Was it only two weeks ago?
That I had a chat wit ma bro’s gf? Early into their 4-year relationship, I used to bond wit bigbro’s gf every Sunday when we’d sit next to each otha in church and gossip evry time tha choir wud sing. Those chances became fewer & fewer as we don’t git to arrive in church at tha same moment anymore & even if we do git seated next to each other, we found we had nuthin to say to each otha’s face. But two weeks ago, bro’s gf was unusually chatty to me tryin’ to fit in all she had to say before tha church service ended & she hafta be whisk’d away by ma brotha. She was tellin me of her plans to quit work as a teller. And that she plann’d to study again. She plann’d to study nursing and as she hafta start all over again knew that by tha time she finish’d shell school shell prolly be too old fo’ marriage. Said she told bro she plannd on studyin’ at De Los Santos, which is near our place.
Well, last week, she refus’d to go to church wit ma brotha –which, wit tha right amount of pestering, bro told me to have sumthin to do wit his comin home late last night from his office’s Christmas party and tha fact that tha gf’s brotha saw ma bro wit anotha gurl in SM Mega Mall. That, and prolly tha fact that bro’s usin anotha gurly’s Santa Clause-capped face as screensaver in his phone. So that last week, tha gf [now ex-gf] weirdly gave mum a cake wit a thank-you card attach’d …and she never gave anything to us in their 4-year relationship ‘cept fo’ that pillow she gave me on their first year together. And I heard her belting out a sad [teary?] song beneath me that day she refus’d to go wit bro to church. [she lives downstairs as one of our boarders] Well, who cud’ve thought ma bro had it in him to cheat on his gf? Tha gurl downstairs was his first gf while ma bro was not tha gf’s first. Maver, paver & I were all bettin’ that tha gf wud break his heart sumday seein’ as how he used to be so smitten & all but bro proved us wrong. I know I used to say I can’t stand tha ex-gf but she wasn’t really mean or anythang I was prolly juz jealous like I am over any’un most of tha time anyway. And anyway, any’un wud’ve felt sympathy fo’ tha gurl ‘spesh when I remember ‘twas only 2 weeks ago when tis conversation happen’d:
Me: “Terno, a!” [referring to ma bro & tha ex-gf’s matching turquoise attire]
Ex-gf: “Siyempre! [looping an arm lovingly towards bro’s arm] …may sayaw pa kami ñan eh!”
Bro [jokingly]: “Best friend na nga lang tayo, diba?”
I don’t think tha ex-gf took his jokes and hints about supposed chicks @ work seriously ‘til her provided her solid evidence.

Me honing Toyz’ call center agent skills
From tha moment we say hello till tha end of our phone convos, it has become an unspoken agreement fo’ me & Toyz, ma job batchmate [we got hired @ tha same month] to talk in fluent English complete wit accents everytime we talk on tha phone to hone Toyz’ call agent skills. But to further polish his skills, I ask’d him to pretend that I’m a customer. Here’s part of our convo:
Toyz: Good evening, ma’am! What is your account number?
Me: My account number’s 123456…..
Toyz: What is the account number’s first and last name?
Me: It’s 444332516 and 77899..
Toyz [cutting in]: I’m sorry but I was asking for the account’s first and last name.
Me: Oh. I forgot.
Toyz: How would you like me to call you ma’am?
Me: Bitch.
Toyz: Well, what is your husband’s name?
Me: Saddam
Toyz: And what is your pin number?
Me: That’s personal! Why are you asking for so many numbers anyway?
Toyz: Well, bitch, we have to get your number so that we may open your account
***
How tha boys treat me @ work:
Caren and Kelmer are both polite –Kelmer never miss tha chance to say ‘scuse me’ when reaching fo’ paper that’s situated on top of ma pc as if I’m blockin his way when in fact I’m a foot apart while Caren who’s juz 4 steps away from me alwez feels tha need to git up from his seat to talk to me when relaying orders from our boss and speaks in a super slow soft tone as if hes givin out instructions to a child or a fool.
Eypi thinks I’m a li’l kid. An example is when I overheard him tellin Kelmer ‘bout some kid who collects old newspapers at their home…‘Siguro malaki lang ng konti si Shayn sa kaña’, I heard him say, and today when he ask’d me about tha Christmas goodies I’ve accumulated [he diden ask tha OJT who was younger than me], he was reminiscin’ how gewd ‘twas to git gifts & money in tha olden dayz as if hez 85 years old instead of 25.

Wut happens when ya dress in yer oldest most drab clothes?
Last week, ma boss rang me on ma cel to tell me to go to work on a Saturday to revise tha copy I've been workin' on. To mourn his decision and to make him feel tha inconvenience he’ve caus’d me by makin him think I left in house clothes, I dress’d in a loose black old shirt, ancient denims, and ma oldest loafers a.k.a. tha flood shoes –ma choice of footwear whenever I hafta go thru mud puddles, semi-floods & other icky unrefined places. Tha original plan of goin to Greenhills wit maver and tha fact that we cud stil go right after work completely escaped ma mind as I focused on putting together ma I-shuden-be-workin attire. So that later when we got to GH, we came across 5 people I knew from school whom I haven't seen for ages - 4 of whom look'd me up & down critically, 2 of whom are ultimate fashion slaves, and 1 of whom used to look up at me fo’ ma so-call'd fashion sense.

Ma apostrophes ain't showin right! Hey blogger, sup wit that?
***
Office gossip
I had been too engross'd in writin' copies and lookin' fo' pictures to match and printing out labels on envelopes and oglin' ma crush that I had li'l time fo' bloggin. Now am gona tell y'all a li'l sumthin bwt ma O.mates/ma boss' employees but so as not to give their identities away, I've jumbled their initials to give em anonymity (?). And so here are more or less tha characters I had been immersed in while I wasn't bloggin:
Tha Veterans -Tha veterans are those who've been 'round fo' at least 2 christmases now. These are:
Caren -Hired evr since tha company started, hez tha boss' right man & second hand. Hez also tha media dir. & tha graphic art. Wit long hair, tall posture, a loud pleasant voice and gazillions of stories, hez a strong presence in tha O. Hez older than tha rest of us but younger than Mang Blawjaw, Ate Demi & Mob [f'course!] He alwez comes in late & alwez wear a striped long-sleeved therefore remindin me of tha banana in pyjamas. Likes to play tha song "Fighting Temptations" over & over again. Fave phrase: "Laugh trip, pare!"
Mang Blawjaw -Tha jolly ol' company driver. ThO' hez a bit ancient he knows all tha latest hit charts from listenin to his alaga's music & even belts out Black-eyed peas songs. Tha middle of his brows is fix'd in a perpetual fold as if he forgot to undo a frown on his face tho his mouth & eyes are alwez alit wit laughter & mischief. Fave phrase: "Janel, kelan namin makukuha..?" and "Wala nang pasok!"
Janel -Tha new mummy of a bouncin' baby boy, shez also tha payroll giver & tha accountant. Tha "beachball look"? suited her so well that before givin' birth, she was ma officiall fave preggy ladee. Shez still pudgy and cute as a five-year-old. Shez also tha reigning Super-What-Word and Super-Text-Twist champ. Fave phrase: "Uwi na ko ha!"
Ate Demi -Mob's mayordoma and tha queen of tha household. Shez a woman made of pure steel, sharp tongue, and looks made of pure contempt and pure suspicion, which she generously casts on every'un her boss included. She bark'd at me on ma first day of work & managd to scare tha very tall Kelmer into skippin' a day of pool-playin'. She likes to wear socks and/or gardening boots around tha house. With her super short hair & widening eyes, she has tha classic amazona look. Together wit Caren, they are tha two employees that comprise Mob's solid blocks of stability. Fave phrase: "Rey-di na, sir!" [calling Mob to breakfast]
Newbies -Employees who've been 'round fo' barely a year. These are:
Kelmer -Wit his lanky 6-foot-frame, fair skin, braces, and spanking good looks, it's easy to see why Mob put him in charge of delivering thangs to clients. He duzen talk much tho' ,givin off a suplado vibe. A certified billiards addict, he gobbles up his lunch in one-minute juz to be able to play more rounds of pool at Mob's house. He also has tha habit of headin on straight home after delivering/pickin up thangs and findin' out that Mob's not in tha office. Quite clumsy, I've known him to be tha upsetter of tha lamp that broke during a billiard session and tha culprit of tha mysterious spilt pitcher of water left in Mob's kitchen in ma 2-month stay at tha O. And he smells of Dep gel. Fave phrase: "Game na!" and [through text]"Diyan ba si sir?"
Eypi -“Tha events manager, hez also Mob's trusted phone call maker. Sumkinda newspaper fetish, he takes tha company's broadsheets home & digs around in his free time fo' more. He has one of tha most prominent stomachs I've seen around. He also goes to tha loo twice in an hour and turns tha aircon off lest he keel over from too much coldness after which he'll turn it on again when he feels hot and then off again later on. Hez also tha gentlest among tha three fellas. Fave phrase: "...para ebribadi hapi!"
Raul -Tha OJT. He started work on tha same day I did. Tho' he duzen git paid yet, hez prolly tha richest among us since he goes to and from work in a cab, bought a 6630 wit in a week of losin his mobile to hold-uppers, and bought tha most expensive gift fo' our Kris Kringle. Janel said he resembles Tyrone of Starstruck. Hez also a metrosexual and buys himself stuff like self-tanning kits. His bag contains a moisturizing spray fo' tha face and perfume among others. Fave phrase: Nag-bu-busy-busyhan! and Friendster na 'to!" [usually declared as Mob leaves tha office]
Pata -Tha latest addition to Mob's payroll list, shez also tha new maid & Ate Demi's assistant. Compared to Ate Demi, Pata looks frail wit her small frame and passive temperament. In her first month, she had worn green CAT pants [prolly hand-me-downs from Mob's sons] day in & day out. Now she wears ordinary shorts. I have not yet heard her talk long enuf to find a recurrin' fave phrase fo' her.
Tha Boss:
Mob -Tha great source of income. He duzen scream when piss'd at us but reproaches us quietly when no one else is present so that we won't git embarrasd in front of tha others and juz mutters his "hay naku" along wit a big sigh. He cud git quite demanding at times and his praises come wit criticisms. Alwez seen in his fave white Chinese-collared polo. Likes to keep ribbons from his open'd Christmas gifts. Fave phrase: "Hay nakuu!"

