ko sa naturang bagay. Minsan kasi hirap sila sa akin. Hirap akong pasayahin. Hirap akong patawanin. Hirap inisin. Hirap pagalitin. Hirap pa-imikin. At minsan mahirap rin kausapin. Dati, dine-deny ko pa ang pagiging bato. Ngunit ngayon, tila mas angkop nga ito sa akin kesa noon. Bato na nga ako, batong-bato pa ako ngayon dito. Wala akong magawa sa bahay. Sa tingin ko, masyado ata akong naging mabilis sa pagtakbo kaya nakatigil ako ngayon –hindi pa umaabot, hindi pa nakakahabol sa bahagi ng sariling nauna na upang makapagtapos. Ngayong hindi ko pa maharap ang realidad, hayaan niyong itala ko muna ang mga nagawa ko sa nakalipas na araw upang mabigyang suri ang aking kinabukasan bilang isang ganap na tao:
1] Huwebes: Gumawa ng plano para sa Sabado kasama ang isang hayskul friend na dumalo sa isang programang pagtatapos sa San Beda upang mangareer ng crush na may girlfriend na umuwi sa Cotabato.
2] Biyernes: Umattend ng sariling pagtatapos.
3] Sabado: Tinamad sumunod sa plano. Sa halip ay bumili ng 4 na pares ng makulay na hoop earrings.
4] Linggo: Nag-surf ng Internet ng 3 oras sa tanghali at 3 oras ulit sa gabi.
5] Lunes: Pumunta sa SM upang ubusin ang nalalabing baon para bumili ng bag o sapatos. Nangako sa sariling hindi bibili ng libro dahil 20 pa ang inaalikabok sa bahay na d pa nababasa. Umuwi na may bitbit na 2 bagong libro at 0 bag/sapatos.
6] Martes: Sa bahay lang buong araw. Sawa na sa Internet. Nagpadala ng mga April Fool jokes sa text sa mga kaklaseng namimiss kung saan ang sarili ay namatay o di kaya’y papunta sa US para maging sundalo. Naubos ang load. Inisip na sumali sa mga nagbabasketbol na mga batang lalake sa labas ng bahay ngunit natauhan. Naisipang makipaglaro sa alagang grey na rabbit. Sinubukang hawakan sa tiyan upang makuha sa kulungan ngunit nagpapalag. Umakyat upang itanong sa nanay kung pano magbitbit ng rabbit. Bumalik sa rabbit upang kunin at bitbitin ito sa tenga. Binitawan ng nabigatan. Baka mapigtal ang tenga. Nakatamo ng maraming kalmot sa kamay. Nag-isip ng ibang pets na maaaring malaro. Naisip ang manok ngunit hindi rin tinuloy ang pagkuha. Tumawag na lang sa isang dating kaklase upang makibalita.pagkatapos, pineste ang tatay upang ilabas ang kanyang lumang piano organ na napapatungan ng mga kagamitan ng kaniyang tatay.
7] Miyerkules: Gumising ng maaga ng marinig na may tumutugtog sa kanyang piano organ. Lumabas upang awatin ang tatay sa paglikha ng ingay at upang agawin ang kaniyang pwesto sa pag-iingay. Nag-attempt kapain ang tamang nota sa “Out of My League” ng Stephen Speaks ngunit na-frustrate. Sumubok sa mas simpleng musika na nangangailangan lang ng isang kamay. Kinapa na lang ang tamang nota sa I Believe, ang soundtrack ng paboritong pelikulang “My Sassy Girl”. Nagtagumpay ngunit dahil siya lang ang nakapanood ng pelikula sa bahay, walang naka-appreciate. Napag-isipang mag-Internet…

Discover'd some site that offers an "Alanis Morisette Lyric Generator". [sorry, pam!] It ask'd me to name one thing i really hate, 6 plural nouns that have sumthin to do wit it, ma fave color, ma fave poet, and an ex-boyfriend's name and came out wit tha three songs below:
Song No. 1:
"Will to Live"

I feel miserable
Ants make me ill
I feel miserable
Bugs tear at my foundations
I feel miserable
Pests are dragging me down to the depths of misery
I want to die

Is it because of cockroaches that I feel this way?
With the white rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Or am I lost in tale of pablo neruda, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I don't think so.

