Cockroaches have always been our shadows as we spread across the globe. They are immigrants (from Africa to the Americas). They are ancient (unchanged since the Carboniferous period, 350 million to 290 million years ago). And they are omnivores. So why do they disgust us? Perhaps, because they are similar to us. –Catherine Chalmers

Cut ma mini-vacation short to go to a job interview and take a written test. Thought tha written test might consist of two-three easy essay queschns. Wrong. Tha test consisted of an IQ test, a logic test, a verbal test, a mental test, and a 195-item personality test plus 8 essay questions. It took me six hours to finish it up including tha interview. Competition consisted of an American guy wit a badly sunburn’d face, a blah lookin’ gal who writes freelance for PDI, PhilStar, and some mag I diden quite catch, and a lightly made-up pretty lady who is currently a PR for some company. All three look’d like they’re in their late twenties, ‘cept maybe for tha Kano who might be in his thirties. Tha freelance writer who sat opposite from me started conversation & ask’d ‘bout our current employment status while we were waitin for tha HR wonderboy. Already had ma mouth open to answer when I noticed that she wuz not talkin to me but to Ms. PR at ma right. Closed ma mouth & smiled blankly at tha two of em while they snubb’d me & chatted chummily in English bout their fab jobs. Sunburn’d Kano who sat beside Ms. snooty freelance writer wuz oblivious to tha world, buried in an ancient paperback wit yellow’d pages while I sat there across from Snooty quietly meditating in French.

