During the era of cellphones, I would register for unlimited texting service to my provider whenever I feel lonely and bombard most -if not all- of my friends with text messages to somehow soothe my nerves.
Soon after the internet became a household essential, it quickly became my next mode of communication to talk to friends. Somehow I always feel the urge to talk to friends -an outlet to my hyperactive mind that doesn't seem to want to rest. It doesn't help that the first guy I entered a relationship with was clingy himself (calling and texting me every single minute of the day) and when I mirrored his actions, he happily encouraged it. As a result, I have demanded my boyfriends in the past to call me everyday and every night and when that doesn't seem feasible to an ex, I agreed to calls placed at least every other day.
Last year though, I met a very antipatiko man who doesn't tolerate clinginess and who won't communicate with me 24/7 even if I ask him to. During weekdays, any attempt I have to communicate with him will be met with lukewarm, one-word and/or no replies. What we'd do was just see each other at the end of the week. At first, it seemed hard, but it has gotten so that even I don't lift my fingers any more to text him, call him or chat to him. Afterwards, a whole week can pass by with neither one of us hearing a peep from each other, and I have gotten used to it. I guess you could say that the experience taught me to keep to myself. Because now, I don't feel the need to talk to anyone any more. I don't make attempts to get me noticed, to voice what's running through my head and I don't mind if friends don't try to reach out to me, too. I have found ways to keep myself busy and that's why I've been pretty quiet, too. I have found a new interest/hobby that allows me to just be quietly preoccupied without feeling the need to talk or write.
I have come to accept and embrace silence and it doesn't bother me any more.
No comments:
Post a Comment