Franz Broke My Will to Live
Franz Broke My Will to Live
Franz Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Franz Broke My Will to Live

I feel miserable
Mosquitoes rot the flesh from my bones
I feel miserable
Insects defeat my purpose
I feel miserable
Stinkers are doing their best to impale my soul
I want to die

Is it because of cockroaches that I feel this way?
With the white rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Am I lost in tale of pablo neruda, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I don't think so.

Franz Broke My Will to Live
Franz Broke My Will to Live
Oh God, franz Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Franz Broke My Will to Live

Song No. 2:
"I Think"

I Think ants are really a huge problem
I Think bugs are too much on my mind
I Think pests have got a lot to do with why the world sucks
But what can you do?

Like a white rain, beating down on me
Like a pablo neruda line, which won't let go of my brain
Like franz's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches

I Think mosquitoes are gonna drive us all crazy
And insects make me feel like a child
I Think stinkers will eventually be the downfall of civilization
But what can you do? I said what can you do?

Like a white rain, beating down on me
Like a pablo neruda line, which won't let go of my brain
Like franz's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches

Like a white rain, beating down on me
Like franz's smile, cruel and cold
Like pablo neruda's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches
Blame it on cockroaches

Song No. 3:
"Why"

Ants, insects, mosquitoes
Why God, Why?
Insects, pests, cockroaches
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this white horror?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of cockroaches
Like a pablo neruda character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Bugs, ants, stinkers
Why God, Why?
Cockroaches, stinkers, mosquitoes
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this white disaster that is my life?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of cockroaches
Like a pablo neruda character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this white misery?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of cockroaches
Like a pablo neruda character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
*Go on, click here to have your own Alanis inspired song!*

LSS [Last Song Syndrome] song of tha moment: "Soap, Powder, Bleach, Towels, Fabric Softner, Dollars, Change, Pants, Socks, Dirty Drawers. I'm going to the laundromat. And let's not forget the Food Stains, Dirt Spots, Headsets, Chips, Pop, Pay Phones, Clean House. I'm headed to the laundromat."

