Star Wars: Episode VII The Force Awakens Movie Review

When news about an upcoming Star Wars movie started to dominate my FB newsfeed, I started asking friends if they want to watch it with me, along with a guy I liked. Everyone said no. The crush said yes but cancelled out later on. But then asked me to watch it with him several days later, saying that he already got free tickets for it. Of course, I said yes. :)

My comments:

• Soundtrack-wise, it sucked.  I was hoping for a grand musical score with thundering orchestra playing that will make me feel chills and remind me of Starwars movies of the past, but to my disappointment, the background music was really downplayed and there was just "pasundot-sundot" hints of the majestic soundtrack. Know when your mind is preoccupied with something and you unconsciously start doing something as a result (like nail-biting or tapping your feet? The music was exactly like that, as if it's being unconsciously played in the background in a dreamy haze and really not important/part of the scene. 

•  No CCTV? At the part where Rey escaped and she was being hunted down by the Storm Troopers, I wondered how come there ain't no CCTV in the Dark Side's base when Hans Solo has it in his ship? Does that mean Hans Solo has more money? Lol! 

• Bar Owner Maz Kanata reminded me of something. Excuse me for those who are eating but Maz Kanata's eyes reminded me of something, specifically at the scene where she took off her glasses to get a better view of Rey's eyes. Can't help but think that her squinting eyes look like a**holes. Sorry!

I can't get over the soundtrack not being great because for me music is one of the most important facets of a great movie, so I'm only giving Star Wars The Force Awakens 3 out of 5 stars.  

Only Binay Political Campaign Ad Jingle Inspiration

Guess which jingle had been basis for the "Only Binay" political campaign ad jingle?

Sino ang may nagawa na? Great value, super talaga! SM Supermarket, always there for you and me!

Ramon Bautista and Mar Roxas Fist Bump Before and After

A moment of silence for Ramon Bautista...

Before:

After: 

The moment I knew I had to let you go

It was the day you came to pick me up at my office to bring me home like you always do. You always come to pick me very early because I loathe waiting but when you arrive, I always make you wait -sometimes even for hours. It was that day when I picked another fight with you due to my blown-up ego and pettiness, I'm sure.

You were sitting defeatedly on the floor in the hallway outside my office while I was standing up determined not to let you win the argument when I noticed that you were silent and that your thick, beautiful lashes were wet with tears. It was then that I came to the realization that I don't deserve you at all. I will remember this day when you wore red and I made you cry. I always pick fights with this man who adores me and it shouldn't have to be this way. 

I vowed to never make you cry again. I know that although being with you will ultimately benefit me, it will hurt you because you were prepared to do anything for me -to give up your religion just to please my mother and to do what it takes to please me.

A few days ago I celebrated your birthday by eating palabok alone at Jollibee. Noodles for long life and your continuous happiness. You will always be my sacred and my beautiful. Thank you.

Learning to daydream for someone who's cynical/ an eternal pessimist

A few months ago, I was depressed and suicidal. I had been jobless for some time and the pressure of having to pay for bills that have been piling up day by day without getting any help and support from anyone else combined with the stress, pressure, nagging and bullying from the people around me was getting to be too much for me that I wanted to throw the towel in.

It seemed to me that I have no right to live my life and that I have been born just to be an extension of another person's life.

Nothing belonged to me at all... things I buy that become my earthly attachments and favorites will disappear with no logical reason and I am not allowed to ask why. I will go crazy cause I will have no way of knowing if they were given to someone at church who were scavenging for my things behind my back and without direct permission from me or to relatives in the province.

I am not allowed privacy in my own room. Everything I post, do or buy needs to be explained. I was trying to save knowing I will be out of a job soon and knowing that no one else will put bread on the table, but everything I have starved myself for and saved for is being asked from me to be given for what? To rent a vehicle to cart off potential members for the church in one day. I am shamed and made to feel bad if I empty what's left of my savings paying bills for the dog because how come I don't shell out as much money to pay for skin care services of some person?

