I hate interviews.

Interview Facilitator: Aside from writing, what else can you do?
Master: I can do basic Photoshop, basic HTML & S.E.O.
Interview Facilitator: What else?
Master: What do you mean what else? I’m a writer, I write. Programmers get paid just to program, why shouldn’t I be paid just to write? Anyway, forget it—if you insist, I can enumerate my other skills but each additional skill I mention will increase my salary expectation by Php 1,800 if you actually expect me to do it. Let’s see, I can curl my tongue into three loops [Php 1,800.00], I can bend my pinky finger without bending the rest [Php 1,800.00], I can rap [Php 1,800.00], I can perfectly sing ala Rhianna [Umbuh-ruhla-uhla-uhlaah-ei!] [Php 1,800.00], I can dance like a boy [Php 1,800.00], or a gurl [Php 1,800.00], I can piss others till they tear at their hair and they’ve used up all cuss words they can at me inside their heads [They won’t actually be cussin’ me at my face ‘coz it’s typical Filipino behavior to show dislike through backstabbing & parinigs & not through confrontations] [Php 1,800.00], I can find best grocery shop that has the cheapest price for any grocery product you want [Php 1,800.00 per product], I can convince security guards into letting me in without ID [Php 1,800.00], or convince them into letting me in just to exit their back entrance [Php 1,800.00], I can do a blow-by-blow report on what I do every day in your office [Php 1,800.00], I can work during lunch [Php 1,800.00 for every 5 minutes]…