Thank gawd! Ma eyes have now slightly recover’d from that raccoon-eyed look it had acquired after bein’ made up for graduation. Cold cream and facial wash diden seem to work at first as I woke up tha following morning lookin’ at tha mirror at smudged eyes like those of tha gurl in Take That’s How Deep Is Your Love music video.
***
Graduation show’d diff’rent colleges’ gimmicks to make them stand out among tha rest. Legal Management grads each bought gold medals to wear in tha ceremony while Behavioral Science studes brought their college yearbook to show-off to us Journ studes [and perhaps other colleges as well] seated at their back. Our own gimmick wuda been to wear tha bookmarks Ruth gave each of us tha previous day which show’d both individual pictures and group pictures wit a pencil attach’d and tha words: “Peryodista ka! 4C5 Journ Batch 2003” [or sumthin like that] which explain’d why most of us were seen carrying it. Only problem is, Ruth forgot to give us ours, and not all got reminded to bring their bookmarks.
***
Tha faculty administrators tried but had no way of preventing verbal, communicative, and expressive Arts and Letters graduates from takin’ pictures, rooting and cheerin’ for their chums, inserting a pre-song joke, and generally makin’ it a happier and lighter event for all. Right after tha event, as tha graduates slowly deserted their seats, some knew that tha happy crowd they came to know as friends individually is fleeing from them as well and helplessly shed tears at tis. Even Felice –who made fun of those who cried at our retreat- cuden help tha tears that came to her when Emil, our anti-social, indifferent, autistic [he really is] classmate approach’d, hugg’d her & bid her goodbye.
***
Afterwards, tha clan spent an eternity in tha car scoping out tha perfect place to dine. Paver told our ikot-happy driver to go to Malate to scope for more places but Raffy [ikot-happy] diden seem to find tha idea so great & seem’d to think not eatin’ at all to be tha right idea, and so we diden get to choose a place to dine at Malate either as he took us there but quickly whizzed past tha potential places to eat, not givin’ us tha chance to clearly read tha names of tha restaurants we were passin’ by until soon we found ourselves almost home. Paver sensed our driver’s “topak” mood and told him to just take us to a gasoline station first when we were two blocks away from home. As our driver went out to pay for gas, paver told us his plan of ditchin’ Raffy and grantin’ him his wish to go home and lettin’ brover take his place at tha wheel instead. We all agreed to tis and I jokingly told paver to hand over our driver’s wage wit tha words “Tis is your last pay for bein’ apurado!” As Raffy went back and our plan wuz told to him, guilt seem to have gotten to him as he told us he’ll escort us to a dining place first. We were in tha middle of Tomas Morato, Q.C. when it finally dawn’d on me that he juz wanted a free ride to his home, specially when Pa told him “O, diba dito na sakayan mo? Sige kami na bahala..” before he exited wit his pay on hand. And then it took eons before we decided on a place to eat. As I wuz hungry, I pointed out tha first random diner I saw but paver had excuses for each place I pointed:
1] “Kumain na tayo sa steak house nung grad ng kuya mo.”
2] “Hindi natin alam yan, ano naman maoorder natin diyan?”
3] “Naku eh bar yan eh, hindi naman kainan talaga!”
4] “Anliit masyado!”
6] “Eh katabi lang yan ng tinuro mo a! Kahit ano na lang pinipili mo!”
He wuz so choosy that later when we were desperate and considering tha places I’ve earlier pointed but he rejected we were faced wit diff’rent probs:
7] “Ala naman parking! Piliin niyo naman yung may parking!”
8] “Abot hanggang labas ang tao, o! Eh di maghihintay na naman tayo! Gutom na nga eh!”
We ended up eatin at a Spanish restaurant call’d Alba where a bunch of grandfather types play’d their big guitars for us. Tha bill wuz remotely big so it’s hard to figure why we still considered goin’ to 7-eleven before going home.

“Tha realization that Iluvya”
Tha realization that you’re wonderful dawned on me today
Tis got me very pleased wit maself
Other realizations came wit it
Tha realization that I’m shy
And I’m bold
And I’m writing you a poem today
Tis is great
And I’m flying
I just hope that I don’t
Strive for your realization too

Post-baccalaureate mass a.k.a last day in school post:
Grabe, nakalimutan kong ipost dati ang sarap pala ng feeling ng pwede mong babuyin ang uniform ng kahit sinong kakilala mong dumadaan sa harapan mo. At first, I drew suns on people's backs, then I made comments like "Hope you add more to tis bulge tis summer" [wit an arrow pointin' to a healthy classmate's belly], and "This way to Kathy's heaven" [wit arrow pointing to crack of a friend's bum]. Later on, I juz drew quick random huge lines and crosses on tha backs of unsuspecting classmates. Afterall, it isn't every day that people permit you to mess wit the very clothes they're wearin'...

LSS [Last Song Syndrome] song of tha moment: “I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand. If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I…?”
***
Please halp me git over this song…!

