Simple Plan gets Complicated!

Who sat [or shall I say, stood] on the three thousand peso seating slot last Thursday courtesy of last minute free miracle passes acquired through tha right attitude, the right charm, and the right friends! ;-)
***
Since S.P. sound and lewk juz like otha bands in tha same genre [Hoobastank, Sum41, Blink 182, Greenday], some S.P. songs naturally sound juz like some otha bands' songs. Juz like...

1. S.P.’s ‘I’m Just A Kid’ and Sum41’s ‘In Too Deep’
I’m just a kid …and am tryin’ to keep up above my head instead of goin’ under…
2. S.P.’s ‘I’d Do Anything’ and Blink 182’s ‘All The Small Things’
I’ d do anything… truth care, truth brings...

Tha best & worst local overpasses
By Expert Commuter 5h1n3!

Best: Tha Raon one in Quiapo.
-very small staircase steps [anti-fatigue], minimal to zero beggar encounters, and shady too!

Worst: Guadalupe bridge in EDSA Guadalupe
-illogical double staircases [both fatigue-provoker & heights-phobia aggravator], tha most litter-infested, filthiest, most ancient staircases eroded by time [stepping on an uneven half-gone footing is not unusual]
Runner-up: Boni MRT bridge [specifically tha stairs]
-same eroded down problem, like somethin’has been gnawin’ down & snackin’ on tha steps [definitely not stiletto-friendly]

The author is a resident pedestrian as well as a slippers-to-work believer who has started commuting about a year and a half ago to this day.

Belated happy birthday to ma ex-boyfriend. You’ve survived me afterall. Haha.
***
You’ve got first dibs on me, you lucky thang, you. You have dispersed all focus I had on tha other tha mo’ I knew I had a chance wit you. I did not care having blown tha other off along wit security, stability, etc. I guess I juz don’t settle fo’ anythang that duzen have ma heart in it.
***
Tha one who loves you or tha one you love?
‘Can I git back to you again? I hafta ask both of em first …that way I can choose tha one who’ll choose me.’ ;-)
***
A friend whom anotha friend & me agreed on as skilled in his capacity to ‘say tha right things @ tha right time’ ask’d wut ma biggest turn-on is. Thinking physically, I had a hard time coming up wit an answer –I had liked both narrow & round-eyed, thin & chubby, tall & short, and fair & dark males tho’ I veer towards fair lads in younger years [Ricky Martin bein ma first crush]. Mentally, I have tis theory that every’un juz want someone to equalize their weaknesses –someone who will fill up their inadequacies and somehow be answers to tha problems they have about themselves. Prolly, a loser will want someone who’ll make him feel like a winner, a bossy person someone who’ll boss him around fo’ a change, etc. If it sez anything bout me, I want someone appreciative and persistent. Who won’t feel too secure in ma love, he’ll neglect/cheat on me. I used to think thoughtful is enuf. Now I kno that to carry out thoughtful deeds, a person has got to have tha drive. Laziness duzen cut it fo’ me pala. Lazy = too lazy to apologize, too lazy to fight fo’ me, too lazy to make tha relationship work, too lazy to git to kno me & start all over again [if he’s sore from anotha relationship], etc.

When I’m in a chatty mood, I talk wit every’un & any’un… guards, babies, jeepney drivers, peepz stuck in long lines wit me, package counter men [Ma friend here’s name is Shoplifter, does that make her punishable by law?], close friends’ brothers, etc. If people aren’t so lucky, tha journalist in me will even push me to interrogate these strangers to tha utter embarrassment of friends nearby… finding out if salesladies hide last pairs of shoes on sale if they really like em [like Sophia in tha Shoppaholic series] and wut punishment awaits a certain guard should he decide to switch tha channel of tha lobby TV in a TV Network company. Sometimes boys don’t git I’m born inquisitive & prone to cheerful babbling regardless of anyone. Prolly think I take special interest in em. Like a close friend’s brother whom I got to talkin on tha fon instead when ma pal ain’t home. And he got to callin’ w/c was fine wit me. On his third call he’s askin for a date –a friendly date, he stress’d, tryin’ to convince me to come as reference has already been made of tha magic word ‘boyfriend’ in our first conversation [a habit I’ve acquired since findin’ out that sayin it shrivels away unwanted prospects]. And then wanting to be a male concubine, not caring bout tha ‘boyfriend’. And then pesterin’ fo’ a date, so much so that tha times he call’d are spent solely on gettin’me to go that, ma patience havin’ been stretch’d to its limit, I say sumthin to him sort of like someone telling a child there’s no Santa Claus. So in a moment of guilt, I agreed to a date tha following month. Only I did not feel like talkin to him or seein him or bein’ nice to him anymore which thankfully he must’ve sensed since he stopp’d callin. And then he call’d again first day of tha next month juz to collect his ‘date’ which I really had no patience for. Morale of tha story: I have no patience for impatient peepz most spesh selfish peepz who base their every act on its corresponding gains. [Somehow I got to thinking he is that kinda person]

