Suddenly, I had a strange suspicion that ma 6210 mobile can’t transmit sounds to tha person @ tha other end of tha line, & so to know whether twas ma phone or tha person @ tha other end of tha line who’s really defective, I got ma bro to participate & call’d him on his mobile.
Me: “Hello? Ano, naririnig mo ba?”
Bro: “Oo, naririnig kita.”
Me: “Hindi nga, ano?”
Bro: “Oo nga eh!”
Me: “Eh panong di mo ‘ko maririnig eh nasa kabila ka lang? Lumayo ka naman!
Bro: [laughing]

Decidin’ twas pointless to have him participate seriously, I decided to call Globe Customer Service instead.
Me [after numerous punchin’ of numbers w/c finlly led to tha O]: “Hello?”
Operator: “How may I help you?”
Me: “Ah kasi, may problema cell ko, ang problema… [suddenly rememberin’] HINDI AKO NARIRINIG NG KAUSAP KO!”
Operator: “Yes, ano pong problem nila?”
Me: KASI NGA HINDI AKO MARINIG NG KAUSAP KO… YUN ANG PROBLEMA… NARIRINIG MO BA AKO? HELLOOOO..?? LALAKASAN KO PA BA?
Operator: “Yes, ma’am, naririnig ko po kayo, pwede nyo na pong hinaan ang boses nyo.

In ma head, when I’m feelin’ dire & I feel that mortals frustrate me, I talk to him before I sleep. He is he. Not that he is nice. I shout @ him & I’m usually mad @ him. Tho’ he isn’t responsible fo’ wutevr shitty stuff am in, I blame him juz tha same. I’d like to believe that I’ve taken things in stride… an ex best friend shruggin me &ma need to talk away, anotha one leavin tha country w/o tellin’ me, ma inability to defend ma’self if life depended on it, & many otha thangs... but I find that juz a slight tardiness from him & immediately, I’ll fault him witout consideration. I blame him fo’ not bein’ here yet whoevr he is.

Guest post by Rowan Velonta:

tulog


Sumama na yata sa dugo ko ang gatas na ininom ko
kanina
ngunit hanggang ngayo'y di pa rin ako dalawin ng
antok
kahit anong lamig pa ang dala ng gabi. Bakit ikaw,
itinumba mo ang matapang na kape, pero hayan
at malayang namamaluktot, yakap ang matigas na unan.
Pinapanood kita sa yong pagbiling-biling sa nilamutak
na kutson.
at sa lumalalim mong pagtulog habang hinuhukay ko
mag-isa
ang gabing iyon, nabibingi rin ako sa hagok ng iyong
paghilik -
hudyat na nagtagumpay ka na naman at narating ang mga
panaginip.
Mag-isa ka na namang nakapaglakbay
sa mga pangarap na dapat tayong dalawa ang aabot.
Nangako naman akong sasamahan kita kahit saan ngunit
bakit
hanggang sa panaginip di mo ako kayang pagtiwalaan.
Iniwan mo na naman akong nakatunganga't naghihintay
sa pagbabalik ng yong ulirat, nag-aabang na sana'y
bigla kang
maalimpungatan at makita mong gising pa pala ako sa
tabi mo
at tila kuwagong nakamasid sa 'yong paghimlay.
Naghihintay
na kahit pakunwari, kahit pasinghal pa, kahit walang
anomang
lambing sabihin mo sa akin: tulog na tayo.

Instructions:
A. Copy this whole list.
B. Highlight the things that are true about you.
C. Whatever you don't touch is false.

01. When I was younger I made some bad decision -like failin’ to punch those who annoy me! ;-p
02. I don't watch much TV these days -I am TV/movie illiterate!
03. I love psychedelic mushrooms
04. I love sleeping -but sleepin' duzen luv me
05. I have loads of books -that I hate to lend! ;-p
06. I once slept in a bathroom
07. I love playing video games
08. I adore marijuana
09. I watch porn movies –hw bout tis: we were once made to watch a porn movie in theology class!
10. I watch them with my father
11. I like sharksfin dumplings!
12. I love spiders, I think they're adorable, especially the ones with bright colours on their backs
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair
14. I like George Bush
15. I am cool -and I rule! ;-p
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year -I’m now more in touch wit ma schizo side!
17. I have a jacuzzi and a Porsche -[mebbe in ma past life?]
18. I have a lot to learn
19. I carry my smuggl’d swiss knife everywhere –until I accidently wounded ma’self twice!
20. I can be really really smart –but can also be really really thick!
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret
23. I hate snow
25. Punk rock rules –as well as altern rock!26. I hate Bill Gates!
27. I love Chinese food
28. I would hate to be famous
29. I am so not a morning person
30. I wear glasses
31. I don't need glasses, except sunglasses
32. I have potential –meaning I am lazy! haha!
33. I'm pure Japanese
34. My legs are two different sizes –it’s weird but ma right leg has alwez been a bit skinnier!
35. I have a twin cuzins & uncles and am xpectin’ to have twins sumday 2!
36. I wear a padded bra sometimes
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing
38. I'm left-handed
39. I hate llamas, but I'm one of them –say wut?
40. I don't like horror movies
41. I suck at climbing, but I love it anyway
42. People hate me usually –an understandable reaction to a goddess.
43. I love pop music
44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight
45. I hate parking fines
46. I know the national anthem of my country by heart
47. I know more than two languages
48. I can spend too much time on the computer
49. I often want to throw out the computer in a window at a person!
50. I live on a ground floor
51. I don't like chocolate
52. I'd like to be more original –orig to! D aco pirated! ;-p
53. I've lied –only about 10 times in ma whole life!
54. Cocks are my favorite birds
55. I want to conquer the world
56. I wonder what happens when I die
57. I've read all books about Harry Potter –haven’t read tha last one!
58. I love my dog! –I loved ma cat! May he r. i. p.!
59. I love to exercise
60. I hate chemistry with a passion and math, too!
61. I love to write but I wish I could be as interesting as some people
62. I like changes
63. I hate going to class
64. I am afraid to die
65. I hate dish washing with a passion!
66. My hair is long, brown, and incredibly curly
67. My nails are nine inch long
68. My favorite color is black
69. I like to sleep on the floor
70. I am hopeless at cooking
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little
72. I should be doing something else rather than doing this –absolutely!
73. I am online a lot
74. I hate government
75. I don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend
76. I'm too nice for my own good –I cud be such a doormat sometimes!
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can
78. I don't trust newspapers
79. I like debating
80. I live in a wagon
81. I clean my room once a month –that’s bcuz it’s alwez clean… not! Haha!
82. I'm scared of american fast food
83. I have a third eye
84. I love Mozambique
85. I don't trust any religion
86. I used to play with barbies only because all the other girls were doing it
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little –I wanted to be kusinera when I was li’l!
88. I like listening to wind chimes –flowin’ water!
89. I'm very disorganized
90. My hair is long and straight
91. I earn a lot
92. I don't like spicy food
93. I keep a diary
94. I can't do cartwheels –but I can lie on ma front & arch ma back to make tha soles of ma feet & tha top o’ ma head meet!
95. I can be very lazy
96. I'm sarcastic more often than not
97. I think my hair can be annoying
98. I could be sensitive –extremely!
99. I love being "ab-normal" –better than to be boring & ordinary like evry’un else!