“Pray not only for yourself, but for your enemies as well. After all, they are just soldiers, like you, doing what they are ordered to do.” –marine chaplain
***
Saw Mary Ruth’s idol, Jessica Zafra last Saturday at tha Powerbooks rummaging at tha sale rack in tha middle of tha store. She look’d like a normal shopper witout any make-up on and wit her hair up in an ordinary purple scrunchy. She wuz even bein’ bothersome to other sale rack hunter, bending way low over tha lowest shelf and partin’ away legs that got there first before her, intently searchin’ for a good book. We stayed to watch her cuz Mary Ruth wanted us to bask in her writer’s presence. We also bask’d at the presence of warts generously spread among her chest.
***
Bogart [Felice to some] & I agreed that we both disliked watchin’ any episode of the Lord Of the Rings movie. [I diden even git to watch tha second version out of lack of tolerance & patience for tha first one.] As Bogart wud say, “Para kang nanonood ng Panday eh!”
***
Vandalized on tha blue Arts & Letters balloon handed out to me at yesterday’s baccalaureate mass for our batch:
1] Gagradweyt ang katabi ko!
2] I will graduate witout studying!
3] http://shaynis.brainpowerd.net
Had so much fun that I vandalized two other people’s balloons as well which read:
4] I am tha summa of tis batch!
5] Gusto mo ba ng kausap? Call 1-800 CUM2ME.
6] Bold star material [wit an arrow pointing downwards]
***
Nuthin’ fill’d me wit more pride at bein’ a Thomasian than undegoin’ tha “right of passage” yesterday or passing under our school’s symbolic ancient arch along wit ma college ‘mates from first year to last, and later watchin’ a video which featured tha seniors from previous batches passin’ under tha same symbolic arch. I bet no other school has their own ancient arch for tha studes to pass under during their baccalaureate mass as an indication of completing a degree from their school. Tha poor things with their modern, boring schools. Also luuv tha fact that ma head grew tired from lookin’ up at tha fantastic fireworks & waitin for tha colorful faux stars to stop from bein’ fired onto tha quiet black sky although our eyes got spew’d by fallin’ debris of tha fireworks. Am quite pleas’d wit tis as December celebrations at our school usually got tha fireworks tired first rather than tha energetic anticipatin’ student body.

Had a weird war dream. Dreamt that red and gray planes were droppin’ leetle firecrackers from tha sky and Filipinos who were more usi than frightened were watchin’ fascinatedly from their homes.

Tha Call Center Craze
Kahapon, nang maputol ang maiksing pagtulog ko para lang magpunta sa isa na namang job interbyu para sa isang call center, napag-isip-isip kong kahit na marami-rami na rin akong napag-aplay-an na kol center ay ayoko palang mamasukan sa naturang uri ng kompanya. Ang pagpapasya kong ito ay lalong tumibay ng makaharap ko ang antipatikang mukha ng alé na mag-i-interbyu sa’kin na pinaghintay ako sa pamamagitan ng pagsagot ng 4 na tawag at pakikipagdebate sa isang ka-empleyado. Lalo pang nadagdagan ng nagreklamo sa’kin ang ulo ko [sa kawalan ng tulog] at nagsumubok at nagpumilit magkaron ng migraine fit ngunit di tumuloy. Bungad ko sa sarili, bat naman ako magtatrabaho para sa isang uri ng kumpanya na nagnanais bigyan ng solusyon ang mga problema ng ibang bansa gayong mas namomroblema pa nga ang sarili nating bansa? Nanatili rin sa’kin ang madalas na tanong ng mga nag-i-interbyu: ang tanong na “What is your career path?” Pag nagtrabaho ako sa kanila [na malamang gagawin ko lang sa kagustuhang yumaman at magkaron ng malaking suweldo], ano ba ang magiging career path ko? Aakyat ba ako sa kanilang corporate ladder gayong nangangapa lang naman ako sa aking trabaho? Kahapon na naisip ko to, napagtanto ko na siyempre, gusto kong magsulat. [ito ang kinuha kong kurso, dba?] Alam kong kailangan kong mapunan ang mga two-three year experience na requirement ng karaniwang magasin o pahayagan kaya mabuti na ang mag-umpisa ako sa pagsusulat kesa mag-umpisa sa kol center. Kung iisipin, ala naman akong maisip na trabaho na ka-kailanganin ang two year experience sa pagtatrabaho sa isang kol center.
Ito ang mga naisip kong mga gusto kong trabaho kahapon:
1] writer. [lalo na para sa isang magasin tulad ng Mega o Cosmo.]
2] deejay sa radyo. [gusto ko ng mga libreng cds at ang pagkakataong batiin ang mga ka-anak at kaibigan ko kung kelan ko man gusto.]
3] model. [gusto ko ng mga libreng damit, beauty products, etc.]

