Believes In Formal Goodbyes

According to psychologist Carl Rogers, he has found it most useful to always try to understand the other person. Our initial reaction to most statements is judgment, rather than an understanding of it. When someone expresses some feeling, attitude or belief, our tendency is an immediate “that’s stupid,” “that’s abnormal,” “that’s wrong,” “that’s impossible,” “that’s not nice.” We rarely permit ourselves to understand what the meaning of the statement is to the other person.

-The paragraph above is an excerpt from Dale Carnegie's book called How to Win Friends and Influence People. 

I've decided to include it in my post because my belief to listen to what another person has to say -regardless if that person has hurt my ego- is what pushed me to rein back my pride and decide to see a person who has just rejected me and broken my heart. More than anything, I wanted to understand how he was feeling so I can give him what he wanted completely and peacefully. 

During our last few days to talk, he was showing me attitude. For someone who has broken my heart, he was exhibiting weird behavior -cancelling out last minute plans to meet me, being late by almost 2 hours, and being cold and unsmiling. It was almost as if I was the one who broke his heart. I decided to give him his space and his peace the day of our scheduled last meeting, to just let him be and figured that if he wouldn't talk then there's nothing I can do but just gather the things I've left in his place as originally planned. 

But on the cab on our way home, I relented. 

"Sit with me", I urged him, patting the seat next to me, inching close to the door and making space for him at the back of the cab. He pretended not to hear me and sat in front with the driver. I sighed and watched as the cab passed by a number of places. But I can't pretend to be preoccupied with the schools, gas stations and local beer houses that we zipped by as the time we had left with each other is quickly getting shorter. 

I started staring at the back of his thick skull and started talking to him silently in my head. "Psst." I said in my mind. "C'mon! Why so serious?" I teased him in a friendly way inside my head. The back of his head remained stiff and unmoving. 

Suddenly, I can't control it any more. I decided to close the gap between my pride and my heart, reached out and tentatively held his hand which was resting at his chair's head rest. "Psst. Ako 'to." I continued with my silent talk to him in my head. Even if he was just sitting in front, he seemed so distant to me.  I've always held his hand in the past to feel close to him even without speaking. 

I silently told him that it's okay, that me holding his hand just meant that I have forgiven him for letting me go, and that there's nothing to fear. "Ako lang to", I assured him again in my head. Until the last moment,  I just wanted to hold his hand and make him feel that I am on his side and that I'm not out to get him for his decision. It was at this moment that his hand slipped away from my grasp. I retrieved my freed hand to wipe away my silent tears. 

After a while he placed his hand back on the head rest and tapped it twice with his head still turned away from me. I took it as a signal that he wants to be held. I moved forward in my seat, placed both hands on his big hand and held as if my life depended on it for the rest of the ride home. 

Rurouni Kenshin Kyoto Inferno/The Legend Ends Movie Review

Before watching any of the 3 Rurouni Kenshin movies, I have never watched even 1 episode of the Samurai X animated TV series. The reason I watched the first movie 2 years ago was because my ex-boyfriend was a fan of the TV series.  And now that I have watched all three installments of the movies, here are my observations:

•  Rurouni Kenshin (Takeru Satoh)  fights in cute, small jerky motions.  

         - I've always had the impression that samurais are these highly esteemed kind that are almost at par with the nobilities. As such, I expected them to fight gracefully and be nimble on their feet (like Sojiro). I expected them to glide effortlessly on the ground like, say, Michael Jackson when he's moonwalking, or that I will gape openmouthed while they fight in a smooth, suave way.  Watching Kenshin in his fight scenes, I have observed that he has these signature "small-man" jerky movements that are not at all graceful but cute. He swings his head left-right while taking small steps forward and then swings his sword in two successive one-two quick swishes in one direction. And to witness him fight is an experience much like watching your nephew perform. You watch him with fondness of his quirks and mannerisms that have grown to be familiar to you. 

Here he is doing his "small-man" signature walk-turn

• Key moments/scenes of the film are highlighted by rain. 

- I've also noticed that important parts of the film always happen when it's raining or rain will suddenly add effect on an already serious/dramatic scene, such as when Kenshin watched the burial of the man he slained, when he went to save Kaori, and when his Master asked him to figure out what it is he lacked. 

• Sanosuke reacts and bleeds in extremes.

- My favourite character of the film, funny side kick Sanosuke is depicted as always reacting in extremes complete with his animated facial expressions -whether it be joy, anger, sadness, etc. While there is no shortage in his reactions at every situation, in the same way, I have also noticed that his every fight scene has him bleeding profusely so that blood completely covers his teeth while gushing from his mouth as well as all over his body, making me wince at his sight.  

• I loved the OST.

- The soundtrack for the movie "Hiten by Naoki Sato" did not sound so special at the beginning then you will hear it build up to majestic drum beating and then segue-ing to the background music for the epic fight scenes we have all came to love from watching all three installments of the movie.

• Shishio reminds me of baby back ribs. 

A Letter to God

Dear God,

I haven't been your biggest fan for so long. In fact, I haven't talked to you for years because I have been sulking for a while and felt like you favor your other children over me. How else can I explain why my wish for happiness is pushed aside while you grant friends, families and acquaintances their soul mates/lifetime partners? I felt left out -like I'm your least favorite child in the world, and that you feel the need to give others (particularly my friends) what they want while you let me wait and wait and be miserable without my other half.

But lately, a friend of mine has encouraged me to try talking to you and see if it will make me feel better. As I have felt that I have come to one of my lowest points in life recently when I've gone through a heartbreak and someone I considered a friend broke my trust in a totally unbelievable and depressing way, I've decided to give it a shot. Every morning as I walk towards my ride to work or when I remember it, I talk to you and pray that the friend who has betrayed my trust will make things right by taking responsibility for what he has done. Additionally, I have also continued to ask you for the one thing I have been asking constantly from you ever since -to give me my lifetime partner and to let me know once I have met him.

With what's happened lately, I know that this was your doing, and that you are working in order to grant me my long standing wish. With this in mind, I'd like to give thanks to you for making this possible for me. You and I may not be as close as you and your devout followers, but at this time of hurt, betrayal and confusion, I'd like to believe that you are holding my hand when other people's hands have slipped away from mine.