“Your eyeshadow’s darker on tha left.”
That’s because I’ve no eyeshadow on tha right.
“Huh?”
Crazymetalpipesonthabackofatruckdriversfault reallystoppinlikeitdidwhilstIwaslukintothari ghtwhereoncomingvehiclesarethereshudbesomela wforcartingvehiclescarryinstuffthatoverlapst
heircontainers

Everytime sum1 asks me wut ma ideal mate is, I alwez say tha same thing -that he would be sum1 constantly miss’d by me that, even at tha age of ninety when we wud’ve been tired of each otha, I’ll fret & totally be upset when for 5 minutes he disappears from ma sight even as he juz goes for nganga from a corner store.

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.
->Rainer Maria Rilke

A friend flyin’ in from tha States 6AM tomorrow morn fo’ ma birthday... We gon' pahty like it’s ma boithday! ;-)

Boyfriend schmoyfriend
Except for really close friends, every’un always git tha crazy notion that I have a boyfriend. People would go “Swerte naman ng boyfriend mo!”, “Buti di nagagalit boyfriend mo!” [when I’d do sumthin bad], or: “Nasaan boyfriend mo?” witout askin first if a boyfriend really does exist. And when wit a straight face I’ll tell em that no, I do not have one, they’ll go, “Huu, ikaw pa!” as if I was born in tis world for tha purpose of havin’ boyfriends. Even church ministers would take one skeptical look at me then proceed to lecture me on the evils of having a boyfriend outside tha religion at our first meeting. So since no one believes me anyway, I’ve learn’d to give answers to their queschns depending on ma mood. Ma boyfriend lives in tha neighborhood. Or he lives far away. Boyfriend and me are to meet for a secret tryst when I’m seen goin home early. Seein each otha is bad for tha relationship. [on why they never see tha elusive boyfriend] I am actually getting’ hitch’d wit tha boyfriend y’all have created for me. [why I was leavin ma last place of employment before current bumhood.] And am havin his child. When I tire of a boyfriend, sometimes I have a girlfriend.
***
Earliest birthday memory
I was standing fo’ tha longest time in front of our house’s window wit maver right behind me, her arms round ma shoulders. ‘Twas ma third b-day and about 4PM already and we were getting cold from tha wind. When it became clear that no one was comin’, she pull’d me close and kiss’d me, apologetic that her li’l gurl wasn’t having guests @ her party. I was fine until she did tis. Then I thought of all ma fave food [espasol among otha things], tha fancy utensils, and tha colorful party napkins she prepared and felt sorry for her, for feelin guilty @ failin’ to give me guests and how she wanted so much to make me happy but there she was behind me unhappy. A guest did came later… scrawny puny Igi-boy who was barely two and lives just across from us -ma only guest brought over by his mother
***

I pray that tha next job will have tha weekends off juz like ma 2 previous jobs so I may still have fo’ ma’self 2 days of shopping, reminding ma friends I’m still part of their lives, breakin ma’self away from monotonous work-related hoopla, and otha stuff to accomplish which shuden be look’d back upon wistfully by tha end of tha year fo’ not bein’ dun. I pray that tha next job will have tha last one’s gewd pay so I can once again have sumthin to wipe out. I pray that tha next job will have tha first one’s DSL Internet connection witout firewalls on any site [mp3’s, any1?]. I pray that tha next job will be one ride away like tha last one. I pray that tha next job will gimme ma own direct line juz like tha first one. I pray that tha next job comes quick.

