Church and Emotional Boyfriends

Our church has a new look. It's blue and lavander and it's better than its old color green. [sorry, ruth!] I think our church gets repainted every two years. It's a tedious job 'cause they scrape off all paint and varnish on tha walls, tha ceilings and everythin' else. Since such a huge job would take long to finish, they don't postpone church services, and it'd be odd to remove tha poles tha construction men hafta climb to do their jobs when there's a church service goin' on only to put em back up again later. So we hafta attend church wit all these poles all over tha place. So that no one wants to get married coz who would want a wedding wit tha church havin' all those poles in their wedding photos? Well, anyway, at least tha atmosphere hasn't changed. One thing that'll never change perhaps in our church is tha atmosphere. How everythin's so sacred,and some would say rigid. Wut I love most is when tha moment comes after five or more songs bein' sung, when the piano would stop playin' as cue for the minister to announce that the service is startin' and that we could join in singin' praises. I don't like singing praises. Wut I like is tha moment of silence before tha minister speaks. Sometimes it would be prolonged a bit and I’d always be awed at how a thousand souls would hold their breath and keep their silence, wit only occassional coughings heard. All one thousand of us bein' quiet at tha same time. Imagine if i had that power over people? I know how most of us would want to talk or break tha silence or go to tha john but won't. I know I do. I want to speak smugly to both seatmates and tell em I know wut they're thinkin'. That they're trin' not to talk. Even in ways of standin' for tha prayers, everyone has that meek posture. Slightly bowed heads, and weights shiftin' to one leg, never a straight posture in sight. I'd love to scream and break tha silence and do some crazy thing. As a kid, I used to want to run from where the kids are bein' banished at tha back to tha front of tha church up tha podium and into the powerful minister. I wanna know if he'd git irritated and have someone take me away or find me cute. Sometimes, I still wanna do that but I don't have tha excuse of bein' a child anymore. When I have ma own kids, I'll encourage those kinds of things in them.
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I have always been single as far as I can remember. Except for ma ex two or three years ago which doesn't really count anyway. Wut I now realize is that I have not been as single as I thought I always was. I had emotional boyfriends. Boys who ain't ma physical boyfriend. Boys I don't date, don't get to see too much, don't hug, don't kiss, don’t touch. The ones that are there for me when I need to vent out angst and the ones that amuse me wit their fascination wit me. Same thing for me. Don’t give me as much stress. I cry over them, they cry over me but I don’t relally give much thought since di naman kami. And I can have as many emotional boyfriends as I want all at tha same time and can turn to one when tha other isn’t around although I always have a personal favorite. I haven’t asked mum yet if havin’ a boyfiriend is legal. But surely, she could grant me an emotional boyfriend. To my personal favorite emotional boyfriend, I love you like you’re mine.
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