While I wuz away blood-bonding at tha twins’ place, I did these:
1] Participated in ma uncle’s company motorcade & felt like a pig ridin’ at tha trailer of some van along wit other ladies throwing candies and company kits at every person within our throwing aim. [I even succeeded in aiming a few Maxx’s towards the drivers in their jeeps.]
2] Tryin’ hard to make ma aim reach him, I also struck a moderately cute guy in a black barong smack across tha middle of his chest wit one of ma flyin’ candies, evoking a short cry of pain from him.
3] Became dog chew. [Ma cuzins’ shih-tzu seem to have develop’d a fondness for chewing ma toes.]
4] Had some friend of ma cuzin think I’m a foreigner.
5] Caused ma cuzin Glenn & his gf to break up. [Gf got mad when cuzin nick’d plans of goin at her place in favor of tourin’ me and Geli around and got madder when Geli answer’d her call thinking her bf wuz bein unfaithful]
6] Got hit on by little boys.
7] Had fun wit Gela bargaining wit tha cute Video City cashier guy to lower tha overdue rent rate from P150 to P120.
8] Had fun wit Geli & Glenn eatin’ isaw & pig intestines.
9] Nag-boyz!!!
***
Mysterious texter
A mysterious person had been sending text messages to me last week. At first he claim’d to be someone named Zevin but later fess’d up his real name [his initials are JJR] when I retorted that no real person could exist wit such a name. He wuz bein really vague and refused to tell me anythin’ else save for tha fact that he met me in San Pablo City on a Wednesday. Although both he & ma cuzin denied it, I figured he wuz one of tha two friends Glenn brought home one day since they were tha only strange guys I met last Wednesday. I remember’d that one wuz tall, good lookin’ and fair while I can’t remember anything ‘bout tha other one ‘cept that he wuz short. To unravel tha mystery, I told him to meet me at a fast food chain but not before I met wit Glenn first. Glenn had agreed to escort Gela & me in returning an overdue VCD. As we left tha video shop, Glenn stopp’d us from walkin’ away & admitted that tha guy we were about to meet wuz about to appear from tha video shop. As these words left his mouth, we turn’d to look as tha door open’d and tha tall good-lookin’ guy of last Wednesday materialized. As I wuz expecting tha less attractive guy, I could only stare at him in wonder and found that I could not work ma mouth, unsure of how to deal wit a cute guy. Gela excitedly approach’d him and ask’d him, “Ikaw ba…?” wit me following close at her heels askin’ tha same queschn. [“Ikaw…?”] Witout answering, tha guy shyly look’d at his feet and turn’d left to tha magazine stand, opening a magazine & busyin’ himself by turning tha pages. We ask’d him again and he replied wit a soft “no”. Then another guy appear’d -short, dark, and plain. We ask’d him tha same queschn but he also told us he wuz not tha one. Gela kept on questionin’ tha good-lookin’ guy, almost pleading wit him to be ma mysterious texter while I tried to make tha other one admit that it wuz him. To solve tha problem, Glenn suggested that we call mysterious texter on his cell phone. They both agreed. Good-lookin’ guy got his phone out and held it up for us to see. Short guy made no attempt to bring his phone out. Who dya think?
***
Disaster of tha week: As I wuz in a hurry, I had forgotten to shave ma legs & pack ma razor so I decided to borrow tha twins’ depilatory cream for use on ma legs when I arrived. It did not work so I opted to use tha razor in tha loo and juz rinsed it afterwards. Two days later, I woke up to tha sound of ma uncle bellowing,”Sinong gumamit ng pang-ahit ko?!?” [Who used my razor?] from tha bathroom. Rather than face ma uncle’s wrath and git thrown out of a home, I decided to roll over on ma otha side and git right back to sleepin’. Later when ma uncle wuz gone, I warily got up and found tha razor discarded on tha kitchen sink starin’ tha culprit right on tha face.
***
Tha twins thought it’d be nice to help some little guy friend they have to git to know me. They told me tha guy wuz determin’d to pay a visit to me there at ma uncle & aunt’s home. On ma last night at ma aunt’s, tha guy fin’ly gather’d enuf strength to visit me when he pass’d cuzin Ralph on his way home & learn’d that I’ll be leavin’ tha following day. Before he arrived, tha twins egged me on to prettify ma’self. Prettifying consisted of putting on a bra under tha old loose shirt I wuz about to wear to sleep -which induced some sarcastic teasing from tha twins. [“Uyy…si ate nag-bra para kay kuya…!”] When tha guy arriv’d wit his brother, every’un wuz preparing to watch some film Gela rented titled Ghost ship. They were left wit no choice but to watch tha film wit us. Afterwards, every’un left tha room to sleep ‘cept for Geli and me. He moved his seat a bit closer but did not dare to close tha gap between us that would have fitted two more persons. He started askin' little queschns while I answer'd obediently. Geli kept on insisting he look'd like some celeb ["Diba ate kamukha niya si Echo?"] while he smiled hopefully at me. His brother look’d at photo albums. Later, his brother went outside to sleep on a bench while Geli also got up to go to her room and was replaced by her twin Gela who emerged from their room to chat wit us. Ralph also decided to join us in tha room & pretended to be engross’d in watchin’ TV while eavesdroppin’ on our conversation. Later…
Him: “Kanina pa pala ‘to nakatago…” [presenting to me a bag of Hugs he produced wit a flourish from his back pocket.]
Me: “Uy…thanx!” [lookin’ from tha bag of chocolates to his bum and then back to tha chocolates again before opening tha bag & offering it to ma cuzins.]
Ok lan siya. Mebbe we can be friendz.
***
As tha unofficial phone call answerer for tha week, I learn’d tis:
1] Cuzin Ralph is tha best friend of some guy named Randall who can’t make it through tha day witout callin’ Ralph at home about two hundred times a day.
2] Cuzin Gela, tha bubblier twin, has a suitor named Lou.

Calls. Messages. Gigglin' over dead silences. Indulging me. I loved that. Why'd you stop? You stopp'd missing me. Have fun hurting me.

found an interesting article by an anonymous author...
"How To Win Arguments Every Time"

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument
on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, steer clear of me at
parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite
me.

You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

* Drink Liquor

Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the
economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some
health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to
display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you
drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about
the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue
forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture.
People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

* Make things up.

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians
are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are
underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be
better off.

DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid."
Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised
tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross
poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too.
Say, "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford
Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the
same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in
my bath house."

* Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:
- Let me put it this way
- In terms of
- Vis-a-vis
- Per se
- As it were
- Qua
- So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.,"
and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:
"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have
enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say:
"Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua
Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they
do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

* Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your
opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
- You're begging the question.
- You're being defensive.
- Don't compare apples and oranges.
- What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians,
has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: "As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..."
Your opponent says: "Lincoln died in 1865."
You say: "You're begging the question."

OR You say: "Liberians, like most Asians..."
Your opponent says: "Liberia is in Africa."
You say: "You're being defensive."

* Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and
you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds
suspiciously like something Adolph Hitler might say" or "You certainly do
remind me of Adolph Hitler."

So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any
of this on people who generally carry weapons

Someone told me I have a clumsy mind. Someone else said that I’m not perceptive for an intelligent person. My ex told me yesterday that he’s still single. I said… I mean he said…
Hy809999pui
IJJJLLL
Sorry, I fell asleep facedown on tha keyboard. Now where was I? Aside from having no Clue, I also have no Life.

Bought tis for maver on her birthday...

Some people worry when they come across that part of an are-you-a-good-friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband etc. quiz where it asks them wut their friend’s fav’rite color, movie, etc. is and they don’t know tha answer. [Geez, so embarrassing I dunno tha answer to questions 103-105! I must be a very lousy friend!] Kinda makes me think, if they git bumm’d by tis kinda thangs, then they must not be super chill wit their pals. For em to be worryin’ bout not knowin’ a pal’s fave color is like sayin’ that they won’t have tha rest of their lives to be discussin’ these thangs. Like they have limited chances to talk and they’ve already blown their chances at great kinship by failin’ to have an early talk about fav’rite thangs. Personally, I revel in slackening and not knowin’ everythin’ there is to know bout ma best bud –thinkin’ that tha small part of him in which I lack knowledge about is wut keeps him and makes him stay wit me. If you’re one of em worried test-takers and you’re still worried over that are-you-a-good-friend low grade u got, there’s actually a way to have a perfect score for these kinda quizzes. Simply have a slam book conversation wit yer friend. Out of tha blue, bark out one queschn after another leavin only a li’l pause for him/her to answer. Like an ordinary slam book, you should include basic queschns like name, nickname, address, etc. Don’t let her butt in wit stories of her first crush or let her elaborate on her fave movie –remember tha more slam book queschns you ask, tha more slam book answers you’ll be gettin’, hence tha higher grade on yer next are-you-a-good-friend quiz!
***
Every’un loves numbers. Just try writing down all of your friends’ e-mail address on a piece of paper, and eventually you’ll come across addies like jobeth_10 or toyz041282. Back in high school when your test paper is return’d back to ya, you will find that it is corrected by anne #15. It is understood that a person’s fav’rite number most likely has sumthin’ to do wit that person & his/her g.f./b.f.’s anniversary date. Once, I ask’d a friend wut his fave no. is and he answer’d like tis: “Wala! Bat para saan ba’ yon?”, in a tone daring me to say that numbers are for attach’d persons & daring me to say outloud that he’s unattached. On tha other hand, there are those unattach’d persons who attach numbers after their names anyway. These numbers usually refer to tha order of their crushes’ initials in tha alphabet [por ejemplo 10 for j=joey], or tha total number of letters in their crushes’ names. In high school, I became aware that a guy wuz crushin’ on me when he marvel’d over how ma 4 names consist of 8 letters each. [“Uy, anggaling noh? Tig-8 letters pala lahat ng pangalan mo!”] I maself used to favor numbers 17 & 19 after tha number of letters in two of ma crushes’ names. I even almost got into a fight when a gurl in ma class found out that we have tha same fav’rite number & she fear’d that we had tha same crush & that I wuz after her crush. Of course, unattach’d crush-deficient individuals still find excuse to attach numbers to their names. They simply use their birthdates. In some ways, havin’ your birthday for yer fav’rite number could really be advantageous. Wut better way to remind yer Alzheimer-infested friends to buy you gifts on yer bday than to be scrawlin’ those dates right after yer name on every pieca paper ya find? I certainly did not forget toyz041282@yahoo’s bday after receivin’ daily streams of forwarded emails from him. Anyway, I must have a fav’rite numbah...right? I do. It’s tha number 3. Had been ma fave # since I wuz a child. Why? I like tha looks of it. I don’t like lookin’ at 5 or 1 or 7. But I don’t spell ma name wit it or put it right after ma name. I’ve undergone a stage [2nd yr highschool- 4th yr] in ma life when I spell ma name 5h1n3! -sometimes I still do but I don’t remember ever spellin’ ma name wit a number right after it. For me, tis practice is almost as bad as tha one where people put an unnecessary “h” in their names. [e.g. Jhun, Bhabes,etc.]
***

