Sunday, August 31

Wut are ya bein’ so nice about? You are so nice that I can’t say I’m sorry. And I am. In fact I’ve been thinkin’ why I still can’t do it after how many years. And today I fin’lly understand why. I can’t say sorry because when I do, I’ll mean it. I’ve observed that it’s easy to apologize for thangs we ain’t real sorry fo’ and real hard to apologize when we mean it so much guilt is eatin’ away at us every day. And another thang: Sayin’ sorry to ya out loud wud have juz pointed out to us both tha fact that you had overlook’d it. And that wud be juz like throwin’ another stone atcha which is tha last thing I’d wanna do. But now here, I’m gonna say it. I’ve had it hangin’ over ma head every time. If you’re reading tis, you can juz pretend I’m apologizin’ to sum one else if it hurts too much to make ya remember. I’m sorry, I know of it. Peace out.

Saturday, August 30

Tuesday, August 26

One of tha reasons I had ma room repainted blue was tha belief that it will somehow boost ma energy level an' make me more productive than its old lazy color pink. [blame it on ma Experimental Psych professor.] Bat ganon, di ata umeepekto? I'm still lazy as a cow.
***
Nursery revisited [fave mem'ry of oldest friend]
setting: girls' bathroom, nursery school
gurl1: "Ano kulay panty 'nyo? Akin yellow! ..Kayo?" [proceeds to raise tha skirt of her jumper to show to tha other gurls.]
gurl2 [hikin' her skirt up too]: "Ako, white!"
me [doin' tha same]: "Ako pink!"
oldest pal: "Ako... [hikin' her skirt to show us] ..Ay! Nakalimutan ko pala!
gurl1,gurl2,me: "Ay.. ay.. !" [bursts into laughter]
Until now, I still taunt her about it.. & now i put it here so I can taunt her some more! Nyahaha! [evil laugh] Love you, pare!

Saturday, August 23

I’m not yer average gurl from tha kanto and I ain’t got money nor a job of ma own but ive learn’d to love myself unconditionally because I am a queen. I’m not yer average girl from tha kanto. Ma worth is not determined by tha price of ma clothes. No matter what I’m wearin’ I will always be tha s.v.t.s. -Ripp’d off & slightly altered from India Arie’s Video lyrix
***
Pe-makmak!
San Pablo relatives in tha hauz today. Kehwl tito & tita brought me tha thangs ive left when I stay'd wit em last month. [Gawd, I mis'd ma golden book of birthday meanings!] They also brought us goodies from their 3-day stay in Thai. I got a blue bag wit a beaded elephant design, a box of brownies, and some.. cash. [yea!] They also brought a VHS tape of tha twins' debut & a short footage of Thai which we might have seen had it not jamm'd into our VCD player. [I came out a few seconds late & hadn't had tha chance to tell uncle that tha damn thing's broken before he inserted it.] Tita told us that in Thai, you say "Pem!" to tha vendor when ya think tha price is a bit above & "Pe-makmak!" when tha price is too much. Also found out that Thais aren't too great-lookin'. [Tita: "Mga tao dun? Para lang sina Ma Idyo at Ma Erning!" ] And in ma cuzin Gela's words, "Mukhang mga Pinoy na taga-bukid!" Lolz.

Wednesday, August 20

Another day wasted ponderin' on one's own sanity...

Monday, August 18

Tha most ‘spensive bum [Saturday]
Bein’ a bum is expensive livin’. And I’m tha most ‘spensive bum. Bums can’t always stay at home. Sometimes they go to malls too [to see if tha world outside had changed or wutever]. And so tis bum troop’d to Galle yesterday to scour some interestin’ finds. And she saw that they were havin’ a 3-day sale. And wit in tha first hour she arrived, she got so interested in lookin’ at a body wash version of her fave soap that she can’t not buy it. Same goes for a Victoria’s Secret body cream of her fave scent. And a blue & red striped adorable bag wit an American flag patch’d on its side. Til Quezon was left lonely in her lavender purse. And she found that she had juz borrow’d her own savings again & promis’d herself she’ll pay when employment arrives juz like she did two weeks ago when she went on another mini shopping spree. So that shez forever indebted to herself. And she knows she shud be off her ass & gettin’ paid right now ‘stead of bein’ a lazy ole fart. She knows she couldn’t “waste another day and lie low any longer” like tha song by Plumb sez. And speakin’ of Plumb, how she wants to watch that concert but cuden since she duzzen have no dough & she guesses she juz hafta watch ‘em come & go juz like Duncan Sheik unless she gathers her wits & come up wit a half-way decent article to contribute which she had been tryin’ to unsuccessfully do for tha past week so that she can have moolah again & she can pay her piggy bank & be able to buy more bags & bath gels.
Sunday:
Today I bought 4 books [on sale] at tha National bookstore.

Friday, August 15

No matter how much I've told ma'self to face ma fears, still I can't bring ma'self to.. to step on a damn ipis! Tulungan nyo ko! May ipis dito!
Fin'lly gave poor tired kitty a rest. New template courtesy of belated happy boithday boy gabby! Yea!

Thursday, August 7

How I officially got inducted as an alumnus of ma school:
Me [tryin’ to slip into tha library wit ma old ID]: “Hindi naman po ako manghihiram ng libro eh. Gusto ko lang naman tumapat sa aircon kase ang init sa labas. May imi-meet lang po ako sa loob.”
Guard [wit cross’d arms & a cross look on her face]: “Magpa-validate ka muna ng ID mo.”
ALUMNUS – As u don’t pay mooLah anymore U May Not retUrn School
***
Tis soap rocks.

Sunday, August 3

Me tha munstah!
I miss those Chinese pink coinlike candies that has been around since I was a kid. Today in church, chance had me seated next to a li’l boy of four & his mum. Mum was offerin’ haw flakes to her kid & I felt an urge to extend ma palm out & beg for a piece. Sometimes I git tis sudden urges to act against reason & [ma] age. Made a mental note to buy some on ma next trip to tha grocery. As tha lecture droned on, wee boy got a bit restless & whiny so tha mum tried to make him behave. Know how mothers try to turn strangers into ill-temper’d monsters to make their children behave? Well, guess who got appointed meany-mo today? “Ssshhh!!! Behave or she’ll get mad at you!” Mum hiss’d at her son, pointin’ her thumb backwards at me. Tha boy consider’d me but continued to whine & misbehave. I guess big gurls who have secret cravings for li'l boys' candies don’t scare him one bit.

Friday, August 1

“Bat ala ka pa ring trabaho?”
“Bat ala kang boyfriend?”
“Bat….?”

Finding is lost on me.
***
I’m waiting it all out. Even eternal feelings of bleakness are fleeting. ;-)