All I get is pressure, pressure, and more pressure resulting from someone's pity and empathy to other people but it has always been empathy and concern for other people with no consideration at all for my feelings. It seems everyone else is "less fortunate" and more deserving of pity and understanding than me, which should be fine by me, but what's not fine is that this empathy for others is on my own expense that I have to lose more, have less, have my favorite things disappear and given to someone else so I will work again and penny pinch and starve myself and torture myself and not be allowed to buy things I want for myself and surprise! It's a never ending cycle and I have to give way so that all my resources will be given once again to other people/ people I don't care for/ people I begin to loathe because they take so much from me without them meaning to!

And in the end what do I get? I get to be called selfish, the devil, and get disowned for having an opinion. Who am I to complain anyway? I am not entitled to even my own feelings. I was born in this world to be a slave after all. I never asked to be born but now I am paying for someone's guilt of bringing me into the world and it seems that their guilt of leaving their parents is endless and now I am burdened to pay this endless guilt and I'm not even allowed to have my own family because someone left their family for me and I am doomed to die alone probably next to strangers in a cemetery if I am lucky enough not to be thrown in a river because of this endless guilt of someone else I am forever paying off.

And it is with this big amount of stress that I decided I just wanted to die. As I haven't tried anything to hurt myself the slightest bit (at least physically) in the past, I was limited to just wishing death for myself by praying that a vehicle would run over me as I crossed the street. I thought this would be the easiest thing as I never learned how to cross the street properly anyway, and crossing streets at a road where vehicles intersect from 4 different directions (such as the one I always pass by everyday) is the perfect place to die in. I wished for lightning to strike me. I wished for someone to shoot me or plunge a knife in me enough to kill me. I also contemplated jumping into the river I passed by but the thought of seedy men finding me and touching my body to fish me out of the muddy waters plus the muddy waters on its own did not appeal too much to me.

Somehow, I got over the death wishes but not to assure that I won't go back to having dark thoughts as having negative thoughts is second nature to me. Anyway, I'd like to share what has been temporarily distracting me from the dark side, and this is the "Limitless" session I had been asked to envision when I sat in with a Hypnosis group I met last year.

The speaker at the session had told us that whenever he wants to have a good day ahead of him or whenever he wants to feel happy, all he has to do is to close his eyes and imagine in detail a scenario that he thinks will make him ultimately happy. He instructed us that we have to really envision this happy scene in our mind, from what we're wearing to where we are exactly and the words we will say and the things we will do. In short, he actually asked us to daydream or fantasize and so I did.

As any girl, I have cliched girl fantasies which may or may not be shaped by the society so that time I imagined having my then boyfriend propose marriage to me  at a videoke bar after a session because I loved singing and he hasn't humored my request of us singing together despite my pleas to him. The weirdness of my chosen fantasy was not lost to me at all, as I knew how ridiculous it was to dream of getting a proposal from someone I barely spent enough time with to marry. Maybe it was just my frustration to sing being manifested. However, that was what my mind had conjured up at that exact moment with little time to think and after all, it is still every girl's dream (weird girls like me included) to get asked by someone they love to spend the rest of their lives with.

These days, a marriage proposal fantasy is more ridiculous than ever, which is not to say that I haven't tried conjuring up this image just for the heck of it.

I mostly use the "Limitless" session nowadays during bored-out-of-my-mind traffic moments, and these days, I just envision my love for a certain person –not really imagining anything much beyond my feelings for him and how I want to hug him, kiss him on the cheek and watch over him as he sleeps just like an unobtrusive angel would.

Sometimes, though, I do imagine him loving me back for just a bit and it's enough to calm me down.

I Haven't Blogged That Much

I know I haven't and I am feeling guilty about it. There used to be a time when I'd motivate myself to blog more by telling myself that I will only be allowed to use the internet (back in the dial-up internet card era) if I blog post something first. Hence, I was blogging every other day or 3x a week in the olden times. But now, apart from blog posts that I just do out of some sense of obligation, I haven't been posting much about myself really. And because of this lack of motivation to post. I find myself trying to understand... Why do I really blog in the first place and why -even if I haven't posted something for months and no one's really bothering me about it- is there a guilty feeling at the back of my head that I need to blog? And if I do post a blog, shall I post about my feelings of love? (Ugh, no! Not cheese again) About people who showed me love recently (Humble brag? Eeep!) About some random funny story that happened to me? (So that will only confirm that I just blog to please a certain audience!) And if it's true that I do blog lately only to appease myself and release my repressed emotions as to not go insane, does this mean I don't want to confront my emotions now?

