Make Gift Giving Hassle-Free with GC Regalo!

Although buying something for ourselves and shopping for new clothes, gadgets or goodies can always be a source of happiness for us, there is no greater joy than the joy we get from giving gifts to other people. And with Christmas just around the corner, everyone is already busy scouting the malls for the perfect gifts to give their loved ones. For those who are stumped on what to get the special people who made a difference in their lives for the past year, below are fool-proof gift-giving ideas for all occasions:

•  Make it all about them and not you.

• One way to ensure that the gift you will give will be appreciated? Go out of your way to really know the person -and most specifically- find out their likes, their hobbies, favorite characters, etc. Just spend a week observing what they do in their free time, or look at their social media accounts for clues on what they like based on the photos they have posted in the past. Once you have an idea about what they like, then you will find it easier to shop for what they want. Remember that although you may be tempted to give them a gift that YOU yourself want for yourself, they may not appreciate it as much, and they will be much happier in getting a gift that truly reflects their interests and likes. 

•  Personalize your gift. 

•  Another way to make your Christmas gift or birthday gift extra special is by personalizing it. Personalizing a gift is really very sweet and thoughtful as it means you have put ample time and consideration in preparing it as opposed to just getting a last-minute gift from the mall. In deciding on which gift to personalize, you can either base it on your own talent. Are you artistically inclined and is skilled at drawing, painting or calligraphy? Do you like baking cupcakes in your free time? Perhaps you can make a short poem for them? How about serenading them with your epic guitar skills? Or if you don't have any specific skill or talent, you could just have a shirt or pen customized with their names, school, club affiliations, or anything they're currently interested in at the moment. 

•  Give them their favorite food. 

•  What could be better than their favorite food? Everybody loves food and it's guaranteed not to go to waste as their is always someone they can share the food with. So multiply the joy by giving them their favorite food... whether it be their favorite dessert (cookies, brownies, cakes and ice cream), favorite chips, nuts or snacks or their favorite food from a restaurant (pizza, fries, donuts, chicken).

•  Simply give them a Gift Certificate. 

• When all else fails, just give them a Sodexo Premium Pass Gift Certificate or GC Regalo. By getting them a Gift Certificate, you are relieved from the burden of having to gift wrap a present, and you are also saved from having to carry a bulky and heavy gift package which you have to hail a taxi cab to be able to deliver as you just need to hand the certificates enclosed in an envelope. Best of all, you give your loved ones the freedom to just be able to choose their gift however they want it as the Sodexo Premium Pass Gift Certificates may be used in around 100 restaurants and food establishments, major department stores and supermarkets nationwide, skin clinics, salons and spas, electronic and appliance stores, pharmacies, clothing and shoe stores as well as leisure parks, theater and bowling alleys. By purchasing the Sodexo Premium Pass Gift Certificate or GC Regalos, shopping for a gift this Christmas is truly hassle-free and convenient to do! 

Light In the Dark: Musings While Travelling

When I was travelling in Iloilo, I glimpsed this through our window while riding the ferry... 

It was a magnificent sunset. a glorious bright and wild fiery lava-like sliver of color that seeped through an otherwise darkening, almost black sky. 

As with anything by nature, I was mesmerized. I looked at it in awe, dazed by its beauty... the audacity of it to be so loud and colorful amidst the dark skies. As a child, I've often wondered if blazing sunset such as this one signifies the hot coals of hell and that maybe all of us can see hell from our windows at home or maybe it's the opposite.. maybe it's actually paradise peeping and saying hi to us. 

Well, that day on the ferry, I chose the latter. I imagined the feisty pink-orange light to be a beacon of inspiration, and it filled me with hope to be able to see it waving high and proud at me, telling me that my dreams are not impossible at all but are indeed attainable and that although I may not be there right now, I know that one day, I will reach it. One day my skies will be filled with bright glorious light and it will be amazing. 

