I have always been a waif for most of my pre-pubescent and pubescent years and up until college. Everyone in the family would always tease me "tikling" which I understood to be a tall, thin object because I resemble exactly that in their eyes. On my second year of college, I had the waist line of 23 inches and our pre-physical check-up for our swimming class in P.E. revealed that I only weigh 88 lbs.
I know that most of my friends and family are surprised at how big I've suddenly become. So to settle that, here are the compilation of facts and reasons on why I suddenly "blew up" for those of you who are wondering:
- When the movie Queen of the Damned was released, I remember one of my friends saying that they didn't enjoy it as much because "Aaliyah was too petite to be a queen". That simple comment had been engraved in my memory for future reference.
- I remember browsing through photos of me from my bro's camera when I was a bit "chunkier" and I also remember feeling happy with my heavier albeit curvier figure.
- Friends and family always tease me for my "lack of behind". Even got into an argument with an ex that ended in me almost hitting him with my bag and umbrella (he ducked) because he kept on insisting that I had my cherry popped already simply derived from his mom's theory that "flat-assed" women had their cherries popped.
- Back when I was with MTV, we had an intern who was bigger than normal in terms of height and size but also curvier which led me to appreciate bigger and curvier women. I observed that curves are more emphasized and exaggerated when you are bigger as opposed to being curvy when you are petite where it's easy to overlook 'cause you're so slim and small.
- When a beau told me "pumayat ka" two years ago, his face looked sad.
- After being jobless and having no money to buy the food I wanted to eat for a couple of months, I was jubilant with having secured a job finally that I decided that the extra money I was getting should be spent on my stomach's happiness. After all, my mom would just throw or give away the clothes, shoes, bags, groceries or things I buy, but when money goes straight to eating out, well, I am sure that she can't take it away from my stomach anymore.
- If there's a sickness called anorexia nervosa, I'm probably the opposite. Always seeing in my mind's eye my beau's sad face with the words "pumayat ka", I always imagine myself to be the waif I used to be in earlier years so I always eat more recently. Finished with my meal? I will get a 2nd serving of rice or around 5 more "subo's" to eat with my potato chips. I think I have also adapted a post-holocaust era mentality after being unemployed for what to me felt like eternity, so my eating up is me assuring myself that everything's okay. "There, there...You will never go hungry again, poor stomach!"
As I have this ongoing delusion where I felt I truly am slim no matter what I ate, it never really dawned on me that I was already gaining weight. And now, here's what led me to slowly believe I am in fact getting bigger (although I was in denial through most of them)
- A short-sleeved blouse that has turned sleeveless.
- Lately, I always feel soreness in my lower back and my bum just sitting at my desk in the office. I just pass it of as a sign of aging but later on I realize that it may be because I'm not used to bearing the extra weight I've gained!
- Similarly, there were times in the past when I can stroll malls from 3PM - 8PM and I'll just get tired feet. But now I notice that just a few minutes' worth of walk can make my feet sore regardless of what shoe I wear, and I'll have no choice but to go home even if I still have lots to see. Could it be because I am now heavier? :(
- Washing my face one evening and then looking up at the ceiling to feel something new cushioning the back of my head: Surprise! I now have fatty skin folds on my nape!
- I went to fit a dress and when I looked at my naked body in the dressing room mirror I can notice all the bulges that weren't there before!
- Finally, I used to have a tape measure on my room's desk where I can easily use it any old time I wanted to know if I am gaining weight or not. But it had disappeared for years now and I always forget to ask mom about it. When I specifically asked my mom for it the other day, I got the surprise of my life when I found I am 4 inches more than my "average fat tummy" measurement.