Beat the heat with a fun DIY Inipit dessert!

The heat of the past few weeks will have you wanting to make life sweeter while just chillin' like a villain at the comforts of your home. And for those of you who wants to try an easy-to-make DIY dessert, here is a simple and delicious recipe using Lemon Square's irresistible Inipit cakes!

Inipit Cold Crunch

Ingredients

1 pack of Lemon Square Inipit 

1 liter chocolate ice cream 

1 pack of all purpose cream chilled from the ref

1 bag of Nips peanut candies

For the chocolate sauce:

1 tbsp sugar

2 1/2 tbsp Ricoa chocolate powder

1/2 cup of hot water

Directions

1. In a cup, mix the sugar, chocolate powder and hot water together until fully dissolved. Set aside.
2. In a dish bowl, unwrap 2-5 packs (depending on how many will eat) of Lemon Square's Inipit cakes.
3. Place 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream.
4. Add a spoon of the chilled all-purpose cream.
5. Pour the chocolate sauce.
6. Finally, add 6 pieces of Nips peanut candies.

Voila! Now you may enjoy the deliciously cold, sweet and crunchy sensation of Inipit Cold Crunch in your mouth this summer! A must-have treat for any kid and kids-at-heart! Sarap maging kid with Inipit! :)

Waking Up Happy

One of the things I am thankful for is when I wake up happy either for no reason at all or from remembering a good dream. Today was one of those days when I remembered a good dream.

In the dream, I was in a park or stadium of some sort, kind of like my college's football stadium and it's not clear why I am there -whether we were about to watch a concert or attending an event- but one thing that's clear was that I was with a guy whose identity is vague to me, and he was doing everything he can to make me comfortable on the grass. I remember having his arms around my waist and him inviting me to get comfortable and lean on him and even doze off in his arms however uncomfortable it may be for him to be burdened with my weight, and I remember that it was nothing lecherous or sexual. In fact, it felt so comfortable and just right, and I wake up being ultimately happy just remembering this still unidentified guy whose arms I felt safe, warm, fuzzy and protected in!

Qik or It Didn’t Happen!

Just downloaded a new app called Skype Qik -a fun new app that has allowed me and my friends to get kicks out of each others' videos by making it easier for us to share and upload our videos through group chat.Try it yourself! It's free to download! :)

Setting out on an adventure with nature

Last Sunday, I set out on an adventure with nature and went to the Ninoy Aquino Parks and Wildlife. Not having any forms of exercise for almost a year now, and being a lover of trees, I decided to volunteer myself and accept the challenge of playing an app-based adventure with other bloggers at the park located at Q.C.

Arriving at the place was a challenge in itself as I just had a general idea of where the place might be but as I was running late, I had no chance to check it thoroughly on the net. I ended up getting off the jeep at Q.C. Circle and walking for miles under the glare of the early afternoon sun till I reached the park.

The park charged an affordable rate of P8 per head for adults and P5 for children.For the game itself, we downloaded the Cyburban app on our phones and were faced with numerous challenges to complete. As I arrived late, I was slow to digest the mechanics of the game. Good thing I sat next to PromdiBoyAdventures, who not only arrived early but also good-naturedly and patiently helped me set up my phone for the game. It was then that I decided to make it my game plan not to lose sight of him as he seemed quick and smart, and I figured that I will fare well in the game if I just imitated everything he will do.

The first set of challenges involved working out with the Halcyon gym team. I did well in the sit-ups, jumping jacks and squats and I was especially proud of myself for doing the squats quickly and without a peep as the girl next to me winced in agony at each squat and complained melodramatically that it was so hard to do. She must have never commuted in her life, as I felt that the stairs in the overpasses and MRT's of my daily commute to work has buffed me up for the challenge that was doing numerous squats under a time limit.