According to this site, I have all of 2,508,014,964 seconds to live

For tha past few days unknown forces had been conspiring against me so that I cuden git ma hands on ma 13th month-pay. Thursday when I was s’pos’d to git it along wit evry’un else, I did not have P17 change so that I hafta wait til tha next day while tha three fellas ‘round me celebrated & drank booze in tha office. [tha boss had gone off to sumwhere.] Friday had me hurryin’ off to meet pals sumwhere so that claimin’ yesterday’s loot totally escap’d ma mind till I was a block away from tha O & too ashamed to turn back to get it. Fin’lly juz when I’m equipp’s wit baryas & loose change and memory’s gewd, tha key to tha metal box [from which our cash is kept] chose today of all days to disappear. Gewd thing ma ‘mate thought of bringing tha box to a nearby mall to have it open’d -however silly he might’ve look’d carryin’ it. Ended up bringing home a very thick wad of mint as bonus consisted of a pile of 20 & 50-peso bills.
***
“Ano ba yan, daig mo pa si Fernando Poe!” --maver to me when she found out I had toasted bread witout removing tha newspapers on top of tha toaster.

Procrastination is refusin to start/proceed wit an article you're makin to frantically search for some fact you think ya can't do witout which ya end up not usin' anyway.

“It’s ugly, darling!”, a fat balding foreigner told me as I passed him sitting outside Harisson Plaza’s Delifrance smoking a cigarette. “…Chewing gum is!”, he added as I gave him an odd look. And so is smoking, mister! *Pop!*

Work is...

diving dumbly towards tha wrong phone everytime one of tha four phones ring.

Weighing tha Pros and Cons of RRCG and G-liner
by 5h1n3 Santiago, Expert Commuter
RRCG is cheaper but havin fewer air-conditioning vents, it’s also hotter while G-liner, although cooler, is also costly-er, spesh when ya git stuck wit garapal kunduktors, and G-liners are teeming wit em nasty fellas who charge a peso or so more than necessary or pretend to forget to give back yer change so they’ll be able to pocket em.. [tsk tsk!]
Verdict: Since it takes forever to ride tha bus [ya hafta wait til every’un gets on & off] & I don’t git to ride it now to ma current place of employment…Jeep na lang! Masaya pa! I spesh like it when:
1] Passengers are united for tha common goal of wreckin’ manong driver’s roof shall he fail to stop at a passenger’s meek yelp of “para”.
2] When manong driver is fast & furious on tha road spesh when passin’ up&down bridges so that tummy feels like I left it for a moment. [Slow is boring!]
3] When manong driver try to look professional [?] and fashionable [?] by announcing his status to tha public & wearing a Good Morning towel as a cap on his forehead.
4] When tha mere appearance/clothes/accessory/companion of a co-passenger keeps me amused through tha rest of tha ride.

If failing to post recent entries in a blog is displaying very unbumlike character, then so it is!
Goodbye, bum-hood!;-)
‘twas fun while tha remaining bucks lasted! Hello, new money! [Come to mama..!] May tha unknown forces stay where they are and fail at pushing me outta ma receivin’ end [of money..!] & good graces for a looong time ‘coz it’s so damn gewd to be employ’d. [yea!] I’m not a statistic anymore! [just autistic! Har,har, and har!]
***
I know it’s normal fo’ buntis peeps to lihi over otha people, but right now I’m naglilihi over a buntis. Tha buntis I’m talking about is tha 25-yr-old nine-month preggy accountant at our office. Shez so round and cute that she makes me gigil! Another office mate looks juz like ma uncle. For some reason he also reminds me of someone else. Guess who. Ma secret name for him is Poohbear.

i-mood: Internet-deprived

Tha last time I used our telephone before it was unreasonably disconnected was when I “ran away from home” three weeks ago. Since then I haven’t bother’d much about bloggin’ since bloggin’ in Internet cafes while sumbody else looks over yer shoulder duzen really appeal to me.
Did I really ran away? I did not. T’was more like takin’ an overnight trip sumwhere witout givin tha rents a chance to agree or disagree. Afterall, ya don’t run away then tell tha one you’re runnin away from where you’re headed, right? Which was wut I did. I call’d em up soon as I left em and told em where I was stayin’ before our phone died mysteriously &was it ma fault they can’t call me back? Absolutely not! So wut if I dress’d up for church as if I was goin’ wit paver as usual then sneak’d out when he was in tha bathroom? I cuden have done it any otha way! Of course ma accomplice & gracious patron[ess?] had outdone herself that day, treatin me to movie, arcade & dinner @ Greenbelt when a quiet night at her house consumin’ away her internet account wud have been enuf and later she also lemme do juz that, lettin’ me invite more friendsters for ma account. I also casually climb’d ma host’s shelf to reach & grab a book or two from its ceiling-high location before we left her house and proceeded to Gabby’s for our second breakfast where his parents had tha misfortune of hearin ma early morning drum-banging disturbance after G pointed out tha irresistible noise-wreakin’ instrument to me.
Amidst all of these, I still have no Internet! [yes, I hafta post tis on a café sumwhere in Anonas, tha heart of drug-addicts & pocket-pickers –who better not be lookin’ over ma shoulders! ]
Tha following week was spent job-huntin’ wit ma h.s. friendster Toy. Apparently, all ma otha pals & acquaintances have found themselves jobs. And so I got re-acquainted wit Toy and spent four days [two Tuesdays, a Wednesday & a Thursday] job-huntin’ wit Toy. Discover’d a lot bout him since tha last time we really bonded was way back in high school when we used to bruise each other by slappin’, pinchin’, and usin’ our pens to draw lines at each other’s exposed skin [which we almost did again once on a bus ride home.]
In four days I found out that Toy had tha unconscious habit of:
1] pinchin’ his nose.
2] foldin’ his upper lip inwards so that half of his upper teeth is shown to ya.
And tha conscious habit of:
1] goin’ to tha loo every half hour.
Besides job-huntin’, we also hunted for men among those whom we chanced upon who might be wearin’ tight tank tops or sleeveless shirts tack’d inside high-waisted pants, and categorized em as “maskulados” while tha gorgeous men we meet git to be categorized as “papa-ble” or “delicious”. There was also tha unannounced “pa-baratan” contest which we realized after Toy tried to git out of payin’ me tha forty bucks he owed me [which he promised to pay on tha bus ride home] by tryin to distract me wit stories; earlier when I dismiss’d tha idea of eatin at Pizza Hut, claimin’ an allergy for places which had service charges; and again when we tried chatted nonstop on tha bus tryon’ to ignore tha “konduktor” in tha hopes that he’ll forget to collect our fare. Since a business management graduate and a journalism graduate could only have call centers as common applyin’ ground, we decided to perfect our English along tha way complete wit exaggerated American/sometimes Brittish accents so that tha man in front of us at tha escalator look’d back at us and stared while Toy and me carried on wit our conversation wit completely serious expressions on our faces. There was this instance in Makati when we encounter’d harmless lookin’ people which Toy identified to be ralliers and before I knew it, he was miles ahead of me runnin’ as fast as his long skinny legs could carry him. When I catched up wit him, I found that he had ceased runnin’ but was takin’ brisk hurried steps along one of tha wide steps of a five-stepp’d stairway towards some shrine. In his haste to escape tha ralliers, he had climb’d sideways into a shrine which I think wasn’t made fo’ public walkin’. When I noticed tis and found that I ma’self was walkin’ on a step a notch lower than Toy’s wit no one else on tha stairway, I told him how I thought t’was prohibited. He came back down on tha sidewalk but not before retorting “Eh bata pa naman tayo eh!” I found that the slightest signs of scorning could make him spring defense for his actions. Finally, high school nostalgia, boredom, and improved tolerance for physical pain [or mebbe Ruth’s masochism is catching] got me tryin’ to git Toy interested in tha never-ending “gantihan” of slapping & pen-drawing on tha bus ride home. I started by askin him if he knew wut an arm-burn is. Witout waitin for his reply, I proceeded to demonstrate it to his right arm. He reacted by gettin’ out his pen. After protesting for a second, I gave him ma left hand so he can take vengeance but he seem’d to have changed his mind after a minute, capping his pen and placing it back in his plastic envelope. I also tried to see if he was still “madamot” like he was in high school. Seein’ a “nenok”-worthy cute Hua Ze Lei pad tha size of a Post-it among his belongings, I ask’d if I could help myself, to which he gave a very cross “Later.” He did gave me a piece when I pestered him again and just counted out tha Hua Ze Lei’s I’ve sneak’d from him in ma bag when I got more.
Tha Singaporean neighbors have got to pay for hackin’ our telephone line and address!
All in all, job-hunting wit Toy had been fun. He is actually more generous [lettin me steal as many friendsters of his as I want and escorting me to a company that had no job openings for him], less vengeful [in gantihan], and as kwela and game for anythang as ever.

pop quiz: Wutz red and angry and in-between ma brows?
***
I think that ma poor hearing skills aren't fit to be in a call center workplace. {Say wut..?} Too poor to endure & tolerate a stream of soft-spoken deliberately superfast slang words thrown at me during interview by a nasty sleeveless-clad nasty Medusa. So that at tha end when she told me I can come back when I'm better after 3 months, it took all ma strength to keep from blurtin' that she could do away wit fake eyes {contact lenses} anyway.
***
correction to pop quiz: Wut ARE red and angry and in-between ma brows?

Jeepin'

all too friendly leaded air and scent of worn tires
drifted to my nose
strangers side by side and face to face
all in companionable silence
grateful at grandma sleeping across me in clashy floral terno
generous towards Albert Martinez at my left
forgiving at man wit lousy bowl haircut
comfortable in my seat
brimming with humanity for all
smiling at the few moments
of non-attempt at social interaction
leaving mang jun alone as he decides
whether to bring me to my death or
destination

I know that condemning ma’self for ma ambiguous place in tha universe won’t help me a bit. Sorry, God. Thanks, Red and P.I.C.