Maver: “Anong gagawin mo sa gym yang payat mong yan? Magkakalasug-lasog lang buto mo don!”
Me: “Di naman ako magbubuhat ng barbell eh!”
And so wit free special invites courtesy of Pam, Ruth, Felice, and I trudged to RCBC Plaza, Makati to work out for tha first time in our lives. At tha gym, so many complicated apparatuses [or is it apparati?] confronted us so that we went back to tha main entrance to try and see if we could exchange our tickets for use of spa instead. But apparently, we could not git away wit tryin to bum free massages from tha club. Only tha pool, tha Jacuzzi, and tha steam bath were open for use to our meek special guest selves which wuda been fine if only we remember’d to pack swimsuits. So it wuz back to tha gym. At tha gym, we started wit tha easiest-lookin gadget…tha treadmill. We moved on to swing-your-legs-forward gadget which wuz kinda like tha treadmill but wit separate swinging foothold fo’ each feet. Next, tha three of us went separate gadgets and juz tried on wutever looks ride-able to us. A scrawny trainer who made me doubt tha effectivity of their machines approach’d and assisted us on tha stranger lookin’ machines. Finding out that we’re new to tha practice, he lingered on & never really left tha area, makin’ sure to pass us every now & then. At one point, he beamed at me when he saw me approach an apparatus which read “glute” sumthin’. [ “Naku! Maganda yan! Para yan sa mga gustong magka-pwet! Pang-J.Lo yan! It will give you J.Lo butt! ] Tha J.Lo bum-giving apparatus turn’d out to be a real pain or at least not as fun as usin’ tha apparatus where you juz swing your arms forward in front of your face. Felice tried tha J.Lo bum apparatus soon as I dismounted. We diden want to exert our muscles or strain em in any way which wuz probably why tha longest we lasted on a gadget wuz five minutes [on tha treadmill], and wit one to two minutes on the other stranger gadgets. Ruth wanted to try aero & so we bid tha gadgets goodbye to attend aerobics class instead. I wuz expectin’ some overrated to-tha-left, to-tha-right mini stretching exercises like tha ones shown on fitness channels but wuz relieved when tha instructor taught us Usher-like dance steps instead. Later, he made us dance tha steps we’ve learn’d to tha tune of Where Tha Party At by J.E. At tha end of tha day, tha three of us agreed that we wuden mind joining a gym club someday although I strongly advise against workin’ out on an empty stomach. ‘Think tha insides of ma tummy were shoutin’ sumthin’ fierce while I moved it in its emptiness.

Back to giggling
Tita Deng-deng, ma out-of-tune doorbell named aunt is pregnant after all! We fetch’d her yesterday coz she wanna go wit us to Laguna. Along tha ride, she wuz contemplatin’ names for her child. Since both her & her husband are doctors, she wanna name her child sumthin’ scientific like flagella. She also came up wit bacteria names I can’t remember [much more spell]. I really hope she wuz just kiddin’. Can’t wait to see ma new cuzin though. Hurry up, buster!
***
Cruel world. Found out ma crush went & got himself a gurlfriend. “Sobrang pretty” daw. Tha hateful bitch.
***
Tha higlight of traveling at night: poster ads! Specially tha blinking, twisting, moving fancy light ads which us’d to be everywhere when I wuz a kid but had now gradually decreased. Last night, as we travel’d home from Laguna, ma fave aside from tha Del Monte blinking light ad, and all tha other electrically powered light ads were tha realistic lookin’ ads. Like tha huge horizontal Phillips fluorescent light and tha real car, which look’d as if it crash’d on tha poster ad. Among tha plain ones which diden have blinkin’ lights nor huge representations of their products, ma fave is tha Human ad that says, “I don’t intend to be famous, I only intend to be human.”
***
A conversation from not so long ago:
HIM: “Di ba ang mga magagandang babae laging may kotse and laging nakasakay sa kotse?”
ME: [jokingly] “Eh bat ako? Ala akong kotse!”
HIM: “Pano yan? Wala naman akong kotse, wala pa akong pera…[yadda yadda]..”
ME: Er..?
Hey… wherever you are now, I don’t need you to buy me a car for me to ride on. I don’t need your money. [I refused to let you treat me, remember?] I don’t need fancy schmancy things. In a short time, you’ve given me enuf to be happy about. Now I don’t know wut I need although I used to think I know exactly wut. You are gone. I am left uncertain. Help me grow up.