However, there was this one challenge where after briefly touching my toes at start and end points, I was required to run quickly for 4 rounds. I would have been fine with that but I was a bit miffed by the lanky curly-haired AmBoy coach for that challenge because instead of telling me right off the bat that I did not start on time and that I better just stop and wait for my turn, he just let me complete the run alongside PromdiBoy and then -whilst my tongue was still hanging out from fatigue- announced that I shall repeat the challenge as I did not start running the precise second he said "go". To top it off, he did not even let me catch my breath and I have to double the challenge I just did! Oh well! Charge it to experience to take my time so I don't have to repeat anything again!

Other challenges include picking up trash such as leaves and filling up a bag with them to help the environment, walking in three's or four's on a banner that needs to roll as you and your team mates move forward, taking a selfie with one of the animals, meeting other bloggers, playing siato and eating exotic food. I got a bit excited when I noted that the coach manning the siato challenge was taking note of the scores. Siato involved hitting a short stick with a long one, and as my short siato stick landed far far away from where I hit it, I was pretty sure that I can be a contender for that if ever they give out individual awards for each challenge. It brought me back to a time when I won the "longest flight" category for a paper airplane contest we had for Aerospace Cadet of the Philippines in high school. I was sad that I did not get to try the exotic food which featured frogs and baluts. It was the time that I got lost in the park and when PromdiBoy found me, they had already cleaned up the booth serving the frogs and baluts. :(

At the end of the day, my new found friend PromdiBoy ended up bagging the first place for scoring the most points in the Cyburban game with 700+ points. I only had 500+ points. We celebrated PromdiBoy's win with bright purple and yellow dirty ice cream from a vendor whose ice cream cart reads "Makajos". :)

I never said I loved you.

But somehow you knew, didn't you?
In the way my doubt and irritation at your daily chitchats turned into feelings of giddiness at your morning messages and late night calls.
In the way the hint of a smile escaped my lips when you tried to make me admit that you already have my heart.
In how I regretted not holding you close in my arms and soothing you when we were up near the clouds in the ferris wheel and it turned out you had fear of heights and you held dearly for life to the beams on both sides of you whilst imagining Final Fantasy deaths.
In the way I jumped by way of greeting, wrapped both arms and legs around you and clung like a stubborn barnacle you had no choice but to carry me with you like a conjoined twin as you fetched something you needed from the other room.
In the way I traveled for hours and stood on the bus the first chance I got to be with you.
In the way I watched you while you slept and kissed you lightly when I woke up and you're still asleep.
In the way I never admitted my feelings for you because I never wanted to hold you down and wanted you to always be free.
In the way I think of you first thing in the morning and last thing before I sleep.
In how I always try to ask you how your day was and how proud I always will be of you for your small achievements and how I wanted to cheer you up when you are lonely.
In the way I sing lullabyes for you before I sleep.
In the way I think that your laugh is the best sound in the world.
In the way my heart always breaks whenever I miss you but I don't seek you nor ask for your time because I want you to be free to do as you please.
In the way I considered learning how to do certain household chores I haven't even tried doing simply because you asked if I can do it for you should we live together.
In how I wanted to tell you that flawed as I may be, I am ready to love you endlessly and I will never cheat on you or look at any other man like what your ex had done.
In the way I will never ask you to commit to me or marry me because I am happy just to have my hand held by you and be with you as we drive around town or stroll the malls.
In the way I wanted to give you everything in life that could make you happy - if only I could.
These are my "i love you's" never said but spelled out for you.
In dreams or reality, I continue to care for you.
Without a doubt, you stole my heart even if loving again is the scariest thing to do.

Birthday Thoughts

So. I just turned 33 recently. Having reached this age, here are some random thoughts/accomplishments/sentiments I have:

• My immense love for myself

          It may not be apparent but I love myself immensely. I don't mind being single because I have to be in control all the time. I don't take commands and suggestions from other people too well -especially if it goes against my plans. How it goes is a partner should try to please me. If I'm mildly pleased, he is allowed to make subtle suggestions on how I must live my life. If he's lucky, I will begin doing things for him and including him in my plans. If a partner fails to satisfy me in any way, I don't settle. There are no second chances. Not getting it right the first time means goodbye.