Watercolor

 I give you back your heart. I give you permission. She is the sum of yourself and your dreams. Approach her like a monument, step after step. She is solid. She is your have to have. As for me, I am watercolor. I wash off. --Anne Sexton

Pagitan

Habang ako ay nagpapahinga
Doon kita natagpuan, aking Pagitan
Sa kalagitnaan ng aking pag-aalinlangan sa aking naging simula at dulo, ako ay iyong nilapitan
Ginusto kong maglibang at huwag ng malungkot
Sa sandaling kasama ka ako'y nakalimot.
Alam kong ang mga tulad mo ang siyang dapat iniiwasan ko ngunit andiyan ka na
At andito naman ako
Sa una ay maayos ang lahat, pakiramdam ko pareho tayo ng gusto.
Wala ito, sandali lang ito, ang sabi ko.
Kunsabagay, pagitan ka lang naman, mayroon pang tiyak na dulo.
Ngunit sa pagtagal-tagal, lagi ko ng natatagpuan ang sarili ko
Na nasa Pagitan.
Hanggang sa kinalimutan ko na ang aking simula, at ni ayaw ko na makita kung san man ang aking dulo
Basta dito ka lang lagi,
Aking Pagitan.

To Be A Girl in a Patriarchial Society

I will survive the day without someone trying to...
Touch me.
Hit on me.
Or make inappropriate comments about me.
When it used to feel safer knowing male friends will attend a party,
Now I am more...
Alert.
On guard.
And ready to kick,
Prepared to diss man's every trick.
Whatever happened to platonic friendship?
Now I can't have tea without him asking for something to keep.
The world can't really expect me to form something deep
When all these monkeys are acting really cheap.

That Moment When I Made The First Move

I have always been the passive type of lover. As someone who never cared about anyone unless someone goes out of their way to spend time with me, feed me and my ego, and convince me that having them in my life is as normal as breathing, I usually just ignore everyone around me.

That's why it's hard for me to imagine that back in high school, I actually made the first move to let a guy I barely knew that I liked him. 

The event was brought about by one simple incident that happened a few days before. It was right after our ACP (Aerospace Cadet of the Philippines) class when one of the girls in my class made a joke as we stood near the school gate. Being the slow wit that I was, I only got the joke when everyone else left, and as I looked out the gate while finally getting the joke and a smile slowly spreading on my lips, I suddenly found myself looking at a guy from my batch who also smiled back at me.  Looking around me to check if there was anyone else, I was embarrassed to find that I was alone and that the guy from my batch probably thought I was hitting on him. But more than being embarrassed, I also found that I fell into some form of trance with his smile and that although I've seen him around and paid no attention to him before, suddenly I can't forget his smile. 

So much so that when our school held a recollection event for all the seniors in the batch and they asked us to give red ribboned candles for love, I acted on impulse and had my love candle delivered to him, never mind that we never had a class together nor spoke a word to each other in all our elementary and high school years in school. I didn't even think of what my friends or his friends will think, or what he himself will think or whether he has a girlfriend in our batch...I just wanted to give him something for his smile. 

Seeing You Again

Yesterday, for the first time since we met and since I have known you to be my neighbor, we crossed each other's path accidentally. I knew it was inevitable, with you living just a stone's throw away from where I live, and with both of us having just a 1-hour difference in our work schedules -you being speeded up by having your own vehicle and me being slowed down by public transportation and my tendency to buy groceries first before heading home.

Ever since we met, I had acquired the habit of always peering intently at the faces of motorcycle riders to see if it was you. Yesterday, it really was you. You were wearing your helmet, allowing me to just look at your eyes for identification. I had planned on what to do when I see you again -originally thinking of snubbing you or looking at you and then looking away pointedly and then later on thinking that my heart will probably be transparent anyway and that I'll most likely give you a sad smile in the incident that you cross my path and you are with your new love.

I did none of that. I looked up straight in your helmeted eyes and held your gaze for as long as I can, savouring the moment, drinking the presence of you all in, knowing that it was all I had and will probably ever have in a world where I have to rely on circumstance to see you again. I never saw your motorcycle to confirm if it was really you. I never had the chance as I was stunned to see you or the idea of you, asking myself if it was really you, unsure of myself, unsure of you. But what if it's not you, I asked myself. Yes of course, it is you, I chided myself. I'd know those eyes from anywhere even if they are quite sad. They mirror my own emotions.