Havin' nuthin' to do on ma hands had brought me to dwell for too long on tis illusion which is ma deluded vision of sumthin spesh goin on between us. I had enlarged it and have been overly sentimental over tha smallest thangs that I've always treasured about ya which might not be acts of love afterall. You might have never cared.

portrayin tha irate caller
After spendin’ three hours every night tryin’ in vain to connect to INFOCOM, I fin’lly gave em a call once again tis noon to know tha real deal between ma card and its lousy connection. Was plannin’ on givin’ tha operator a piece of ma mind til a guy answer’d –a guy who sounded gay. Since I’m fond of gay persons, I decided to spare him & juz ask’d wut tha deal wit ma card is. Turn’d out that ma card had already ran out of credits after only one measly post in ma blog. Shock’d and dumbfounded, I mumbled thanks and hang up. When I had gather’d wits, I call’d again. Tis time a guy answer’d. An all-business-soundin’ English speakin guy named Andrew. He was not as efficient as tha gay & made me wait for ages before it fin’lly dawn’d on him to ask me for tha card’s serial no. etc. which he shud have known from tha start like tha gay or I shud have told him [had I known that was wut took him so long] to save us both tha trouble. I was civil to him all tha time. In fact I was infinitely polite. I politely ask’d if I cud speak to tha manager. [to which he said yes but made no move to hand tha phone over to somebody else.] I politely told him that their company sucks. And that I know it ain’t his fault that it does but maybe he shud think of workin’ for a better company, say mebbe a good call center. And also politely told him I gave their company bad press since I wrote all ‘bout it here. And he juz listen’d at tha other line, not breathin & takin it all in & then I felt a bit guilty but not so much since I was polite all tha time and practiced tha rules of etiquette. [I think]. Was I a bitch? Am not even pms-ing.

Today I got laid. There. Did that shock you? Shall I repeat it? I GOT SOME today. I GOT LAID. Of course I diden, you say. How could I? I have NO ONE TO DO IT WITH. I have STRICT PARENTS. And above all, I DON’T GO OUT OF THE HOUSE ALONE. Okay, so I’m juz trippin’. I DID NOT get laid. But suppose I did? It had juz occurred to me that GETTING LAID is the absolute BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. Ma parents seem to have gotten it in their head at a very early age [around tha time I was born] that EVERY GUY WANTS TO SLEEP WIT ME. Or mebbe it’s I WANT TO SLEEP WIT ANY GUY. Ergo tha CHAPERONED TRIPS to any place ‘cept when I’m wit RUTH, ma GIRL friend WIT THA CAR. As much as possible, they want me to STAY AWAY from places that have GUYS in it. And every otha sentence outta em parental mouths begin wit “Diba ANDAMING LALAKE don..?” [Aren’t there gonna be a MAJORITY OF GUYS in that place…?] So I lead a very BORING and very ANTI-SOCIAL LIFE because of tis FEAR OF FUCKIN’. And then there’s also tha case of JOB & MONEY which may or may not be connected wit tis NOT GETTING LAID biz. For some time now, I git tha vague impression that THEY DON’T WANT ME TO GIT A JOB. In that way, I’ll be FOREVER INDEBTED TO EM. I think they also hate tha fact that I am a VERY UNPUNISHABLE CHILD. Like when I’m in ma PARENTAL DISOBEDIENCE mode, they cannot punish me by GROUNDING me [how dya ground someone whos alwez at home?] or THROWIN’ INSULTS AT ME [which don’t seem to affect me] or SLAPPING ME [see tha latter], or even LOCKING ME UP IN A VERY DUSTY ROOM wit spiders & rats for tha night like they did some time ago. [They thought I’d BEG FOR THEIR MERCY and BE AT THEIR KNEES but I diden, I juz curl’d up on tha floor &slept like it’s tha most natural thang to do which got em a bit sore I think.] And they alwez complain how USELESS I am but me thinks they secretly like tha fact that I HAVE NO POWER OVER THE COURSE OF EVENTS IN OUR LIFE. Like when I hear em complainin’ to each other how our no-good lowlife boarders DON’T PAY THEIR RENT and how a number of em had even RAN AWAY WIT P5000+ WORTH OF UNPAID RENT and then I offer to TALK TO THEM and nag em & beat tha crap and OUR RIGHTFUL MONEY OUT OF EM and I was DEAD SERIOUS but did they LISTEN TO ME? No, they LET EM RUN AWAY UNPAID AGAIN and had an angry parent told me I HAVE NO RIGHT TO INTERFERE WIT THA SUPERVISION OF THINGS [pamamalakad ng buhay] told in such a fashion that reads like WE CAN’T STAND LISTENING TO YOU and WE CAN’T ENTERTAIN THA POSSIBILITY THAT YOU’RE RIGHT simply because you are JUST A DESCENDANT and I AM THA PARENT therefore I AM ALWAYS RIGHT and YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG and YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ANYTHING because you CAN’T POSSIBLY KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING, YOUNG AND DUMB as you are.

“Welcome… The postpaid and the Warpspeed networks are currently experiencing some problems. We’re sorry for this but please try again later.” Try wut? Connecting? Calling? And why are they hidin’ behind an answerin’ device anyway? Can’t handle too many irate customers callin’ their stoopid hotline? Mebbe their answerin’ personnel is defective too. And when I fin’lly reach’d a real person on tha other line? It turn’d out to be a rocket scientist who tried to divert online traffic by instructin’ me to dial an out-of-service number instead. Warpspeed Infocom has got to be tha worst prepaid internet card I had ever wasted ma hard-begg’d money on. I had connected but once only and even that took me eons & a set of unflattering eye bags to attain. Tsk tsk! Bulok talaga! Lugi!

Tha Official Disk Space Deficit Allocator
Yup. That’s ma new job description. I am now sole organizer of tis special project call’d SOC [Save Our Computer] which hereby entails me to devote all ma workin’ resources to tis vital task. It requires me to go through all files in all folders of our computer, check fo’ files that look suspiciously similar and then discard tha smaller file/s & leave tha revised file/s alone. I am also tasked to excruciatingly open all jpeg files in Adobe to edit each one & reduce it to tha low quality of 1 before savin’ em again to replace them old selves. As tha “ODSDA”. I also hafta delete stoopid files that won’t open anyway and games which tha “ODSDA” don’t remember tha brother playin’ anymore. ‘F course tha “ODSDA” takes entire responsibility for her actions and is prepared fo’ any sudden punches that may be thrown her way by tha brother Tha Great Oppressor, and is likewise prepared for Room Disruptions and Collisions of Personal Belongings to the Floor. Bein’ “ODSDA” means I also hafta resist tha urge to delete dumb & pointless lookin’ files which may actually be deem’d priceless & irrevocable to others juz like tha scann’d picture of tha back of some certain person’s mobile I found along wit many other abnormal files. Compensation comes back in tha form of more disk space fo' ma growing number of mp3's and less occurrence of crashdowns & otha pc misfits.

Saturday
Judgin' from tha amount of insults & cuss words thrown at me by paver, I must've hit a sore spot on his grumpy nerves when I gave him & maver a piece of ma mind after they gave me theirs. Why they want me to stay wit em 24/7 is beyond me since they can't even stand me[as maver vocally 'spress'd minutes ago]. Can't even blog in peace witout one of em spyin' on me. She is lookin' over ma shoulder juz as he had been yesterday, tha other day and whenever they feel like I'm up to sumthin'. Tis quote by Atwood fits em to a T:
"Genial, brutal parents, up to their necks in collusion, determined on the rightness of their choices, in everything."
And anotha one:
"The old wish the young well, but they wish them ill also. They would like to eat them up, & absorb their vitality, and remain immortal themselves."
For some reason tis duzen seem to post.. Guess blogger's down again. Damn. Juz like moi.

Hez Juz A Li'l Unwell
Sunday got ma bro behavin' odd. He wuz actually bein' nice. He actually lent me money he cud've spent himself coz I've forgot mine in tha car. And he duzen seem to be embarass'd to be seen wit me. In fact, before we part to look at diff'rent stuff, he pull'd ma arm and took me on a remote-control trip as in we took turns turning off/crankin' up tha volume of every TV we pass by wit tha use of his mobile phone.

me & brover

Wut are ya bein’ so nice about? You are so nice that I can’t say I’m sorry. And I am. In fact I’ve been thinkin’ why I still can’t do it after how many years. And today I fin’lly understand why. I can’t say sorry because when I do, I’ll mean it. I’ve observed that it’s easy to apologize for thangs we ain’t real sorry fo’ and real hard to apologize when we mean it so much guilt is eatin’ away at us every day. And another thang: Sayin’ sorry to ya out loud wud have juz pointed out to us both tha fact that you had overlook’d it. And that wud be juz like throwin’ another stone atcha which is tha last thing I’d wanna do. But now here, I’m gonna say it. I’ve had it hangin’ over ma head every time. If you’re reading tis, you can juz pretend I’m apologizin’ to sum one else if it hurts too much to make ya remember. I’m sorry, I know of it. Peace out.

That was MY post, ya stupid mf! Can't believe juz got ma last post stolen!

I know it's you...

One of tha reasons I had ma room repainted blue was tha belief that it will somehow boost ma energy level an' make me more productive than its old lazy color pink. [blame it on ma Experimental Psych professor.] Bat ganon, di ata umeepekto? I'm still lazy as a cow.
***
Nursery revisited [fave mem'ry of oldest friend]
setting: girls' bathroom, nursery school
gurl1: "Ano kulay panty 'nyo? Akin yellow! ..Kayo?" [proceeds to raise tha skirt of her jumper to show to tha other gurls.]
gurl2 [hikin' her skirt up too]: "Ako, white!"
me [doin' tha same]: "Ako pink!"
oldest pal: "Ako... [hikin' her skirt to show us] ..Ay! Nakalimutan ko pala!
gurl1,gurl2,me: "Ay.. ay.. !" [bursts into laughter]
Until now, I still taunt her about it.. & now i put it here so I can taunt her some more! Nyahaha! [evil laugh] Love you, pare!

I’m not yer average gurl from tha kanto and I ain’t got money nor a job of ma own but ive learn’d to love myself unconditionally because I am a queen. I’m not yer average girl from tha kanto. Ma worth is not determined by tha price of ma clothes. No matter what I’m wearin’ I will always be tha s.v.t.s. -Ripp’d off & slightly altered from India Arie’s Video lyrix
***
Pe-makmak!
San Pablo relatives in tha hauz today. Kehwl tito & tita brought me tha thangs ive left when I stay'd wit em last month. [Gawd, I mis'd ma golden book of birthday meanings!] They also brought us goodies from their 3-day stay in Thai. I got a blue bag wit a beaded elephant design, a box of brownies, and some.. cash. [yea!] They also brought a VHS tape of tha twins' debut & a short footage of Thai which we might have seen had it not jamm'd into our VCD player. [I came out a few seconds late & hadn't had tha chance to tell uncle that tha damn thing's broken before he inserted it.] Tita told us that in Thai, you say "Pem!" to tha vendor when ya think tha price is a bit above & "Pe-makmak!" when tha price is too much. Also found out that Thais aren't too great-lookin'. [Tita: "Mga tao dun? Para lang sina Ma Idyo at Ma Erning!" ] And in ma cuzin Gela's words, "Mukhang mga Pinoy na taga-bukid!" Lolz.