Songs I currently dig:
1] Damaged by TLC.
2] I'm Just A Kid by Simple Plan.
3] Year 3000 by Busted.
4] Home by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.
5] Like A Stone by Audioslave.
6] American Life by Madonna.
7] Losing Grip by Avril Lavigne.
8] Miss You by Aaliyah.
9] Why Georgia by John Mayer
10] The Prayer by Charlotte Church & Josh Groban.

3am:
“I can’t believe you’re not yet up! Wake up!”, tha manager barked.
artist: “Ngrrxxxxx..”
manager [draggin’ tha artist & tryin to carry him out of bed]: “C’mon! You know it’s a long way to the studio!”
artist [wakin up & rubbin’ his eyes]: “What the..?!?”
manager: “You should’ve known better than to stay up all night partying right before a video shoot! Now let’s just pray that the make-up artist can do something bout your bloodshot eyes. You look like you could star in a Visine ad instead of a music video! Let’s go!”
artist [drowsily]: “Ok. I’ll just change my shirt..”
manager: “They choose your outfit for you, remember? Let’s just go!”
artist [yawning]: “Okay.”
Later…
artist:[tryin’ not to yawn while singing] “If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours…”
***
Readin’ ma own palm, I found out that:
a] I will marry in ma 30’s or later or possibly not at all.
b] I will have one daughter. [if I’ll have any at all.]
c] I will be a widow.
d] I’m intelligent and sensitive.
..tha others I’ll keep fo’ ma’self! Who knows? Ma fate may still change! Afterall, tha lines on our palm change after every two years! ;-)

Tha past few days, I’ve done uncall’d for, very unlike me thangs. I’ve cook’d and baked from some recipe and both dishes actually turn’d out edible. For a person who hasn’t cook’d a plate of rice in her life before, I think I’m fin’lly gettin’ d-o-m-e-s-t-i-c-a-t-e-d [like a cat].
***
Paid a visit to Laguna & Anfernee [who has now grown into such a fine wee young man] today. Diden see much of him though as he arriv’d [sleepin’ prettily on his father’s back] juz when we’re bout to leave. Of course, we were really there to collect moolah acquired from our house there which ma brilliant lawyer-aunt managed to sell in a short period of time. Also got a chance to bond wit ma slick cuzins [Chicker-boy Glenn, kikay Gela & her suplada twin Geli, fratboy Mark, & tantrum-prone Trixie] and found out that former beauty pageant winner Glenn -who usually prefers chattin’ wit ma brotha than me- now had more thangs in common wit me as we discuss’d our woeful, jobless lives, telemarketing events [w/c he frequented for tha sole purpose of free food], and his frustrated plans of working in Japan. Also found out that Mark almost sent a drunken friend -who had punch’d him in his state- to kingdom come by hittin’ tha daylights out of tha guy usin’ some piece of wood. Incidentally, when ma hoodlum of a cuzin who probably look’d mad as a bull arrived home wit his polo shirt torn, big brother Glenn [who had his share of fistfights wit Mark] decided to be a superhero and came out carryin’ our uncle’s gun, but wuz stopp’d by Mark’s friends wit news that tha sock’d guy had been put in tha hospital and had good chances of meetin’ his Creator. That’s juz how it is wit ma cuzins. They kill each other but won’t let others kill ‘em. Good thang tha poor troublemaker survived. We play’d wit tha twins’ shi-tzu tha rest of tha day. She wuz adorable ‘cept for tha fact that she wuz actin’ too much like a dog. [biting us, lickin’, & chewin’ on tha TV guide.] She also had her own stuff’d caterpillar toy – big as her- w/c she carried around as companion. Later we found one eye of her caterpillar friend in her mouth.
***
Highlight of tha day: Receivin’ paper money from ma Tita Deng [an honor for ma forlorn, thirsty moneybox full of coins].
***
Least fave part of tha day: Another aunt askin’ me tha eternal, most annoying queschn ever–tha same one she keeps badgerin’ me about every visit.
***
Ei, loi! That wuz some pretty mean guitar u play'd today wit yer band on Breakfast!