Let Me Be The One
by Jimmy Bondoc

Somebody told me you were leavin’
I didn’t know
Somebody told me you’re unhappy
But it doesn’t show
Somebody told me that you don’t want me no more
So you’re walkin’ out the door
Nobody told me you’ve been cryin’
Every night
Nobody told me you’d been dyin’
But didn’t want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I’m settin’ you free
Let me be the one to break it up
So you won’t have to make excuses
We don’t need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time
And goodbye
Somebody told me you still loved me
Don’t know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is true again
Just turn around and walk away
You don’t have to live like this
If you love me still then stay
Don’t keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart

Thursday, tha last day of school got me lonelier than ever about leavin’ and bein’ left by ma friends and classmates in just a few weeks’ time. See, they were bein’ extra nice. A project we were suppos’d to do wit a partner wuz due that day but me & ma partner wuz havin’ trouble puttin’ it together. Good thing ma ‘mates sprang into action. While P.I.C. lovingly glued tha pages together, Pammy kindly secured tha ribbon on tha pages, Robbie thoughtfully offered us potpourri bits from his and his partner’s own project, and Day creatively Mighty-Bonded tha potpourri bits and recreated tha front design of our project. Ain’t they a gem or wut? Aww…I’m gonna miss ‘em so!

Tha Adventures of Migraine Gurl
Today, I’m more embarrassing than usual. I wuz havin’ one of ma migraine attacks in school, and a migraine usually means throwin’ up for me. Since tha CR janitress banned us from gettin’ into a cubicle fo’ fear of trackin’ mud onto her newly swept floor, we were forced to cram at tha entrance and stare stupidly at tha mirror while her floors dried up. And so three gurls watch’d as I made gagging noises at tha trashcan. One tall gurl in particular who met ma eye in tha mirror stayed and curiously watch’d and waited for me to empty tha contents of ma tummy. But just as suddenly, tha moment pass’d. Convinced that tha migraine pill ma friend had me take wuz fin’lly workin’ its wonders, I walk’d out wit tha contents of ma stomach still intact. But two minutes out in tha hall, I wuz feelin’ queasy again and so I ran back to tha john juz in time for tha tall gurl [who wuz still standing facin’ tha mirror] to triumphantly watch as I spitted out tha pinkish slightly digested migraine pill. Hell, she probably thought I’m havin’ a child. I diden give her tha satisfaction of knowin’ wut I had for breakfast though –that privilege went to maver twenty minutes later as I threw up undigested Burger King fries in tha car. [She came up wit a plastic bag juz in time.] Sick as I wuz, I hafta trudge along coz maver & paver already made plans to attend a bakery fair at tha World Trade Center. At first they plann’d to leave me at a booth that had lots of benches where I could pretend to be interested in learning how to bake from some German guy who wuz demonstrating how to bake. But ma back diden have sumthin’ to lean on, so I ask’d maver&paver to collect me & deposit me at tha far end of tha place where they serve overpriced food and they have matchin’ table-clothed tables and chairs so that I could eat lunch as well. Since each table had 8 chairs, I hafta sit wit a bunch of strangers. Tha first set of strangers was officemates –3 guys and a gurl. I tried not to listen but they were really loud like they were proud of their corny green jokes or sumthin’ and so I pretended to sleep instead. As they were about to go, I heard tha