Juz downloaded tis song. Ang ganda.

Another day wasted ponderin' on one's own sanity...

Tha most ‘spensive bum [Saturday]
Bein’ a bum is expensive livin’. And I’m tha most ‘spensive bum. Bums can’t always stay at home. Sometimes they go to malls too [to see if tha world outside had changed or wutever]. And so tis bum troop’d to Galle yesterday to scour some interestin’ finds. And she saw that they were havin’ a 3-day sale. And wit in tha first hour she arrived, she got so interested in lookin’ at a body wash version of her fave soap that she can’t not buy it. Same goes for a Victoria’s Secret body cream of her fave scent. And a blue & red striped adorable bag wit an American flag patch’d on its side. Til Quezon was left lonely in her lavender purse. And she found that she had juz borrow’d her own savings again & promis’d herself she’ll pay when employment arrives juz like she did two weeks ago when she went on another mini shopping spree. So that shez forever indebted to herself. And she knows she shud be off her ass & gettin’ paid right now ‘stead of bein’ a lazy ole fart. She knows she couldn’t “waste another day and lie low any longer” like tha song by Plumb sez. And speakin’ of Plumb, how she wants to watch that concert but cuden since she duzzen have no dough & she guesses she juz hafta watch ‘em come & go juz like Duncan Sheik unless she gathers her wits & come up wit a half-way decent article to contribute which she had been tryin’ to unsuccessfully do for tha past week so that she can have moolah again & she can pay her piggy bank & be able to buy more bags & bath gels.
Sunday:
Today I bought 4 books [on sale] at tha National bookstore.

No matter how much I've told ma'self to face ma fears, still I can't bring ma'self to.. to step on a damn ipis! Tulungan nyo ko! May ipis dito!

Fin'lly gave poor tired kitty a rest. New template courtesy of belated happy boithday boy gabby! Yea!

How I officially got inducted as an alumnus of ma school:
Me [tryin’ to slip into tha library wit ma old ID]: “Hindi naman po ako manghihiram ng libro eh. Gusto ko lang naman tumapat sa aircon kase ang init sa labas. May imi-meet lang po ako sa loob.”
Guard [wit cross’d arms & a cross look on her face]: “Magpa-validate ka muna ng ID mo.”
ALUMNUS – As u don’t pay mooLah anymore U May Not retUrn School
***
Tis soap rocks.

Me tha munstah!
I miss those Chinese pink coinlike candies that has been around since I was a kid. Today in church, chance had me seated next to a li’l boy of four & his mum. Mum was offerin’ haw flakes to her kid & I felt an urge to extend ma palm out & beg for a piece. Sometimes I git tis sudden urges to act against reason & [ma] age. Made a mental note to buy some on ma next trip to tha grocery. As tha lecture droned on, wee boy got a bit restless & whiny so tha mum tried to make him behave. Know how mothers try to turn strangers into ill-temper’d monsters to make their children behave? Well, guess who got appointed meany-mo today? “Ssshhh!!! Behave or she’ll get mad at you!” Mum hiss’d at her son, pointin’ her thumb backwards at me. Tha boy consider’d me but continued to whine & misbehave. I guess big gurls who have secret cravings for li'l boys' candies don’t scare him one bit.

“Bat ala ka pa ring trabaho?”
“Bat ala kang boyfriend?”
“Bat….?”
Finding is lost on me.
***
I’m waiting it all out. Even eternal feelings of bleakness are fleeting. ;-)

Quotes of tha month:
“Ano ba yan, mukha kang comics!” -Paver on ma modernly made-up face before we left tha house to go shoppin’.
“Thank you, that’s all.” -Ma reserved cousin Geli’s curt reply when ask’d to give a speech on her and her twin’s 18th debut party.
“Vote Ping Lacson for president of Iraq.” –09162552*08
“Gudnyt. Pls. tc.” -A text message from a friend who rarely sends sms when he heard about coup rumours.
“Stop eating!” -Ruth’s frantic whisper as I stuff’d ma face full wit ma second helping of chicken ala king while cameras roll in front of us at tha Gardenia press conference.
“Ang puri ba pag nawala na, pwede pang ibalik?” -A classmate as he ponders on life.
“A, malay ko sa inyo! Kayo lang nagkakaintindihan dyan!” -Ma aunt as she listen’d to chinovela actress Lavender talk to sum one ‘bout characters who have lengthy unintelligible Chinese names.
“Sorry, I can’t go online tonight. Dad’s playing war games on our computer.” -Gian when I ask’d him to meet me online.
***
Nakaka-guilty kiligin, baka may girlfriend.
We talk’d ‘bout everythin’ but that. Even made plans to be business partners of some sort some day but we mutually avoided love lives. Sometimes I wish he’d juz go right out & ask ‘bout ma dating status so that I’ll have an excuse to ask him ‘bout his. A friend said it’s entirely ma fault if he's not interested anymore since I diden show any signs that I liked him when he liked me. Not entirely. He is juz as much to blame for fallin’ early fo' me same as I am for fallin’ late.

Today I feel like I’m God’s favorite child. Most of tha time I feel like one of God’s children who got overlook’d and forgotten amidst tha millions whom He felt like blessin’ wit goodluck but not today. Today I am tha favorite. Ma crush hitted on me. LBC gave me 500 bucks for an article I contributed in their magazine and an admirer gave me load fo’ ma mobile. I also got a reply in ma email for an interview in one of tha companies I applied for and today I came home to find out that paver decided to welcome me back from ma weeklong stay in San Pablo by paintin’ ma room electric blue. It did not all happen today but I’m feelin’ tha impact of it all today. I’m postin’ all these so that when I’m feelin’ blue [like tha new color of ma room], I’m gonna hafta remember today.

I was gone for a week bcuz ma twin cuzins had their 18th debut last Sunday on tha same night tha Ja-Boom twins also celebrated their's. T'waz really fun to be on ma toes for a change. Quite a diff'rence from ma daily bum routine. Wit in tha week I've stay'd wit tha twins, they have task'd me to come up wit a program fo' em. I also thought of songs that cud be used as background music for tha whole program. [I came up wit 65 songs] Aside from tis, I help'd em in creatin' bracelets made of beads for their souvenirs and I produced a script for tha twins to read w/c we recorded on tape to be play'd at tha beginning of tha program along wit tha powerpoint presentation of their pictures. I also help'd in arrangin' tha 36 roses in transparent wraps & ribbons and I also co-hosted tha actual event.
Here is tha invitation w/c had a caricature of tha twins like I suggested...

And here is tha souvenir -a mini bayong w/c fits inside tha palm containing a bead bracelet I help'd in makin'...

And here is tha older twin Geli escorted by ma brover through a path of bubbles...

And here are tha twins...

As they pose...

And pose...

And as they are whisk'd away to tha dancefloor...

By their dad...

And here they are wit family...


And here is adorable Phoebe, ma co-emcee's adorable sis...

And tis is Gela, tha louder, more charming twin who resembles Dimples Romana when she smiles...

And tis is Geli, tha more reserved, more serious twin. Some says she looks like that daily morning Mexican soap actress on channel 2...

And here is tha script...
Geli: [to tha tune of Vivaldi Concerto] Ever since I was in Mommy's womb, I was never alone. Feet, nails, eyes -as I slowly developed these, someone else was inside the womb with me slowly developing similar organs. Because of this, I did not fear life. When I came into this world on July 12, 1985, I was confident because I know that someone else would be born with me. Together we would be facing the new complexities of life. That someone is Angela, my younger twin & best friend. When we were three weeks old, Angela got terribly sick. I was really scared because I thought I'd lose her. Good thing she struggled. Thanks for being here with me now, Bebz. Sometimes I still worry about you. Please understand. I just can't stand to lose you or see you gettin' hurt.
Gela: [to tha tune of Saying Goodbye, piano version] As I followed you out of Mommy's womb, I knew that I can always trust and depend on you. I'm sorry if I scared you when I got sick when we were young. I never meant to leave you. I struggled to survive because I knew you'd be lonely without a twin. For 18 years, you have always been there for me. Thanks for looking after me & Rap. Sometimes you worry too much, but that's okay because it's just what makes you such a good ate. I'll always look up to you, ate Lee.

I hate it when maver & paver flip their backs to do sumthin' nice fo' some semi-stranger who wuden do tha same thang for em. Badtrip yon. Ma parents don't trust tha world wit me but they are irritatingly kind to tha world. Go figure.

I’m holdin’ up ma forefinger & thumb an inch apart to ma face. Tis close. I wuz tis close to landin’ a job. Saturday afternoon I got a call for an interview to be broadcaster/scriptwriter for a new 1-hour program on AM radio. Sounds fun. And it’s an opportunity, right? Spesh for fresh grad dumbasses like me. I mean no one hires fresh grads, right? It is a job. It pays. And all I need to do is pass ma college diploma on Monday to git hired. Compared to tha two otha candidates, I think I qualified better fo’ tha job. One had a marketing degree, which tha boss felt doesn’t seem suitable fo’ tha job. Aside from tis, she look’d as if she can’t hand in her diploma on Monday. Tha otha one wuz a MassCom grad from PLM who liv’d in Bulacan. Both did not bring samples of their writing. I am from a reputable school & I had tha right course for tha job. I brought ma certificate of graduation along wit all kinds of clearances [NBI, barangay, school..] that very day. I also brought 3 samples of ma writing witout bein’ told. And I live a jeepney & a tricycle away from tha office. Of course there is also tha li’l matter of tha boss requirin’ 4 traits for his employers. He said that he doesn’t care ‘bout hiring anyone good. He juz wana hire someone who’s 1] flexible 2] who can git along wit his moodiness 3] courageous and 4] willing to travel He said that he cud hire all three of us if we can accept his conditions & if we can pass tha diploma by Monday. He ask’d us if we accept his conditions. Bein’ nearest to him, he ask’d me first. Almost immediately, I answer’d him a firm yes. He repeated tha qualities. [So-so,so-so…, WILLING TO TRAVEL.] I waver’d. and open’d ma big mouth. [“Um, about traveling, I am free to travel as long as not to sumwhere really far like Mindanao..”] I wuz thinkin’ ‘bout maver & paver. No way in hell wud they lemme travel farther than NCR. They won’t even lemme travel alone. I came into that place wit paver. And he wuz waitin’ for 4 straight hours already outside tha office. Tha boss said that tha broadcaster he’ll hire will hafta go to Mindanao if it’s required. He added that he needs someone who’ll escort him anytime he goes out to socialize & treat future clients and that he doesn’t take a “no” when he asks his employee to go wit him. He sens’d that tha parental units are strict and when I admitted it, he said, “Baka hinahanap ka na nila ngayon.” There were, in fact, 2 messages & 3 miss’d calls from paver in ma phone that sec. He spent tha rest of tha interview ignorin’ me & talkin’ to tha 2 otha applicants who were busy takin’ note of his instructions for employment. Before we go, he took pity on me and said that since I heard his instructions I could still talk to tha ‘rents then hand in tha requirements on Monday. Tha rents agreed to forbid me from takin’ tha job. I am still their doll. They own me. Jai guru deva om. Nuthin’s gonna change ma world. [Tis is all s’posed to make y’all feel betr fo’ bein’ unown’d..]

