Belated happy birthday to ma ex-boyfriend. You’ve survived me afterall. Haha.
***
You’ve got first dibs on me, you lucky thang, you. You have dispersed all focus I had on tha other tha mo’ I knew I had a chance wit you. I did not care having blown tha other off along wit security, stability, etc. I guess I juz don’t settle fo’ anythang that duzen have ma heart in it.
***
Tha one who loves you or tha one you love?
‘Can I git back to you again? I hafta ask both of em first …that way I can choose tha one who’ll choose me.’ ;-)
***
A friend whom anotha friend & me agreed on as skilled in his capacity to ‘say tha right things @ tha right time’ ask’d wut ma biggest turn-on is. Thinking physically, I had a hard time coming up wit an answer –I had liked both narrow & round-eyed, thin & chubby, tall & short, and fair & dark males tho’ I veer towards fair lads in younger years [Ricky Martin bein ma first crush]. Mentally, I have tis theory that every’un juz want someone to equalize their weaknesses –someone who will fill up their inadequacies and somehow be answers to tha problems they have about themselves. Prolly, a loser will want someone who’ll make him feel like a winner, a bossy person someone who’ll boss him around fo’ a change, etc. If it sez anything bout me, I want someone appreciative and persistent. Who won’t feel too secure in ma love, he’ll neglect/cheat on me. I used to think thoughtful is enuf. Now I kno that to carry out thoughtful deeds, a person has got to have tha drive. Laziness duzen cut it fo’ me pala. Lazy = too lazy to apologize, too lazy to fight fo’ me, too lazy to make tha relationship work, too lazy to git to kno me & start all over again [if he’s sore from anotha relationship], etc.

When I’m in a chatty mood, I talk wit every’un & any’un… guards, babies, jeepney drivers, peepz stuck in long lines wit me, package counter men [Ma friend here’s name is Shoplifter, does that make her punishable by law?], close friends’ brothers, etc. If people aren’t so lucky, tha journalist in me will even push me to interrogate these strangers to tha utter embarrassment of friends nearby… finding out if salesladies hide last pairs of shoes on sale if they really like em [like Sophia in tha Shoppaholic series] and wut punishment awaits a certain guard should he decide to switch tha channel of tha lobby TV in a TV Network company. Sometimes boys don’t git I’m born inquisitive & prone to cheerful babbling regardless of anyone. Prolly think I take special interest in em. Like a close friend’s brother whom I got to talkin on tha fon instead when ma pal ain’t home. And he got to callin’ w/c was fine wit me. On his third call he’s askin for a date –a friendly date, he stress’d, tryin’ to convince me to come as reference has already been made of tha magic word ‘boyfriend’ in our first conversation [a habit I’ve acquired since findin’ out that sayin it shrivels away unwanted prospects]. And then wanting to be a male concubine, not caring bout tha ‘boyfriend’. And then pesterin’ fo’ a date, so much so that tha times he call’d are spent solely on gettin’me to go that, ma patience havin’ been stretch’d to its limit, I say sumthin to him sort of like someone telling a child there’s no Santa Claus. So in a moment of guilt, I agreed to a date tha following month. Only I did not feel like talkin to him or seein him or bein’ nice to him anymore which thankfully he must’ve sensed since he stopp’d callin. And then he call’d again first day of tha next month juz to collect his ‘date’ which I really had no patience for. Morale of tha story: I have no patience for impatient peepz most spesh selfish peepz who base their every act on its corresponding gains. [Somehow I got to thinking he is that kinda person]

“Your eyeshadow’s darker on tha left.”
That’s because I’ve no eyeshadow on tha right.
“Huh?”
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Everytime sum1 asks me wut ma ideal mate is, I alwez say tha same thing -that he would be sum1 constantly miss’d by me that, even at tha age of ninety when we wud’ve been tired of each otha, I’ll fret & totally be upset when for 5 minutes he disappears from ma sight even as he juz goes for nganga from a corner store.

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.
->Rainer Maria Rilke