People want to know, Why, when you became a man, did your voice not change? Michael evolves his drag voice in order to keep singing Jackson 5 songs every night through puberty. The effect not so much castrated himself as womanized himself. --John Jeremiah Sullivan on Michael Jackson, GQ magazine September 2009

I am an ENTP/Inventor.

If y'all are fed up of zodiac signs, I've found a new way of determining compatibility for people through personality types. According to this test, I am an ENTP [Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving].

ENTPs are said to have enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities, aside from being a non-conformist and innovative.

Here's more from another site:

Typically good-natured, upbeat and laid-back, ENTPs can be delightful people to be around. They get a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction from interacting with others, and especially enjoy discussing and debating theories and concepts which interest them. They may be prone to initiate arguments because they so enjoy the debate. They are generally fun-loving and gregarious, and can be quite charming. They have a problem with sometimes neglecting their close relationships when they become involved in the pursuit of a new idea or plan.

ENTP Strengths:
* Enthusiastic, upbeat, and popular
* Can be very charming
* Excellent communication skills
* Extremely interested in self-improvement and growth in their relationships
* Laid-back and flexible, usually easy to get along with
* Big idea-people, always working on a grand scheme or idea
* Usually good at making money, although not so good at managing it
* Take their commitments and relationships very seriously
* Able to move on with their lives after leaving a relationship

ENTP Weaknesses:
* Always excited by anything new, they may change partners frequently
* Tendency to not follow through on their plans and ideas
* Their love of debate may cause them to provoke arguments
* Big risk-takers and big spenders, not usually good at managing money
* Although they take their commitments seriously, they tend to abandon their relationships which no longer offer opportunity for growth

The site also mentioned that I am most compatible with the INFJ/the protector, or the INTJ/the scientist, but I think I prefer the protector. But how do I find protectors?

Will I now be asking people for their acronym personalities instead of their sun signs?

I wish that I could be the one responsible for getting the love that I want.
I wish that halfway through falling in love, I wouldn't find that he has already changed his mind to go after some girl who's braver than me.
I wish that when I realize the value of a good man, I will have the courage to go after him.

But I am just a girl.
So I just cry.

Wag kang susuko.

My Extended Sorry

The following are my extended apology to you, done in your name and for your forgiveness of me and hoping it somehow makes up for my discontinuance of eternity with you:

• Being nicer to my next relationship.
• Being more patient.
• Putting up with shit.

Sometimes I know that I offer myself for abuse and attract jerks almost deliberately as penance for giving up on us, and even though they are not you and there’s no way for you to appreciate what I’m doing to them in your name, it’s just actually my way of saying sorry to you. Sorry I messed up big time. Sorry I failed you and us.

I recently took a Facebook quiz and was surprised that the results matched my Angel even if I did not say anything about the green color. Whoa!

Here's what it said:
5h1n3 took the Who is your Guardian Angel? quiz and the result is Raphael

"Healing power of God", "The Divine has healed", "God heals" Hebrew word rapha means "doctor" or "healer". Raphael is a powerful healer and assists with all forms of healing - humans and animals. He helps to rapidly heal body, mind and spirit. The chummiest and funniest of all Angels, Raphael is often pictured chatting merrily with mortal beings. He's very sweet, loving, kind and gentle and you know that he's around when you see sparkles or flashes of green light. Part of Raphael's healing work involves spirit releasement and space clearing. He often works with Michael to exorcise discarnate entities and escort away lower energies from people and places. As well as a healer, Raphael is known as the "Patron of Travelers" because of his help with Tobias and his travels. He assures that all your transportation, lodging and luggage details go miraculously well. Raphael also helps with inward spiritual journeys, assisting in searches for truth and guidance. Raphael is protecting and helping healers such as doctors, therapist and surgeons. Raphael not only helps you to heal from physical, emotional and mental pain, he also heals wounds from past lives. He is a Keeper of Holy Grail the highest spiritual energy of unconditional love that heals everything.

Hope it will find its way to you wherever you are

Last night I found out that I still believe in my soul mate. Although the belief is not as great as it used to be, yesterday, after speaking to my Angel, I found myself thinking briefly about him and then composing and singing sad songs hoping it reaches him somehow. I know deep within me there’s a void only he can fill. I know there’s a chance I may never meet him in this life and this saddened me and brought lots of tears to me last night even if I’m nowhere near pms.

Be Happy When Someone is Mad at You

It's good to feel someone's anger cause it means that someone thought highly of you and it was you who let him/her down. It's more insulting when you've done something not up to standards and people will react neutrally cause they have expected you to fail.