loud kikay gurl said, “Ay, nakatulog na siya, o!” I decided to try sleepin’ for real but ma bangle of fake crystals wuz startin’ to hurt ma forehead and so since I wuz alone at tha table, I stretch’d ma arm straight out on tha table before leaning on it sideways to sleep. I probably look’d like a drunk heifer for it wuz a while before a new set of strangers [two diff’rent families] sat at ma table. While I closed ma eyes, I felt and heard many things. I heard a gurl ponder over wut school I come from. [“Taga-ICA or ano..?”] I heard two women sitting on ma left giggle. I heard someone said, ”Usod ka na lang dito..” [probably evading my arm] I felt a plastic bag bein’ pushed against ma extended arm. I heard a son [probably 10-year-old] ask his mum for money for his food [squid and rice]. I heard a mother ask tha two women on ma left to try her carbonara which wuz supposedly tha restaurant’s specialty. Finally, I put an end to ma sleepin’ charade when I caught a whiff of wut smell’d like ma bro’s stinky socks, snappin’ ma head up in an attempt to find tha source and found each member of tha two families starin’ at me. To appear busy, I reach’d for ma half-eaten carbonara plate which I saw in a new light after tha PR talk I heard but tha fly on ma cup of Figaro hot choco made me wonder if it had been there on ma meal too so I changed ma mind and sms’d maver&paver to once again collect me instead. I think it wuz tha kid’s squid that smell’d like stinky socks.
***
After two consecutive days of postponement, I fin’lly had ma last oral thesis defense today. Good thang ma stubborn system retain’d some of tha 500 mg migraine pill so that ma head still hurt but not so that I feel like throwin’ up at Kiko tha adorable prof. And no traffic too unlike yesterday when I almost knew where I am and I wuz startin to figure out wut directions led to wut place [I, tha louse in all directions] becuz of too much traffic. And tha grade? Let’s just say that I’ve never seen a vertical line look so good specially right next in line wit its preceding vertical line which got there exactly a week ago.

I wish you’d stop haunting me. I wuz surfin’ tha net, browsin’ thru new blogs tha other day when tha site’s tagboard caught ma attention. It seem’d that tha site owner wuz YOU. Same day I click’d on tha third link of one of ma friends’ blog links and I wuz confronted wit a guy’s post about his friend named YOU.
Early mornin next day, I switch’d to a radio station and heard a certain cough commercial about a gurl who thought she loved some guy but changed her mind and got turn’d off by his cough. Can you take a guess at tha phlegmatic guy’s name? YOU again. I wuz gettin’ really miffed, and tha last straw, I thought wuz when I overheard a guy ask ma friend somethin’ in an office which I had no business enterin’ anyway. He went, “Is [YOUR NAME]’s article coming out this month?” So I scream’d “I HATE [YOUR NAME]!!!” at him –a total stranger who wuz co-owner of tha office I wuz currently trespassin’. And he wuz like, “Er…?” Til ma friend came to ma rescue and told him I don’t really mean wut I said & that I don’t hate tis guy who shared yer name and who happens to be a very nice classmate of ours.
I hafta go wit tha rest of ma mates for video editing later on. And I juz happen to browse a TIME magazine article by Mr. YOU Lenningrad. And guess where we had lunch today? Ma friend pick’d tha place. Good ole BRB in Dapitan. But a closer look, and it reads, “[YOUR NAME]’s” BRB. So you won’t even let me eat in peace. I know your name is common but not that common that I could see you everywhere.
***
Sorry, I can’t do reality.

