While I wuz away blood-bonding at tha twins’ place, I did these:
1] Participated in ma uncle’s company motorcade & felt like a pig ridin’ at tha trailer of some van along wit other ladies throwing candies and company kits at every person within our throwing aim. [I even succeeded in aiming a few Maxx’s towards the drivers in their jeeps.]
2] Tryin’ hard to make ma aim reach him, I also struck a moderately cute guy in a black barong smack across tha middle of his chest wit one of ma flyin’ candies, evoking a short cry of pain from him.
3] Became dog chew. [Ma cuzins’ shih-tzu seem to have develop’d a fondness for chewing ma toes.]
4] Had some friend of ma cuzin think I’m a foreigner.
5] Caused ma cuzin Glenn & his gf to break up. [Gf got mad when cuzin nick’d plans of goin at her place in favor of tourin’ me and Geli around and got madder when Geli answer’d her call thinking her bf wuz bein unfaithful]
6] Got hit on by little boys.
7] Had fun wit Gela bargaining wit tha cute Video City cashier guy to lower tha overdue rent rate from P150 to P120.
8] Had fun wit Geli & Glenn eatin’ isaw & pig intestines.
9] Nag-boyz!!!
***
Mysterious texter
A mysterious person had been sending text messages to me last week. At first he claim’d to be someone named Zevin but later fess’d up his real name [his initials are JJR] when I retorted that no real person could exist wit such a name. He wuz bein really vague and refused to tell me anythin’ else save for tha fact that he met me in San Pablo City on a Wednesday. Although both he & ma cuzin denied it, I figured he wuz one of tha two friends Glenn brought home one day since they were tha only strange guys I met last Wednesday. I remember’d that one wuz tall, good lookin’ and fair while I can’t remember anything ‘bout tha other one ‘cept that he wuz short. To unravel tha mystery, I told him to meet me at a fast food chain but not before I met wit Glenn first. Glenn had agreed to escort Gela & me in returning an overdue VCD. As we left tha video shop, Glenn stopp’d us from walkin’ away & admitted that tha guy we were about to meet wuz about to appear from tha video shop. As these words left his mouth, we turn’d to look as tha door open’d and tha tall good-lookin’ guy of last Wednesday materialized. As I wuz expecting tha less attractive guy, I could only stare at him in wonder and found that I could not work ma mouth, unsure of how to deal wit a cute guy. Gela excitedly approach’d him and ask’d him, “Ikaw ba…?” wit me following close at her heels askin’ tha same queschn. [“Ikaw…?”] Witout answering, tha guy shyly look’d at his feet and turn’d left to tha magazine stand, opening a magazine & busyin’ himself by turning tha pages. We ask’d him again and he replied wit a soft “no”. Then another guy appear’d -short, dark, and plain. We ask’d him tha same queschn but he also told us he wuz not tha one. Gela kept on questionin’ tha good-lookin’ guy, almost pleading wit him to be ma mysterious texter while I tried to make tha other one admit that it wuz him. To solve tha problem, Glenn suggested that we call mysterious texter on his cell phone. They both agreed. Good-lookin’ guy got his phone out and held it up for us to see. Short guy made no attempt to bring his phone out. Who dya think?
***
Disaster of tha week: As I wuz in a hurry, I had forgotten to shave ma legs & pack ma razor so I decided to borrow tha twins’ depilatory cream for use on ma legs when I arrived. It did not work so I opted to use tha razor in tha loo and juz rinsed it afterwards. Two days later, I woke up to tha sound of ma uncle bellowing,”Sinong gumamit ng pang-ahit ko?!?” [Who used my razor?] from tha bathroom. Rather than face ma uncle’s wrath and git thrown out of a home, I decided to roll over on ma otha side and git right back to sleepin’. Later when ma uncle wuz gone, I warily got up and found tha razor discarded on tha kitchen sink starin’ tha culprit right on tha face.
***
Tha twins thought it’d be nice to help some little guy friend they have to git to know me. They told me tha guy wuz determin’d to pay a visit to me there at ma uncle & aunt’s home. On ma last night at ma aunt’s, tha guy fin’ly gather’d enuf strength to visit me when he pass’d cuzin Ralph on his way home & learn’d that I’ll be leavin’ tha following day. Before he arrived, tha twins egged me on to prettify ma’self. Prettifying consisted of putting on a bra under tha old loose shirt I wuz about to wear to sleep -which induced some sarcastic teasing from tha twins. [“Uyy…si ate nag-bra para kay kuya…!”] When tha guy arriv’d wit his brother, every’un wuz preparing to watch some film Gela rented titled Ghost ship. They were left wit no choice but to watch tha film wit us. Afterwards, every’un left tha room to sleep ‘cept for Geli and me. He moved his seat a bit closer but did not dare to close tha gap between us that would have fitted two more persons. He started askin' little queschns while I answer'd obediently. Geli kept on insisting he look'd like some celeb ["Diba ate kamukha niya si Echo?"] while he smiled hopefully at me. His brother look’d at photo albums. Later, his brother went outside to sleep on a bench while Geli also got up to go to her room and was replaced by her twin Gela who emerged from their room to chat wit us. Ralph also decided to join us in tha room & pretended to be engross’d in watchin’ TV while eavesdroppin’ on our conversation. Later…
Him: “Kanina pa pala ‘to nakatago…” [presenting to me a bag of Hugs he produced wit a flourish from his back pocket.]
Me: “Uy…thanx!” [lookin’ from tha bag of chocolates to his bum and then back to tha chocolates again before opening tha bag & offering it to ma cuzins.]
Ok lan siya. Mebbe we can be friendz.
***
As tha unofficial phone call answerer for tha week, I learn’d tis:
1] Cuzin Ralph is tha best friend of some guy named Randall who can’t make it through tha day witout callin’ Ralph at home about two hundred times a day.
2] Cuzin Gela, tha bubblier twin, has a suitor named Lou.