Some people refuse to ride tha bus. I, on tha otha hand, luv to ride tha bus more than any other vehicle. It reminds me of past field trips wit ma ‘mates as a child. Of Planetarium and tour guides and Chiz Curls and Hi-C’s and good-natured classmates who share their baons wit me. Last night as we were goin’ home in a G-Liner amidst torrential rain, it cross’d ma mind that tha bus could slip and overturn and kill us all. Some months ago, a friend met an accident on his way home ridin’ a bus. They hafta chop off his long hair cuz of tha blood clot in his head, and hafta attend our graduation in a wheelchair. He can walk now although too much walkin’ can still hurt his feet. And still I luv tha bus. Will sumthin’ ever disillusion me from ridin’ tha bus?
***
Since we were out yesterday, some of our boarders were probably devastated that they diden git to watch their fave TV series. I can almost imagine em furiously banging on our door ‘round 5:30 pm.. [”Ate Yolie, huwag po kayong madamot! Panood kami kay Dao Ming Si…!!!”] Possibly tha same time I wuz weighin’ out tha option of buyin’ a bag, a blouse, a bracelet, & a pair of jeans while listenin’ to tha tiangge vendors patronize their previous foreign customers. [I guess pokin’ fun at are wut foreigners are for.] Anyway, I kinda don’t blame tha boarders fo’ bein’ devastated as they were. I mean, I do git lessons from that Chinese TV series. And these are…
A] More often than not, we start a relationship wit someone whom we don’t really love. [e.g.: Shancai]
B] Broken-hearted people are blind to brighter better loves. [e.g.: Lei to Shancai and Shancai to Lei later on when Dao doesn’t want anything to do wit her no more.]
…to name juz two.
***
Ans tha quote of tha week comes from he who appreciates tha beauty of God's creations. He said: "A lit cigarette is a good effort. But effort beats its own."

1234 Sesame st.
Bakanteng Lote
Phils.

zzz@inspiredworkers.com
June 22, 2003

Future Employer
Private Publications
1018th f Team Bldg.
Asenso st. corner Tangingyaman ave.
Makati

Dear Sir or Madam:

Please employ me. Ma career path has alwez been to work wit you. Even now, I can see ma end in yer respective company. I totally believe that The Daily Tirades is better but I have better chances of hiring here. yer company is numero uno. I have alwez been responsible & career-oriented. Even at tha young age of 2, ma folks had alwez remark’d on how clean ma diaper’d be at tha end of tha day. You can try to put me in tha editorial jobs, or writing jobs, or tha filing jobs, or pickin’-up-paperclip-jobs, or you can put me in tha magazine cover. Eventually, y’all shall find tha right job for me. I mean, I must be good fo’ sumthin’, right? Of course, I prefer bein’ paid, if you will, sir/madam. But I also accept freebies accumulated from press events. Compared to otha aspiring bums, I cud say that ma need fo’ tis job is really strong. I am not supporting any children –present or upcoming- yet but ma material demands are juz as strong as any child’s. mebbe becuz I am still a child ma’self. And, one more thang: I have no Life right now. So I will show up for ma interview.
P.S.:
If you could not employ me, can you please write a nice recommendation for me to Tha Daily Tirades?


Slave-ishly Yours,
S.V.T.S.

Butch-er’d in Quiapo
It happen’d in National bookstore, on tha third floor where reviewers for all sorts of exams could be found. When I approach’d tha area, only one otha gurl can be seen browsin’ through tha civil service exam reviewers. She wuz a bit taller and had long slightly curly hair which she wore loose around her shoulders. I wuz payin’ no heed to her til she struck up conversation wit me. She ask’d if I wuz gonna take tha exam too. She also ask’d where I went to school & wut I had taken up. She had taken up Mass Communications in C.E.U. Tha last queschn she ask’d wuz whether I wuz thinkin’ of buyin’ any of tha civil exam reviewers on tha rack. I wuz about to answer when sumthin’ freaky happen’d. For wut felt like three minutes, she came close and press’d tha front side of her body against ma left side while whisperin’ sumthin in ma ear. For a stranger, it really felt freaky, uncall’d for & intimate. I can’t see why she hafta come close when she cuda whisper’d in ma ear witout touchin’ me. And wut she said wuzn’t even worth whisperin’ about. I don’t see any conspiracy in her suggeschn that we buy diff’rent reviewers then photocopy tha other one’s later on. I made ma escape by sayin’ that I hafta go & look for sumthin else in tha store. Afterwards, it made me think: Do I look like a butch? Mukha ba akong tibo? Assessing ma appearance that day, I had on an olive green military polo blouse, ordinary jeans and high loafers, and I have really short hair and no make-up. That makes me look like a butch? I look’d pretty normal to me. She really felt like a dyke to me but who knows? Mebbe shez juz an annoying space-invader. Wacha think, p.?

Fin’lly learn’d how to download mp3’s!
And tha first two songs downloaded were…

***
Rememberin’ Ashley
In tha past, gurlfriends had alwez come to me when they wanna know if their boyfriends are true-blue. They wanted me to hit on their boyfriends to test em. I’d text em or call em on tha phone tryin’ to git em to hit back on me & make em commit adultery to ma pal, their gurlfriends. Tha goal, of course, wuz to try to git em to like me, or hear em deny tha existence of their girlfriends, or git em to do any otha slight acts that veer towards infidelity. In all those occasions, I’ve alwez introduced ma’self as Ashley. I alwez used Ashley when I don’t wanna reveal ma real name. As a young gurl, Ashley used to be ma fave name. I used to wish I wuz named Ashley. As I grew a bit, I consoled ma’self for not bein’ call’d Ashley by promisin’ ma’self to name ma first daughter Ashley. I used to luv comin’ up wit names for future daughters but Ashley had alwez been ma top pick. However, as some thangs change, I’ve found that I don’t have tha same fondness for tha name Ashley as before & I can’t see ma’self wit a daughter named Ashley in tha future anymore. Now, I like Niggella and Dior Mitzi. I’m still stump’d on boys’ names.

You look like you just lost your best friend. I did.
***
Bum thought No. 96: Bein’ a bum is tryin’ to remember whose day off it is so that ye may take a break from overfeedin’ yo’self & tha poor bloaten’d up pet fishes, and inflict yo’self instead upon that poor fella.
***
I hate shoppin’ wit any’un. If I have ma way, I’d shop alone. But I don’t so it’s either I alwez hafta wait fo’ ma maver to catch up wit me while she takes small, leisurely steps, or I’ll hafta silently suffer in agony while she looks at every pieca silverware or otha thangs she shops for w/c are of no interest to me, or she’ll hafta endure while I linger on books or gurly thangs like bags & accessories w/c are of no importance to her. But shez nuthin’ compared to paver. Paver is tha worst. He’ll alwez go “You should be grateful I even let you tag along!” And if I tell him I need new clothes to wear to some function? His forehead wud crinkle and his brows wud come together and he’d look like Tha World’s Grumpiest Hag before tellin’ me that I have exactly 30 minutes or “isang ikot lang” to find new clothes. And if I stop to look at accessories, he’ll cluck his tongue once real loud then hurry off in big, fast strides in a mock method of leavin’ me –but of course, he won’t. He never leaves me. So shopping is really impossible wit him. At least, maver is more agreeable and easier to escape/lose. And she only gits praning when I stray for an hour from her line of vision. But of course, I’d still rather shop alone. Lotsa times I’ve come home wit ugly purchases due to their rushing. And I also don’t wanna burden em anymore by draggin’ em to tha mall when they’d rather be home doin sumthin’ else. Plus I hate it when maver breaks her promises to go shoppin’ wit me. And so tha last two days wuz spent in an attempt to escape tha impossible duo & be able to shop alone.
Attempt 1:
Saturday -I got set to go in ma three-fourths army fatigue blouse & ma high, made for baha rainy-day-shoes. I reach’d our gate when I remember’d that I have vague knowledge of gettin’ where I wanna go, so I ask’d friends who had been to ma house how I could git to Quiapo from ma place. Then I thought of goin’ back upstairs to wait out their reply, but soon as I step’d in tha house, maver met me & grabb’d ma bag & won’t let go. T’wuz a new bag & she look’d set on destroyin it so I let her have it. I diden expect her to run to her room wit it, lock her door, and sleep wit it. She did. Later on, she promis’d we’ll go tomorrow.
Attempt 2:
Sunday -I diden actually expect her to stick to her promise. I wuz right. Right after lunch, she went to sleep again. Since I diden actually git to go out wit yesterday’s clothes, I decided to wear tha same thang. Then I call’d a pal for directions. Anong sasakyan papuntang Quiapo mula samin? As I don’t want tha folks to call every’un in ma phonebook when they wake up, I woke maver up before goin’ to tell her where I’m goin’. At tha gate, it occurr’d to me that I forgot to bring an umbrella & I hate gettin’ wet. Shud have left ma bag right there at tha gate, right? I did not. She got hold of ma bag. Again.
Today, I woke up early, menstrual and wit a list of reasons for maver on why they shud be permittin’ me out on ma own at 21. I know I cud run off wit any man anytime I want. I’m long past tha minor age. Ain’t she glad I’m seekin’ their permission? As usual, words fell on deaf ears. An hour or so later, she motion’d me to come in her room. She gave me bribe. It wuz a thousand bucks. Same amount of money I lost 3 weeks ago. As tight as money might come to me. it diden make me feel any betr. On tha contrary, it made me feel sadder. Menstrual, best friend-less, untrusted, but 1000 bucks richer. Me.

Gez who's got a crush on a certain chinovela character?




Ang kyuuuuuut..!!!