Today is so-so. Yesterday was so-so. And so was last week. Tomorrow will most likely be so-so too. Hey, R.! Can I go wit you to Never-never land?
***
Hindi aco pede mag-internet. Some company might be tryin’ to reach me to say that they need me & I’ve landed a job. Yeah, right. Who am I kiddin’?
***
I juz luuv tha feelin that untangling nasty knots outta ma accessories and unearthing lost thangs in ma room brings.
***
Believe it or not, tha first time I’ve held a baby in ma arms occurred only three to four years ago. I’ve handled kids of all ages all ma life. In fact, I can relate so much to em bein’ an overgrown kid ma’self. But I’ve alwez avoided carryin’ babies that are less than a year old fo fear of droppin’ tha fragile wee ‘uns on tha head seein’ as I’m not exactly tha most careful person on earth. Then I met Anfernee. Anfernee is ma cuzin’s son and he wuz tha most beautiful fat baby I’ve ever met. He had tha fairest skin and had beautiful doe eyes and he wuz not cranky unlike most babies. He wuz callin’ out to be held & I wuz not one to resist him. And so I took ma nephew from another tita’s arms and held a baby for tha first time in ma own arms. Anfernee easily lean’d on me & I wuz surprised at how easily he could trust me & also at how heavy tha li’l un weighed. I wuz enjoyin’ tha feel of a fat contented baby in ma arms when ma maver came and saw me. Uneasy at tha sight of clumsy me holdin’ a heavy baby, maver took Anfernee gently from ma arms. Wut happen’d next wuz unforgettable fo me. As I reluctantly handed Anfernee to mum, tha leetle ‘un’s tiny mouth turn’d downwards & he shed two silent tears as we parted.

Guilty! Been guilty of goin’ online & pointedly ignorin’ blogger and tryin’ not to think of tha fact that I have avoided postin anythang that comes from ma lazy mind lately. Ma mind is lazy lately in sympathy & “pakikiramay” to ma body which is currently playin’ tricks on me & makin me think that I have SARS, wit all tha SARS syndrome & evrythang. [headache, cold, fever, cough, difficulty breathing, etc.] Am on ma fifth sick day now. And I hafta ask... is eatin’ ice cream allow’d? Coz I’m finishin’ up one now. [a cookie dough Cornetto]
***
I think I have found ma career. Or rather tha career found me. Our maid turn’d out to enjoy her holy week vacation at her home -so much so that as of lunch today, she came back from vacation wit her two hulking ate’s to gather her thangs and leave us. So now I’m…still a bum. I’ve realized that I’m as helpful around tha house almost as much as ma pea-brain’d brotha is. Plus I have tis strong reaction to dust which means gotta stay away from housecleanin’. I could do tha leetle thangs though. Mebbe I cud be an assistant maid tis summer.
***
Yesterday I whipp’d out maver’s mini cookbook and baked butterscotch bars. Turn’d out pretty edible too, considerin’ tha fact that I’ve substituted maple syrup for corn syrup since we diden have any corn s. in tha house. In fact am munching on some right now. Yea! Mebbe I cud sell tha ones left in tha Tupperware to tha neighbors or sumthin’ & start a baking career!
***
Last night I watch’d a late night show on tha discovery channel about people call’d profilers who play’d major parts in solvin’ crimes. They’re into tha human mind & studied people’s behaviors til they are able to give a profile of tha criminal for tha investigators to track down so their job is actually diff’rent from tha investigator’s. Por ejemplo, one profiler studied a serial prostitute-murderer’s actions till he wuz able to come up wit tha fact that tha criminal wuz in his late thirties, wuz white, have a normal job that allows him to blend wit people, is familiar to prostitutes, and drove a mini van. Tha investigators were able to catch tha culprit bcoz of tis profile, which they watch’d out for. Anotha wuz tha case of a mum & a baby murder’d. Incidentally, tha victims were reported as seen wit anotha passenger in their car –a drug dealer who wuz not harm’d tha least. Tha police wud’ve gone arrestin’ tha dealer if it weren’t fo tha profiler who said that most killers only kill adults & don’t include babies since babies are too young to be used as witnesses to crimes. In tha end they arrested tha father&his cuzin – tha real criminals. Now, I’m wonderin’ if there are any job openings for profilers tis side of tha world? Mebbe that’s where ma real callin’ is! ;-)