I believe in angels.

People close to me know that apart from being an eternal pessimist, I am an agnostic too. Despite this, there is a glimmer of faith from my being which comes in the form of belief in the existence of angels –having been fascinated by them ever since I watched Date with An Angel as a young child.

Even if I have given up on my soul mate and have resigned to the fact that he might have been aborted before birth, I still like to believe that I have a guardian angel watching over me at all times. This guardian angel is what keeps me sane and keeps me safe. He is the one accountable for me coming home with money and limbs still intact despite walking at odd hours in our notorious ice-pick stabbing neighborhood. When something hurts physically, typically my stomach because of acidity, I call on him and imagine him wrapping his wings around me and giving me a magic angel cure, and instantly I’ll feel better. Likewise, I imagine him soothing me when mortals hurt my feelings. He finds ways so that somehow my emotional pain is tempered down through his angel powers. He looks after me and hides things like an ex and his new girlfriend from me when I happen to be in the same place with them so that I won’t get hurt. Every time something hurts –whether physically or emotionally– I find comfort in coming to him and being pacified of all ailments. Being my angel ever since I was young, he knows how many times I have fallen and hurt myself, my weaknesses, and my fallibility. For some reason, I have envisioned him to have a green aura or ray around him. Perhaps this was the single trait I remembered about him when he showed himself in my dreams/subconsciousness. However down or lonely I get, I know that I can stop myself from jumping into yet another heartbreak/relationship doomed to failure because I have my Angel and he looks after me unconditionally. And besides, the concept of him is more realistic than the Soul Mate or a relationship with a man that is easy to get along with.

Kelly Clarkson




the Epitome of . . .




Stressed Singing




Constipated Pleading



Forehead- Knitting Hardships



Merciless Wailing



and Inconsolable Anguish.

Miley Cyrus Ultrasounded

Some people find the absence of an upper lip an irresistible trait for a guy...

The Daters a.k.a. the Blindfolded Ones

Whilst nursing an insomnia which kept me up till 7am today [after going home at 4am], I recently realized how daters and everyone of us who are on the quest of finding their partners are really similar to blindfolded ones feeling their way uncertainly along life, finding their soul mates. When we meet someone, we aren’t aware that the person is wrong for us simply because our good judgment is hindered by the blindfolds we are wearing. So whilst we are like mismatched socks with our partners, we continue helplessly on because we are unable to see they are wrong for us, and we can’t trust others to know more than we do for they are equipped with their own blindfolds as well. The only way we know that we are with the wrong ones is when things go wrong. Meanwhile, we spend time, money, effort, etc. on the wrong people because we are all blindfolded.

Their Superhero

This morn, at the early hour of 9am BT [Bum Time], I woke to the sounds of both progenitors alternately waking me up in manner of frantic house-is-burning hysteria. “What’s the matter?” I asked one of em in a voice thick with sleep through closed lids while I try to encourage my dream about sending letters to go on. “Hurry, we need you to press the right button! Things lost forever are at stake!” my mother said in a loud clear voice which dispelled my dream and effectively scared it away. When I popped my head out of my room, I saw both parents gesturing hopelessly towards the laptop computer. [We are afraid to Eject! Things might be lost forever!] With a sigh, I approached to do the daughter task of reading the warning message and obediently cancelled then re-opened the file as they interjected “We want to watch the 24/7 again!” After Pacquiao’s facial-haired face went back on screen, I trudged to my room to chase my dream but it refused to come back so I got up and fixed a coffee-bean based oatmeal breakfast for self.
***

Phone Bitch

An unknown number texted me one morning asking me who I am. Tha hell will I answer an impudent nervy person demanding to know who I am when I’ve got better things to do with my time and my phone! So I more or less expressed that thought to the unknown intruder via text and the person enigmatically texted again, claiming that I knew it since I called it by name not too long ago. Having no patience for such tactics, I called to cut down the crap on identity guessing games. The person who had so much balls to demand who I am turned out to have no balls in answering its phone so fed up with people like these who’ve got nothing to do with their time but play childish mind games, I texted one final message to the non-person at the other end of the mobile: “Niloloko ka lang niya.” [You’re being played at.] was my final message to the loser who never bothered me again after that.

Breaking Free of Things that Hold Me Down

As God’s favourite child, I know that He gave me my goddess traits for a reason. He created me in His image for a reason. And although I have no way to determine if what I pick up on the way to my Ultimate Destination is good, bad or good but rotten inside, I know that I have the brainpower to put the bad things down immediately and to start looking closely for the Good One.