Why do I git tha feeling that whereas maver has been supportive & insistent that I git a job [Her arm automatically extends a classified to me every time I turn to her & keeps reminding me ‘bout her promise to take me on a shopping spree soon as I land a job.], paver seem to object to it?
Look at yesterday’s conversation:
paver: “Di ba meron namang nagtatrabaho lang sa bahay? Yung kumikita ng malaki sa internet? Bat di ka don pumasok?” Balita ko…”
me [cutting him off]: “Ayoko, ayoko, ayokoooooo…!!!!!”
paver: “Tingnan mo ‘to, walang kumbenyo! Tapos kapag nakarinig naman sa kaklase ng ganon, chaka tutulad.”
me: “Ayoko nga eh! Ayoko sa bahay, ayoko sa bahay, ayoko sa bahay!!!”
paver: “Bahala ka..”
Actually, he also wants me to work. In fact I have two options. I can:
Option 1: work at home.
Option 2: work somewhere in tha neighborhood.
***
Tha Unbelievable Hog
ABS-CBN is such an unbelievable hog. Sumtyms I juz wanna bite those peepz responsible fo’ comin up wit diff’rent ploys to make us sit thru out their commercial ads. Here are some of their low tactics:
A] In Ukay-Ukay, they give out tha lucky number then make tha callers wait thru several ads & portions before fin’lly askin’ tha viewers to call in wit tha right number –makin’ tha callers suffer thrice thru a] havin’ to wait and watch b] tryin’ to git thru tha busy hotline c] losin’ after all tha sufferings & pain.
B] Regardless of tha program, they trick ya into thinking that there’s still more to watch [when in fact tha program already ended] by not sayin’ goodbye. I have watch’d numerous Charmed [at studio23] episodes before wherein they make ya wait thru long commercials only to come back wit tha rolling of tha credits. Then, today at Morning Girls, as Kris wuz promisin’ to be back after tha ads, Korina, probably piss’d that Kris alwez gits to say tha last word in, interrupted and said that she is, in fact, sure tha they won’t be coming back. After which a mini argument ensued between them.
C] They trick Meteor Garden [there, I’ve said it. wonder how much traffic it’ll generate fo’ tis site.] fans. In TV Patrol, they come up wit Meteor Garden daily trivia and tell tha viewers that tha Meteor Garden trivia will come right after tha 1st commercial break, then break that vow and then promise tha same thang to tha viewers again before tha 2nd, 3rd, and 4th commercial breaks roll. Till fin’lly, ya realize that tha whole time; they were in fact planning to show it AT THA END OF THE SHOW.

Beware of tha identity taker a.k.a tha garbage man. Buy a paper shredder.
Some people just throw their trash away witout second thoughts. Y’all shud know bet’r. Old test papers, documents, claim’d receipts, & anythin’ else that has yer name, address, phone number, or any otha personal info shud be carefully ripp’d across into teeny tiny bits before disposal. Or I suggest ya purchase an effective paper shredder. Tha inventors of tha paper shredder, my kumares & kumpares, are not witout purpose. Ya never know today might juz be tha day when tha garbage collector will break into his routine, decide to take yer identity and take over yer life.
***
Eek! Git that terrible animal away from me!
I am pro-‘roach killing. All ma life I have plotted cockroach genocide, urging housemates to be murderers and stomping on a few microscopic crawlers ma’self. Ma deep loathing springs from a deep fear for em so that I have develop’d a heighten’d sense for their presence. I cud be snorin’ thru tha night & still be able to wake up, turn on tha lights, and find a wretched ipis at some far end of tha room. I can even hear it walkin’ around. Tha roach knows I can only step on tha little ones. It wud display itself insolently to me, scamperin to and fro several times before maneuverin’ wisely under a cabinet once ma maver, tha real threat to its existence, is fetch’d from anotha room. Last night, there wuz lots of em around, even 3 in a room at a time. They were appearin’ everwhere so I decided to take precautionary measures. First thang I did wuz to git a glass of scalding water for cockroach scalding before entering tha cockroach realm/our kitchen. I wuz just smiling upon ma own brilliantness when I came face to face wit a big roach, causin’ me to jerk away & hastily flick ma wrist over and scald ma mum -who wuz sleepin’ on tha couch near tha kitchen. Good thang I did not spill tha whole content of tha glass on her. And I only got her leg.
Ma other cockroach precautionary measures for tha rest of tha night include:
1] Hunting for holes in house corners [I found only one hole] and wedging it wit newspaper chunks to prevent any cockroach emergence.
2] Pouring scalding water over bathroom & toilet drains for tha same reason.
3] Scaling tha heights of ma room’s ceiling-high windows to wedge newspaper chunks over tha holes to prevent a cockroach fly-in.
4] Puttin’ packaging tape at tha base of ma room’s door and cramming rags under any space still left so that no ‘roach cud squeeze under ma door and poke its ugly head at me.

How come I never git thru tha damn Ukay-Ukay hotline?
***
Wut’z worse than a night spent standin’ in tha middle of Cubao tryin to hail cabs that are in as much hurry to go home as you are? Answer: Yer mum beside you havin tha worst LSS case of tha “Spaghetti Pababa” song.

Bold or Innocent?
Wut is so horrendous about gettin’ pregnant witout a husband again? Tha revelation of a person’s boldness to have sex or tha astonishment at that person’s innocence for havin’ unprotected sex?

May has been a month for piggin' out...

Wonder wut'll June bring?

Celebrity Pondering
1] When will Sharon stop wearing off-shoulder blouses?
***
Since I’m bored stiff, I have turn’d into a gurl quite unexpectedly. Suddenly, I’m interested in make-up. Look here, they’ll choose tha right color of make-up for ya depending on yer looks and here they have great many reviews to set or change yer mind ‘bout each beauty product ye might wanna buy.

Bein’ a bum really sucks. It leaves ya wit so much time left in your hands but wit so little mint for ya to actually appreciate it. So that in yer idleness, ye become paranoid wit wasted thoughts & become irritable and ye suddenly become conscious of yer fat stomach w/c ye had been piling wit ev’ry pieca junk in yer house regardless of staleness or taste and then ya frown but make no attempt to change yer monster eatin’ habits…Or is it juz me?
***
Miss’d Calls
Why am I an ungrateful wench? Why can’t I appreciate some thangs in life? Why does tha sound of ma cell phone ringing in tha middle of tha night make me lonely?
a] Since I only make miss’d calls on other people’s mobiles when I’m lonely ma’self, those who rang me might be lonely too and it makes me lonely that other people are lonely.
b] It’s sad when I run out of credits & I can’t make ganti by reciprocatin’ tha ring.
c] When I’m longing for a certain person & another person rings, I git even lonelier.
d] When that certain person finally rings, I hate it cuz he/she did not send a message instead.
Mebbe I shud juz turn off ma cell at night. But then no one wud be able to make it known that they're thinkin' of me durin' tha night. Then I'd be lonelier.

Yesterday, I went to sleep wit tis sumbong for ma soulmate:
Hey, you slept early today! Sorry to keep you waitin’. I stay’d up late frettin’ bout someone. I know t’wuz you bein’ impatient when ya blew out tha lights tryin’ to make me sleep & you bein’ sorry when ya turn’d it on again two minutes later. How come ya alwez know when sumthin’s wrong? Yea! I've got sumthin to tell ya. Ma best friend is a miserable black bat blind to tha fact that ma need for him is a sacred privilege. It juz frustrates me how easy it is to lose a person I don’t wanna lose. Don’t be jealous now. Of course, I love ya juz as much and yea, I’ll alwez tell ya when sumthin’s tha matter but sometimes I don’t wanna be hugg’d. It allows fo’ more useless unnecessary tears to be shed leadin’ me away from tha right sense to plot revenge. No, am not plannin’ anythin’ nasty on any’un when I wake up today. Now enuf about me..how are thangs between you & yer current girlfriend? Wut? You wanna keep her? Two months and that already? Sorry but tha Master Plan sez ya end up wit me. Of course, I knew you were kiddin’! I juz wish ya hold out a li’l longer for me…ya know, I have 5 or so more guys before you. Hey, gotta git back to ma body in bed now! Sumthin’s tellin’ me ma maver’s gonna try & wake me up early today. Lucky for ya you git to sleep in today…don’t talk to strange souls, a’ite? Especially strange gurl souls…

Cockroaches have always been our shadows as we spread across the globe. They are immigrants (from Africa to the Americas). They are ancient (unchanged since the Carboniferous period, 350 million to 290 million years ago). And they are omnivores. So why do they disgust us? Perhaps, because they are similar to us. –Catherine Chalmers

Cut ma mini-vacation short to go to a job interview and take a written test. Thought tha written test might consist of two-three easy essay queschns. Wrong. Tha test consisted of an IQ test, a logic test, a verbal test, a mental test, and a 195-item personality test plus 8 essay questions. It took me six hours to finish it up including tha interview. Competition consisted of an American guy wit a badly sunburn’d face, a blah lookin’ gal who writes freelance for PDI, PhilStar, and some mag I diden quite catch, and a lightly made-up pretty lady who is currently a PR for some company. All three look’d like they’re in their late twenties, ‘cept maybe for tha Kano who might be in his thirties. Tha freelance writer who sat opposite from me started conversation & ask’d ‘bout our current employment status while we were waitin for tha HR wonderboy. Already had ma mouth open to answer when I noticed that she wuz not talkin to me but to Ms. PR at ma right. Closed ma mouth & smiled blankly at tha two of em while they snubb’d me & chatted chummily in English bout their fab jobs. Sunburn’d Kano who sat beside Ms. snooty freelance writer wuz oblivious to tha world, buried in an ancient paperback wit yellow’d pages while I sat there across from Snooty quietly meditating in French.