Museum of Broken Relationships

I've long heard about the Museum of Broken Relationships. But today, I actually got to see it via this video I found on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ajplusenglish/videos/750086135132896/ The museum is a place to donate items that remind owners of their exes and each item comes with a story like the small dinosaur toy on which the caption read: "Remember how many skee balls we had to roll in order to win this?" 

Seeing the video inspired me to think of what my donations for the Museum of Broken Relationships would be:

• My red shirt                                                                                                                             

I wore this when I decided to travel 4 hours to surprise him on Valentine's Day. Afterwards, I refused to wash it because it smelled like his perfume and for a time, I always slept with the shirt next to me. 

• Movie Passes 

I scored passes and invited him to watch a movie with me for our 3rd date. Towards the end of the night, I tried giving him his pass to keep as a souvenir. He told me to just keep it. Maybe it was a sign I didn't see. 

• Loom Band 

This loom band was given to me by a friend who worked with me. But I will include this in memory of someone else -the boy I was in a relationship with at that time. We used to spend all our weekends together ever since we got together but there was 1 whole week when we didn't see each other 'cause I was so busy. Anyway, when we finally saw each other, he told me that in my absence, he had repaired my loom band which had gotten broken and which I left at his house. 

• Couple Photo Collage

Back when photo collage apps still don't exist and my Photoshop skills were very limited, I asked my best friend to create a collage of me and my guy's numerous photos and then printed it so I can give it to him as a Valentine's gift. 

This Thing Called Infatuation

When we first met, you were wearing one of your black shirts that you always wore the first few times we dated. I think they were your best shirts. They made you look thinner and hid your beer belly. I never saw any trace of them later on. Anyway, during that first date exactly a few years ago, I knew you liked me or what I represented to you at that first glance. I knew because you never complained about the bill even if I surprised you with a pretty expensive choice for that impromptu dinner date brought about by my sudden PMS craving for beef belly. Neither did I hear a peep from you when I picked an imported ice cream chocolate bar from the grocery and made you pay for it, too. I have been jobless for some time, thus penniless. I knew I got you coz when we were about to part, you were even humming a song.

When we first met I thought you looked fairly cute. Not bad, I told myself after my first glimpse of your face.

The second time we met, you were wearing an elegant black jacket sitting directly below the chandeliers at the lounge of the newly opened cinema in BGC. When you saw me, you flashed me a brilliant smile, so happy to see me, and I can't help but smile back coz you were so dashing and your smile so genuine. I started falling in love with the crinkles around your eyes which showed everytime you smile or laugh.

The first time I rode with you on your motorcycle, I buried my face in your back coz you were going too fast. You thought I was being sweet and sorta rubbed your stubbled chin on the back of my hand on your shoulder (which I thought was cute if not a bit odd)

I loved how your face would always light up with a smile by way of greeting whenever we met. The first few times, I smiled back, but I was back to my poker resting bitch face after that coz it's my most natural state.

Like your predecessors, I am once again in total bewilderment of how I can fall for you when you didn't seem to exhibit too much lovable traits. But for me, you were absolutely beautiful. All I have to do to forget all about your shortcomings is imagine the magical moment when I snuggled up hesitantly next to you to sleep, and you inched yourself all the way into my arms and as close as you can be before kissing me lightly on my forehead and falling asleep. I ache to be with you always, and when I was not with you, I imagine myself sending you kisses, hugs and an auric shield filled with love so that you may always wake up happy and in a good mood. At night, I wish to the stars and pray to the universe to always keep you safe and to let you know how much I love you.

When you started to withdraw your affections, I vacillated between letting you go and holding on, but reaching out to you somehow always won. I reasoned with myself: Can I really live with myself for not trying to understand you when you are the person I love the most in this world? Is this (shunning you) any way to treat someone who will be my husband? 