L.S.S. [Last Song Syndrome] of tha week:

If your status ain't hood
I ain't checkin' for him
Betta be street if he lookin' at me
I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Known to carry big things
If you know what I mean
If your status ain't hood
I ain't checkin' for him
Betta be street if he looking at me
I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Gotta know to get dough
And he betta be street

I know some soldiers in here (Where they at, where they at)
They wanna take care of me (Where they at)
I know some soldiers in here (Where they at, where they at)
Wouldn't mind takin one for me (Where they at)
I know some soldiers in here (Where they at, where they at)
They wanna spend that on me (Where they at)
I know some soldiers in here (Where they at, where they at)
Wouldn't mind puttin that on me (Where they at)
-->Soldier by Destiny's Child

A government employee
After waitin for maver to finish changin’ from her deaconess uniform one Thursday noon, I ask’d if we could use tha side door insteada main door to exit juz fo’ tha change in routine.
“No, I wanna see how many of my sakops went”, maver went and steer'd me to tha direction of tha tarhetas.
“You are such a government employee…”, I told her.
“What?!”
“Never mind.”
“Have you lost your mind again?”
*A government employee, by ma defn’tn, through 3 months of puttin’ up wit em, is a person who veers towards tha routinary way of living. They have tha urgent need to do thangs tha normal customary way and others can’t tell em othawise fo’ it will be a mortal error fo’ em equivalent to getting’ jail’d or sumthin worse, heaven forbid. Tis applies fo’ goin to werk [8-5 @ tha O. no matter if ya hafta do werk outside tha office & ye are better able to werk bcuz tha O. lack’d O. supplies], not bendin’ tha rules even a bit fo’ a special case [no, we can’t have a photo caption releas’d to tha media becuz it is not yet approved no matter if it’s juz two sentences and we are tryin’ to beat newspapah deadlines and tha mayor ain’t nowhere to approve], and bein’ ridiculously afraid of their amos, they won’t a] speak a word of mockery pertainin to em not even in a jokey way b] grant interviews or answer harmless questions needed to give meat fo’ press releases c] give copies of harmless statistical documents fo’ fear of losin’ their jobs.

In search for piec’d together used packs of juices

I do not know where I git ma energy to wander to for hours @ faraway places. Mebbe it’s true wut they say bout peepz who have moles on feet? Tha last day of werk before Christmas break and I was up by 4am after only 4hours of sleep. After gon to church and to work, I realized I still do not have gifts fo’ tha maternal clan which am seein tha next day. Not keen on havin to give away cash when tha kin come wishin’ me a happy holiday, I decided to go to tha place where sewn together tetra packs of juices are bein sold as bags. Only prob is I had no idea exactly where it is tho’ I know tha name of tha town [which is extensive and big.] So I hail’d a jeep and ask’d tha driver to take me there. So he took me to tha factory but they were clos’d fo’ tha day and not sellin’ anymore as tha bags I saw there were pre-order’d by some people from France. So I ask’d around fo’ otha possible Zesto bag-sellin’ places and walk’d and walk’d [no trykes or jeeps in sight] till I arrive @ a row of rundown houses wit tetrapacks hangin’ out on tha windows to dry. And I approach’d one & ask’d tha ales livin there whereelse I can buy a sewn-up Zesto bag. And they invited me in while ale1 chang’d clothes to escort me to tha seamstress of Zesto bags she knows. And while I was waitin, soiled little kids scatter’d ‘round and inspected me, starin’ @ tha grey&black-skirted stranger wit stood-on-ends hair sittin in their living room. Tho there was lotsa space in tha bench, they did not sit next to me but stood facin me and they’d giggle, hit each other and hide behind each other’s backs everytime I talk to one of em. I ask’d em wut grade level they are in and in typical kid fashion, one not only answer’d ma queschn, but volunteer’d other facts about herself as well, never mind that I did not ask her. Kid said she was in grade one -that all of them are- and that they were in section three, sounding as if being in section three makes all tha difference. Meanwhile it felt as if tha ale had forgotten bout me and gone to sleep and while I was deciding between staying and leaving, I took out tha remaining box of butterscotch bars I had baked tha previous night which was s’pos’d to be for a friend I did not see that day and handed it to tha kids. And then tha ale materialized & we all went to tha Zesto-bag maker which turn’d out to be another 50 or so miles away. Fascinating is tha fact that I was carryin’ wit me three-months’ worth of office junk while walkin. And then after buying bags, I wana buy a gift for someone not related to me. So wit tha added bulk of bags, ma personal bag, and tha big bag of office goop, I waited for hours for a MegaMall FX but no such vehicle pass’d ma way and I chatted wit tha ale in boredom of waitin & tha ale turn’d out to be waitin for a “Crossing jeepney” but no such luck either till twas getting dark already and she told me shed juz ride a “Kanto jeepney” first -which was practically tha only vehicle passin our way anyway. So she’ll git off where chances of a “Crossing jeepney” is more likely. Since I am impatient I went wit her. But after getting off @ tha kanto, she disappeard & there aint still a MegaMall FX so I rode “her” Crossing jeepney instead. And walked for miles till I reached tha Mall. And then I did not find anything interesting. So I walk’d all tha way back to tha Shangri-La mall. And that’s where I spent tha rest of ma cents on gifts. All in tha spirit of Christmas.
***