While I wuz away blood-bonding at tha twins’ place, I did these:
1] Participated in ma uncle’s company motorcade & felt like a pig ridin’ at tha trailer of some van along wit other ladies throwing candies and company kits at every person within our throwing aim. [I even succeeded in aiming a few Maxx’s towards the drivers in their jeeps.]
2] Tryin’ hard to make ma aim reach him, I also struck a moderately cute guy in a black barong smack across tha middle of his chest wit one of ma flyin’ candies, evoking a short cry of pain from him.
3] Became dog chew. [Ma cuzins’ shih-tzu seem to have develop’d a fondness for chewing ma toes.]
4] Had some friend of ma cuzin think I’m a foreigner.
5] Caused ma cuzin Glenn & his gf to break up. [Gf got mad when cuzin nick’d plans of goin at her place in favor of tourin’ me and Geli around and got madder when Geli answer’d her call thinking her bf wuz bein unfaithful]
6] Got hit on by little boys.
7] Had fun wit Gela bargaining wit tha cute Video City cashier guy to lower tha overdue rent rate from P150 to P120.
8] Had fun wit Geli & Glenn eatin’ isaw & pig intestines.
9] Nag-boyz!!!
***
Mysterious texter
A mysterious person had been sending text messages to me last week. At first he claim’d to be someone named Zevin but later fess’d up his real name [his initials are JJR] when I retorted that no real person could exist wit such a name. He wuz bein really vague and refused to tell me anythin’ else save for tha fact that he met me in San Pablo City on a Wednesday. Although both he & ma cuzin denied it, I figured he wuz one of tha two friends Glenn brought home one day since they were tha only strange guys I met last Wednesday. I remember’d that one wuz tall, good lookin’ and fair while I can’t remember anything ‘bout tha other one ‘cept that he wuz short. To unravel tha mystery, I told him to meet me at a fast food chain but not before I met wit Glenn first. Glenn had agreed to escort Gela & me in returning an overdue VCD. As we left tha video shop, Glenn stopp’d us from walkin’ away & admitted that tha guy we were about to meet wuz about to appear from tha video shop. As these words left his mouth, we turn’d to look as tha door open’d and tha tall good-lookin’ guy of last Wednesday materialized. As I wuz expecting tha less attractive guy, I could only stare at him in wonder and found that I could not work ma mouth, unsure of how to deal wit a cute guy. Gela excitedly approach’d him and ask’d him, “Ikaw ba…?” wit me following close at her heels askin’ tha same queschn. [“Ikaw…?”] Witout answering, tha guy shyly look’d at his feet and turn’d left to tha magazine stand, opening a magazine & busyin’ himself by turning tha pages. We ask’d him again and he replied wit a soft “no”. Then another guy appear’d -short, dark, and plain. We ask’d him tha same queschn but he also told us he wuz not tha one. Gela kept on questionin’ tha good-lookin’ guy, almost pleading wit him to be ma mysterious texter while I tried to make tha other one admit that it wuz him. To solve tha problem, Glenn suggested that we call mysterious texter on his cell phone. They both agreed. Good-lookin’ guy got his phone out and held it up for us to see. Short guy made no attempt to bring his phone out. Who dya think?
***
Disaster of tha week: As I wuz in a hurry, I had forgotten to shave ma legs & pack ma razor so I decided to borrow tha twins’ depilatory cream for use on ma legs when I arrived. It did not work so I opted to use tha razor in tha loo and juz rinsed it afterwards. Two days later, I woke up to tha sound of ma uncle bellowing,”Sinong gumamit ng pang-ahit ko?!?” [Who used my razor?] from tha bathroom. Rather than face ma uncle’s wrath and git thrown out of a home, I decided to roll over on ma otha side and git right back to sleepin’. Later when ma uncle wuz gone, I warily got up and found tha razor discarded on tha kitchen sink starin’ tha culprit right on tha face.
***
Tha twins thought it’d be nice to help some little guy friend they have to git to know me. They told me tha guy wuz determin’d to pay a visit to me there at ma uncle & aunt’s home. On ma last night at ma aunt’s, tha guy fin’ly gather’d enuf strength to visit me when he pass’d cuzin Ralph on his way home & learn’d that I’ll be leavin’ tha following day. Before he arrived, tha twins egged me on to prettify ma’self. Prettifying consisted of putting on a bra under tha old loose shirt I wuz about to wear to sleep -which induced some sarcastic teasing from tha twins. [“Uyy…si ate nag-bra para kay kuya…!”] When tha guy arriv’d wit his brother, every’un wuz preparing to watch some film Gela rented titled Ghost ship. They were left wit no choice but to watch tha film wit us. Afterwards, every’un left tha room to sleep ‘cept for Geli and me. He moved his seat a bit closer but did not dare to close tha gap between us that would have fitted two more persons. He started askin' little queschns while I answer'd obediently. Geli kept on insisting he look'd like some celeb ["Diba ate kamukha niya si Echo?"] while he smiled hopefully at me. His brother look’d at photo albums. Later, his brother went outside to sleep on a bench while Geli also got up to go to her room and was replaced by her twin Gela who emerged from their room to chat wit us. Ralph also decided to join us in tha room & pretended to be engross’d in watchin’ TV while eavesdroppin’ on our conversation. Later…
Him: “Kanina pa pala ‘to nakatago…” [presenting to me a bag of Hugs he produced wit a flourish from his back pocket.]
Me: “Uy…thanx!” [lookin’ from tha bag of chocolates to his bum and then back to tha chocolates again before opening tha bag & offering it to ma cuzins.]
Ok lan siya. Mebbe we can be friendz.
***
As tha unofficial phone call answerer for tha week, I learn’d tis:
1] Cuzin Ralph is tha best friend of some guy named Randall who can’t make it through tha day witout callin’ Ralph at home about two hundred times a day.
2] Cuzin Gela, tha bubblier twin, has a suitor named Lou.

Calls. Messages. Gigglin' over dead silences. Indulging me. I loved that. Why'd you stop? You stopp'd missing me. Have fun hurting me.

found an interesting article by an anonymous author...
"How To Win Arguments Every Time"

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument
on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, steer clear of me at
parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite
me.

You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

* Drink Liquor

Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the
economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some
health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to
display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you
drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about
the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue
forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture.
People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

* Make things up.

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians
are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are
underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be
better off.

DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid."
Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised
tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross
poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too.
Say, "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford
Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the
same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in
my bath house."

* Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:
- Let me put it this way
- In terms of
- Vis-a-vis
- Per se
- As it were
- Qua
- So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.,"
and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:
"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have
enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say:
"Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua
Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they
do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

* Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your
opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
- You're begging the question.
- You're being defensive.
- Don't compare apples and oranges.
- What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians,
has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: "As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..."
Your opponent says: "Lincoln died in 1865."
You say: "You're begging the question."

OR You say: "Liberians, like most Asians..."
Your opponent says: "Liberia is in Africa."
You say: "You're being defensive."

* Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and
you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds
suspiciously like something Adolph Hitler might say" or "You certainly do
remind me of Adolph Hitler."

So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any
of this on people who generally carry weapons

Someone told me I have a clumsy mind. Someone else said that I’m not perceptive for an intelligent person. My ex told me yesterday that he’s still single. I said… I mean he said…
Hy809999pui
IJJJLLL
Sorry, I fell asleep facedown on tha keyboard. Now where was I? Aside from having no Clue, I also have no Life.

Bought tis for maver on her birthday...

Some people worry when they come across that part of an are-you-a-good-friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband etc. quiz where it asks them wut their friend’s fav’rite color, movie, etc. is and they don’t know tha answer. [Geez, so embarrassing I dunno tha answer to questions 103-105! I must be a very lousy friend!] Kinda makes me think, if they git bumm’d by tis kinda thangs, then they must not be super chill wit their pals. For em to be worryin’ bout not knowin’ a pal’s fave color is like sayin’ that they won’t have tha rest of their lives to be discussin’ these thangs. Like they have limited chances to talk and they’ve already blown their chances at great kinship by failin’ to have an early talk about fav’rite thangs. Personally, I revel in slackening and not knowin’ everythin’ there is to know bout ma best bud –thinkin’ that tha small part of him in which I lack knowledge about is wut keeps him and makes him stay wit me. If you’re one of em worried test-takers and you’re still worried over that are-you-a-good-friend low grade u got, there’s actually a way to have a perfect score for these kinda quizzes. Simply have a slam book conversation wit yer friend. Out of tha blue, bark out one queschn after another leavin only a li’l pause for him/her to answer. Like an ordinary slam book, you should include basic queschns like name, nickname, address, etc. Don’t let her butt in wit stories of her first crush or let her elaborate on her fave movie –remember tha more slam book queschns you ask, tha more slam book answers you’ll be gettin’, hence tha higher grade on yer next are-you-a-good-friend quiz!
***
Every’un loves numbers. Just try writing down all of your friends’ e-mail address on a piece of paper, and eventually you’ll come across addies like jobeth_10 or toyz041282. Back in high school when your test paper is return’d back to ya, you will find that it is corrected by anne #15. It is understood that a person’s fav’rite number most likely has sumthin’ to do wit that person & his/her g.f./b.f.’s anniversary date. Once, I ask’d a friend wut his fave no. is and he answer’d like tis: “Wala! Bat para saan ba’ yon?”, in a tone daring me to say that numbers are for attach’d persons & daring me to say outloud that he’s unattached. On tha other hand, there are those unattach’d persons who attach numbers after their names anyway. These numbers usually refer to tha order of their crushes’ initials in tha alphabet [por ejemplo 10 for j=joey], or tha total number of letters in their crushes’ names. In high school, I became aware that a guy wuz crushin’ on me when he marvel’d over how ma 4 names consist of 8 letters each. [“Uy, anggaling noh? Tig-8 letters pala lahat ng pangalan mo!”] I maself used to favor numbers 17 & 19 after tha number of letters in two of ma crushes’ names. I even almost got into a fight when a gurl in ma class found out that we have tha same fav’rite number & she fear’d that we had tha same crush & that I wuz after her crush. Of course, unattach’d crush-deficient individuals still find excuse to attach numbers to their names. They simply use their birthdates. In some ways, havin’ your birthday for yer fav’rite number could really be advantageous. Wut better way to remind yer Alzheimer-infested friends to buy you gifts on yer bday than to be scrawlin’ those dates right after yer name on every pieca paper ya find? I certainly did not forget toyz041282@yahoo’s bday after receivin’ daily streams of forwarded emails from him. Anyway, I must have a fav’rite numbah...right? I do. It’s tha number 3. Had been ma fave # since I wuz a child. Why? I like tha looks of it. I don’t like lookin’ at 5 or 1 or 7. But I don’t spell ma name wit it or put it right after ma name. I’ve undergone a stage [2nd yr highschool- 4th yr] in ma life when I spell ma name 5h1n3! -sometimes I still do but I don’t remember ever spellin’ ma name wit a number right after it. For me, tis practice is almost as bad as tha one where people put an unnecessary “h” in their names. [e.g. Jhun, Bhabes,etc.]
***

Songs I currently dig:
1] Damaged by TLC.
2] I'm Just A Kid by Simple Plan.
3] Year 3000 by Busted.
4] Home by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.
5] Like A Stone by Audioslave.
6] American Life by Madonna.
7] Losing Grip by Avril Lavigne.
8] Miss You by Aaliyah.
9] Why Georgia by John Mayer
10] The Prayer by Charlotte Church & Josh Groban.