After this reasoning, I always came back to you. I sent you beautiful poetry or articles related to motorcycles or helpful links about your career and even childish Viber stickers. I sent you signs of my love patiently each night with a curtly keyed-in good night or a corny good night sticker just before I close my eyes to rest each night, never mind that you don't respond or just seen-zone it. "I love you and I will not give up" is my battlecry, and I ignored all the hurt you were piling up on me. I will not be calling out all your faults coz after all loving is not about me, but my decision to continue giving it to you even without getting any in return.

I had no idea when I intended to stop until one day when I decided to take a peek at your profile, and found that the only heart I had ached for every waking day for months --and which had been kept safely out of my reach-- now belongs to someone else.

From Denial to Acceptance: Going from Slim to Huggable

I have always been a waif for most of my pre-pubescent and pubescent years and up until college. Everyone in the family would always tease me "tikling" which I understood to be a tall, thin object because I resemble exactly that in their eyes. On my second year of college, I had the waist line of 23 inches and our pre-physical check-up for our swimming class in P.E. revealed that I only weigh 88 lbs.

I know that most of my friends and family are surprised at how big I've suddenly become. So to settle that, here are the compilation of facts and reasons on why I suddenly "blew up" for those of you who are wondering:

1.  When the movie Queen of the Damned was released, I remember one of my friends saying that they didn't enjoy it as much because "Aaliyah was too petite to be a queen". That simple comment had been engraved in my memory for future reference. 
2.  I remember browsing through photos of me from my bro's camera when I was a bit "chunkier" and I also remember feeling happy with my heavier albeit curvier figure. 
3.  Friends and family always tease me for my "lack of behind". Even got into an argument with an ex that ended in me almost hitting him with my bag and umbrella (he ducked) because he kept on insisting that I had my cherry popped already simply derived from his mom's theory that "flat-assed" women had their cherries popped. 
4. Back when I was with MTV, we had an intern who was bigger than normal in terms of height and size but also curvier which led me to appreciate bigger and curvier women. I observed that curves are more emphasized and exaggerated when you are bigger as opposed to being curvy when you are petite where it's easy to overlook 'cause you're so slim and small.   
5. When a beau told me "pumayat ka" two years ago, his face looked sad. 
6.  After being jobless and having no money to buy the food I wanted to eat for a couple of months, I was jubilant with having secured a job finally that I decided that the extra money I was getting should be spent on my stomach's happiness. After all, my mom would just throw or give away the clothes, shoes, bags, groceries or things I buy, but when money goes straight to eating out, well, I am sure that she can't take it away from my stomach anymore. 
7.  If there's a sickness called anorexia nervosa, I'm probably the opposite. Always seeing in my mind's eye my beau's sad face with the words "pumayat ka", I always imagine myself to be the waif I used to be in earlier years so I always eat more recently. Finished with my meal? I will get a 2nd serving of rice or around 5 more "subo's" to eat with my potato chips. I think I have also adapted a post-holocaust era mentality after being unemployed for what to me felt like eternity, so my eating up is me assuring myself that everything's okay. "There, there...You will never go hungry again, poor stomach!" 

As I have this ongoing delusion where I felt I truly am slim no matter what I ate, it never really dawned on me that I was already gaining weight. And now, here's what led me to slowly believe I am in fact getting bigger (although I was in denial through most of them)

1. A short-sleeved blouse that has turned sleeveless.
2. Lately, I always feel soreness in my lower back and my bum just sitting at my desk in the office. I just pass it of as a sign of aging but later on I realize that it may be because I'm not used to bearing the extra weight I've gained!
3. Similarly, there were times in the past when I can stroll malls from 3PM - 8PM and I'll just get tired feet. But now I notice that just a few minutes' worth of walk can make my feet sore regardless of what shoe I wear, and I'll have no choice but to go home even if I still have lots to see. Could it be because I am now heavier? :( 
4. Washing my face one evening and then looking up at the ceiling to feel something new cushioning the back of my head: Surprise! I now have fatty skin folds on my nape! 
5. I went to fit a dress and when I looked at my naked body in the dressing room mirror I can notice all the bulges that weren't there before! 
6. Finally, I used to have a tape measure on my room's desk where I can easily use it any old time I wanted to know if I am gaining weight or not. But it had disappeared for years now and I always forget to ask mom about it. When I specifically asked my mom for it the other day, I got the surprise of my life when I found I am 4 inches more than my "average fat tummy" measurement. 