Hey, wanna know how hot it is? Well according to ma room barometer, today it is...98 degrees fahrenheit! Which is already considered as a heat wave in otha countries! No wonder I'm feelin' faint!

Pick-up lines from Yahoo Messenger's Garnier Fructis IM Environment:
For Tha Fellas:
"I can see you're a blonde. But are you a...dirty blonde?"
"When God made you, He wasn't fooling around...That's our job."
"Does your father own a chili factory? Because you are so hot..."
"What's my sign? Do Not Pass Up."
For Tha Ladies:
"Bet I know what your favorite dish is. Me."
"Are you from Tennesse? Cuz you're the only ten I see."
"They say blondes have more fun. I'll be the judge of that."
"Can I see the tag of your shirt? Just what I thought,"Made In Heaven."
"Don't go changin...Unless it's in front of me."

In lovin' memory of tha greatest cat in tha world...

1999-2002

I have a secret.
It’s…
I…
He…
Sorry, can’t tell! Nyahnyahnyah!
***
After listenin’ to a PR person give some PR talk about her PR job, lately, I’ve been lookin’ for PR person job openings in tha net but came up wit nuthin’ of tha kind. That’s when it came to me. Maybe there are no ads for PR job openings precisely because there are no PR persons to advertise tha need for PR job openings on tha net. If you are a classmate reading tis and you think I completely flubbed tha definition of a PR job, then stop twisting in embarrassment and come and whack some sense into ma slacker-school head.
***
me as a PR person: Willing to work hard and do all that tha job requires.
Willing to accept huge salaries and product freebies.
Not willing to do tha talking and convincing tha people bit.
me as a radio DJ: Willing to play alternative, hiphop, pop and r&b songs.
Willing to accept complimentary CDS and concert passes.
Not willing to talk wit anyone on air.
me as a model: Willing to pose.
Willing to accept free clothes.
Not willing to be still for more than two minutes.
me as a call center agent: Willing to undergo “American accent neutralization”.
Willing to accept huge salaries and company perks.
Not willing to memorize American or any other country’s geographical locations.
me as maver’s assistant baker: Willing to bake.
Willing to eat rejects.
Not willing to wait for tha bread to bake in tha oven.

“Congratulations! It’s a child!” It seems like more and more gurls ma age are growin’ tummies and preparin’ to be mums. Sometimes I think I can’t be surprised anymore but lately I wuz surprised again wit news of anotha one. So wut does tis mean? Are guys fed up too much wit our PMS bitching that they’d rather raise a child and be free of our bitchin’ for 9 months? Why can’t they use birth control? Haven’t they learned from their parents’ mistakes? So guys, next time your girlfriend is bitching, instead of bitching back, treat her out and celebrate tha fact that you won’t be raising a child any time soon.

my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

John Mayer's "No Such Thing" Misheard Lyrics:
I just found out there's no such thing as a rail road. Just so I've got ride the bus.
Correct Lyrics: I just found out there's no such thing as the real world. Just a lie you've got to rise above.