3am:
“I can’t believe you’re not yet up! Wake up!”, tha manager barked.
artist: “Ngrrxxxxx..”
manager [draggin’ tha artist & tryin to carry him out of bed]: “C’mon! You know it’s a long way to the studio!”
artist [wakin up & rubbin’ his eyes]: “What the..?!?”
manager: “You should’ve known better than to stay up all night partying right before a video shoot! Now let’s just pray that the make-up artist can do something bout your bloodshot eyes. You look like you could star in a Visine ad instead of a music video! Let’s go!”
artist [drowsily]: “Ok. I’ll just change my shirt..”
manager: “They choose your outfit for you, remember? Let’s just go!”
artist [yawning]: “Okay.”
Later…
artist:[tryin’ not to yawn while singing] “If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours…”
***
Readin’ ma own palm, I found out that:
a] I will marry in ma 30’s or later or possibly not at all.
b] I will have one daughter. [if I’ll have any at all.]
c] I will be a widow.
d] I’m intelligent and sensitive.
..tha others I’ll keep fo’ ma’self! Who knows? Ma fate may still change! Afterall, tha lines on our palm change after every two years! ;-)

Tha past few days, I’ve done uncall’d for, very unlike me thangs. I’ve cook’d and baked from some recipe and both dishes actually turn’d out edible. For a person who hasn’t cook’d a plate of rice in her life before, I think I’m fin’lly gettin’ d-o-m-e-s-t-i-c-a-t-e-d [like a cat].
***
Paid a visit to Laguna & Anfernee [who has now grown into such a fine wee young man] today. Diden see much of him though as he arriv’d [sleepin’ prettily on his father’s back] juz when we’re bout to leave. Of course, we were really there to collect moolah acquired from our house there which ma brilliant lawyer-aunt managed to sell in a short period of time. Also got a chance to bond wit ma slick cuzins [Chicker-boy Glenn, kikay Gela & her suplada twin Geli, fratboy Mark, & tantrum-prone Trixie] and found out that former beauty pageant winner Glenn -who usually prefers chattin’ wit ma brotha than me- now had more thangs in common wit me as we discuss’d our woeful, jobless lives, telemarketing events [w/c he frequented for tha sole purpose of free food], and his frustrated plans of working in Japan. Also found out that Mark almost sent a drunken friend -who had punch’d him in his state- to kingdom come by hittin’ tha daylights out of tha guy usin’ some piece of wood. Incidentally, when ma hoodlum of a cuzin who probably look’d mad as a bull arrived home wit his polo shirt torn, big brother Glenn [who had his share of fistfights wit Mark] decided to be a superhero and came out carryin’ our uncle’s gun, but wuz stopp’d by Mark’s friends wit news that tha sock’d guy had been put in tha hospital and had good chances of meetin’ his Creator. That’s juz how it is wit ma cuzins. They kill each other but won’t let others kill ‘em. Good thang tha poor troublemaker survived. We play’d wit tha twins’ shi-tzu tha rest of tha day. She wuz adorable ‘cept for tha fact that she wuz actin’ too much like a dog. [biting us, lickin’, & chewin’ on tha TV guide.] She also had her own stuff’d caterpillar toy – big as her- w/c she carried around as companion. Later we found one eye of her caterpillar friend in her mouth.
***
Highlight of tha day: Receivin’ paper money from ma Tita Deng [an honor for ma forlorn, thirsty moneybox full of coins].
***
Least fave part of tha day: Another aunt askin’ me tha eternal, most annoying queschn ever–tha same one she keeps badgerin’ me about every visit.
***
Ei, loi! That wuz some pretty mean guitar u play'd today wit yer band on Breakfast!

Today is so-so. Yesterday was so-so. And so was last week. Tomorrow will most likely be so-so too. Hey, R.! Can I go wit you to Never-never land?
***
Hindi aco pede mag-internet. Some company might be tryin’ to reach me to say that they need me & I’ve landed a job. Yeah, right. Who am I kiddin’?
***
I juz luuv tha feelin that untangling nasty knots outta ma accessories and unearthing lost thangs in ma room brings.
***
Believe it or not, tha first time I’ve held a baby in ma arms occurred only three to four years ago. I’ve handled kids of all ages all ma life. In fact, I can relate so much to em bein’ an overgrown kid ma’self. But I’ve alwez avoided carryin’ babies that are less than a year old fo fear of droppin’ tha fragile wee ‘uns on tha head seein’ as I’m not exactly tha most careful person on earth. Then I met Anfernee. Anfernee is ma cuzin’s son and he wuz tha most beautiful fat baby I’ve ever met. He had tha fairest skin and had beautiful doe eyes and he wuz not cranky unlike most babies. He wuz callin’ out to be held & I wuz not one to resist him. And so I took ma nephew from another tita’s arms and held a baby for tha first time in ma own arms. Anfernee easily lean’d on me & I wuz surprised at how easily he could trust me & also at how heavy tha li’l un weighed. I wuz enjoyin’ tha feel of a fat contented baby in ma arms when ma maver came and saw me. Uneasy at tha sight of clumsy me holdin’ a heavy baby, maver took Anfernee gently from ma arms. Wut happen’d next wuz unforgettable fo me. As I reluctantly handed Anfernee to mum, tha leetle ‘un’s tiny mouth turn’d downwards & he shed two silent tears as we parted.

Guilty! Been guilty of goin’ online & pointedly ignorin’ blogger and tryin’ not to think of tha fact that I have avoided postin anythang that comes from ma lazy mind lately. Ma mind is lazy lately in sympathy & “pakikiramay” to ma body which is currently playin’ tricks on me & makin me think that I have SARS, wit all tha SARS syndrome & evrythang. [headache, cold, fever, cough, difficulty breathing, etc.] Am on ma fifth sick day now. And I hafta ask... is eatin’ ice cream allow’d? Coz I’m finishin’ up one now. [a cookie dough Cornetto]
***
I think I have found ma career. Or rather tha career found me. Our maid turn’d out to enjoy her holy week vacation at her home -so much so that as of lunch today, she came back from vacation wit her two hulking ate’s to gather her thangs and leave us. So now I’m…still a bum. I’ve realized that I’m as helpful around tha house almost as much as ma pea-brain’d brotha is. Plus I have tis strong reaction to dust which means gotta stay away from housecleanin’. I could do tha leetle thangs though. Mebbe I cud be an assistant maid tis summer.
***
Yesterday I whipp’d out maver’s mini cookbook and baked butterscotch bars. Turn’d out pretty edible too, considerin’ tha fact that I’ve substituted maple syrup for corn syrup since we diden have any corn s. in tha house. In fact am munching on some right now. Yea! Mebbe I cud sell tha ones left in tha Tupperware to tha neighbors or sumthin’ & start a baking career!
***
Last night I watch’d a late night show on tha discovery channel about people call’d profilers who play’d major parts in solvin’ crimes. They’re into tha human mind & studied people’s behaviors til they are able to give a profile of tha criminal for tha investigators to track down so their job is actually diff’rent from tha investigator’s. Por ejemplo, one profiler studied a serial prostitute-murderer’s actions till he wuz able to come up wit tha fact that tha criminal wuz in his late thirties, wuz white, have a normal job that allows him to blend wit people, is familiar to prostitutes, and drove a mini van. Tha investigators were able to catch tha culprit bcoz of tis profile, which they watch’d out for. Anotha wuz tha case of a mum & a baby murder’d. Incidentally, tha victims were reported as seen wit anotha passenger in their car –a drug dealer who wuz not harm’d tha least. Tha police wud’ve gone arrestin’ tha dealer if it weren’t fo tha profiler who said that most killers only kill adults & don’t include babies since babies are too young to be used as witnesses to crimes. In tha end they arrested tha father&his cuzin – tha real criminals. Now, I’m wonderin’ if there are any job openings for profilers tis side of tha world? Mebbe that’s where ma real callin’ is! ;-)

Hey, wanna know how hot it is? Well according to ma room barometer, today it is...98 degrees fahrenheit! Which is already considered as a heat wave in otha countries! No wonder I'm feelin' faint!

Pick-up lines from Yahoo Messenger's Garnier Fructis IM Environment:
For Tha Fellas:
"I can see you're a blonde. But are you a...dirty blonde?"
"When God made you, He wasn't fooling around...That's our job."
"Does your father own a chili factory? Because you are so hot..."
"What's my sign? Do Not Pass Up."
For Tha Ladies:
"Bet I know what your favorite dish is. Me."
"Are you from Tennesse? Cuz you're the only ten I see."
"They say blondes have more fun. I'll be the judge of that."
"Can I see the tag of your shirt? Just what I thought,"Made In Heaven."
"Don't go changin...Unless it's in front of me."

In lovin' memory of tha greatest cat in tha world...

1999-2002

I have a secret.
It’s…
I…
He…
Sorry, can’t tell! Nyahnyahnyah!
***
After listenin’ to a PR person give some PR talk about her PR job, lately, I’ve been lookin’ for PR person job openings in tha net but came up wit nuthin’ of tha kind. That’s when it came to me. Maybe there are no ads for PR job openings precisely because there are no PR persons to advertise tha need for PR job openings on tha net. If you are a classmate reading tis and you think I completely flubbed tha definition of a PR job, then stop twisting in embarrassment and come and whack some sense into ma slacker-school head.
***
me as a PR person: Willing to work hard and do all that tha job requires.
Willing to accept huge salaries and product freebies.
Not willing to do tha talking and convincing tha people bit.
me as a radio DJ: Willing to play alternative, hiphop, pop and r&b songs.
Willing to accept complimentary CDS and concert passes.
Not willing to talk wit anyone on air.
me as a model: Willing to pose.
Willing to accept free clothes.
Not willing to be still for more than two minutes.
me as a call center agent: Willing to undergo “American accent neutralization”.
Willing to accept huge salaries and company perks.
Not willing to memorize American or any other country’s geographical locations.
me as maver’s assistant baker: Willing to bake.
Willing to eat rejects.
Not willing to wait for tha bread to bake in tha oven.

“Congratulations! It’s a child!” It seems like more and more gurls ma age are growin’ tummies and preparin’ to be mums. Sometimes I think I can’t be surprised anymore but lately I wuz surprised again wit news of anotha one. So wut does tis mean? Are guys fed up too much wit our PMS bitching that they’d rather raise a child and be free of our bitchin’ for 9 months? Why can’t they use birth control? Haven’t they learned from their parents’ mistakes? So guys, next time your girlfriend is bitching, instead of bitching back, treat her out and celebrate tha fact that you won’t be raising a child any time soon.

my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along