• Improvement of self-discipline 

          I have found out that one of the things that improve with age with me is my self-discipline. In the past, I had a hard time concentrating on some of the tasks that I need to work on. However, I have learned that it's easier to just delay my gratification and attack pending tasks to free myself later on to do as I please. It's really very simple. When I motivate myself with a reward at the end of each task, it makes everything faster and easier to do.

• Hypnosis, meditation and healing

          My mantra for 2015 is to be rid of as much negativity as possible... this includes mental, emotional and physical sickness, ill thoughts, bad dreams and so forth. To embark on this path, I have already started reading up on self-help books late last year. I also had my chakras balanced through an aura soma session and reiki healing session from a psychic/reiki healer I stumbled upon in one of my new age groups I recently joined. She was the one who told me that I was a psychic myself. 

Anyway, whenever I'm starting to feel stressed, what I do is turn the situation around immediately by stopping myself from thinking about the negative and starting to think about the positive. 

For instance, there was a night when it was raining very hard, I was carrying heavy bags of groceries alone, the bus I was riding missed my stop by miles and I have to climb the overpass which was flooded up to the knees. I was sopping wet and hated to imagine what was swimming in the dirty overpass I had to walk through. Just as I started to get mad at the situation, I stopped myself mid-thought and decided to change how I view things. 

I suddenly told myself: "Look! It's raining! Nice cold weather such as what you've always wished for when you were a child waiting for the rain to fall by the windows. Aren't you glad to be going home in a cool weather instead of the usual hot and humid climate that can be stressful on the nerves? And when was the last time you got to bathe in the rain? It's a blessing really to be able to walk home in such cool, relaxing climate!" I calmed down considerably after this and walked home in a better mood. 

Apart from this, I also started studying hypnosis and pranic healing, and I have used the method on myself, on my family and even on pets when not feeling well. I have rid myself of migraine, my mom of a stomach ache, my cat of flu and my dad of bad dreams and talking in his sleep. 

• Less is more 

       When you start to age, you stop being fascinated so much by material things and hedonistic pleasures. Last year I have lost a considerable amount of weight just because I don't feel my old need to gorge on so much sweets and junk food any more. Besides I have learned from research that too much sweets/salty food can be bad for my body and cause me sickness as well as bad skin, odors and so forth. Apart from weight loss, I have also stopped purchasing clothes, shoes, bags and accessories. What's the point anyway when my parents will just throw them away or give them to charity at church? I will just be wasting my money. My main concern now is to save up for emergency expenses and sure things in life such as emergency sicknesses or accidents and funeral costs for me and my parents. After all, I may not marry in this life but I am sure that I will die, along with my parents. 

• Travelling alone

   This is on my bucket list -if I ever have one. First suggested to me by my best friend who I suspect just don't want to come with me when asking her to travel with me, she said that travelling alone can really change the perspective of an individual, just look at one of our female classmates, she said. Because I have limited funds, a bit scared, and an ex told me that it's a bad idea and I'm better off travelling in pairs, I am still gathering courage/funds to accomplish this goal, especially since this was the exact thing that my brother-in-law did and the next thing we know, we found his lifeless body on a faraway island for us to claim and identify. 

• House repair

      It has been my life long dream to have our house repaired and renovated into a beautiful mansion, MTV Cribs-style! When I was still a little girl, I always beg my dad to have a swimming pool installed in our garden. However, I cannot achieve this dream without my other wish, leading us to...

• Stable job

     Being a writer/editor is really not what you may call a stable and secure job. Had I known that I will be the breadwinner for the family, then I would have preferred it very much if my parents had sat me down before college and told me: "Listen, you are free to choose whatever course you damn well please but know that you have to support us sooner or later so if I were you, choose a practical, reasonable course that will earn us lots of money and give you leeway funds to do the things you wanted to do." As it is, I am constantly looking for a stable source of income. I'm not sure I can tolerate studying again and what course I might take because I believe in facing the reality of job-seeking early on instead of just prolonging the agony by studying and then later on getting disappointed just the same (which is more painful because it cost you unnecessary expenses to boot!) So, yeah. I hope I can get a stable job in a stable company so less worries and more time to enjoy myself. Also, a stable job can propel me to save funds which I can ultimately use later on to build a side business for myself and also to repair our house and make everyone -elementals included- happy.