I lost my Teddy Burr.
***


At the mall last week, a half-male half-female pudgy human being [?] deliberately stepped on my royal toes before promptly snapping at me angrily, “Pucha! Ha-harang-harang sa daan!” I gaped unbelievingly at its disappearing a-hole form before firing back obscenities at the person who’s sex is yet to be determined, and then stomping to my brother to complain.

“Tinapakan ako!” I whined to my 5’11 brother, testing his big brother abilities while keeping an eye on the retreating person who had joined its companion. “Nasaan?” he said gamely, advancing steps to the direction my eyes were at. But my mom, the peace-loving family member present at that time, stopped him with an arm and blocked his way, telling him how there should always be peace and order and reminding us that it’s her birthday, hence world peace.

My brother struggled, “Eh tinapakan daw sha eh! Tatapakan ko ren! ‘Ba!” Fortunately for the sexless person, my mom held firm and no person —male, female, or otherwise unknown— got squashed.

I have no doubt at all that my brother —who has a brown belt in taekwondo, has the patience and temper of a hyperactive 5-yr-old, who throws cats over his shoulder and in the air as a form of lambing,and who fails miserably in anger management— will be able to beat someone up pretty good if I ask him to.

Last week’s mini incident was the first time I asked him to do anything for me.
Usually, I just cast spells and put hexes on people.
Even if it was just a test and I handle my own disputes just fine, thanks anyway. Hb!