I wuz countin’…
1] when witout me askin’, you pick’d up scraps of paper I’ve litter’d all over ma area & even help’d me remove tha old caps wen you saw I was in a frenzy tapin’ captions on tha backs of photos w/c tha boss needed immediately.
2] when ya ask’d me if I was ‘biyahilo’ before we ventur’d out in a van to Tagaytay even tho’ I was sorta annoy’d too coz ya made me feel like a kid [again].
3] when you were worried I can’t carry tha press folders by ma’self to an event & talk’d to Mob to let ya go wit me [w/c u ended up attendin' 'stead of me].
4] when you humor’d me by drinkin’ tha rest of ma third shot of tequila I ask’d you to finish fo’ me.
5] everytime ye ask me if I’m okay when I’m toxic & everytime ya give words of reassurance.
6] when ya gave me yer whole bag o’ fries wen I had no food.
7] when ya gave me a discount card ya prolly gave all tha others too. [but f’kors tha one you gave me had been tha most appreciated!]
8] everytime ya gimme gum.
9] ya offer’d to treat me.
10] when you’re juz there @ yer desk wit yer back facin ma side so that ya block tha boss’ vision of me from his desk. [tho’ ya can’t help circumstance].

…ya make me feel tha empty space beside me wen ya git up to check email or use tha pc even if you’re juz goin’ 8 steps away, makin me wish that tha phone beside me wud ring & it’d be for ya so I can cheerfully call ya back to yer desk to have that feelin’ of empty space removed even if we don’t talk much... you are soooo nice & I wna do nice thangs for ya & kick hard on tha face those clients who were meany-mo to ya

...and I like ya.

but I’m “safe” and u’re “safer”, and so for all those times you were ma office hero but I diden show any signs of life, I juz wna say here that hey, I appreciate ya!

Lost in frustration over Lost In Translation

Since I read ‘bout her once in a Vogue magazine, I’ve been anticipatin to watch one of her films. But Sophia Coppola had juz disappointed me. Her most recent award-winning & award-nominating film is ‘bout two American characters in Tokyo –one who is an old actor & tha other a young devoted Yalie wife- who were prolly tha recipients of tha title ‘lost in translation’. How about usin tha adjectives clueless and prissily enduring instead? So both Americans were lonely. One sits around in her panty all tha time waitin fo’ her husband while tha other one has no friends & practices golf in his hotel room fo’ leisure. Tha lady’s preference fo’ pink signifies shez romantic & that she prolly loves her husband more than he does she. So wut? There are prolly a lot more symbolisms which I diden get because of too much subtlety or sumthin! But can I help it if I hate subtlety? I hate subtlety or people who whisper in front of ya, fo’ that matter, same as those who pretend to say sumthin to another when really they be aimin atcha wit God knows fo’ wutevr purpose! And lastly peepz who start to say sumthin to yer face then change their minds & juz tell ya to forget ‘bout it leavin ya to think wit thoughts ‘bout yerself even worse than wutevr unspillable crap they had in mind. I like thangs to be said upfront. Either I’m dense or else I like people to be tactless like me, tho’ sumtyms I do git credited [spesh by sean] fo’ bein paranoid or extremely sensitive & emo[ma schizo half anyway]. Anyway, goin back to tha film, tha two lonely Americans, all platonic till tha end, ends tha film wit a triumphant smack on tha lips before walkin’ away to diff’rent directions, wit an invisible caption that wud’ve read “Now that they’ve kiss’d, they’re ready to face tha world.” And so that’s it. And I can’t pretend to like it albeit tha awards. I don’t.