Lookin back at that day when ma bossy immediate superior wasn’t so bossy

She usually barks orders all day long. That day she hasn’t given me any, nor has she shouted at me or scolded me. She was at peace, serenely reading a pocketbook that was not work-related and playin games on our pc. Her fire had gone out and it’s as if she’d gone to heaven and tha person I’m wit was reduc’d to a body task’d to do normal functions like reading pocketbooks and talkin to me occasionally. She had given herself a pat on tha back that is tha assurance that from then on she will have it good by her final decision to git out of that place. I know becuz aside from “behaving”, she also pack’d her thangs into a big plastic bag @ tha end of tha day. She was also initiating conversations on our way home -askin me if I liked a certain food, etc.- like she was squeezing in topics that may connect us wit wut was left of our last moments wit each other. Her actions were clear statements that she was leaving. She had a place to go to. I diden. I was not ready to give ma’self peace tha way she did two months ago. Now I am. Tho I still have nowhere to go. So long terrible government workplace! I have struggled wit ya long enuf! I had fun fighting off yer inhabitants! It’s time to piss off other peepz!

i love to see the ocean’s beauty
and the moon that shines above
alone in the sand looking at the stars
wishing someday i would find true love
would it be nice to see the morning
with the one you love the most
would it be nice to say goodnight
to the one you hold so close to your heart
to your heart.

the wind that blows the dove
is the wind that blows my love
hope it’ll find its way to you wherever you are.

i love to sit in fields of green
looking deeply through the sky
watching birds as they fly by
hoping someday fate will bring me true love.
would it be nice to hold someone
so dear, near yo ur heart
would it be nice to hear those words
i love you from the one that you love,
that you love.

i’d love to see myself one day
in the arms of someone
who will share her life with me
selflessly…someday…
you will find your way to me…

-south border

Ma next-door-neighbors @ tha O are startin to speculate about ma sanity, I know.

Ma only officemate up & left me. Our office is currently bein’ demolish’d. Aside from still not havin phone, basic supplies like stapler & glue, it’s now diminish’d into 1/4 of its original dimension. Tha aircon & tha white light are on tha side bein repair’d on leavin’ me in a dusty, wood-smellin, claustrophobic, dark small space wit no ventilation wutsoever…
“Did you ask for an electric fan at least?”, a concerned neighbor ask’d.
“They wouldn’t give me.” [whilst typing mechanically @ a pc connected to an electrical outlet someone had unscrew’d]
“Won’t you at least take the computer out so you’ll be cooler then just take it in when you’re done?”
“I don’t mind really.” Tha pc stand do not have wheels and someone stole tha plank where tha fusebox fo’ switchin tha pc on&off used to be so tha fusebox now sat on tha floor –All makin it hard to lug tha pc in & out spesh in an office where there’s no officemate [‘cept for tha black lady, fkors].

I bask’d in ma seclusion stubborn as a mule –friendless, supply-less, & officemate-less- determin’d to stick it out till ma salary saves me.
***
Them nosy government employees start to git catty & petty.

Typical Queschns Aim’d @ Yours Truly:
1] How much is your salary?
2] Wut does your father do for a livin’?
3] Your mother?
4] Where did you study?
5] Approximately how many square kilometers does your house measure to?

Anu itu, LIFESTYLE CHECK? I guess how I answer will be their basis fo’ likin’ me or not. Or they just need excuses to hate me and any will do whether it be right or wrong based on their own perverse judgment system. And then they make catty comments about every aspect of ma life. Hey “friends”, I juz wna make it clear hiyah: MONEY has a way bigger callin’ to me than y’all. No, I am NOT thinkin bout resigning @ all coz MUKHA AKONG PERA –got that?