Sorry, I diden plan on sayin’ goodbye to you tha other day. I plann’d on gettin’ along juz fine wit ya, tellin’ ya about tha bitchings I’ve done for tha day and maybe even finally tellin’ ya about past loves and past hurts I’ve avoided talkin’ about for so long. Sorry but I juz can’t take that li’l trick ya pull’d on me. Suddenly, when all seem fine, I juz can’t take you anymore.
***
Momma, stop worryin’. He’s gone.
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Love is not easy. Why dya want easy love?
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Happy birthday, Franz.. I wonder who's farin' off better between tha two of us?
***

I'm not choosy when it comes to jobs. Right now, I don't care whether it be a nine-to-five job, a job that has nuthin' to do wit ma course, or a job in Timbuktu as long as I land an immediate job that pays good and that has nuthin' to do wit bein' an annoying person in suit blockin' shoppers' ways in malls tryin' to get em to buy vacation trips or encyclopedias or sign raffle promos coz i've learn'd that THREE DAYS IN THA HOUSE WITOUT NUTHIN TO DO CAN DRIVE YOU INSANE.

It bett’r have classes tomorrow… I’m gettin’ fat sittin’ round tha house stuffin’ ma face full of tha chocolate toffee pistachio Tita Deng brought.
***
It wuz fun to have ma Tita Deng ‘round tha house for three days. By now, ma wide-eyed eight-year-old amazement at her had worn off to shy respect but as a kid, I used to really look up to Tita Deng. She wuz tha most beautiful and intelligent woman related to me that I’ve ever known & I wanted to be exactly like her when I grew up. As a young New York doctor, she is a wonder herself, and so it amazed me to know that she might be pregnant wit her first kid which is another wonder in itself. We were really excited about it especially since she hasn’t even told her husband yet, and so we were happy wit her. We were happy as ma maver giggled when Tita told her that she’s feelin’ very weird. We were happy as ma mum hurried home from church at night to check if she’s already sleepin’. We were happy as I tiptoed in her room early in tha morn so as not to wake her up. We were happy as ma maver jokingly told Tita to stay away from me so that tha baby wuden catch any resemblance from me. We were happy wit her about tha li’l buster growin’ inside of her and so we were also sad wit her when she ask’d me for a sanitary pad tis morn. Just hoped tha mall distracted her a bit from li’l buster.

You are not mine. You are a borrowed jewel left in ma hands by your owner who has got to go away for sometime. I’m returning you now. That doesn’t mean that I diden enjoy taking care of you. But you hafta go coz you’re not mine and you don’t feel like mine. Maybe she’ll let me keep you. Maybe I’ll accept. But for now you feel like a lost jewel that needs to be return’d.
***
Everyone has his or her own great person. I’m wonderin’ who or where mine has gone -tis great person who would be tha mortal person closest to me in tis world. I’m guessin’ that he or she is a person of the future –a daughter, a nephew, a grandson, or a sister-in-law. Ma great person could also be someone whom I know right now. Maybe it’s ma maver. But we are separated by too much layers of stubborn will and fightin’ back tha emotion to appreciate each other. Could it be ma grandparents? Sometimes I would like to give em a chance too, but sudden closeness just duzen seem right after too many years of polite courtesy and passin’ askin’ about each other’s health as conversation. It could not be ma best friend since fourth grade. She is not ma best friend any more for reasons I can’t tell coz betrayin’ an ex-bestfriend is almost like betrayin’ one’s self. Could it be tis close guy friend I have? I tell him almost everythin’ but I also know for a fact that half of tha time he doesn’t care, and tha other half of tha time, he’s playin his PlayStation or liftin’ weights or other thangs. Could it be one of ma school pals? But I don’t tell em evrythang either fo’ one might spill to tha others & they gon be laughin’ at me. Come to think of it, tha great person could be any of ma friends -i have a lotta great persons in ma life but wut fun is it to have a great person if you can’t be his/her great person too? Apparently, tis great person has not come to me yet. That or I juz need a best friend and/or a boyfriend. Mebbe I’m juz too bitchy to have these things. But half of tha time, I’m also nice. So, c’mon great person…
***
Is sumthin’ wrong wit wantin’ a boyfriend who duzen have a gurl bestfriend, and wantin’ a best friend who duzen have a boyfriend/gurlfriend?