Each time I happen to hear the landline ring and hear my mobile phone beep, I am being gracious to your persona which everyone but me has doubted. Every time I glance expectantly at the communication gadgets, I am raising the level of your individuality [which has failed me and broken my faith several times] to a height it may not deserve or to a courtesy which you may not be capable of. Only to find, time after time, that you follow the natural path and category cast to you by my friends as the Jerk From Hell. Never will you break another promise to me.

To be a girl is to:

• Wait for the phone to ring on evenings and to talk to a sincere guy.
• Be fetched from home for a date, and most importantly, be securely escorted home from a date especially in the evenings.
• Receive flowers or other small tokens of appreciations.
• Be cuddled indulgently.
• Feel beautiful and to be made to feel even more beautiful.
• Be appreciated tremendously.
• Have someone listen to her and support her emotionally, most especially when she’s down in the dumps.
• Not have to wait to hear from a person who misses, cherishes, and adores her for he will do these things automatically if he is worthy.
• Be indulged in feasible, reasonable fantasy dates or feasible reasonable fantasy activities and fantasy places to visit.

The reason a man would lie and mistreat a woman that is good to him

According to http://help.com/post/234488-can-anyone-tell-me-the-reason-a-man is because:

• He may not value any relationship. He can not commit so each relationship is just a means to an end. He is just in it for what he can get out. He expects every one to do their part except for himself. He has a false sense of manhood and probably drew some beliefs growing up that that is how woman should be treated.
• Many reasons, maybe he doesn’t like the girl, maybe he doesn’t like himself, maybe he doesn’t like life, he has a complete lack of respect for women.

• Some simple reasons
  -He doesnt like her
  -Doesnt feel worthy
  -Scared of commitment to such a thing

  For some reason, there are many people, most are males, that have a tendancy to stray. Apparently it comes from a sense of boredom, often resulting from lack of emotional attachment.

  Some males think about themselves more than their significant others.

  There are also different types of cheating. Some do it once, then confess for guilt and never do it again. Others though do it prolifically for no apparent reason.

• It is very strange why a man would do something like that, depends on what exactly..
  But in fact sometimes the man does many things to test the love and patience of a woman. Trapped in love yet wanting to be free they lose their minds so many times.
  To lie especially of unfaithfullness is easier then to tell the truth, face being judged, unforgiven and losing the one precious thing in ones life…In another form of mistreating a woman that is good to him and possibly loves him…Most probably because of dominance, afraid to lose control, afraid of losing the person, it mostly hides between what they have learned how to treat a woman etc from not so good people…maybe from abuse father or tough love scenario..anger frustration, tension misunderstood that can lead to emotional outbursts..the man probably behind it all loves the woman, is scared of losing and at the same time testing the woman’s love…all around is a circle that doesn’t seem to stop…at the core of tension and fear if that is found out and dealt with it should solve the situation..

So touched by Katy Perry's Thinking Of You video...

Someone asked me when to cry? This is my answer:

You shed tears when you lose someone good to you and you're the one to blame. Otherwise, you just realize you have been keeping trash, throw it away, and get annoyed for the waste of time and inconvenience caused.

She may not know it but every time she sleeps, her soul temporarily leaves her body to travel to a dimension where souls go when their bodies sleep. It is at this place where souls meet their soul mates to be together which they forget about when they go back to their bodies and wake up. It is where she converses everyday with the person closest to her heart, where she makes sure to find him wherever he is in the large dimension to be next to him before going back to her body, losing consciousness, and forgetting everything done or talked about in the Dimension.

She may not know it but they sleep next to each other everyday in this dimension –the only place where they can bond, talk about each other’s lives, each other’s current partners, and wish for the day when they will meet if they aren’t together yet. It is the only time when they feel closest to another person. It is the only time they are truest to themselves. The only time when they can talk about anything without reservation and know that they won’t be judged. It is undoubtedly their best time of the day and the reason why they will wake up in the morning in an inexplicably good mood. It doesn’t bother them that although they feel closest to each other, they do not know each other’s names.

Yesterday she went to the Dimension to find her first love. After searching for a long time amidst the sleeping bodies of soul mates floating next to each other in space, it broke her heart to see her first love floating next to someone else –his current love. She noiselessly moved close to the couple and hovered over them as they slept, wanting to take heart and tell him how he’s been feeling lately. Careful not to wake them up, she spoke to him through her mind.