Love of my life, light of my soul.

Bituing Walang Ningning The Musical Review

I have always loved watching plays and musicals. That's why when a colleague scored VIP tickets and invited me to watch a musical with her on a week day at the Newport Performing Arts Theater, Resorts World Manila, I immediately said yes even if I usually sleep early on weekdays, the venue was far from home and I had no idea how to get home by myself late at night.

The musical was Bituin Walang Ningning, a rendition from the wildly popular original same-titled movie of the 80's starring Sharon Cuneta and Cherie Gil and featuring the classic line "You're nothing but a second-rate trying hard copycat!" delivered by the latter whilst emptying contents of her wine glass to the former's face. The story revolves around a sampaguita vendor girl who is a huge fan of a singing star but later on rises to singing star fame herself with the help of her singing star idol's manager/boyfriend who planned the whole thing to coerce his superstar girlfriend into settling down with him.

As someone born in the 80's, I'm always excited and nostalgic for anything throwback in the era when I was born so I thought it was the perfect way to celebrate Throwback Thursday last January 7.

Me with Auntie (Jon Santos) and Dorina (Monica Cuenco)

That's why I was glad that they did not try to modernize the movie into today's era but portrayed it in the 80's. The teased big hair and fishnet stockings of Cris Villonco (who played Lavinia Arguelles); the classic poster carrying and waving of fans, Kuya Germs and his entertainment show, and the adorning of sampaguita garlands on the celebrity idol's neck were all very 80's, not to mention the flashing of testimonials of approval to the rising star Dorina Pineda (portrayed by Monica Cuenco) from 80's music singers Basil Valdez and many others in the 80's.

Because I was used to watching plays and musicals with old-fashioned, constructed real backdrops, I was disappointed to see that most of the backdrops of the play were projected into the screen instead of the actual back drops, but at the same time it made sense since in today's era it would cut costs to do that instead of having actual backdrops so that the artists and talents can raise more money. Still I missed the old school, carpentered back drops of yester years.

Despite not having actual backdrops as I had hoped to see, all in all Bituing Walang Ningning the Musical was a pleasure to see. I understand how the Resorts World production team need to import the movie from another era even though there are lots of other telescripts and movies to choose from because the script featured the hardships of unrequited love and harboring feelings for someone who loves another person (Dorina loving Nico who loves Lavinia, Gary loving Dorina who loves Nico and Nico finally loving Dorina whom he thinks is in love with Gary), in other words a "hugot" or "feels" twist to the plot, which is very popular in today's generation.

Me with Gary (Ronnie Liang) and Nico (Mark Bautista)

Apart from the "hugot" twist to the plot, what made both the movie and the musical epic was the 2 songs featured in the original movie composed by musical genius and fellow Aquarian Willy Cruz complete with heart wrenching lyrics and grand orchestra playing that can bring out the "hugot" and "feels"in everyone in the audience: the legendary "Pangarap na Bituin" and  the musical's hugot song offering, "Sana'y Maghintay ang Walang Hanggan". The musical also featured another Willy Cruz song sung by Sharon Cuneta that was not featured in the movie, "Kumusta Ka".

Basically, the difference between the movie and the musical was that the movie used popular English songs sung by foreign artists to be sang by Sharon Cuneta and Cherie Gil such as I Just Called to Say I Love You, I Can't Wait Forever, Total Eclipse of the Heart, etc. While the musical focused on OPM songs. Also, the theater version had more comic moments care of comedian Jon Santos (who played Dorina's auntie) and also featured punchlines delivered by the rest of the cast.