I resolve to save enuf to have something worthy to fill tha blanks in in tha assets, liabilities & networth section of tha papers tha Personnel department is makin me fill in.
***
Steel Bars Shall Not Come Into Collision Unto Thy Back

That is why I try to avoid tha second-to-tha-last passenger seat [near tha loading side of tha jeep] as best as I could where tha steel handles dig real deep & are murder fo’ ma back.

I was lonely for someone to talk to but after dialin’ a few persons’ numbers from ma list of selected people to call and not findin’ any of em home, I diden feel like returnin’ tha receiver to its cradle just yet so I dial’d a random number…
Me: May I speak wit.. [paused to make up name] ..J please?
Kid: Eto na nga siya.. bakit?
Me: Ha?? D nga! You’re really named J?
Kid: Oo nga. Sino ba to?
Me: Ah. [thinkin up excuse] Eh hinahanap ko yung matandang J eh. Wala na bang ibang J diyan?
Kid: Wala. Ako lang dito.
Me: Ilang taon ka na ba?
Kid: 12
Me: Ah k. Wrong number nga! Bye!
***
I was still maudlin & restless so I decided to send tha big fanciful “Shayn loves you” message in ma phone done in lined-up rows of parentheses to kith and kin that are close to ma heart. Cousins, aunts, uncles, former classmates, and close friends alike were all victims of ma “KSP” mood, tryin to solicit an ounce of attention from em. Only 2 heeded: Madcow S. who was comin home late & who, gettin ma message warp’d in his Sony Ericsson phone, ask’d me wut t’was, and tha unfailing Fox mother hen Lada who forwarded a friendship quote.
***
Miss en wab co kayo! …miss ño ba’co? Eh wab? Wah!!!!

Kung hindi maghihintay ang naghihintay sakin
Magsasalisi ang buhay naming
Tulad ng mga planetang nag-aabangan
Sa kani-kaniyang landasin-
Bawal mag-engkwentro
At baka malansag kristal na uniberso
->Rolandio Tinio

La lan. I juz felt like…

Goin fo’ a 3-day visit to Baguio witout money.
Forgettin to pack ma own towel.
Packin’ a mini skirt to a place wit freezing cold weather.
Takin lotsa fab pics wit ma phone then givin’ ma phone away via droppin it on tha sidewalk.

La lan.

And then when I got home…
Ambling round in tha mall wit no specific purpose in mind then remembering 3 hours later that I have left ma plastic folder somewhere -tha plastic folder which contained ma civil service eligibility documents, resume, employee clearance, sample works and [gulp]… tha check fo’ ma 13th month pay which is tha very last of ma riches & is meant to pay electric bills and such. [W/c I found wit tha guard in Bench after a frantic search & askin’ all over tha place]
Paying tha fare fo’ ma jeepney ride home before gettin’ off again whilst remembering tha Bench package I left at tha grocery’s package counter.

I’m on a roll.

I had been complainin bout ma eyes & head fo’ weeks but wen maver finlly told me to go see tha doc I waver’d.
Ma: Bilisan mo na kumilos. Pupunta ka ngayon sa duktor.
Me: Ngayon? Eh pano kung wala palang diperensya sacen?
Ma: Eh di mabuti nga kung ganon! Ano ka ba?
Onga noh.
***
I had no idea ma bro of 22 years is such a likeable person. A day of skipp’d work & they [3 gals] came barrelin’ gaily @ home. One of em was tha HR person. [prolly checkn if bro’s really sick] Upon findin’ out & suddenly rememberin a certain test, I ask’d her wutz up wit a particularly unrelenting sentence completion test that keep turning up @ every company I apply in. She said tha company was tryin to find out if tha applicant has any conflicts wit in tha family etc. If that’s true, am wonderin wut they make of ma answers, I bein tha ultimate contender fo’ unrevelatory answers… Some of ma answers read:
My father never… fails to watch his fave soaps everyday.
My mother… looks nuthin like her daughter.
When I was a child I… was fat.
Sometimes am too lazy to think of answers of ma own so I get it from tha previous queschn juz like “Someday, I want….”, to which I answer’d “..people to work for me.” Tha previous queschn was “People who work for me…”.
***
It has occur’d to me that some persons might be searchin fo’ certain posts bout em in tis blog. Well am sowee but I can’t post about you if you keep reading tis. Guess you’ll juz hafta find ma other diary. Haha!