“Hey there. I’m here to tell you I’m still lost. It’s just I’m still a bit upset that you let me go. How could you ever do it? Don’t you know I don’t know what’s best for me? Before you came I was strong. Unprotected but strong. You came and your love weakened me. I have become so used to your love as a constant shield. I felt I can do anything… I lean back on steep places cause I know you won’t let me fall. I trusted you to save me every time. And you did. I’m sorry I leaned too far back that last time and you let go. I was just acting strong. I thought I could still be strong like before… you know? Before I met you. Now, I’m so scared. I’m an angel with a broken wing. I take very very deep breaths and feign strength before taking flights but I always fall flat on my face and always end up bruised. I hate going to places. I hate doing things. What fun is it now when I don’t have a wing? Suppose something happens to me when I’m out? I’d rather stay home and sulk. I have so many scars now… do you see them? I collected them since I lost my wing.”

She saw how his arm was protectively looped around her and noticed how she, in turn, had her arm linked around him. This girl he was with loved him and treasured him, she can see this. Perhaps this girl never leaned back unlike her who was a horror when taken care of. She continued.

“It was only with you that I felt love overflow. Not only did you fill up my cup of need for love but you filled it to the rim and allowed some to overflow to the edge. With others I have always felt inadequate. They leave me hungry. They frustrate me with the feeling that something is lacking. Their love was never enough.”

She was crying helplessly now. “I am sorry I have been a nuisance to take care of. Sorry I rebelliously told you to let me go. You who have been the best to me. I am sorry I hurt you by driving you away but look who has more scars now. I just want you to know although I have never properly thanked you, I am really grateful for all that you have done for me. Your every action was a tribute to your unconditional love for me. And… I just don’t know what to do now.”

And with these last words she fell asleep with tears in her eyes, hovering above the couple, and with her hands wistfully above the space enclosing her first love, who had arms around another love. She does this cause she wants to give him good dreams and keep him safe for the night –this man who had so gently taken good care of her not so long ago.

As her eyes close, her soul mate finally located her drifting weirdly above a couple, a sad look in her face. A bit disappointed that she fell asleep already and they did not get to talk before she went back to her body but understanding that his other half is still going through the difficult times of transition now, the soul mate drew close to plant a soft kiss that took away the sadness from her face, and covered her with a blanket made from his favorite cloud. He placed his hands above him to give her good dreams and went to sleep himself, praying for the day they will meet so that her scars can start healing.

The Battle of the Bums Chapter 2

When you are a bum and have nothing to do in your time, it is easy to think-think-think. Think of all the Things Lacking In Your Life, Think of how to Amuse Self with Low Funds, and most of all: Think of Ways to Quarrel with Other People by means of Thinking and Dwelling on Other People’s Flaws. So what happens when a bum co-habits wit another bum? They fight mentally which could end up physically. And so goes the story behind my Right Side of Head Migraine last Tuesday. Paver asked me a question to which my heat-induced sarcastic reply was met with an uppercut [Tiger Tiger Uppercut!] to the right eye of yours truly. Not being able to resist, I came up with another retort, and he came up with another punch –but this time screened by Maver who obstructed the Pummeling Senior Bum with her body. Ain’t nothin’ like bumhood to provide you with some real blood pumping action right in your homes!

Thank God for Friends.

I don’t think I have ever properly appreciated my friends. My friends do the wonderful job of looking after me when they know that I don’t do it too well for myself.

There are my AKB Sisters –who, like fairy godmothers- tsk tsk at me disapprovingly and discuss among themselves my most recent foolishness in Yahoo Conference as if I’m not there myself, and scold me in unison and all caps. In high school, they used to pool their bodies together to hide me from the annoying guy who has a crush on me shall he happen by to look for me. If they’ll get off earlier, they’ll oblige our guy friends to take me home and ensure my safety before the guy friends are allowed to go home themselves. One of them –Roxanne– just recently went out of her way to call long distance from another country to very sweetly rebuke me for my current reckless acts of youth and even instructed our other friends to pick me up everyday from work just to ensure that I do not get hurt. Yes, they protect my emotions.

Then there’s my Saturday Club –combined group of friends from my Journalism class in college consisting mainly of Philippine Gay Association, Mano Po, and my own clan the Fox Group. There’s P.I.C. [Partner In Crime] who treats me out to expensive dinner and desserts to reward me every time I make a decision that’s bordering on the intelligent and veering towards the direction of Getting Myself Treated Properly. As she knows that “freebies” are the way to my heart, she also always feed me every time I’m down in the dumps. There’s hyperactive Bogart who –even though I’ve pissed to the point of threatening me not to show my face to her lest I wanna be seriously wounded, and who crowned me as the person responsible for getting her at her angriest level yet­– still tells me she’ll pray for me when she sees I’m in a fix, and bullies me to make the right decisions and tells me that she doesn’t want me ruining my life, and that she cares for me and doesn’t want me to get wayward.