Regarding the quality of the talents' voice, the songs sung by Lavinia were not enough for me to fully appreciate Cris Villonco's voice. Meanwhile, I can hear a bit of the original Dorina (Sharon Cuneta) in Monica Cuenco's voice. Her voice can really go loud and powerful but there are times when it breaks a bit in the beginning although it goes full force in the middle. Of course her little inconsistencies is forgivable for a first timer in theater performances.

Even though I complained earlier about the projected backdrop for most of the scenes in the musical, I was quite happy with the backdrop they used for the two main scenes of the musical where Dorina Pineda sang "Pangarap na Bituin" and the stage was dimmed and suddenly filled with twinkling stars. They also made her wear a white dress that made her stand out in the dark night of the stage, and the long skirt of her dress was spread around her as she stood on top of the stairs while patterns of stars lit up and danced around her skirt to illuminate her in total Diva/Flores de Mayo Sagala/Star of the Night fashion. If the first main scene featured real looking stars from the skies, the final scene where she once again sang "Pangarap na Bituin" with her idol Lavinia had the stage filled with glamorous huge star-shaped headlights, much like the ostentatious, flashy stage backdrops of TV shows and performances in the 80's such as Loveli-Ness showdowns.

But even the flashing of the huge stars in the background did not stop me from tearing up as Dorina meets her idol on stage to give a touching dialogue and to hang a sampaguita garland on her neck just like old times.

Star Wars: Episode VII The Force Awakens Movie Review

When news about an upcoming Star Wars movie started to dominate my FB newsfeed, I started asking friends if they want to watch it with me, along with a guy I liked. Everyone said no. The crush said yes but cancelled out later on. But then asked me to watch it with him several days later, saying that he already got free tickets for it. Of course, I said yes. :)

My comments:

• Soundtrack-wise, it sucked.  I was hoping for a grand musical score with thundering orchestra playing that will make me feel chills and remind me of Starwars movies of the past, but to my disappointment, the background music was really downplayed and there was just "pasundot-sundot" hints of the majestic soundtrack. Know when your mind is preoccupied with something and you unconsciously start doing something as a result (like nail-biting or tapping your feet? The music was exactly like that, as if it's being unconsciously played in the background in a dreamy haze and really not important/part of the scene. 

•  No CCTV? At the part where Rey escaped and she was being hunted down by the Storm Troopers, I wondered how come there ain't no CCTV in the Dark Side's base when Hans Solo has it in his ship? Does that mean Hans Solo has more money? Lol! 

• Bar Owner Maz Kanata reminded me of something. Excuse me for those who are eating but Maz Kanata's eyes reminded me of something, specifically at the scene where she took off her glasses to get a better view of Rey's eyes. Can't help but think that her squinting eyes look like a**holes. Sorry!

I can't get over the soundtrack not being great because for me music is one of the most important facets of a great movie, so I'm only giving Star Wars The Force Awakens 3 out of 5 stars.  

Only Binay Political Campaign Ad Jingle Inspiration

Guess which jingle had been basis for the "Only Binay" political campaign ad jingle?

Sino ang may nagawa na? Great value, super talaga! SM Supermarket, always there for you and me!

Ramon Bautista and Mar Roxas Fist Bump Before and After

A moment of silence for Ramon Bautista...

Before:

After: 

The moment I knew I had to let you go

It was the day you came to pick me up at my office to bring me home like you always do. You always come to pick me very early because I loathe waiting but when you arrive, I always make you wait -sometimes even for hours. It was that day when I picked another fight with you due to my blown-up ego and pettiness, I'm sure.

You were sitting defeatedly on the floor in the hallway outside my office while I was standing up determined not to let you win the argument when I noticed that you were silent and that your thick, beautiful lashes were wet with tears. It was then that I came to the realization that I don't deserve you at all. I will remember this day when you wore red and I made you cry. I always pick fights with this man who adores me and it shouldn't have to be this way. 