There’s also my Office Pals. Docile, sweet-faced Mon2 who fiercely [well she tries!] intimidates men into taking care of me and taking me home or else; Nykko who uses surprisingly good metaphors to get through my thick skull; and Yaya who brings me kakanin pasalubongs, carries my laptop bag [when in a good mood], and can be ordered to turn on the lights, bend under the table and unplug my cellphone charger, fetch me from home, take me home and do cartwheels for me when I’m bored.

And because they love me and I love them, I will try to be Better to myself. Enough of the Sado-Masochism tendencies. I will also try to lessen my B.S. Tolerance levels.

For the special person I chose not so long ago,

The ff. are the things you do that make me smile:

• never failing to call me those first few times
• missing me and calling a couple of times even when you're out on a despedida gimik with friends
• the way you languidly relish each hug I give you
• the crying sound you make when you miss me or when I pretend to walk away from you
• your blunt way of analyzing things
• your imitations of people in your stories
• letting me win in Tekken

These, my man, are the things that make you a good man. Build on them and cultivate them and remember them when you find that special girl to love. And even though things happen, and things don't go as planned, keep in mind that someday -if not with me but with some other girl- it will be. And that all good things come in God's time.

A Letter to the New Owner

To Whom It May Concern;
My Dell Latitude D630 was just four weeks old when I took him under my care. I gently broke him in [and he me as he taught me how to be mouse-less], lovingly half-filled him with my files, entrusted my favorite mp3s, shared my private chat conversations, took minutes with him, browsed favorite sites with him, and personalized him with previous work and friendship stickers given by friends. For 1 year and 5 months, we got along just fine even though I gave him nicks and scratches, a few viruses, and knocked out his letter “Q”. I must admit, there were even times when I underhandedly tried to trade him in with a lighter, smaller brother but failed as deep inside I know my partiality for him will prevail.
And though parting time for us is near and your meeting him is a bit overdue, I don’t think I will ever be really ready to bid goodbye to him. Please do take care of him and love him. [sob]

Very truly yours,
Old Owner

Passing by my former MTV office, it is blasphemous for me to see no trace of my lovely, lovely MTV office and to find this in place…

When I turn away

It is usually because I feel small

When I feel small

Wrap your arms around me

And make me feel beautiful

I will wait

Till you make me Big again

It is funny how, at the first stages of love or when people have fallen in love, they instinctively try to protect themselves from hurts they might experience by conjuring up problems and thinking as negatively as possible [e.g. preparing to get left behind by the loved one, torturing self through various sado-masochist fantasies where the loved one either reconciles with an ex, is suddenly swept away by some unknown admirer, etc.]

The following post is for my UNGAS, EMO fren call'd BOI PIKET [para sa matinding dinadala mo, bro!]

The difference between bois and gels in the middle of dating:

Gels tend to think that everything is going too FAST. That a man's emotions is getting left behind by his actions and therefore needs some catching up before they should proceed. Meaning both emotions should be clearly sorted out, that tha gel should feel no doubt any more, that she should KNOW tha man fully first, that he should invest MORE, etc. This springs from fear to be PLAYED, HURT, USED, and later on DUMPED when she's already IN LOVE. She is afraid that he is NOT REALLY IN LOVE.

Bois on the other hand, thinks that everything is going too SLOW. That the action is not catching up with how much he has already invested in her and that the action is being left behind by too much GETTING TO KNOW and therefore needs some catching up before they should proceed. Meaning that he wants the woman to give him her love and not make him wait any longer than necessary. This springs from fear to be PLAYED, HURT, USED, and later on DUMPED when he's already IN LOVE. He is afraid that she is NOT REALLY IN LOVE.

So how should bois and gels resolve this? Sometimes, one gender will suddenly feel that he or she is at tha losing end or that he/she has had enuf. When this person feels it, he or she will walk away. When that happens tha other person will make things right. Doesn't always work though if the person who'll do tha appeasement is a really insecure person or one who has lotsa pride.

It's always just a constatnt struggle in trying to strive for that equality and giving/getting your gender's fair share of benefits all the time.

No matter what, I want to continue living with the awareness that I will die. Without that, I am not alive. - Banana Yoshimoto