I vowed to never make you cry again. I know that although being with you will ultimately benefit me, it will hurt you because you were prepared to do anything for me -to give up your religion just to please my mother and to do what it takes to please me.

A few days ago I celebrated your birthday by eating palabok alone at Jollibee. Noodles for long life and your continuous happiness. You will always be my sacred and my beautiful. Thank you.

Learning to daydream for someone who's cynical/ an eternal pessimist

A few months ago, I was depressed and suicidal. I had been jobless for some time and the pressure of having to pay for bills that have been piling up day by day without getting any help and support from anyone else combined with the stress, pressure, nagging and bullying from the people around me was getting to be too much for me that I wanted to throw the towel in.

It seemed to me that I have no right to live my life and that I have been born just to be an extension of another person's life.

Nothing belonged to me at all... things I buy that become my earthly attachments and favorites will disappear with no logical reason and I am not allowed to ask why. I will go crazy cause I will have no way of knowing if they were given to someone at church who were scavenging for my things behind my back and without direct permission from me or to relatives in the province.

I am not allowed privacy in my own room. Everything I post, do or buy needs to be explained. I was trying to save knowing I will be out of a job soon and knowing that no one else will put bread on the table, but everything I have starved myself for and saved for is being asked from me to be given for what? To rent a vehicle to cart off potential members for the church in one day. I am shamed and made to feel bad if I empty what's left of my savings paying bills for the dog because how come I don't shell out as much money to pay for skin care services of some person?

All I get is pressure, pressure, and more pressure resulting from someone's pity and empathy to other people but it has always been empathy and concern for other people with no consideration at all for my feelings. It seems everyone else is "less fortunate" and more deserving of pity and understanding than me, which should be fine by me, but what's not fine is that this empathy for others is on my own expense that I have to lose more, have less, have my favorite things disappear and given to someone else so I will work again and penny pinch and starve myself and torture myself and not be allowed to buy things I want for myself and surprise! It's a never ending cycle and I have to give way so that all my resources will be given once again to other people/ people I don't care for/ people I begin to loathe because they take so much from me without them meaning to!

And in the end what do I get? I get to be called selfish, the devil, and get disowned for having an opinion. Who am I to complain anyway? I am not entitled to even my own feelings. I was born in this world to be a slave after all. I never asked to be born but now I am paying for someone's guilt of bringing me into the world and it seems that their guilt of leaving their parents is endless and now I am burdened to pay this endless guilt and I'm not even allowed to have my own family because someone left their family for me and I am doomed to die alone probably next to strangers in a cemetery if I am lucky enough not to be thrown in a river because of this endless guilt of someone else I am forever paying off.

And it is with this big amount of stress that I decided I just wanted to die. As I haven't tried anything to hurt myself the slightest bit (at least physically) in the past, I was limited to just wishing death for myself by praying that a vehicle would run over me as I crossed the street. I thought this would be the easiest thing as I never learned how to cross the street properly anyway, and crossing streets at a road where vehicles intersect from 4 different directions (such as the one I always pass by everyday) is the perfect place to die in. I wished for lightning to strike me. I wished for someone to shoot me or plunge a knife in me enough to kill me. I also contemplated jumping into the river I passed by but the thought of seedy men finding me and touching my body to fish me out of the muddy waters plus the muddy waters on its own did not appeal too much to me.

Somehow, I got over the death wishes but not to assure that I won't go back to having dark thoughts as having negative thoughts is second nature to me. Anyway, I'd like to share what has been temporarily distracting me from the dark side, and this is the "Limitless" session I had been asked to envision when I sat in with a Hypnosis group I met last year.

The speaker at the session had told us that whenever he wants to have a good day ahead of him or whenever he wants to feel happy, all he has to do is to close his eyes and imagine in detail a scenario that he thinks will make him ultimately happy. He instructed us that we have to really envision this happy scene in our mind, from what we're wearing to where we are exactly and the words we will say and the things we will do. In short, he actually asked us to daydream or fantasize and so I did.

As any girl, I have cliched girl fantasies which may or may not be shaped by the society so that time I imagined having my then boyfriend propose marriage to me  at a videoke bar after a session because I loved singing and he hasn't humored my request of us singing together despite my pleas to him. The weirdness of my chosen fantasy was not lost to me at all, as I knew how ridiculous it was to dream of getting a proposal from someone I barely spent enough time with to marry. Maybe it was just my frustration to sing being manifested. However, that was what my mind had conjured up at that exact moment with little time to think and after all, it is still every girl's dream (weird girls like me included) to get asked by someone they love to spend the rest of their lives with.

These days, a marriage proposal fantasy is more ridiculous than ever, which is not to say that I haven't tried conjuring up this image just for the heck of it.

I mostly use the "Limitless" session nowadays during bored-out-of-my-mind traffic moments, and these days, I just envision my love for a certain person –not really imagining anything much beyond my feelings for him and how I want to hug him, kiss him on the cheek and watch over him as he sleeps just like an unobtrusive angel would.

Sometimes, though, I do imagine him loving me back for just a bit and it's enough to calm me down.

I Haven't Blogged That Much

I know I haven't and I am feeling guilty about it. There used to be a time when I'd motivate myself to blog more by telling myself that I will only be allowed to use the internet (back in the dial-up internet card era) if I blog post something first. Hence, I was blogging every other day or 3x a week in the olden times. But now, apart from blog posts that I just do out of some sense of obligation, I haven't been posting much about myself really. And because of this lack of motivation to post. I find myself trying to understand... Why do I really blog in the first place and why -even if I haven't posted something for months and no one's really bothering me about it- is there a guilty feeling at the back of my head that I need to blog? And if I do post a blog, shall I post about my feelings of love? (Ugh, no! Not cheese again) About people who showed me love recently (Humble brag? Eeep!) About some random funny story that happened to me? (So that will only confirm that I just blog to please a certain audience!) And if it's true that I do blog lately only to appease myself and release my repressed emotions as to not go insane, does this mean I don't want to confront my emotions now?

Beat the heat with a fun DIY Inipit dessert!

The heat of the past few weeks will have you wanting to make life sweeter while just chillin' like a villain at the comforts of your home. And for those of you who wants to try an easy-to-make DIY dessert, here is a simple and delicious recipe using Lemon Square's irresistible Inipit cakes!

Inipit Cold Crunch

Ingredients

1 pack of Lemon Square Inipit 

1 liter chocolate ice cream 

1 pack of all purpose cream chilled from the ref

1 bag of Nips peanut candies

For the chocolate sauce:

1 tbsp sugar

2 1/2 tbsp Ricoa chocolate powder

1/2 cup of hot water

Directions

1. In a cup, mix the sugar, chocolate powder and hot water together until fully dissolved. Set aside.
2. In a dish bowl, unwrap 2-5 packs (depending on how many will eat) of Lemon Square's Inipit cakes.
3. Place 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream.
4. Add a spoon of the chilled all-purpose cream.
5. Pour the chocolate sauce.
6. Finally, add 6 pieces of Nips peanut candies.

Voila! Now you may enjoy the deliciously cold, sweet and crunchy sensation of Inipit Cold Crunch in your mouth this summer! A must-have treat for any kid and kids-at-heart! Sarap maging kid with Inipit! :)

Waking Up Happy

One of the things I am thankful for is when I wake up happy either for no reason at all or from remembering a good dream. Today was one of those days when I remembered a good dream.

In the dream, I was in a park or stadium of some sort, kind of like my college's football stadium and it's not clear why I am there -whether we were about to watch a concert or attending an event- but one thing that's clear was that I was with a guy whose identity is vague to me, and he was doing everything he can to make me comfortable on the grass. I remember having his arms around my waist and him inviting me to get comfortable and lean on him and even doze off in his arms however uncomfortable it may be for him to be burdened with my weight, and I remember that it was nothing lecherous or sexual. In fact, it felt so comfortable and just right, and I wake up being ultimately happy just remembering this still unidentified guy whose arms I felt safe, warm, fuzzy and protected in!